Hey. Im finally uploading this. I´ve had like almost all of it written for a really long time, yet there was something missing. Now I finally got the state of mind to write it. I´m finally happy. If yet only for awhile. It feels amazing.
The train ride to Hogwarts was dull. Draco found no excitement in the experience as he had all the years before. He couldn´t help but think of his first time on the train. When he was frantically searching for the boy with the green eyes. This year was different. Everything had changed. At that time, when he found the green eyes, he wanted to do everything to make them shine with acceptance. Now, if they were to meet his own grey ones, he would want them to flicker with hurt and anger.
But at the same time, he couldn´t care less about the other boy. He had so much more important things to be worrying about. What was a silly loveaffair in comparision? What they had before was nothing but a joke.
As he sat down in the last compartment of the train, he was immediately dragged down to sit next to Pansy who screamed into his ear.
"Draco, god what happened to you?!"
"Nothing, quit manhandling me." He answered lowly while shrugging her grabby hands off of him.
"Are you dense?! You´re all bruised! And your skin is all grey and you have huge bags under your eyes. Have you been sleeping okay? Have you been in a fight?" She babbled, looking him over and pulling at his clothes, trying to locate more injuries.
Draco gruffed, annoyed with the girl and slapped her hands away then leaning back into his seat.
"Pans shut up. Stop acting like you give a fuck." He said as he closed his eyes, trying to force out his surroundings. There was a moment of silence before the girl spoke again, this time making him loose his composure.
"Is it because of Harry?" She asked knowingly.
"I SAID SHUT UP! Don´t you dare mention him again. I have nothing to do with that scarred, half-blood."
Pansy jerked away from him, looking at him reproachfully.
"Okay." She stated after awhile, she also leaning back in her seat, not asking further questions.
Draco sighed with relief and turned his head to Blaise who was sitting opposite of him, next to the window. He was looking back at Draco, his dark eyes knowing and superior. And there was a burning want there too, lurking and cunning, waiting for the right moment to strike.
Draco suddenly rose, not wanting to see that look directed to himself. He couldn´t afford to give into that just now.
He walked down the corridor of the train, down to the end of it where the toilets were. They were both locked, so he waited, annoyed when the person inside didn´t come out.
He knocked on the door.
"Come on, how long are you going to be there for?" He said irritatedly.
There were a low tumult of sounds of the other side of the door, and a sharp intake of breath, then a hiss of pain. Draco waited, and then the door unlocked itself , and out came non other then Harry Potter himself.
His head hung low, his eyes looking at the floor as he made his way out. Then he looked up, and Draco took in his appearance.
His hair was a mess as usual, but it had no shine to it. There were no life to the strands of hair, it´s color drained and greyish. His eyes were dull and tinted with grey. There were deep bags underneath them colored purple but other then that was his face white as a ghost´s. He almost looked dead.
As their eyes met, Harry made no sign of recognition. He merely looked at Draco, no giving away any sign of emotion.
Draco, having frozen up until now, came to life and let out a irritated huff. He made his way pass the other boy, making sure to bump his shoulder harshly against the other boy´s arm. There was another hiss of pain, as Harry continued walking past the blonde, not even looking back.
Draco however did look back, seeing how he walked sluggishly and slightly disorientated to his compartment, clutching his wrist with his hand.
Draco shook his head and turned his head back. He hadn´t expected to see Potter this soon. And this close. He didn´t know what he had expected to happen. He shouldn´t care at all.
He opened the door to the toilet and stepped inside the small room. After locking the door he turned around, his eyes immediately drawing to the sink, which was very slightly smudged with a red color – blood, as if someone had hurriedly tried to wash away the stained porcelain and poorly so.
He froze again, staring at the smudged blood and felt himself grow incredibly angry. Mad. He tared himself out of the bathroom, swinging his head to the side, looking for the retreating figure in the middle of the train. Then he bolted after him, his head fuming. Once he made it to the middle compartment he tared the door open and stomped inside, smashing the door close behind him. With one quick flick of his wand, the curtains was rolled down in front of the windows, and the door was locked securely. He turned to the crunched up figure in the far corner of the compartment, by the window. The boy was alone, the blood traitor and mud-blood probably attending prefect duties.
The dark head didn´t turn around at the tumult Draco produced, bursting in like that, but stayed still, looking out of the window, his knees up his chin and his arms hugging his legs to him loosely. He looked so small like that. Like a broken, fucking doll. His skin so pale and his eyes as dead as any doll, unblinking and lazily staring out the window.
