this is just, sigh, an obsession. Blellie, you're killing me. especially if Nellie keeps trolling with our feeling! my third try. i'm hoping for the blellie love wouldn't end. aaand i know it's sucks, but- eh. :( anyway, enjoy! -bbm
disclaimer: everything belongs to their rightful owner(s)
he's the light you can't break through
she watches him and she sees sunrise. just glowing and illuminating everyone else around him, including her. he's the ball of sun ray to which she couldn't stand, but bring a smile to her face. she watches him through her camera and snaps a photo of him. to say he's an obsession, he isn't. but he does attract her, and she does intend to pay attention more to him, even though her presence is merely a shadow to him.
(which is okay, because she's a loser and he's not.)
she snaps photos of him because she's in the photography club, and being the best photographer in the club (or the one who's available to do anything on the moment -everyone else has social life, she doesn't. so.), she'll take whatever job the teacher ask her to. of course though, the teacher ordered her to take photos of the students (no, not only him) that can be put into the school magazine.
she snaps more photo of him- and the cheerios who's cheering over the football team, and coach beiste as she yells at a sophmore on the field and...
she's only doing her job.
she knows he's not like any other jock. he's not mean, he doesn't talk back on his friends and he doesn't treat the cheerios, or any other girls for that matter as they are just 'a-piece-of-hot-ass'. when he sees a nerd stumbles over whatever he's holding and drop a book, he bends down on his knee and help him out. he smiles to strangers and doesn't throw slushies at people if he feels like it. he's decent, he's pure- like the sun.
and as she captures another shot of him smiling among the football teams, she smiles brightly.
(like the sun, whenever he's happy- she feels it.)
the football team pictures -that includes him- print out on the cover of mckinley high newspaper and everyone couldn't stop staring at the pictures, going over the statement written over the paper. when the football players -he's there among them- cheers and high-fiving one another, she hears one of them asks, "who the hell take these pictures? it's fuckin' epic!"
she can't help but to grin (and kind of snort).
(she totally miss the glance he throws over his shoulder, and straight at her.)
she finds that she likes it when he's in his letterman jacket, and the fact he isn't afraid to smile as wide as he could- even if those smiles and smirks, and grins aren't for her, it doesn't matter- he's nothing like she have ever witnesses before.
she's about to take her english test and is playing with the pen in between her fingers when he turns around in his seat- he's sitting in front of her today, and she tries to ignore it- and hands her the paper. she takes it, and for a short moment, she looks up. he's still looking at her, and surprisingly, he's smiling right at her. her heart thumps wildly in her chest, and her pen stops moving in her hand.
"good luck," he says, before turning back to his paper.
she gets a text message during her history class- no, everyone gets a text message all at the same time, including the teacher- and is shock to be looking at a video recording of a heated argument between him and aylin, one of the gutsy girls where everyone wouldn't dare to come close but has the same hot level as the rest of the cheerios. of course she knows about them, how they met during sophmore years and briefly dated, only not to have it happened and now...
"that's it! we're done!" aylin yells, but she couldn't see how he reacts. the one who's taking the video is not professional, obviously.
then, he shouts (his voice is so, so, so sorrow, it hurts her deeply), "fine! it's over!"
she deletes that message and tries to focus on history, which no one could after that. not her, not even the teacher. no one.
she takes another picture of him, but he is being yell by coach beiste this time.
even though the woman is screaming at his face, his eyes seem to be elsewhere. not there. she slowly lowers her camera down to her torso and watches him from where she is. she swallows. he's not shining anymore, he's not illuminating like he should. there isn't a smile on his face anymore- usually, even when he's in his practice, he has these energy that just bubbles up inside of him and shows on the outside and...- it's not there anymore. it saddens her.
