If you have ever watched a crush from a distance in silence knowing its for the best this is for you.

Very different to my other stuff but hope you like it!

Have you ever been the person people look through?

They know you, they see you they even appreciate you but its no more.

You never quite capture that special persons attention as anything other than a colleague or possibly a friend.

I always knew no matter how hard I tried she wouldn't see me like that. Whoever else she dated everyone who knew her at all knew she only had eyes for one person and he for her yet neither of them would ever admit it. They still didn't after the trauma's of thinking he was dead.

I can't understand the refusal to acknowledge their feelings. I knew I had no chance, from the moment I joined the Lyell Centre it was blindingly obvious how Dr Cunningham and Dr Alexander felt about each other.

I also knew that despite this, within a quick introduction and a blinding smile, I Dr Zak Khan had fallen for the beautiful and talented Dr Nikki Alexander.

I was crushing like a teenage girl over the latest boy band sensation I was and still am unashamedly but silently head over heels for her. My feelings have to stay silent though. Firstly to avoid rejection I know it would be the case but if its never actually said I can still dream, secondly to avoid the infamous Harry Cunningham death stare being aimed in my direction. He might refuse to tell her how he feels but it doesn't mean it isnt obvious how he feels to the men in her life.

So I admire at a distance, offer her a good morning with a smile, help her as much as I can then say goodnight with a smile every day just in the hope of that glittering smile coming in my direction.

I like Dr Cunningham and Professor Dalton worry when the cases get to much or she is in danger but I can't show it in the same way so I hide it and help and check how I can.

I am forever in the background but it doesn't mean I don't care.

My silent distance does not mean I do not love her.

I stay silent be cause I do love her because silence from me is what she needs.