Fucking bastard. Who did he think he was? Who was he to look that broken? Why couldn´t he just...
"Look at me you fucking scum." He hissed venomously, his fist clenching at his sides. He took a step closer to the boy who was now slowly turning his head to him.
Green eyes slowly rose hovering somewhere at the blondes chest, taking in the sharp sinking and raising of it, before they slowly made their way up, passing the pungent chin, the chapped lips and the slim nose, then finally meeting the steely gaze. They both stayed still, feeling the slight quivering of the trains movements, hearing the distant rumbling of the railway but nothing made it past their notice. They could only watch each other, all else irrelevant as they took in the sight of the other. Of everything they´ve so desperately tried to forget these past months.
The atmosphere grew so intense in so little time as Draco watched the eyes, searching for any kind of life, any kind of reminder of the promises they´ve made. Promises that had been kept hidden until now, but that still stood strong. If yet somewhat faded. Darkened by their opposite fates. He stared into those emerald and seemingly bottomless seas, and slowly he could sense a change. A sudden shiver ran through both of their bodies as the reminder of all the things they´ve been through, of all the hesitant touches, of the raging and lusting hands, of the proximity, the lonely nights, the constant struggle.
Slowly the green eyes changed, no longer dead as a sadness came across them. A aching longing that he so madly was trying to contain. And that was all it took.
Draco lunged at the boy sitting so weak in front of him. He grabbed him by the collar, forcing him to stand on his feet, to show him that he was strong enough. That he wasn´t just a shell of a person. He wanted more, he needed Harry to show him that he was alive. That he hadn´t died. That he would keep on living. He wanted him to feel, to love, to hate. Anything. He stared into his eyes again, willing him to move, to show that he felt something.
"Do something!" He screamed still holding the boy by the collar, clawing at the material and clenching it harder. Then he suddenly let go, his breathing rapidly quickening. His emotions was rumbling inside of him and he felt that he couldn´t hold it in much longer. He took half a step back and slapped Harry flat across the face. The hit echoed through his ears but again silence took its place. Only that and their heavy breathing was heard and it felt as if though the room got 100 degrees warmer. The air was short and Draco could suddenly feel how close he stood to the other boy. Yet it didn´t feel close enough. He tried so hard to contain himself, to take a step back, to walk away from the growing want inside of him. But seeing the slightly parted lips and the now flustered eyes looking into his own was too much for him to bear.
A frustrated growl made its way up Draco´s throat before he once again lunged at the collar of the Gryffindor robes, only now he pulled the boy closer, slamming his mouth against Harry´s. He clenched his eyes closed, only feeling the sensation of his lips against his as he crashed them together harder, forcing the lips to part. He pressed his tongue inside angrily, hungrily feeling a chill as he did so. A moan broke loose in the heated exchange of their lips making Draco lucid with want. He pressed himself closer to the boy, grabbing hold of the slender neck, clawing at the tender skin and threading his fingers into the black hair as he worked their lips together more urgently. He could feel the heavy breaths hit his face as Harry let himself be consumed by the blonde. Then he felt him shift slightly as he let his arms sneak higher up, no longer hanging loosely by his sides. Hesitant hands where placed on Draco´s slim hips urging him to inhale sharply at the burning touch. Then he could feel them cling harder to the fabric of his clothes, trying to grasp hold of something to contain himself. But it was all in vain, that single movement made Draco even more mad with lust and desperation and he pushed them both backwards, staggering blindly until Harry´s ass hit the small table that was positioned in front of the window.
He felt Harry´s lips becoming more responsive, taking up the battle that that their bodies fought. He could feel him press his lips harder against his own, pressing his tongue inside Draco´s mouth instead of his own, in a blind attempt to gain dominance. He felt his neck being grabbed desperately and his head being slightly pushed back as Harry kissed him with more force. Draco pressed back, not letting himself be taken so easily. This was not the brave Gryffindor´s fight, this was his. He was the one that had something to say. With something to show. So he pushed himself harder against him, pressing his fingers into Harry´s lower back as he pushed his hips forward making Harry slam harder against the table, his ass digging in the edge of it. He took control of the kiss once again, as he grinded their groins together hotly. He could feel the hardness underneath the clothes and the mere knowledge of its existence made Draco grow harder himself.
