Hold My Heart
Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles or any of its characters.
A/N: MegannRosemary, just saying thank you doesn't feel like enough anymore. You are the reason why this story is even here, and I don't have the words to say how much everything you do means to me.
The next morning, Maura was the first to wake up. Her eyes went from the breathtaking sleeping brunette by her side, to the machines, checking that everything was alright. Everything looked good, and Maura was so overcome with happiness that Jane would be released. Lying this close to Jane had an effect on her that was very hard to control.
She didn't want for the nurse to wake Jane up abruptly when she came in, and she figured Jane would be less cranky if she woke her up her way. She placed a tender kiss on Jane's cheek, trailing small kisses along her jaw line and ending with a soft kiss on her lips.
Jane began stirring and her eyes fluttered open.
"Good morning, beautiful." Maura whispered.
"Hey… that was nice. But I must look awful." Jane replied, rubbing her eyes.
"You never do, Jane."
"If it wasn't because you are unable to lie, I'd definitely say you were lying right now." Jane said, squinting her eyes.
"Well, I'm not. You get to go home today." Maura got up from the bed, attempting to straighten up her wrinkled clothes.
"I sure hope so. I can't take much more of this hospital."
A nurse knocked and came in to check up on Jane. "Good morning," she said, "I'm going to check all your stats. If everything is in order, I have Doctor's orders to unhook you from all those machines."
"That would be awesome."
The nurse checked over everything, and she was clearly satisfied with how Jane was doing. "Ok, looks like you're ready to go home. I'll free you of all those wires. When I'm done, you should try to sit up for a little bit. Don't get up until the Doctor comes to see you though."
Jane nodded, relieved that she was finally, finally going home. The nurse was done in a couple of minutes, and left them alone.
Maura stood next to Jane, holding her hand. "I'm going to move the back of the bed up a bit, so you start getting used to being in a sitting position. Let me know if it makes you feel nauseous, ok?"
"Sure. I'm just so glad to be free of all those machines, Maur."
Maura moved the bed so that Jane was mostly sitting up. "Are you feeling ok?"
"Good so far."
Maura held Jane's hand and brushed back some dark unruly curls.
"I need a shower so badly." Jane sighed.
"You can take one when we get home, if you feel up to it."
Jane's thoughts were stuck on the words we and home. Were they a "we" now? She sure hoped so.
The doctor came in, after not too long, to discharge Jane, and gave her and Maura instructions for her care.
"I'll stay here to help you sit up. I'll have a nurse bring a sling for your right arm; you'll heal faster if you try not to move it much." He stated.
Maura and the Doctor helped Jane sit up completely, her feet dangling off the side of the bed. All the color drained from her face quickly and Maura put her arms around her. "Jane, just breathe, it'll pass."
Jane felt like she was going to pass out any second. All she could see were black and white dots. Her breathing was shallow and her skin felt clammy. Jane attempted to breathe and leaned into Maura's embrace. Maura rubbed soft circles on her back, hoping it would help Jane relax.
"Jane?" The Doctor asked. "Are you doing ok?"
"Just dizzy, it's passing a little though." Jane said, through labored breaths.
"Ok. I'll go fill up your paperwork and give you some time to adjust. A nurse will come by in a few minutes with a wheelchair."
"Thank you Doctor." Maura said. Jane was too busy concentrating on breathing and not passing out to answer.
The Doctor left, and Maura was still holding Jane. "Are you feeling any better, Jane?"
"Little bit. Thanks Maur."
"You don't need to thank me sweetheart. When the nausea starts to fade let me know, so I can help you get dressed." There was something about Jane leaning into her embrace, her too pale face framed by the dark curls, that made Maura ache to take care of her. Even though she knew the Detective didn't really allow anyone to take care of her but Maura, and that made her feel special. Under that tough exterior and all the walls she had built, Jane really just wanted to be loved.
Angela knocked on the door, interrupting Maura's reverie, and came in bringing clean clothes for Jane and Maura. She told them she'd be waiting in the car with Frankie, whenever they were ready.
Maura still had her arms wrapped around Jane. "Do you think you're ready to get dressed?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Ok, then let me help you."
"I can do it." Jane hated feeling weak and having to depend on others.
"Please don't be stubborn. You almost passed out a minute ago. Let me help, Jane."
With a resigned look, Jane just nodded.
"Angela brought comfortable clothes for you, sweatpants and a zip up sweatshirt, so this shouldn't be too hard." Maura carefully helped Jane take off the hospital gown, and slide her arms into the sweatshirt and zipped it up. Next, she helped her into the sweatpants. "You'll need to stand for a minute."
Jane held on to Maura as she stood up a little unsteady, so she could help her with the sweatpants, and sat back on the bed when she was ready. Jane was looking down, her hair falling over her face, and right away Maura knew something was wrong. Maura brought her fingers to Jane's chin, softly lifting her face up until their eyes met. They were full of unshed tears, and it broke Maura's heart.
"I hate feeling so useless…" Jane said through gritted teeth.
