Let me enlighten you, dear mortals who are reading this: vampires exist. Oh yes, you should be scared.

Allow me to amend the inconsistent depiction of my race. I do not sparkle nor incinerate in the sun light and ultraviolet radiation will not harm me. I do not have to wear a ring or rather inexpensive sterling silver jewellery to protect myself from it too. Really, can you live an active existence with such disadvantages? You might as well stake yourself or call upon a vampire hunter to do it for you.

Of all vegetation, garlic has no effect on me except on one's breathe. So if you're thinking about hanging it by your window or wearing it as a necklace, it is your decision at the expense of your sanity.

Ah yes, the one question I feel you are dying to know the answer to; do I drink blood?

The answer is yes. Have I made you quiver like a lamb in the presence of a wolf?

I proudly do drink human blood and let me inform you that it is delicious, particularly Spain 1504. Animal blood is unpleasant. It is like eating tofu instead of meat. However, my taste has changed and I only desire the blood of my wife. Nonetheless, we male vampires must not tire our wives too much, so we rely on bottled blood instead. If you're wondering how we restore our supplies; think blood bank and persuasive advertising. This is all made possible by my superior leadership and thinking if I might add.

In terms of appearances, we look like you humans; the better to disguise ourselves and not draw too much attention. Therefore, I am not deadly pale but I am deadly attractive, as many have acknowledged. I might put in a 'LOL' at this point as my cousin so often does but it is sub-human language and I was taught by the best scholars.

As some vampires would wish it, we do not dramatically blossom into highly attractive humans with red eyes once we become a vampire. Yes indeed, we do have disagreeable-looking vampires though I must say that the Dragomir line has been nothing but desirably beautiful and handsome. If you desire such as cosmetic change, then I must inform you that the world is cruel. My apologies if I can't sympathize with you and your petty problems.

Males are born as vampire but they obtain their thirst for blood and fangs at puberty. Females of vampire blood must be bitten first and it is an honour for the male to be the one to Turn his betrothed.

Last but never ever the least, vampires are ruled by their respective kings or queens. We are a traditional race; once you are in a kingdom, you stay there. There are many royal families but the greatest two are the Dragomirs and Vladonovs, and this is a story about how they became one.

Yours in sincerity,

His Majesty

King Lucius Caesar Aramis Vladonov

P.s. If a human continually stalks a vampire around your school, would you say that she is mentally unstable? I frown on the mentality of adolescent females.

P.p.s. I do not turn into a fly rodent or sleep in coffins or sleep upside down. Why? Because I can afford a jet and a bed.