TMNT: Lullaby for Leo
Ch.4~ The baby
I gently rubbed my hand over my round stomach, this is really how my life came to be. Come on I used to be a big tough kid who was madly in love with a girly guy who was my boss now I'm stuck in this hell hole pregnant. If I used to be a girl this wouldn't be that bad, but I'm a fucking dude, how the hell am I gonna get out of here to get to the love of my life. Fuckity fuck fuck. Not only am I pretty much a fucking chick now they removed my shell nearly takin' my spine with it! Hell why do I even give a shit about this kid in me, all I should be thinking about is escaping and getting back to Leo. I shouldn't care at all for this child, then why do I feel like this, has my heart betrayed me again?
"Leo I made your favourite dessert, apple pie do you think you can have a slice. I know you probably don't want to eat but I got Splinter to help me and got a better recipe and I think I've gotten better. Please have a slice Leo, if Raphie were here he would want you to eat more, and I put more apple's in it just how you like it." Mikey pleaded, turning to him I saw tears forming in his baby blue eyes.
"Sure... I'll have a slice Mikey, hehe Raph would tease me about how much I like apples if he were here. Anyway how can I not have a slice you made it for me to cheer me up right? Thank you Mikey." I replied, I smiled and patted his head.
"I'll go cut you a slice then, come down when you're ready Leo." he said, and ran off down the stairs.
I have to be strong, Don and Mikey need me and Raph will when he comes home. All my doubts are gone I know he'll come back to me, and until he does I have to try to live my life as normally as I can. If Raph was here that's what he'd want me to do, once he comes back I won't let him go for a while. We'll both cry and kiss then I can tell him how much of an idiot he was and how much I love his dumb-ass.
I left the confines of Raph's room and slowly made my way down the stairs, leaving his room for anything besides training or bathroom seemed almost alien to me now. Looking at the kitchen table I saw Don and Mikey sitting at the table eating the pie. Sitting down in my chair I took a bite from my pie as I felt my younger brothers eyes on me; Mikey was right he had gotten better. A sad smile crept on my face, looking at my baby brothers I let myself forget for a moment Raph was gone so I could smile at them but tears still welled up in my eyes.
"Leo are you alright?" Don asked.
"Yeah, I'm sorry I've been such an idiot I can't believe it took me so long to realize what Raph would have wanted for us if anything happened to him. I know now he'll come back no matter what and till then we should try to find happiness again. Raph wouldn't want us to cry over him." I answered, getting up I hugged them both.
"Leo how do you know he's gonna come back?" Mikey said.
"No matter what he seems like a times that hothead loves us all and he could never leave us, he's too stubborn to die or stay trapped for long. Have faith in him he cares for us all a lot and he keeps his promises Mikey." I soothed.
Everything hurt; I feel like my stomach's gonna explode; fuck this hurts! All the doctors rushed around me but I was in too much pain to care; this is it I'm gonna die. Leo I'm sorry but I don't think I'll be able to come home, I'm sorry I failed you again. I felt a doctor place a mask over my face and I felt drowsy and fell asleep.
Waking up I sat up yelping as my stomach region felt like it was tearing, I setting my hand on my stomach I realized it was smaller now. Where did my belly go; well more like where did the baby go? That pain; I must have been in labor tracing my stomach I grazed over the stitches they had put in my stomach.
Looking around the room I saw a small green form lying in the white crib across from my bed. That must be my baby; why the hell do I feel happy?! I should be mad; I should be scared but I'm not I just feel happy. I have to see the baby closer; getting out of bed I slightly hobbled over the crib and grabbed the railing for support.
The baby had the same skin color as me but that's where our similarities pretty much ended. On its head was a full head of dark brown hair, its hands and feet looked more human like and its tail was just as long or longer than his lower body. Slowly I reached into the crib to touch the child but I hesitated before I touched its cheek; no I shouldn't touch this thing I have to hate it. Shaking off that feeling I stroked the baby's cheek, it's skin was far softer then mine; touching it again the baby opened it's eyes.
Wailing the baby began to stare at me sadly its red eyes pleading me to soothe it; he has my eye color too. Reaching down I picked up the crying child and began to rock it in my arms; the crying stopped and I felt it cuddle into and close its eyes falling back asleep. Biting my lip I tried to keep myself composed; I can't cry, I won't cry because I shouldn't feel such love and joy towards this baby. Tears fell down my cheeks, my emotions betrayed me again; even though I should hate this baby I love it too much.