Maura wrapped her arms around her once again, and stroked her hair. "I know sweetheart, you'll be back to your normal self in no time. You just need some time to recover, and I'm happy to be able to help you, Jane." She tenderly wiped a few stray tears running down Jane's face and brushed her lips over Jane's.
A nurse knocked and came in carrying a wheelchair, a sling and a bag with prescriptions. She helped Jane put the sling on and gave Maura the instructions for the medications.
"I don't need the chair." Jane huffed.
"Fine Maur…" She rolled her eyes, knowing it was pointless to argue.
They both helped Jane into the chair, and the nurse wheeled her to the car, where Frankie was waiting. Frankie helped his sister get in the front seat, and then drove them all to Jane's apartment. On the ride home Jane was quiet. She was glad to finally get out of that hospital, and she knew she had a lot to be grateful for; but she hated feeling so freaking useless.
When they arrived, Frankie helped Jane out of the car, swinging her left arm around his shoulder, and trying to carry most of the weight. Maura fixed some pillows on Jane's bed and helped Frankie lay her sister down.
"Janie, I cooked your favorite lasagna, it's in the fridge if you're hungry later."
"Thanks Ma." Jane said, a little out of breath.
"We'll let you rest now sis. Love you." Frankie waved.
"Love you Janie. Get some rest honey."
Maura thanked them both for everything, and walked them to the door. Once they left, she went back to Jane's room and sat next to her. She leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Jane's forehead, which felt a bit warm. It was to be expected after all the effort she'd done today and all the days she'd gone without moving.
Jane's eyes fluttered open. "I need a shower Maur." She mumbled, tiredly.
"I know Jane. Would you just rest for a minute, and then you can shower?"
"Ok…" She couldn't keep her eyes open as the exhaustion from the morning overtook her body.
Maura watched the brunette as she slept; her features relaxed, looking almost childlike. Maura covered her with a blanket and sat with her for a few minutes, wanting to make sure she would be ok while she took a quick shower. After she was convinced that Jane would be alright for a little while, Maura headed for the bathroom to shower and change.
When she came out of the bathroom, her hair still wet, she went to check up on Jane. She was still sleeping, but she seemed restless. Maura carefully lay down next to her, holding her close. She tenderly brushed her fingers through her hair, attempting to calm her down. It seemed to work and Jane started to relax. For the next two hours Jane slept peacefully, and Maura held her close, her arm wrapped around Jane's waist. Maura still couldn't get over how incredible it felt to have Jane this close to her. Jane was always protecting people; it was her job to be strong, tough. But no one else got to see this side of her; a more vulnerable Jane, who Maura loved to protect and take care of.
When Jane finally started stirring awake, her first feeling was warmth. She felt so safe, an uncommon feeling for her. She opened her eyes and met Maura's, who was holding her and smiling. It was the best possible sight to wake up to.
"Hey. Did I sleep for long?" Jane mumbled sleepily.
"Not too long. How do you feel?"
"Better I think. I really want to take a shower now Maur, I feel gross." Jane made a face.
"Ok, if you think you feel up to it. Let me help you get up, but do it slowly ok?"
Maura helped her up; she still felt a bit weak and unsteady on her feet, but not as dizzy as she had been earlier.
"I'm good Maur."
"Ok, do you need me to help you with anything?"
"No, I think I got it. Thanks."
"Don't worry about getting the bandages wet; I'll change them when you are done."
Jane went into the bathroom, and struggled to get her clothes off. Doing things one handed, even if it was her dominant hand, was not easy. But there was no way she was going to need help doing everything. No way. She got in the shower, still a little lightheaded and managed to wash her hair which made her feel so much better. When she was done showering, she got out, and with difficulty dried herself and put her clothes on. She started feeling dizzy again and realized that was as much as she would accomplish on her own. Jane came out of the bathroom with her hair all tangled, and Maura bit her lips trying to suppress a smile. She looked absolutely adorable.
"Hi sweetheart, how are you doing?" Maura asked.
"Feeling much better now. Not completely disgusting."
"Why don't you sit here and let me brush your hair." Maura said, noticing how pale Jane was once again, and patted the bed.
Jane just nodded and sat on the bed, handing her the brush. She closed her eyes as Maura brushed her hair. It felt so nice to feel Maura's hands running through her hair, softly brushing it. It was over too fast for Jane's liking, she could have let Maura do that all day.
"Would you lie down now so I can change the bandages?"
Maura helped Jane lay down, on the opposite side of the bed she usually slept on so that she wouldn't hurt her during the night, and unzipped her sweatshirt just enough so she could dress the wound on her upper chest. Maura couldn't help to notice her tanned skin, her perfect collarbone, her long neck... Focus Maura.
Maura started dressing Jane's wound, her touch so soft and gentle that it made the brunette shiver. Jane felt like her heart skipped several beats. Her breath hitched and she was convinced that she had completely forgotten to breathe for a few seconds.
"Jane, am I hurting you?" Maura asked, concerned.
"I'm ok." Jane managed to breathe out, closing her eyes. The feeling of Maura's hands on her skin was overwhelming. They were so soft and warm; Jane wanted to feel them all over her body.
