Shattered Angel

by WSJ

This is ment to be a sort of a songfic, but I wrote the song myself. E-mail me at yamatos_fangirl@hotmail.com if you want to use it. I don't own Gundam Wing.

Small note: No, I do not hate Duo. Quite the oppisite. I love him so very much, tragic past and all. Maybe I love him because of his tragic past, I dunno. I guess I just kill him off so much because the only place he'd be happy is in heaven. *shrugs* Dunno...

()()()()()

This pain...

Too much...

I can't go on this way.

My breath comes in ragged gasps as I stumble along the street, my left hand clamped over the deep wound in my right shoulder. I really should get it seen to, but at the moment I don't even feel it. At the moment, the pain in my heart far over shadows any physical discomfort.

I have no reason to live anymore, I really don't. The war is finally over now, but the price has been too great. Relena keeps telling us that no price is too great for true peace, but I disagree.

Out of the original fourteen of us pilots and our women, six of us are left.

Relena, Heero, Cathrine, Lady Une, Noin and I. We're the only ones who made it. Quatre, Trowa, dangit, even Hilde.

Why? Why taunt me this way God? Everyone I ever cared about has been killed. Solo... Hilde... The two most important people to me, both dead.

Why?

The final battle was horrendous. They attacked the civillains! Many, many were killed before we Gundam pilots could even get there. That's when Dorothy, Miidi, Sally and Hilde fell. Hilde was the last. I arrived just in time to see her gunned down. God, it was a horrible sight...

I lost it. I saw Hilde die, and I completely lost it. I suppose that energy was what kept me going and kept me alive, even after first Quatre, then Wufei, then Trowa fell.

Zechs, Noin and the others arrived with backup, but one-by-one, I saw my comerades struck down by enemy fire.

Heero, Noin and I held them off until the Sanc Kingdom could get its resevoir of MS into action. It turned the tide of the battle, but for way too many it was already too late.

When all I love has been burned to the ground,

All my friends scattered dead around,

What do I have left after fighting the melee?

No one. Just Death, the Shinigami.

I wander aimlessly for awhile, not knowing where to go. A young woman comes up to me and asks if I need any help, but I turn my empty, cold eyes on her and she gasps before hurrying away.

I always thought that Heero would be the only one who could ever make young women run like that.

Before I know it, I find myself standing outside our door. The one that leads to the apartment Hilde and I share. Or should that be, shared? I open the door and collapse on the couch, not bothering to even turn on a light.

I find myself thinking about my past, and, as I often do nowadays, Solo. He and I were best friends, if you could call two war orphans pushed together by neccessity friends. He and I bonded, and I cried when he died, slipping through my fingers when I could have saved him.

That was the only time in my life I have ever cried. Well, then, and now.

Shards of a shattered past,

Wink at me from the dark corners of my mind; I'll never last,

If Satan keeps taunting me this way.

All those I become close to, he simply snatches away.

I sit on the couch in the dark, crying for all those I'd lost, for anyone who'd ever lost a loved one due to war.

Ignoring my wound, or perhaps just plum forgetting about it, I curl up into a ball, sobs shaking my shoulders. Instinctively, my hand finds its way to my throat and I clutch at my cross.

Father Maxwell, Sister Helen. Two more people I love with all my heart, that Shinigami has taken from me.

I know I always told the others that I was Shinigami, but that wasn't quite the truth. Shinigami follows me around. Anyone I get close to, he claims as his own. So you can see, I might as well have been him.

When all I love has been burned to the ground,

All my friends scattered dead around,

What do I have left after fighting the melee?

No one. Just Death, the Shinigami.

Lying on the couch, I begin to think of something I've never dared think of before. Suicide. Before, I'd always had something to live for. If not Hilde, then the mission. But the war is over now. There will be no more missions. So why not? The pain can't get much worse.

Standing, I walk numbly into the bathroom, my cross still clutched in my right hand. Looking into the mirror, I'm startled to see a face that is barely my own.

The eyes are shallow, shadowed, haunted. The cheeks are sunken in, and the face itself is pale, with incredably dark circles under its eyes. That can't be me...!

I head back to the couch. I can't do it. I'm too much of a coward. Why? I can pilot a Mobile Suit going mach seven. I can face Heero when he's in an 'omae o korosu' mood and still dare to tease him. I can stare down Hilde even during her PMS.

Hilde...

My heart shatters again, and another tear slips down my cheek.

Broken destiny.

I look into the mirror, what do I see?

Sad, haunted eyes trapped in a jester's mask.

I don't want this pain, that's all I ask.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, and hear something that I haven't in a long, long time. Laughter.

Squinting against the sudden light in the room I growl in annoyance. "Heero, I'm going to kill you. Leave me alone."

The laughter sounds again, and a very familiar voice by my right ear calls out a defient "No!"

Spinning toward the voice, my face lights up into a grin.

When all I love has been burned to the ground,

All my friends scattered dead around,

What do I have left after fighting the melee?

No one. Just Death, the Shinigami.

Tears of joy slide down my face, and I clasp the hand of the figure in front of me. "Bro, is it really you?"

His golden eyes sparkle with mischeif and he tosses his dark blond bangs out of his eyes with a quick toss of his head. "Of course it is Duo, I wouldn't forget my promise." he smiles wider and quotes himself. "'I'll come for you someday.'"

"And you kept it." I said, laughing at Solo's lopsided smile, the same one I'd known from all those years ago.

Another hand alights on my shoulder, and I turn to be greeted by another familiar, more then welcome face.

"Hilde! Babe!" jumping off the couch I grab her up in my arms and swing her around, suddenly mindful of the huge white wings on her back. I turn to stare at Solo in confusion, noting the wings he wears as well. "But..."

That's when I see myself, still laying on the couch, eyes dull and staring. I gape for a moment, before Hilde giggles and slips her hand into mine.

"Don't worry Duo, we'll never be appart again."

Solo grabs my other hand, pulling me forward urgently. "Come on, there's others who are waiting to see you."

Together they pull me forward and into the light I didn't know existed anymore.

I see them...

They come for me, as promised.

They love me that much?

Ha, take that Shinigami.

No more pain...

Peace...

Duo Maxwell was found dead in his apartment by Heero Yuy the next morning. It was diagnosed that he bled to death from his untreated shoulder injury. Heero never mentioned to the doctors or anyone else that Duo hadn't had his cross on when he'd found him, and Heero had never seen him without it. Or the fact that there was a smile on his tear-stained face.

()()()()()

Like? As I said, I don't hate Duo, I just want him to be happy! ^_^

And NO, that bit about Solo grabbing Duo's hand was NOT kinky!!! GET YOUR FILTHY MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!!! *takes a deep breath* Sorry, but it makes me mad when people assume my work is something it isn't. *forces cheesy smile* I never, EVER write yaoi or yuri. Clear? Good. *takes another deep breath*

You know... *looks thoughtful* My two favorite charactors aren't mentioned anywhere except fanfiction and the Episode Zero manga. Most people wouldn't even know of their existance if they weren't into fanfics. Who you ask? ^_^;; Easy, Chang Meiran and Solo.

God Bless!