Gryffindor robes were hastily dis attached from its owner and laid forgotten in a puddle around their feet and roaming hands started exploring the freed body as the pace of their grinding hips became fiercer. Draco let his hands slide down along Harry´s waist, moving them down to take out his shirt from his pants and grazed his fingers momentarily at Harry´s slim hipbone before steering them up towards his heaving chest. He let his hand roam freely, relishing at the feeling of his warm, sweaty flesh, the smooth skin and skimming over the taint nipples. Harry let out a deep moaning whimper at the touch and broke the kiss, his breath hitching as he rested his forehead on Draco´s. Draco nudged the boy´s head slightly to the side with his nose and then kissed his way down to his neck, where he stopped and nuzzled his nose into the crook of it. The scent hit him immediately and he moaned throatily before he grabbed hold of both of Harry´s wrist, pinning them to the table, hearing the hiss of pain as he leaned in close to him and he hissed into his neck.
"You promised me." He said, breathing out at his neck and rubbing his thumbs gently up Harry´s wrists.
"I told you to live. Not to do this... this shit!" He added, his voice growing hoarse with emotion. He felt a lump starting to grow in his throat and a burning sensation behind his eyes. He clenched his jaws together and closed his eyes harshly before he nuzzled deeper into Harry´s neck and breathing in deeply behind his ear, placing a soft kiss there before he continued.
"I don´t care what you do, as long as you don´t do this." He whispered, still rubbing the wrist gently. Harry had yet to speak all he could do was open his mouth mutely then close it again, but as Draco continued speaking, Harry started shaking his head from side to side. It made Draco even more desperate, seeing how deep down Harry was, how unwilling he was to give up his destructive sense of relief. He went blind with fear to loose the man which he was holding so close. He let go of his wrist and lifted his hands to Harry´s face, which he cupped with care, stopping the frantic denying shake of his head. He started kissing Harry´s quivering lips again, over and over again. Then he leaned his forehead against his and whispered desperate words against Harry´s lips.
"Just stop. Just listen to me. Do anything but that. You can do whatever. Just don´t hurt yourself. Hurt me! If pain is what you need, hurt me. Give me the pain. Anything you do to me can´t hurt me as much as hurting yourself will." He moved one of his hands to stroke Harry´s hair behind his ear, when suddenly the boy moved. He grabbed Draco´s wrist before it could touch his head and twisted it behind the blondes back then pushed him back, making him stumble backwards until he fell back into the cushy seat of the small compartment and quickly straddled him. Once he was on top of Draco´s slender thighs he attacked his mouth, kissing him fiercely and forcing his lips to open and shoving his tongue inside Draco´s willing mouth. He grabbed hold of Draco´s hands and help them up above his head, slamming them against the wall as he continued kissing him with force. He started nibbling on Draco´s lips, biting them slightly then sucking on them hotly. He pushed his hips down in a rolling motion against Draco´s and swallowed the blondes moan as their groins pressed together, the friction deliciously addictive. He closed his eyes as he moved his hips faster, then released Draco´s wrists , letting them drop onto his shoulders immediately, clutching at the fabric of his shirt to relieve some of the almost painful pleasure he was feeling. Harry did the same only grabbing Draco´s hips instead, digging his fingers into the tender flesh, pressing him down further as he bucked his own hips up, meeting him gladly. Draco started whimpering under him and he felt the Slytherin´s hard-on underneath his pants growing harder by every second, by every hoarse moan and hitching breath. He heard Draco groan loudly then whisper unintelligibly under his breath, swearing and begging lowly in turns. Then before he knew it, the blondes left arm twitched slightly, and he wavered in his motions and then started to mumble under his breath. Harry, not understanding what happened, grabbed hold of his left forearms and by seconds he was pushed away, falling down on the floor as Draco stood up with a frantic look on his face.
"Get off me!" He screamed, his eyes flicking from side to side, making him look mental. Then he grabbed his own , blonde hair, pulling at it harshly and starting rubbing at his temples whispering ´go away, go away , go away´ to himself. Harry rose, looking at him cautiously.
"What is it, Draco?" He said hoarsely, his voice not having been used in a long time and just like that the blonde stopped his weird mumbling and snapped his head to look at Harry with mad eyes. Harry opened his mouth to say something else when Draco lunged at him, hitting him hard across the face, his fist colliding with his nose. A loud cracking noise was heard as Harry´s nose broke. He groaned in pain and pressed his hands over his face, bending over in pain.
