High School.Why?

Author: Nova-sama

E-mail: IlovemenoV@aol.com

Rating: G

Series: Slayers

Warnings: So very little, or maybe a little more than usual, Gourry bashing. (Poor thing, he's so mistreated! I mean, is it his fault he's stupid?)

Summary: Somehow or other, probably because of one of Lina's old enemies, or Xelloss making Xelas mad or something, Lina, Zelgadiss, Xelloss, and Gourry end up in high school. They don't remember a thing about who they actually ARE, but they do a good job of keeping up their personalities! So, before the end of the fic, 1) Will Gourry cause the teachers to have a brain hemorrhage because of annoying and stupid questions? ; 2) Will Lina eat the lunch ladies out of house and home, while at the same time flunking all her tests? ; 3) Will Xelloss ever stop racking up detentions, suspensions, and whacks to the hand? ; 4) And, will Zelgadiss get beaten up by the end of the day via the We Hate Teacher's Pets Club? Find out, for goodness sake!

Disclaimers: The usual

Author Note: Yes, I have gotten many e-mails on this subject, and I KNOW that the characters aren't right! It's my fic, and the characters have to do everything I want them too! You better be glad I didn't send some of you rude and nasty e-mails for some of your less-than-constructive-criticism! For some of your information, I happened to have seen every episode, lacking the last of TRY, and maybe a few missed spots, so BACK OFF! Ahem, thank you. For all those nice people who sent nice reviews, I thank you for your enjoyment of my fics. And by no means does the rude remark go to the director of the site, whom had a nice way of saying they acted funny. I just don't like it when people flame me just because so-and-so doesn't act so-and-so. Sorry I yelled. The fic will begin now.

"Xelloss Metallium! Go to the principal's office NOW!" the teacher yelled.

"I didn't do anything!" Xelloss replied, innocently.

"You wrote, `I hate Ms. Starburn' on the blackboard!"

"How do you know it was me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You signed your name below it," Ms. Starburn said, sweatdropping.


"Mr. Metallium," the principal said in the "I-am-your-authority-figure-and- you-must-be-afraid-muahaha!" way, "you have been nothing but trouble since you came to this school. You have detention for the next ten years! You had better shape up, or I will expel you."

As soon as the principal turned around, Xelloss stuck out his tongue. Go ahead! I'd rather eat dirt than stick around here! he yelled in his thoughts.

"You may return to class now."

"Why, thank you!" Xelloss exclaimed, sarcastically.

"Lina!" the teacher called, waking Lina up.

"CARBOHYDRATES!" she shouted, as if answering a question.

"No, Lina, I'm sorry." The teacher shook her head. "Zelgadiss? Would you care to give us the CORRECT answer?"

"Antidisestablishmentarianism," Zelgadiss said.

"Very good! Someone studied last night!" The teacher smiled a creepy teacher smile.

A few of the big, muscly guys in the back of the class were getting kind of restless. They cracked their knuckles.

"We gotta get that guy," one of them said.

"OOH! OOH!" Gourry exclaimed, in another part of the school. "TEACHER! TEACHER!"

"Gourry, please! For the last time, my name is Mrs. Smith, not `Teacher,'" she told him.

"Oh.okay, Teacher!" Gourry smiled.

Mrs. Smith sighed. "What did you want, Gourry?"

"I wanted to know that if you were to multiply pi times loaf bread, and added thirteen, how many purple elephants, and how many green kittens would you have?"

"What?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"I asked you first!" Gourry declared.

"I.didn't understand your question, Gourry," Mrs. Smith said.

"Nobody understands me!" Gourry cried.

"Oh, just go back to sleep."


"It's nice of you to join us once again, Xelloss," Ms. Starburn said, as Xelloss reentered the classroom.

"Well, it's jolly good to see you too!" he shrieked, mocking her.

"I don't like your attitude."

"I don't like you."

"I don't like your lack of respect for your superiors."

"I don't like you."

