A/N: Well here it is! I'm sorry I deleted my stories in the first place, but please understand it was for personal reasons that in no way had to do with any of you. You are the reason I am posting it yet again. But I'll be posting it regularly since it's already done, and making some changes as I see the need.
Frozen Dawn started as an angry answer to the sad ending Steph Meyer gave Jacob and Bella's story. After going to see New Moon a couple of years ago (also my favorite of the book series) I stared the fic not knowing where it was going. It ended up being a massive epic that is actually on half the size of my HP fic lol. A sad fact that it took two years to finish, but I found some wonderful friends in the process. And now I'm sharing it with you! Some of you might already know me from but for those who don't I'm excited to share my Jacella love child with you lol.
Feel free to leave me any comments or thoughts on the story, Loves, E :)
Disclaimer: Don't own Stephanie Meyer's stuff, but I'd sure like to own Jacob!
His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me ever tighter against his all-consuming heat. Our lips crashed together, his surprisingly yielding and rough all at once. And it was then I knew Jacob Black no longer remained my best friend. But was I prepared to face the golden dawn once the icy moon waned?
I felt a gentle hand shake my shoulder, groaned faintly as I began to rub my stiff neck. It felt as though I had slept in the same position all night. Blinking I realized it was still pitch black outside and amid the haze I could make out the worry worn features of Billy Black leaning over me.
I frowned and croaked out a reply, "Billy?" With a shock of realization I wondered how long I had been asleep. Jacob had passed out some time after another bout of pain stole the inner turmoil I caused him. Guilt seared through me as I looked up into the eyes of the man who had been like a second father to me.
A burning heat was scalding my right arm and I turned slowly to find it dwarfed beneath Jacob's limp hand.
I gasped and memories in a rush played out before me in cinema form…
Jacob holding me in the tent, Edwards cold gaze penetrating us both…
Jacob kissing me…
Victoria's flame lit hair billowing in the wind…
Edward throwing himself madly at her…
Learning Jacob had been badly hurt…
Rushing to his house to find him broken and yet…
"I love you…"
Blinking back tears I realized Billy was still speaking. "Charlie was about to leave…I said you could stay as long as you wanted Bella. Last thing Jacob asked before he went out was not to let you go."
Pain like the kind I caused Jacob choked me. How could I forget the disbelief, resignation, the powerful love he had poured over me with so few words, with only the depths of his eyes? I couldn't miss the pain that flashed through Billy's eyes. I knew what he meant. The rock on my hand beneath Jacob's symbolized my choice. Billy knew what I'd been planning to do and was just as distraught over my decision as Jacob was. As Charlie would be if he knew…
"Couch is yours if you want it," he was saying, "but if you wanna stay in here we could make up a cot."
Choices were easy to make when you didn't hold two hearts in your hands, when you weren't about to leave behind the one who had in many ways meant the most…
And it was that knowing that kept me from leaving now. I'd already stayed this long. What could it hurt to watch over him a bit longer? Didn't I owe Jacob at least that? My choice was made.
"Thanks Billy," I said, meeting his gaze and meant it, for everything…
It was not long after that the familiar dream came…
I stood on the sun bathed shoreline of La Push beach, the rocks gleaming white in the blinding sunset, waters glittering an array of color that stole my breath.
I was whole, and happy.
Laughter… "Mommy!" A small voice shouted out behind me and I turned to see two small russet toned children rush towards me from the emerald forest, smiles lighting their warm features. As they drew nearer I saw that one had obsidian eyes and the other chocolate like mine. Tears threatened to well up as I wrapped my arms about each of them.
As I rose once more I felt two large firm hands snake about my waist and a husky voice against my ear, laced with desire and love. "Bells…"
Sunlight bled through Jacob's curtains and the golden rays splayed across my warm face. I felt enveloped in its heat and smiled, edging closer to it and away of winters chill that permeated the air.
I gasped at the sound, turning to find myself facing the crumpled features of a very sore, very pitiful werewolf. My hands were fluttering over his side and I realized in the process that Jacob had managed to pull me up to lie beside him during the night. I couldn't even remember falling asleep a second time.