"JUST FUCK OFF! DON´T TOUCH ME AGAIN!" Draco screamed, and then ran out, slamming the door behind him and leaving a confused and hurt Harry in the empty compartment. He slid down on the floor, clutching his nose, trying to stop the bleeding. His heart was beating dully, and he slowly went back into his low mood. His eyes glazed over as he got deeper and deeper down. Somehow, Draco had managed to dull the pain which he had conjured on himself. But it started to come back now. He closed his eyes just feeling his head spin around inside. He didn´t know for how long he sat there, but he jumped in a scare as he heard the door open again.
He looked up, his vision blurry at first as he tried to adjust then a figure started forming in front of him - Tonks. He immediately stood up, brushing himself off and trying to smile reassuringly at the woman.
"H-hi." He said, his voice rough. He stood in front of her, not knowing what to do, fibbling with the arm of his sleeve.
"We´ve been looking for you. Everybody´s already left." Tonks said, her voice monotone, not showing any emotion. Harry looked her in the eyes, seeing the sorrow there. He opened his mouth to say something but found himself just staring awkwardly at her instead.
"We should go, the train leaves for London soon..." She started then turning to leave. Then she turned around again, pointing at the floor behind Harry.
"You should fix yourself up. Get dressed." She added, motioning to his robes lying in a puddle behind him. He blushed, turning around and hurriedly taking it on and then following the sad woman out of the train, stepping on the grounds of his home, finally. He had missed this place. Yet it brought so many hurtful memories back. Thoughts he didn´t want to think about popped up in his head and he shook his head to clear it. Yet it was better then living with the Dursleys. They had been a pain this summer. Harry had come to Surrey a complete mess. A shell of himself, not wanting to live another day. Not wanting to think, to speak or even breath. Vernon had been angry with him for not responding or reacting to his endless taunts and down-talking, so he had started using his fist to show him how much he hated Harry. Not that Harry minded. Anything was better then the reality he had to live with in his head. Of the pain he felt. Of everything he had done. Of everyone he had hurt. Of the lives he had taken. What was some physical abuse for the price of forgetting about all his mistakes he had done? Though Vernon had grown quite mad by the end of summer. When he noticed that Harry didn´t give a fuck what he did, he grew even angrier, and his fist grew fiercer. Harry had lived with three broken ribs for an entire week before Petunia drove him to the hospital. Probably because she noticed that he couldn´t do his chores quickly enough. He could live with it though. It felt as if though nothing mattered. He was comfortable with being locked away in himself, not caring and feeling. But then he came here, and Malfoy had turned that around with a single touch. Turned on his feelings that he had tried so desperately to lock away forever. Everything he had tried to push down, now came back with raging speed.
Before he knew it he was sitting in the great hall, holding a fork with a limp hand, staring out at nothing.
"Harry? Harry you´re bleeding." A soft voice spoke from somewhere around him. He turned his head and met Hermione´s big brown eyes looking at him with that never-ending worry. Instead of answering her, he merely looked at her, his eyebrows raising slightly in question before they fell down again in lack of power to even control his facial muscles. The encounter with Draco had drained him. He was already drained before, only he didn´t care then. Then he was so rudely brought back to life for such a short time just to be slammed down again to this powerless being. He felt Hermione fussing with a napkin at his nose and turned his face away, his tired eyes traveling to the other side of the hall, searching for the steely grey eyes and found them almost immediately. Maybe because the eyes was already looking at him, or because Harry could locate them in a crowd of millions at any time.
Of course Draco looked away as soon as he realized he was caught looking, but Harry kept his gaze locked on the blonde, staring lazily at his fine features. His beautiful profile with the protruding chin and sharp jaws and cheekbones. The soft ice-blond hair that was shaken into his bright eyes to hide from Harry´s gaze. He could see how uncomfortable the Slytherin was becoming, he was squirming in his seat, looking purposefully away and sitting stiff as a board. If he had had the strength, Harry would have smiled. It was funny, was impact he had on the pale Slytherin. How he had tortured him, pleasured him, made him angry and sad, desperate and broken. One would think that the agony would end. That he could stop looking. Stop caring. Stop tormenting the poor boy. He had tried, last year, when he ended things between them. He had done it in a moment of weakness, in a moment where he felt nothing. Because that was the only time he could look into those bright eyes and end everything they had. He could have never done it, had he been nothing else then that numb shell. When Sirius had died, he had been like that. He had been like that all summer, up until now. He was slowly coming back now, all because of Draco and he was so angry at himself that he couldn´t keep away now. It was selfish of him, to start caring again. To start feeling again. He shouldn´t allow himself to feel that small jump of his heart when he looked at him. He didn´t have that privilege after what he did.