"I would just like to let you know the child is a boy; name it if you wish after all you deserve that right after all your hard work." the man stated, a name I never really thought about it so my child is a boy.
"Vincent..." I said, cradling the small child closer to me.
"Vincent it is."
Raph was still missing it's been about 9 1/2 months since I last saw him; Splinter has pretty much tried to tell us he was dead. I won't let him lead me to believe he's dead; Raph was too strong-willed and tough to die. Maybe I'm just trying to avoid the idea of living out the rest of my life without him. Curling deeper into Raphie's covers I let myself cry silently; I don't want to live without him but I can't leave Mikey and Don all alone...
"Raphie if you're in heaven right now could you give me a sign so I don't have to wonder anymore; I swear I won't kill myself all I want is to know so I can help Mikey and Don. I still love you and if you are up there I want you to know we'll be together for sure in the afterlife, I'll be with you no matter what someday. Till then I love you Raphie..." I sobbed.
The pain of this last nine months have been like being stabbed through the heart with a blunt rusty jagged knife. The wound was deep and painful, it was infected which added to the pain and it was slow as it was blunt. Cruel and unjustified torture from the people who had taken him from me; my mind was crowded with what if's or just ranting on all things I had done wrong. All I could do was beat myself up for it and try to help Mikey and Don other than that I don't think I'll be able to go back to the old me... That side of me will die with Raphie...
I had slowly gotten used to the feel of clothing and living without my shell, my back and chest were still very sensitive but better than before. The doctors told me that in a week I could go back to wearing my shell if I wanted to which was good news. Vincent will definitively enjoy the feel and textures of my shell, he loved touching rough surfaces. Besides being stuck in this hellish situation away from my family being with Vincent has really cheered me up.
"Uway!" Vincent called, chuckling I picked up the small infant who began to reach for my bandanna tails.
Another thing I was glad they let me keep, without this I kinda feel naked, even now that I wear clothes I still feel naked without it. All my brothers share this feeling that if we aren't at least wearing our masks that we feel completely naked. In truth I don't know why I feel that way I just do. Sitting down I began to rock my son in my arms as he played with my bandanna tails.
It took a while for me to sort out how I really felt about Vincent and I discovered that I love him a lot and could never hate him. Now that man who talks to me through the speaker phone I could definitely kill him with my barehands.
My legs have been hard to walk far with, sure I could walk around this small room with a good deal of ease to get from one wall to the other but pacing was out of the question. I have no clue as to why my legs are fucked up but I have a feeling it has something to do with having given birth to Vincent. I tried to retrain my leg muscles a bit but it never seems to help; my legs are another reason why I probably won't be able to escape anytime soon. I hope I can get back into shape so I can get me and Vincent out I miss my family so much, I haven't seen them in almost a year.
It's been a year; I haven't seen Raph in a year! We've never been apart for long periods of time till now, us four were always together or at least not too far away from each other. Raph being gone was such a weird thing to us; Mikey sometimes forgets he's gone and will ask where he is. I do it too, when I wake up I find myself looking for him it takes me a few minutes to remember he's gone. Don will forget too, he usually goes to look for him and then realizes his mistake and bites his lip trying not to cry.
Splinter is still trying to get us to move on, I will never move on he was my little brother and the person I loved I won't give up to him. So now I've taken a habit of using my free time to wander around aimless in the sewer in a too routine search for any sign of him. Which I was actually on right now, I often got lost in thought like this during my search.
"Raph!" I called in a shallow voice not exactly expecting a reply.
"L-leo." I voice replied very weakly.
Running in the direction I saw a very broken Raph trying to stand up on his very shaky legs his wrists handcuffed together. His mask seemed very worn and almost looked an even darker shade of red than before. Running to his side I helped him up but he leaned on me heavily his legs looking as if they could give up on him any second.
"Raph are you okay?" I asked, pulling my pick lock from my belt I began to pick the lock hurriedly on his cuffs.
"I can't believe it's you Leo, I was so scared." he sobbed, he looked so lost and hopeless.
"I'll carry you home, climb on."
He wrapped his arms around my neck and I hoisted him up and piggybacked him down the tunnels. He quietly began to sob, it made me cry too, he hiccupped and sobbed more clinging to me like I would disappear any moment.