"Jacob! Oh Jake I'm so sorry!"
He winced and offered me a sardonic grin. "It's alright Bells…Just warn me the next time you decide to try and kill me." I rolled my eyes and began to sit up when he suddenly held my fingers in a vice crushing grip. "Wait! Please…don't go yet."
Pain pricked my heart. I knew he was talking about more than that moment…he meant forever. I winced as his grip tightened and met his desperate obsidian eyes now wildly searching mine, pleading… "I'm not going anywhere until I'm convinced you're good as new Jacob Black. But you're kind of breaking my hand right now, and I really have to pee."
His face visibly relaxed, though the tension had not completely left it, and I managed to pry my fingers from his.
The face that met me in the bathroom mirror looked haggard. The fact of the matter was this was the first night I had managed unbroken sleep, free of nightmare, in months…even with Edward. At the very thought of my fiancee I couldn't help the sudden surge of guilt knowing how he felt about me being here. No matter what choice I made it seemed I hurt people.
I was tired of hurting...tired of making others hurt. And though there was little I could do to repair the damage I'd caused, I knew I could fix him.
My side still tingled with warmth where I had been wrapped up next to him…
Jacob was broken in more ways than one because of me. Now fate it seemed wanted me to help patch him up.
I owed him so much more...
His eyes fixed upon mine the moment I returned to his darkened room.
The sky outside had begun to cloud up and I could make out fragile frost patterns that graced the glass, slightly veiling the translucent snow flurries that drifted over the thick wood. The frozen world outside reminded me of Edward and I realized while playing with the rock on my hand that my fiancée must be frantic by this point. I needed to call him, and somehow get food in both mine and Jakes' stomach.
"Where are you going?" His husky, pain withered voice brought my eyes back to his and I realized I was still standing in his doorway. I offered him a quick grin that I hoped would be reassuring. "Be right back."
He sighed and I raced down the stairs, stumbling down the last few steps and barely managing to right my balance in the process, and into the living room already occupied by Billy and Carlisle.
My future father in-law's topaz gaze met mine, a warm smile on his marble cut features. "Bella, wonderful to see you after a full nights' rest." His smooth voice managed to push down my furrowed brow.
Edward's concerned eyes filled my mind then and I asked, "Have you talked to…" I trailed off at the sudden discomfort painfully evident on Billy's creased face.
Carlisle managed to save me. "Yes, Bella you have nothing to be concerned with, I assure you," he said. "We all understand you need to take a...leave of absence par say before Alice has her way."
I smiled gratefully, masking my guilt once more. Alice was planning my wedding, more than likely already had if I knew her well as I thought. "Thanks Carlisle. It might be a while before I…"
"I understand Bella. Once again, know you have nothing to worry about. Besides, it shall be far more convenient for me to check on both of my chief paitents at the same time." He smiled his dazzling grin at Billy and I both, and feeling the effect I fled to the kitchen.
Jake grimaced as I held the spoon to his lips. "Are you trying to kill me?"
I couldn't help but to laugh as I shoved the warm liquid down his throat and nodded. "Wish I could have given you real food, but Carlisle said you're not up to tackling an entire platter of
fish fry just yet," I teased.
He rolled his eyes in reply as he downed another forced portion. The storm raged outside of the Black's small cottage sized home, something I hadn't planned on happening but was more than happy to accept. Truth was, I wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet. And my mind began to wonder if Charlie was all right. Surely he wouldn't be on duty if it got much worse? I found myself wondering, not used to not resting under a constant cloud of fear for my life or worrying about those I loved most. Not without reason. They were the ones who ended up hurt the most.
I was reaching for the third bowl of soup and stirring its steaming contents with the spoon when I felt Jacob's gaze weigh down upon me.
"I'm really glad you stayed…" he whispered. His eyes were far too serious when I met them at last, and I could no longer pretend that even now they did not affect me. Not after what happened on top of the mountain, or the night after.
