Mrs. Meyer still owns the charterers, but I own the idea.
This story will contain: Daddyward, Dom Carlsile, lots of BDSM, oh and Constructorward. Pictures can be found in my Facebook group (Addicted-to-romione-bedward Fanfiction) at Photos in the folder named after the story. You can find there the banner made by Falling Stars
A special thank you to harrytwifan for helping me with betaing this one.
You need some tissues (a whole box) in hand because we're talking about Jasper. ;)
I don't sleep well, but I'm still the first awake.
A part of me wants to go alone and do my routine on this day—stay at the cemetery until I freeze my ass and there are no more tears, then head home and curl on the bed, thinking of Jazz.
It's time for a change, though.
Now I'm in a relationship with Carlisle, and I love him. He deserves this. I have to finally accept the reality—I'll always miss my husband, but Carlisle deserves me being there completely, not crumbling at the mere thought of Jazz.
And there's Kenna, too. I have to explain to her better what's going on. I haven't really had the strength to explain much in the past.
I'm washing my coffee cup when Carlisle appears in the kitchen, scratching his chest and yawning.
"Did you sleep at all?" he asks softly, touching the small of my back as he passes me to get his own coffee.
"Not really, but that's okay. I usually don't sleep around this time." I shrug, wiping my hands on the dishtowel, and lean my ass against the front of the sink. "If you don't want to come with us…"
"I want to. I'm sure you'll need someone to be strong for you."
I sigh heavily. "I guess. Thank you," I whisper, walking to his side and kissing his shoulder.
He squeezes me close to him.
"I want one, too," I tell him quietly.
"No." I chuckle. "A tattoo. I've always wanted one, I told you. I think it's the right time."
"Of course. When you decide what you want, I'll take you to my tat artist. He's amazing."
"I can see that," I agree, tracing the phoenix.
After I wake Kenna and give her some cereal with milk, I take a shower and mentally prepare for today.
When I step out of the shower, I'm surprised to find Carlisle at the sink, shaving.
It's such a mundane thing. I haven't appreciated the little moments like this before.
He shuffles a little to the side making me room to shave, and brush my teeth. By the time I finish brushing my teeth and apply shaving cream on my face, Carlisle is done. He's so meticulous and anal about cleaning...I can't stop myself. He turns to leave the bathroom, but I grab his wrist and kiss his cheek soundly, leaving shaving cream on his clean face.
"Edward!" he gasps, looking at me scandalized.
I just grin and shrug, patting his ass before turning to the sink.
"Oh, you decided to play dirty?" Carl inquires, coming to stand behind me. He presses my thighs to the sink, his arms creating a vice grip around me.
"Uh, I want to finish shaving," I say as calmly as I can.
"Oh, but I think you want to play," he teases me, rubbing his cheek to my shoulder, covering me in foamy cream. "If we weren't busy today, I'd take you downstairs."
I stifle a whimper.
I kind of miss the Playroom. One time isn't enough—especially since I can't consider it a session.
"You make me be bad on purpose," I mumble.
"Just say the word, sugar. We can go back in the Playroom whenever you want." He kisses the nape of my neck. "Not today, though. I know why you want it, and I won't do that. It wasn't your fault."
Speak of taking the words out of my mouth.
"Okay." I nod seriously, concentrating on not cutting myself as I move the razor over my jaw.
The ride to the cemetery is quiet.
I keep glancing toward my—our—too quiet kid. She's playing with her zipper tag, looking out the window.
Once there, I help her out of the car, keeping her little hand in mine while I lead the way. My legs feel wobbly as I walk on the pebbled alleys of the cemetery.
I can feel my heart beating abnormally fast in my chest, and my lungs can't squeeze enough air to make me breathe normally.
A few turns and a little more walking, we're in front Jasper's stone.
May 29th 1987 – February 10th 2011
A loving husband,
A wonderful father
And an amazing friend.
I swallow through the lump in my throat and crouch down, tugging Kenna close to my side.
"Where's Daddy Jay?" she asks, looking at me with her huge eyes.
I trace the stone with a finger. "He's here, sweetie. Under us," I explain, my voice quivering with emotion. "I'm sure he misses you."
She frowns at the ground under us, then meets my eyes. "Isn't Heaven there?" She points to the sky.
Carlisle, who I almost forgot about, comes to my aid. He crouches on the other side of the stone and explains to her quietly about the body being buried under the ground and the soul going to Heaven.
She's not very convinced, but accepts it.
"You can talk to him," I encourage her, hugging her tightly. "Tell him whatever you want."
"Doesn't Daddy Jay already know what I do? You told me he sees everything."
I take a big breath. "I bet he'd love to hear it from you," I insist, stroking her head.