"I don't like the way you treat me."

"I don't like you."

"I don't like the fact that you have no sense of your education."

"I don't like you."

"I don't like how you view the world."

"I don't like you."

"I don't like your devil-may-care outlook."

"Did I happen to mention that I don't like you?"

".yes, you did. You may sit down now."


"Well, it wouldn't have to be close to mine if you didn't act bad," Ms. Starburn said.

"Yeah, right. I can hear you breathing. You sound like an eighteen-wheeler. And you probably stare at me the whole time I sit there, too! I can feel your eyes watching me!" Xelloss said, paranoid.

"Xelloss, you have issues."

"Not only that, but the bell rang twenty-five minutes ago. This isn't even the class I'm supposed to be in."




"LINA!" Gourry called, as Lina raced down the stairs.

"NOT RIGHT NOW, GOURRY!" she screamed back. "I'M LATE FOR CLASS!"

"Lina!" he whined.

"Oh, what is it? Make it quick!"

"I have blonde hair."

"No duh, Gourry!" Lina shrieked.

"And you have orange hair."

"Gourry! You know your colors! I'm VERY proud, but I really have to go! GOODBYE!" She ran into her class.

"BYE LINA!" Gourry yelled, in an earth-shaking tone.

"Oh, Zelgadiss!" a rather plump teacher called to the blue-haired boy sitting in the front desk.

"Yes, Ms. Reed?" he responded.

"Would you do me a favor?"

"Why, of course!"

"Please go to my car, drive to the mall, and max out my credit cards!"

"If you say so, ma'am."

Another group of bullies pounded their fists on their desks.

"We have GOT to get that guy!"

Over in Xelloss' and Gourry's next class, the evil apocalyptic teacher had just passed out a test.

Gourry facefaulted and hit his head on his desk, repeatedly.

"Xelloss!" he whispered.

"What?!" Xelloss exclaimed.

"The test is hard!"

"Well, goodie for it!"

"What's 2+2?"

"That isn't even on the test!"

"I wanna know!"


"BOYS!" the teacher shrieked. "Give me your papers! You both have zeros."

"Yay!" Gourry exclaimed, excitedly. "That's the best grade I ever got!"

"Yeah, he usually gets negative scores," Xelloss added.

Zelgadiss returned to his classroom with thirty different bags from his shopping trip.

"Good job, Zelgadiss!" Ms. Reed said, happily.

"It was no trouble," he replied.

"Now, I would like you to have my car and my house and my daughter," the teacher announced, tossing him car and house keys, and then opening a door to reveal a really pretty girl. (I don't know how you boys would describe her, i.e. sexy, hot, whatever, just add whatever description you want.)

Every male's jaw dropped to the floor.

"Oh, and one more thing, Zelgadiss!" the teacher interrupted before he had a seizure. "I want you to have the rest of the period off to do whatever you wish!"

"I'm gonna get him," a random bully whispered, harshly.

"WHAT!" Lina screamed.

"You flunked yesterday's quiz," the teacher repeated.

"What did I make?"

"One point shy of a D."

"I hate you," Lina muttered.

"Oh, not as much as I hate you." The teacher smirked.

Lina inched back to her desk.

"OH HOH HOH HOH!" a certain black-haired girl who dubbed herself the white serpent laughed in her annoying laugh that she does millions of times.

(_Lina Note_ -You could've just said Nahga, you baka!)

(_Nova Note_-Oh, but I like to annoy people. On with the story!)

"You failed ANOTHER quiz, Lina? OHOHOHOHOH!"

"Shut up, Nahga," Lina mumbled.

Gourry poked Xelloss.

"Nani ga hoshii?!!" (What do you want?) Xelloss exclaimed.

"Can I have your stick?"


"But, I wanna use it so I can put a sticky note on it that says `Help!' and hold it out the window!" Gourry whined.

"I said, `NO!' "



"Pretty please!"