"I'm almost done." Maura applied some ointment and put on a new bandage. She brushed her fingers through Jane's damp hair. Maura was about to get up when Jane held on to her arm stopping her.
"Maura…" Jane whispered, her eyes even darker with desire.
Maura had no trouble reading that look. She leaned down lacing her fingers through dark curls and kissed Jane passionately. Jane placed her hand on Maura's hip grazing soft skin with her fingertips, cursing at herself for not being able to use her other arm. She wanted to feel Maura so badly. This kiss wasn't like the other ones they had shared, it was urgent, demanding. Heat ran through their bodies, taking over any conscious thought.
Maura sucked gently on Jane's bottom lip, and pulled back staring into those intense dark eyes. Jane groaned at the loss of contact.
"Jane, we should talk." Maura said, a little out of breath.
"Talking is the last thing on my mind right now. But yeah, I guess we should."
"Yeah, I'm not thinking very clearly right now either." Maura admitted.
"Um ok, well…" Jane paused. She knew they had to do this, the sooner the better. "First I want to apologize for being such a jerk to you, Maur. You didn't deserve it. I freaking suck."
"You don't need to apologize, Jane."
"Of course I do. I… all these feelings hit me like a freight train. Looking back I realize I've felt this way for a very long time, I just didn't let myself see it. And well, when I did realize it, I didn't know how to handle everything, and I did it all wrong. I'm really sorry. I was confused and scared because I didn't want to lose you…" She felt so guilty that she had treated Maura the way she did. Nothing she said could justify that.
"Jane, I should apologize too then, for not saying anything. I've known that I love you for such a long time and I never dared to say anything to you. I mean, how could someone like you, love me? I never thought there was a possibility that you could. You are my best friend, my only friend and I didn't want to jeopardize that." Maura felt equally guilty.
"Maura, why would you love someone like me? You could have anyone you want."
"Are you crazy Jane? You're perfect, why would I want anyone else?"
Jane looked puzzled and shook her head. "Maybe that big brain of yours isn't as smart as I thought..."
"Jane, why do you think you're not exactly what I want?"
"Because Maura, just look at you. And look at me..."
"Exactly Jane. Look at yourself, I don't think you can see yourself like everyone else sees you. I wish you could see you through my eyes."
"You deserve so much better than me…" Jane looked miserable.
"Jane, look at me, please."
Jane reluctantly lifted her eyes to meet Maura's.
"Jane, you are everything I could ever want, everything I could ever dream of. You're strong, smart, brave, caring, sweet and absolutely gorgeous and I could go on and on. You let me be myself; you don't try to change me. You bring out the best in me. I'm absolutely and completely in love with you, Jane Rizzoli."
Jane couldn't stop her tears from falling, neither could Maura.
"And even though it beats me why you chose me, I am completely in love with you, Maura Isles."
Maura smiled through her tears. "Good. Now that we have that settled, we can move on to better things."
They both laughed lightly, and Maura held Jane gently. She brushed dark curls behind Jane's ear, and their lips met, with no more doubts or questions between them. They parted for a few seconds, and Maura moved so that she was straddling Jane's lap carefully, her hands on either side of the headboard, hazel eyes reflecting so much passion and desire. She leaned down to kiss Jane's neck softly, leaving a trail of kisses from the base of her neck to her earlobe. Jane brought her hand to the back of Maura's neck, pulling her into a crushing kiss, their need quickly taking over, both completely lost in the sensation of feeling and tasting each other. They only parted when air became a necessity, both breathing heavily. Jane attempted to pull Maura into another kiss but Maura stopped her.
"Maura…." Jane's voice was deeper than usual.
"Jane, I could hurt you."
"I really don't care right now."
"Of course you don't. But I do, love." Maura moved off of Jane, lying in bed next to her. "Come here." She said as she pulled Jane close to her, wrapping her arms loosely around her, so the brunette's head was resting on her chest. She held her while stroking her arm softly. "I love you so much Jane. We don't need to rush things." Maura said kissing Jane's temple.
"I know." Jane sighed. "I love you so much."
They lay like that in silence for a while, with their fingers intertwined. Jane could hear Maura's heart beating; smell the fruity scent of her shampoo. It was so comforting and felt so right. It was perfect actually.
"I want to take you out on a date."
"I'd really like that." Maura smiled.
"Jane… how about when you feel better?"
"But I feel great."
Maura laughed at Jane's stubbornness. "Ok well…. What do you think about having a staying in date tomorrow, and then when you feel completely better, we can have a real date, where you get to pick me up and all?"
"I like how you think." Jane murmured, cuddling into Maura's embrace. She felt so loved and so safe. She always felt safe when she was with Maura. Her Maura, even though Jane couldn't even start to comprehend how she had gotten so lucky, or what she had done to deserve the love of someone so incredibly perfect.
I really, really love reviews. Just sayin! ;)
A/N2: Apparently this took a turn from angstville to fluffville and I think it's going to stay there. Probably, but who knows! ;) Also, I'm debating whether to keep going or end it in the next couple of chapters. Thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, etc!