(where's my sun? where's my sun, darling?)
coach bieste sighs, her shoulders slumps. she spats him a few times over the back and gesture her head to the school building, probably telling him to get a rest. he mutters something, probably a 'thanks' and walks away, grabbing his stuff first. just before he walks in, he stops. and then looks up, straight at her.
they stare at each other for a while (thunder rolls over to cloud the sun, and she's still asking- where is it? where's the sun?) and after a minute or so passes, he walks in.
she never looks at aylin the same.
she stole the sun from her. and now, every time she walks through the hallways of mckinley high, everything is the same. plain, blank and cloudy.
she's in her arts class when the teacher asks them to draw things that are of nature.
she's about to draw a fountain when she hears someone's dragging his/her tool close to her. she turns and face him, looking over to her, just a few inches besides her- he sits next to her like she's one of his friends (various of emotions shoot through her veins and the fluttering, disturbing feelings creeps upon her stomach)- and she furrow her brows.
"i'm sorry," he begins and scratch the back of his neck, "i just, i have no idea what to draw and since you're the most artistic person in this room, i might just have some inspiration while i'm watching you work. uh, you don't mind, do you?"
she shakes her head and suddenly, she isn't able to say a word.
she watches him from the corner of her eyes, and his eyes are following her every moves. he's an observant person, and it's kind of cute. she shakes that feeling- cute? seriously? that voice bugs her, that voice that sounds awfully similar to her little brother's. she starts, the brush smoothly works over her canvas, and for a moment, she's in her own world.
she pretends she doesn't hear when he silently mutters, "amazing," under his breath.
he eventually draws a field full of sunflowers under a bright sun, only after she suggested it.
(the feeling of chocking to get that word out was unbearable, but he heard it -thank god- and grinned widely at her. she replied with a smile back, and his grin seemed to be growing larger. "you're so cute, you know that?" he said- and it felt dreadfully natural for it to roll over his tongue. she fought the blush crawling on her cheeks and tried to focus on her painting. and for a moment, he's her sun again.)
when there's a sun, there's a cloud.
and when there's a cloud, it will rain.
sometimes she wishes for every one to stay as children. children are a bunch of suns- cause they run around without a care in the world, and enjoy everything around them and glowing like the sun is. and some, those ones who are lucky, like him, manages to keep that sun inside of them steadily. she thought it might stay that way for just a little while more.
(when you grow up, the sun dies)
and his sun might start to die down now, and it scares her- oh it scares her so badly, sometimes she cries.
sometimes, when she's so tired, she just admits she's in love with him. and seeing him as the sun is just an excuse to avoid from admitting it.
she thinks she's into him way too deep now, too blind by the sun and the things she wants to believe, that she knows so much about him just as much as she knows about herself. which is bad and sad and makes her feel guilty and she does not treat emotions well.
and just like how deep she knows herself- she knows that the sun, which sometimes shimmers every once in a while when he smiles (around her) would dim every time a certain red-head is brought up (she doesn't bring that subject up, of course- but aylin would always be there, at the end of the corner, just waiting to appear and crash whatever moment they have. oh well.)
she tells him the truth, one day and it hurts her silently (painfully).
she tells him that he still loves the red-head, although he denies it like, a thousand times. she tells him that she knows, and for one goddamn second, just give that girl a chance. and if she ruins that chance, then it's really over. she tells him that to not waste times, because life is short- at least, when you're a junior in high school that is, and maybe, chasing someone in return wouldn't hurt. she says to not use her as a distraction anymore, because it pains her.
he sinks all her words in, and cries slowly.
(the sun is breaking down, oh no.)
he says his thank and runs away- and she stands there, still trying to take it all in. he's gone, and might not come back.
-the rain pours, but at least she knows the sun will come soon-
he's smiling so brightly by next week, the photos she takes glimmers and shines.
she joins glee club, to distract the pain beating inside of her chest, but in a way, glee also covers the wound and has become the new sun to her. she sings and dance and (finally) laughs, and he doesn't come to her mind like he always do. and slowly, she starts to become her own sun and is shining like he was (and is). still, she watches him from a great distance and his warmth overwhelms her, like it always would.
they don't talk anymore, but he sees her- and she sees him.
(and that's okay, because that's enough.)