Kenna starts talking quietly about us, about Carl, about school, friends…and I try to stay strong, but it's almost impossible. A hand covers mine on Kenna's back and I look up to see Carlisle smiling softly, telling me without words he's here for me.
When Kenna has covered every subject she wanted to touch, she burrows her face in my neck and sniffs.
I can't believe I made her cry.
"Shh, baby. Jazz is happy we're visiting. We should be happy, too," I whisper.
"I miss him, Daddy." She pushes away a little. "I mean I don't really remember him, but I miss him."
"I know, angel. I miss him lots, too." I kiss her forehead, tucking her back in my arms.
In the silence that falls, I hear Carlisle's hoarse voice introducing himself, speaking in low tones, a hand touching the stone. That's all it takes for me to finally break down—my composed façade completely gone.
I hope you can see how happy I am, love.
I really miss you, and I'm taking your advice. I'm moving on for me, for our daughter.
Carlisle is amazing, a truly wonderful person.
I stroke the cold stone before rising and brushing my tears.
"I love you, Jazz."
Taking a huge breath, I close my eyes and turn around, walking to where Carl took Kenna to give me a moment.
They're on a bench. Kenna's dangling her feet, watching me impatiently.
"Can we go now?"
"Yes, sweetie." I pick her up, keeping her close to me, before I grab Carl's hand and walk to his car.
"Are you okay, sugar?" he asks, concerned.
"You have no idea how…relived I feel. I've never felt so…free, happy… Thank you."
He squeezes my hand, raising it to his lips and kissing the top.
"So what are the plans for today?" I ask as we turn a corner. I glance back one more time, knowing the next time I visit Jasper, I will be in a better mind place.
"We can stay in and procrastinate?" Carl suggests, chuckling. "Or we can take advantage of the nice day and walk in the park."
It just started snowing a few minutes ago.
The temperature is low, but it's pleasant. Not exactly cold since it's not windy.
"The park?" I echo. "Do you mind if we take Riley with us? I kind of slacked in my job of taking care of him."
"I miss Riley," Kenna mumbles into my neck.
That settles it through a look at Carlisle. He nods and I grin.
Our walk in the park is postponed. When we park in front of Riley's house, the wind picks up and we kind of rush inside.
Now, we're in his living room, drinking warm beverages and catching up.
Riley's interested in Kenna's music classes and she's more than willing to share. Of what she says and of what Alice told me, my girl seems to love the piano. I wish she'd taken after Jazz.
I mean, a guitar is nicer than a piano. But I may be biased. I hated my piano teacher, which is probably why I never wanted to learn how to play.
"Maybe a delayed birthday present? A small piano?" Carlisle whispers in my ear.
"No!" I hiss. "I still haven't forgiven you for the bike."
He laughs, looking pleased with himself.
"What if we split?"
"What?" I frown.
"I pay half, you play half?"
"Are you serious now? We're not even sure if she really wants this."
"Kenna, love, do you like playing the piano?" he asks, wearing a huge smile.
"Yep, Daddy C." She comes to him, crawling on his lap. "Lots. It makes nice sounds when I touch the keys, but when the others touch it…it sounds yucky."
Carlisle gives me a pointed look. I'm so going to cave.
That's how in a few days, when I take Kenna over for dinner at Carlisle's, there's a large box in the living room.
I already know what it is.
Like any curious but shy child, Kenna stares at the box, looking between me and Carlisle with her huge green eyes. He takes her hand and leads her over. I follow, preparing for loud squeals.
Once the box is unwrapped—she doesn't disappoint. She shouts and jumps and squeals for anyone down the street that can hear.
It's not a real piano, but not a toy one either. It's something in between—just a small piano.
It was a bad idea to show her the present before dinner, because we can't take her away without a tantrum.
Carlisle gives her a compromise—instead of going to Bella's tomorrow, Bella will come over. We're going out for Valentine's Day to see Swan Lake; I bought the tickets before Christmas.
Kenna accepts that and eats in a hurry just to go back to her new toy.
To get her to wash and change in to her pajamas is extremely complicated, but we manage. I know it is a bad idea to take her away from her present, so we spend the night.
It's not like I haven't missed falling asleep with Carl.
We just need to find a way to make Bella take Kenna to her place at some point tomorrow. Our plan is after the show to come back here and be alone for the night. I'd take him to our apartment, but I really want the night to be special.
Everyone still alive? :) Cuteness overload.
The outtake for my 1000th reviewer - PinkLotus2 is done. You can find it on my profile under name name: Watermarks and Ripped Pages Outtakes.
PS: Don't forget about the pictures in my FB group. I'll also add them on Photobucket.