"Pretty please on top of ice cream with sugar and hot fudge and whipped cream and jelly beans and marshmallows and licorice and unicorns and rainbows and-"

"Why would I want unicorns and rainbows in my ice cream?"

"I don't know." Gourry frowned. "You're the one who ordered it!"


"You made your bed, now lie in it!" Gourry crossed his arms.

"If I had made my bed, I would not lie in it, but continue on with my day! You don't lie in a bed after you make it!"

"Life's not a bed of roses, you know."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"All right!" the teacher screamed. "Gourry, Xelloss, if you want to talk, you can go talk to the principal!"

Xelloss sighed.

Gourry grinned. "Yay! Now we don't have to whisper! Come on, Xelloss! We're in TROUBLE!"

"I hate you."

"I passed all my tests with an A+ OHOHOHOHOH!" Nahga laughed.

"You're so cruel." Lina whined.

Suddenly, the bell ring for lunch.

"YIPPIE!" Lina cried, zooming ahead of everyone who had piled into the hallway and straight into the lunchroom. She picked up a tray.

"Mmm.and I want this and this and this and this and this and this."

After giving all the lunch ladies heart attacks, Lina set her tray next to Gourry, Zelgadiss, and Xelloss. The three stared at the pile of food that nearly reached the ceiling. (Of course, Gourry's didn't have far to go to be able to compete with hers.)

"Where'd you get that coffee, Zelgadiss?" Lina asked.

"Teacher's lounge," he responded with a sip.

"How many detentions do you have so far today?" she asked Xelloss.

"Eleven," he answered, smiling. "I'm going for the record."

"What's the record?"



In the gym, while everyone else was having lunch, a group of bullies were having a meeting.

"All right!" one of them shouted, calming everyone down. "Today's topic of the We Hate Teacher's Pets Club is: Zelgadiss. We all hate him. All the teachers love him. We have to beat him up today."

"YEAH!" some of them agreed.

"All right, after school, we-"

"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener, and if I were, I'd have a nice demeanor!" Gourry sang.

"Okay Gourry, stop," Lina said.


"So, do you guys wanna do something after school?" Lina asked the group.

"No, I have Higher Mathematics and Higher Science and Higher Everything Else That Can Be Higher Clubs," Zelgadiss answered.

"And, I have detention," Xelloss told her.

"I have Sewing Club," Gourry said.

"You do not!"

"Okay, but I don't like to be alone with you." Gourry blushed.

"WHY NOT?!" Lina screamed. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"

"You'll hurt me!"

"Oh, I probably will. Muahaha!" Lina blushed this time. "Sorry. I had a moment."

Once again, the blasted bell had to ring and the four went their separate ways.

After school, they passed by each other and waved, then went on to wherever they had to be. Gourry had decided to go with Lina to get some unicorn and rainbow ice cream. For some reason, he had a strange craving for it.

Xelloss skipped detention, which only added to his years he had left to go to it.

Zelgadiss began walking to one of his Higher Club meetings. Abruptly, a foot stuck out in front of him, and tripped him.

"Aagh!" he cried, falling on his face.

"Muahaha!" a bully laughed.

Zelgadiss stood up and brushed himself off. "What was that for?" he demanded.

"Oh, just a little thing called revenge. You are the biggest teacher's pet on campus. We all want to beat you up. So brace yourself." The bully cracked his knuckles and pulled his fist back, prepared to punch Zelgadiss in the face.

Suddenly, the world around them got fuzzy. The bullies, the school, the world melted away, leaving Zelgadiss, Lina, Xelloss, and Gourry standing in a black void.

"What was that?" Lina wondered.

"I don't know," Zelgadiss admitted. "But, I know, SOMEHOW, it had to have been Xelloss' fault."

-Well, how did you guys like that one? I enjoyed writing it. Heehee. Um.I guess everyone knows how I view teachers. They're evil, I tell ya! Anyway, I have a really good and funny idea from my next fic, but I'm not writing a sentence until I get a review!