Author's Note: I don't really know where this story came from. I don't know how long it will be. The idea hit me today, and I just wanted to see what would happen. I hope you find it interesting if nothing else.


Quinn scrolled through the songs on her iPod, trying to find something to listen to. She was getting ready for her date with Sam on another Saturday night while trying to figure out what to get him for Christmas, and she needed the perfect music for the mood. God, maybe she was spending too much time in Glee Club. Not everything had to be set to music. She wasn't that munchkin diva, Rachel Fucking Berry.

She stopped suddenly, remembering a Christmas song she hadn't heard in a while. It always worked to get her in the Christmas spirit, and that's what she really needed right now. Besides, she shouldn't be mean to Rachel, even in her head. The girl had just been dumped by her boyfriend for cheating on him with Puck. And, really, who hasn't made that mistake? What was it that thinking of Rachel had reminded her of, though?

Quinn walked over to her desk and sat in front of her computer, opening up a link to Rachel's MySpace page. It had been a favorite pastime of Quinn's to post horrendous insults in the comments sections of her videos. It had been a long time since she'd done that. Not since she'd been kicked out. Not since Rachel had screwed up her life by telling Finn that Puck was the father of the baby. But that hadn't really been her fault either. When she'd said she wasn't mad at Rachel, it had been true. The truth needed to come out. She'd been so tired of lying.

So after all that drama, Quinn had called a personal cease-fire on Rachel-bashing. Let Santana and the rest of the school do whatever they wanted, but Quinn certainly wasn't in any place to make fun of Rachel. She had been pregnant, homeless, off the Cheerios. Even now, when she'd gotten all that back, she still wasn't feeling it.

Sure, she was captain of the Cheerios again, and she was dating a cute football player again, and she was a shoo-in to winning Junior Prom Queen this year. But those were the only things that were the same. Quinn had changed.

She scrolled down through the list of songs the brunette had posted to her MySpace page, and... God, why were there so many show tunes? Scrolling down to Christmas of last year, she found the one she was looking for. Rachel had done a cover of "Where are you Christmas?" from the Grinch movie, and it had quickly become Quinn's favorite Christmas song of all-time.

She'd never admit it to anyone since she could barely admit it to herself, but Rachel Berry had quickly become her favorite singer, too. Ever since joining Glee Club to try and keep Finn away from her. It had been one of the first perks of joining the stupid club that she didn't consider stupid anymore. Quinn was in love with Rachel's voice even though she hated who it was attached to most of the time.

Listening through the song twice put Quinn in a decidedly better mood as she finished getting ready for her date. Sam wouldn't be here for another half hour, but she promised to have a sit-down with her mom before she left. Something about family bonding time now that Christmas was rolling around again. Quinn had a sneaking suspicion it was to make up for past drunken Christmases with her father, as well as make sure that Quinn wasn't pregnant again.

Another song caught Quinn's eye as she glanced over at the monitor, and she realized that not everything Rachel did was show tunes. "Smile" was actually a pretty decent song. Pausing to scroll up, Quinn noted that not everything was show tunes. She also noted the dates on the videos.

While most of them were posted every day to every couple of days, it seemed that once Rachel had joined Glee Club, she started slacking off on her MySpace account. They became further and further apart, separated by weeks, then months. Curious, Quinn scrolled to the top to see when Rachel had posted her last video, when the little diva had given up on MySpace.

Looking at the top video, Quinn looked at the date and time on it and paused. That couldn't be right. It said 6:14pm, December 18th, 2010. That was today's date. Glancing down at the time on her monitor, she noted it was 6:23. It was less than ten minutes ago. It was strange to think that Rachel was posting a video while Quinn was busy listening to another of her songs. She felt, for a foolish second, like she'd been caught doing something wrong, but she quickly brushed that aside. Rachel couldn't have known that she was doing it.

Quinn looked at the time again, said "Screw it,", then clicked the play button.

Rachel appeared on her screen, and Quinn hit the button to maximize it, causing the brunette to fill her screen. "Hey, everyone," she said quietly into her camera. It sounded like she had been crying again. "I don't know if anyone actually watches these, but I really needed to sing tonight, so if anyone does, I hope you listen. And I hope you understand. I hope someone finds this out there on the internet and it gets back to all of Lima, Ohio."

Rachel took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, shaking her head. "I just don't want anyone to think it's their fault. I don't blame Finn. I really don't. I was the one that screwed up and cheated on him. And, I certainly don't blame my dads. Divorce is a natural part of life sometimes, and maybe they'll have happier lives now that they're free from each other and free from me."

Quinn's breath caught in her throat. Something about this video was off. What was Rachel talking about? Her parents were getting divorced? Why hadn't she said anything in Glee?

"And Shelby... I'm sure if you find out about this sooner or later, you might have the inclination to blame yourself, but don't. Just because you chose Beth over me, just because you wanted a younger newer model that no one else had played with rather than these damaged goods... well, can anyone really fault you for that? I sure can't. Who would want me, anyway?"

Quinn's heart raced when she heard Beth's name. She always thought about her as the baby. Never as her baby, and most certainly never as "Beth". That made it too real for Quinn, and the more distance she could put between her and the baby, the better. Hearing Rachel say her name was such a shock that she nearly missed Rachel's next words.

"So, without further adieu," Rachel said with a chuckle and a bow, "I present to you a double feature for your listening and watching pleasure. I know it's not my usual genres of music, so you may be a little put off, but it has a most important message. Enjoy."

The first song started slowly and, at first, Quinn had no idea what it was. It wasn't until the chorus that she remembered it from living with Puck last year. She'd never heard it sung so slowly or sadly before.

"Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort,

Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort
This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort,

Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
and I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
'Til it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine

I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying, and I'm crying,

and I'm crying, and I'm crying
I can't go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight, chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight and I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine

I'm running and I'm crying

and I'm crying, and I'm crying,

and I'm crying, and I'm crying"

By the time Rachel had finished the song, Quinn's eyes were wide and she was leaning forward, staring at her monitor. Surely she couldn't be... This couldn't be...

"That was song number one," Rachel said with a glazed look on her face. "I know, it's rock and I don't really do rock, but still... The next song is country, so, again, enjoy."

This song Quinn did know. She actually really liked the song, but... she'd never heard it like this before. It wasn't just that Rachel had changed some of the words to fit her situation. No, it was the mournful, hopeless, beautiful voice Rachel had that made it unlike anything Quinn had ever heard. She was on the verge of tears already, and as she watched Rachel sing, they started rolling down her face.

"If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my fathers
They'll know I'm safe with you when they stand under my colors
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but they bury their baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand,
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls"

As the song finished, Rachel opened her eyes and smiled a soft, sad smile. "So I hope, whoever you are out there, that you enjoyed this. The last performance of Rachel Berry." Quinn watched as the tears rolled down Rachel's face, knowing her own face matched. Her heart was breaking. Rachel's was already broken. "Goodbye."


"Last Resort" by Papa Roach as covered by Lily Kerbey
"If I Die Young" by The Band Perry