Draco was right to hate him. Draco needed to hate him. If that was what it took for him to recover, to find the right path, then so be it. Harry already had a lot of people hating him. He could take one more. Even if that one person was the only person who could make him feel again. He needed to stay away.
So he tared his gaze away from the uncomfortable Slytherin form across the hall, with the last strength he had left. He lowered his head into submission, a state of which he had kept all summer. He breathed when his lungs was empty, he blinked when his eyes was sore, he moved slightly when his body stiffened. He jerked awake, with a soft tap on his shoulder. Lunch was over. He rose, putting the right foot in front of the other, breath, left foot. Breath, Right foot. Breath, left...
But fate wanted otherwise, and once again he was roughly grabbed by the neck of his shirt by a slender pair of hands, dragged around a corner, pushed inside a narrow space, and pressed against a hard, stone wall.
"What the fuck do you think you´re doing?! I told you to keep the fuck away from me!"
The voice was thick with emotion. Which one was uncertain, and even though he had promised himself not to do so, he looked up, facing the Slytherin once more. He was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling harshly. Anger? His mouth set into a firm line. Bitterness? His eyes burning with the restrained feeling. Hunger?
Silence had taken over, and Harry understood he would have to be the one to break it. He filled his lungs with air, feeling his vocal cords crying to be used. So he did.
"You´re the one dragging me into a cupboard, manhandling me in the process." He finally said, looking at the hand still grasping his collar.
Draco let out an annoyed sound and roughly let go of Harry´s shirt.
"You know what I mean. You can´t fucking stare at me for a whole fucking hour when everyone´s watching." He snapped, his voice still rough with that unknown emotion.
"Why?" He asked numbly. Looking straight at the blonde.
"What do you mean why?! Are you fucking dense?" He growled, looking at Harry´s gaze and starting to fidget. "
"You look fucking stupid. Could you stop?!" He continued angrily, snapping his head to the side, away from Harry´s staring eyes.
"Stop what?" He asked dumbly.
"Stop looking at me like that you idiot." He snapped his head back, not being able to keep his eyes from looking.
"Why?" Harry insisted. Draco snorted, rolling his eyes and pressing at the bride of his nose.
"Because it makes me uncomfortable! Idiot." He said, now starting to pace around the small area. He pulled at his hair, that mysterious feeling starting to burst out of him. Like he couldn´t keep it restrained much longer. But what was it?
"Why?" Harry continued but was instantly cut off as Draco stopped pacing and faced him again.
"Stop asking stupid questions!" He screamed.
There was silence. A heavily pressing silence. Draco was fidgeting again. Biting his lips, snapping his neck, tapping his foot, moving his hands. And Harry only stared. He tried to pinpoint that feeling. His mind was fuzzy still, numb. He followed the poor boy who was now almost shaking with restraint. Draco went from looking at him to looking away, like he had an inner dialogue with himself. Looking. Looking away. Looking. Looking away. Fidgeting. Fidgeting. Breathing. He was breathing so heavily, it was like a ticking bomb. Inhale... Exhale... Inhale. .
Draco lunged at him, the bomb going off. Harry was slammed against the shelves behind him. There was things falling down, crazing into the ground, breaking all around them. There was lips hungrily colliding, tongues wetly dancing, trousers hastily being unbuttoned. The heat radiating from them, from the bomb that exploded was unthinkable. There were no thoughts. Only action.
Harry was pushed down on a flat surface, presumably a table, his back slammed against another wall, Draco was on top of him, kissing, grounding, rolling his hips so ferociously. The sounds coming from their mouths were addictive, and they craved more as seconds, minutes, hours went by.
Harry grabbed hold of the slender hips, digging his nails into the soft skin of his hipbones. Needing to hold on to something. There was moans, whimpers and desperate voices humming, hissing, purring inaudible words. There was delicious friction, unbearable tension, unspeakable pleasure. Grazing fingers, tugging of clothes, roaming hands, twitching thighs, nipping of teeth. Shaking, trembling, shuddering. There was ecstasy, a fleeting moment of incredible rapture. Then it was over.
Finger softly intertwine , a single, delicate exchange of lips that acquired the strengths of thousands of giants to end. Breaths blending together concealing silent whispers of imprisoned souls.
Silence, and sudden realization.
"We need to go."
Btw. I saw i got 100 rewievs a while ago! I was soooo happy. Thank you all :3 Now I got 101, that even better ^^