"You fucked Bobbi Morse?" The door to the avengers kitchen nearly comes off it's hinges with the impact.

The anger and heartbreak radiating off of the normally collected assassin causes Thor, Steve and Bruce suddenly find they need to be looking elsewhere. Anywhere but at the two partners.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." The voice from behind the newspaper is cool.

"You posted it on youtube!"

Tony Stark looks up from his ipad – "Almost a million hits since this morning."

Bruce opens his phone while Thor and Steve try and maneuver subtly closer to Tony to catch a glimpse over his shoulder.

The voice behind the paper becomes slightly defensive. "You don't know that's me, you can only really see HER face."

"Do you think I don't recognize that heart shaped bullet scar on your ass – I was the one who put it there." The words are nearly a scream.

You can hear the smirk behind the paper. "And you still haven't apologized, but I'm sure it's a not uncommon place to be shot."

"Why… why would you do this to me? I'm your partner!"

"And we aren't fucking, so I don't know why you're getting so upset about this."

Barton puts his hand through the wall in frustration. "God damn it Natasha - You don't even like girls!"

She finally stops hiding behind the New York Times. "Not particularly, but that's hardly relevant."

"No of course not, what was I thinking?! You obviously screwed my ex-girlfriend and posted it on the internet to fuck with me."

"That level of flexibility is… impressive."

"Thanks, Bruce, the yoga we've been doing together in the morning helps."

The doctor puts his head between his knees and starts to do some breathing exercises. Mumbling something about her ruining one of his favorite calming techniques.

"Don't be as ass Barton, I did it to fuck with her, not you."


"She broke up with you and broke your heart." Natasha uncurls from the chair, emotion entering her tone for the first time. "You can not expect me to stand for that."

"Would someone please explain this 'tagging' system?"

"She deserved to understand what it felt like to have her heart broken…"

"And what's a quirt, anyway?"

"It's a type of horsewhip, Steve." Natasha smiles at her partner, it's not a nice smile. "She had to be punished."

"Hey guys, the best part is coming up!" Tony turns up the volume. Clint's eyebrows raise as he sees more of the footage.

Say it

I'm a cheating slut.



Ouch, that hurts you fucking bitch


Clint gapes at her. "You seduced my ex, made a bondage video, posted it online and dumped her… for ME?!"

"Don't let it got to your head Barton, no one gets to hurt you like that, without answering to me."

The four men watch the screen, enthralled, as the blond crawls over on her hands and knees licking her way the other woman's legs, babbling apologies. Steve makes a strangled sound. "Does anyone else really wish they'd broken Hawkeye's heart right now?" Four heads not in agreement.

"That's the sweetest, most horrible thing you've ever done for me."

The Russian spy smiles wickedly, but her partner's eyes darken in response. "Nat, why did you insist I start seeing her in the first place? You practically threw her at me."

The humor in her eyes dies. "The look in your eyes last year after the Amsterdam mission. I realized then that if I died, you wouldn't have lasted a month."

He cannot argue, they both know it's true.

"You needed something else to care about, to live for."

Tony's ego can't let him stay silent. "What are we chopped liver?" The two turn to the rest of the avengers. "We're a family… a fucked up, dysfunctional super powered family, but you like us enough to stick around, right Katniss?" He add in a stage whisperstage whisper. "You know if you say yes, she'll probably fuck you, right."

Barton laughs, he can't help it. "Okay Tony, you're right, you all are my family. And I'd stick around just to help the rest of you save the planet." He turns to his partner. "Please, Tash… " The raw need in his eyes leaves him stripped bare, much more naked than the figures on the screen.

She considers it for a heartbeat, then leaps on him, legs wrapping around his waist, hands clutching his shoulders, kissing him brutally. One of his hands cups her ass while the other tangles in her hair, tilting her head back as he deepens the kiss.

Clint walks to the door, petite assassins still wrapped around him, kissing down his neck. "Only one question, Tash – who held the camera?"

The door closes on her laughing reply as they disappear down the hallway to his room.

The four remaining men stare at each other suspiciously.

Authors note - this is what happens when you're on a road trip and the song 'somebody told me' by The Killers comes on. This is an un-beta'ed little piece of fluff I just had to get out amidst all the darker stuff I'm working on right now. I just couldn't help it. Reviews make me happy and keep me tapping away.