Well I have wanted to write this story for a little while now. Please feel free to review, compliment, criticize... It is all appreciated. I would like to dedicate this to:
River Phoenix for playing Chris Chambers and just that this is almost a memorial piece for him.
And my Stand by Me gang: GordonLachance17 who is my Gordie and Celestialstarrynight who is my Teddy. As well as Gordon's sister who, even though she doesn't want to be, will always be my honorary Vern.
Chris Chambers is dead. I'm alive. But does it matter? No, no it does not. I'm alive without Chris. So I might as well be dead.
I stayed in Castle Rock my whole life. It wasn't ideal but I didn't hate it as much as Chris ever did. Of course, I didn't expect him to stay for me. It would have been nice. But he didn't. He left the first day he could for New York City. He stayed there and never came back. Not even to see me.
He married. Never got the chance for kids. But I have a feeling he would have if he could have. His wife called me with the news. I was glad she did. I hadn't spoken to Chris in years and I had no chances anymore.
Now I walk the streets of the town Chris hated the most. Sunset with no one else around. He could try to escape as much as he wanted but he couldn't forget the memories we had here. Could he?
I walked past Chris' old childhood home. Vacant, lost it seemed, like without Chris it had nothing. It's just like me. I want to call out to it, say that I feel the same way. Lost. But I don't.
"Oh man. I don't wanna go home tonight. After what happened last night... I could be dead by tomorrow." I can still see his face. Trying to laugh but gulping sorely, trying not to think about it.
"You can stay with me if you want to."
"Thanks. I think you just saved me from certain death." Then he slung his arm around me and we walked away from the one thing that brought him down. It would turn out to be our first sleepover. We were still young though, only twelve. I walk away from it just like we had done twenty years ago.
Then there was Blue Point Diner. It's not there anymore. It's been replaced by a bar that I've never went to. I'm not the type. We had many dates there though, including our first.
His eyes would sparkle blue as he would look at me over chocolate milkshakes and french fries and burgers. It was our favorite spot.
But, like everything else, it was ruined by Chris leaving. Nothing was the same after he left. Especially me.
The school playground. The elementary where we all played together everyday. Where we had our first fight with the Cobras.
"Alright Chambers you little faggot. I told you we was gonna get you sometime."
I can see it like it was yesterday. Pretty ridiculous a bunch of older kids would go picking on eleven year olds like we were even a threat. I can't even remember what Chris did to provoke them. Maybe he didn't do anything.
He was pinned to the ground in a second by Ace Merrill. Cigarette right at this eye.
Thanks to me, he walked away with only a small burn on his cheek. I threw Ace off because even if Chris didn't know it then, I loved him. Like when mothers lift cars because their child got trapped underneath or something, I had that same adrenaline burst with Chris.
I do remember not being able to handle the fact Chris' perfect face was damaged. I always just wanted to make it better. It never scarred but it was always there. Just like my love for him. Always and forever.
The hill by the tree house that overlooked the town was where the most important thing happened. As I stand here now, I feel like Chris should be standing next to me. It was our special spot.
"Chris? I gotta... tell you something. But you gotta promise you won't laugh."
"I won't. What is it?"
I hesitated briefly. If he didn't agree, I knew the repercussions would be disastrous.
"Chris... I like you. Actually, I... I think I love you."
I feel the same anxiety even thinking about it even though I know what happened. What was probably only a few seconds felt like hours. Sweating, grueling hours.
He leaned over and kissed me quickly on the lips. It was fleeting. I wanted it to last longer. So, so much longer. Maybe he was just unsure. I knew that was his first though, and it was mine.
My thoughts went wild. He said it so simply, so casually that I wasn't sure how to react. It definitely wasn't the answer I wanted.
"Well what?" Typical guy. He wasn't sure why this was a problem.
"Do I what?"
"Do you like me Chris goddamnit!"
Then he just grabbed me and kissed me so hard I felt dizzy. "Goddamnit! How else am I supposed to prove it to you?!"
"Say it Chris Chambers! Say it! Tell me how much you love me!" But by now I was joking.
"What do you want me to do? Scream it from the rooftops!?"
And he did just that. The entire 1100 people of Castle Rock probably turned their lights on and opened their windows wondering what in the hell this noise was at midnight.
I still here it echo now. I wish more than anything I could still be a kid, in the 60s.
Then the tree house. It's even more dilapidated now than it was twenty or so years ago. But it still feels like home. It was better there when we were alone instead of with the others. But it was also the scene of our first fight.
We had been dating for awhile and I guess everybody fights but it seemed like the end of the world.
"I think... I think we should break up. It's just... I'm in love with this girl and I... didn't want to hurt your feelings."
"What do you mean Chris? Wh-what?" I couldn't quite wrap my brain around it.
"We need to stop seeing eachother. I... I don't like you anymore. I'm sorry."
"Goddamnit Chris I know that's not true! Why can't you just accept our relationship? I don't care what anyone in this shit hole thinks of you or thinks of us!" There were tears out of both of us at this point.
"Forget about me. Save yourself the heartache and find someone else."
Then he left the tear soaked me sitting there. I couldn't believe it. I was a sniffling, sobbing mess and without Chris I had nowhere to turn. I can't believe it even now. But he more than made up for it. I cry about it now too.
I find myself back at my house now. I don't even remember walking back. I still lived in my childhood home. Alone this time around. Not that it's much different than as a kid. I was practically alone anyways because no one cared about me. Nobody but Chris so once he did that to me...
I sat in my bed crying in the middle of the night. I couldn't even sleep and had been crying for hours. I was only sixteen but I had lost the only thing I cared for.
A knocking at my window got me to turn. It was Chris.
"What the hell do you want?" I choked out.
"I did some thinking." He crawled in my window without even asking if he could come in.
"You're right. As usual. I guess I was just trying to fake myself out. I could never like anyone else damnit. I love you."
I couldn't even say anything before Chris tackled me back onto my bed and kissed me so much I had to forgive him. But I knew I would have forgiven him anyways.
I smile briefly. Chris and I... did it. I knew right then and there he was the one. I just knew we would spend the rest of our lives together. I was wrong.
Only one more place now...
The place I hate the most in the entire town. The road out. The road Chris took the day he left me. Just standing here now, I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest.
I wasn't even there when he left. I'm sobbing now because I should have been.
"I'm leaving for New York tomorrow!" Chris was so excited. This was his news he was surprising me with. He was going to have an adventure without me.
"You're leaving? Without me?"
"Well you can come. I was going to ask if you would."
"Chris, there's nothing for me in New York. You know I'm going to college here."
He looked so crestfallen. I couldn't even look at him. So I ran. The next day he was gone. I sob uncontrollably. I never got to say goodbye to him. And I never saw him again.
How could I have let myself be so stupid? It's my own fault we never ended up together. I pull my piece of paper out of my pocket. Old, beaten, but not forgotten. I carry it around with me everywhere. It's my last piece.
In his slanted scrawl of handwriting on a scrap piece of dirty lined paper, stained with tears:
I love you, Gordie. Always.
One last tear slips on the paper. One of mine this time. I let it go into the wind.
Maybe Chris will find it someday.