Zombie Protection Agency

Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom.

Chapter 1: Open for Business

Chris Redfield, former Special Forces commando and mercenary, took a step back and admired his creation. Since the threat of zombies was recently being talked about, Chris decided to start a venture that would help people deal with zombies should there be a zombie apocalypse.

Jill Valentine, another Special Forces commando, was hanging up the banner. It read as follows;

'Zombie Protection Agency: Where our Fees don't Cost you an Arm and a Leg.' (1)

Jill looked at the banner and said to Chris,

"Are you sure you want to say that?"

Chris shrugged,

"What? I like it. It fits."

Jill came down the ladder and shook her head,

"Sweetie, I know we're dating and everything, and I want to be supportive of your decision, but I have a bad feeling about all of this."

Chris said,

"Jill, trust me. I'm a professional. I know how to handle myself around zombies."

He walked inside and Jill began to wonder what she was seeing in him. Suddenly, a girlish scream came from inside the store and, as Jill rushed in, she heard Chris shouting,

The repeated firing of a magnum pistol could wake up the whole neighborhood and, as Jill walked in, she saw Chris firing his magnum into the floor. Valentine looked down and shouted,

Chris looked back, panting,

"That thing tried to eat me! It must be a zombie!"

Jill said flatly,

"Chris, it's a cardboard cut-out of Wesker."

Chris blinked in confusion for a moment and then looked down again. Sure enough, it was a cardboard cut-out of Wesker, his arch-nemesis. The mercenary blinked and chuckled sheepishly,

"Oh, would you look at that?"
Jill rubbed the bridge of her nose,

"What else could go wrong today?"
As if to answer her question, suddenly, a beam of light flashed in the room, blinding both Chris and Jill. The light then faded and Deadpool, a red and black clad mercenary with swords and guns appeared. He triumphantly declared,

"Finally, I get to appear! The author better be paying me a lot of money for this. I love money. Almost as much as I love Bulgarian cars from the 1960s, which I do love a lot."

He looked around and said,

"So, folks. What's going on?"

Jill looked at Deadpool and groaned,

"Me and my big mouth!"

Chris was ecstatic,

"You made it! Let's get you started with the training course!"

Jill's jaw flapped open,

"You're training this nut to work for us?"

Chris nodded,

"Why not? He's good with a gun. Plus, he needs work to do."

Deadpool added,

"That, and this work needs comedic relief. That's why I'm here."

Chris said,

"Now, we need to go over the zombie survival manual so we can all get certified in killing zombies."

Jill rolled her eyes,

"I'd say you two are certified. Certified nuts!"

Chris whined,

"Oh, come on, Jill. What's the worst thing that could happen to us?"

Jill shuddered,

"I'm almost afraid to answer that."

Deadpool shook his head,

"Relax, Jill. The author won't do anything in the first chapter. He's just establishing the fact that we're three wacky people with a dream. Like the writers for Marvel and DC."

Jill groaned,

"This is going to end up badly, I know it."

Next Chapter:

The Zombie Protection Agency gets their first assignment. Let the insanity begin! Stay tuned, fellow readers!

(1) A. Fox deserves credit for helping me come up with that line.