"I-I love you Leo."
"I love you too, I've missed you so much, and I promise I won't let you leave us... no me ever again. I'm so sorry about what happened..."
"I get it now Leo, and thanks for looking after me and keeping me from being sent away I'm kind of a hard case. I missed you so much, I was so scared I thought I was gonna die and that I'd never see you again, I was so scared Leo."
"You don't have to be scared anymore Raph it'll all be okay."
Sobbing again he leaned his weary head onto my shoulder and wept shaking and hicupping as he did. Who knows what happened to him, he looks so frail like if I held him too tight he'd shatter. He was also shorter than me, he had always been tall, I bet he hasn't eaten much either... I held my head up in a very brave fashion, I'll be strong for him, he was always strong for me now it's my turn, after all I am his big brother and his love it's my job.
Mikey and Don surrounded us as soon as we stepped into the lair, Leo set me down and they both tackled to the floor trying to hug me. Splinter walked up as they helped me shakily to my feet, he looked at me happily and he looked about ready to cry but was hiding it well. He pulled me into a hug, I hugged back, I may be mad at him for pulling me and Leo are apart but I think I know why he did it.
"Raphie where have you been?" Mikey asked, my eyes widened and I felt my heart race in my chest.
"Raphie are you okay?" Leo said worriedly, I have to respond.
"Yeah, I was in a bad place, I really don't wanna talk about it." I replied, Leo nodded understandingly.
"But Raphie..." Mikey whined, Don smacked him.
"If he doesn't want to tell us then he won't stop being so pushy, Raphie are you hurt anywhere?" he growled.
"Not really; just can't walk that well." I stated, Leo moved closer so he could be better support for me.
"Or stand, did you do anything happen to hurt your legs?" Don asked.
"No, but I didn't walk for a long time." I answered.
"Raphael are you hungry?" Splinter added.
"Uhuh." I replied.
"I'll go make you something to eat, maybe it is best if you all talk sitting down Raphael's legs look as if they'll give out on him any moment." Splinter recommended.
"Yes sensei," Leo said, he lead me to the couch where I sat down happily. "That better Raphie."
"Yes thank you Leo." I thanked.
I was so glad to see Leo and everyone but... Vincent is all alone, why did that bastard leave me chained up in the sewers. Maybe I should ask my brothers for... no I can't tell them. What if Leo wouldn't love me anymore once he found out the truth, no I'll never tell them. Leo sat beside me, Don and Mikey both piled onto Splinters chair and looked at me.
"Raphie you gonna cry?" Mikey asked, I felt tears well up in my eyes but I rubbed them onto my forearm hurriedly.
"It's okay Raphie." Leo hushed, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
"It's been so long since I've been able to see you guys, I just..." I sobbed, I wasn't really lying but I didn't really tell the whole truth.
"Oh Raph..." Don sighed, he and Mikey walked over and hugged me warmly.
"I'm glad your back Raphie, now I can work on making you and Leo smile again." Mikey cheered, I looked at Leo who held me a bit closer.
"Trust me goofball you'll do something stupid soon and me, Leo and Donnie will all laugh at ya." I teased happily.
"Yeah, the real Raphie is still in there." he cheered happily clapping his hands.
"Glad to know you haven't broken..." Leo whispered, I barely caught it, he looked at me smiling happily.
"Leo..." I breathed, Don and Mikey looked at me happily.
"I'm glad to see you are safe my son, is there anything you all want to do, today shall be a celebration, I will go get treats and maybe you can all watch a movie together to celebrate. That is if you are not too tired my son if so we could always do this tomorrow." Splinter said, he handed me a peanut butter sandwich.
"No I'm not tired father," I replied, smiling he pulled out our collection of vcr movies we collected from the trash.
"Raphael is there any movie in particular that you would like to watch?" Spliner asked.
"Lion King please." I answered, Mikey happily grabbed the movie and placed in into the vcr and turned on the tv.
"I love you Raphie." Leo whispered in my ear as he grabbed my hand a gently squeezed it.
I leaned my head on his shoulder as I looked at the television, I'm glad he still loves me, I was so scared that maybe he would change and move on because he thought I was dead. Leo of course proved me wrong again, not that I mind being wrong with stuff like this.