Sighing heavily, I managed a weak reply, "Me too…" I fed him the first mouthful and his hand unexpectedly engulfed my wrist.
"Bella…I know that we already talked about this but I need to know…"
I couldn't bear for him to continue. "Jake," I said, lowering my head slightly so my long hair fell into my face. I couldn't remember when the last time was I'd had a hair cut. Only with him could I ever seem to think about the little things. "I've already told you I love you. You know why I can't be with you…" Yet even as I said it I ached at the thought of losing him, Jacob my best friend, my sun, my life.
His hand had slippped back onto the sheets, a thing of muscle and strenght and power now stretched so defeated, and I lifted my chin to find him staring despondently at the doorway.
Setting the bowl aside I hesitated and slowly covered his fingers with mine. I felt him tense and edged further onto the bed, turning so my body molded against his good side, my chin upon his shoulder. And through the surge of my unexpected tears I managed to see him relax as I slowly stroked the skin between his elbow and palm. He shuddered slightly.
His voice was lost to the shadows that obscured his russet skin. Bitterly, he asked, "Why did you tell me you loved me Bella? Why give me my dream when you were just planning on running back to that leech?" When he turned back his eyes were cold, hollow and I bit back a cry. They hardened. "I meant what I said last night Bells…I won't ever give up on you." His eyes were fierce, passionate, and I was reminded of the last kiss we had shared, and heat traveled from my core up my body. "I couldn't stop loving you if I wanted."
My pulse quickened, raced as he brought his good arm over my waist, thumb tracing the skin between my shirt and jeans. His obsidian eyes began to cloud over and with one arm he lifted me up against him until our eyes were level and waited. There was a question in them nearly veiled behind the heavy cloud of dark lust in his black depths.
I could not think of Edward then, wrapped up in his heat, smoldering, and aching in ways I had before, yet Edward never allowed me explore. I saw the Jacob I had come to love, the endless memories of us and the months he slowly pieced me back together; his "plan" that would never come to fruition. I had ruined it, ruined him. I could see it in his eyes. He had risked everything for me, the safety of the pack, his life, all because I was a selfish brat who deserved far better. I didn't deserve Jacob's love, which was so much deeper than I knew now.
I shuddered as breath from both our mouths collided. His full lips lightly grazed over mine and flame erupted at my core, spreading fire and making my breathing hoarse. A sad brilliant smile lit his bruised and roughly beautiful features and his voice was filled with the same desire I felt now slowly rising against my leg half draped over his.
"Is there anything I can do to make you stay?" he asked.
I gasped lightly as he placed feather kisses on my cheek, along my collar and down my neck. I shut my
eyes at the surprising pleasure his touch gave me. A small voice that was ever fading told me that he was far too bruised, that I preferred ice to fire…
And then he possessed my lips for his own.
Chaste for but a few moments, the passion became a wave of heat that enveloped us both and consumed us until it was a raging fire. I gasped, suddenly afraid. He was broken still, inside and out! How could I do this to him, my Jacob, my sun?
Yet as I pulled away, his lips still drawing on mine, his good arm brought me back with a fierce groan beneathe his breath. His lips urged mine further, tongue dancing upon my lower lip, begging entrance I
refused. He continued, tracing patterns over my lips with his tongue, sucking and nipping, grazing teasing until I felt my desire grow.
His own stood at full attention beneath the sheets that barely concealed his naked form.
I leaned more heavily against him, unable to resist pressing my own desire against his and we both moaned deeply at the contact, jerking in response. I grinned with the sudden rush of power, placing my hand against his bandaged shoulder only for him to bite back a pained cry and wince and I flew away from his grasp as though stung.
Both of us were panting heavily. With his eyes lust filled and fixed upon me, I could not hold his gaze for the shame and ache that lingered in my core. I was literally shaking from my response to him, and by a quick glance through my dark curtain of hair I could see my reaction had not deterred his own.
"Bella…" he groaned. His good hand reached for me, until his hand was resting upon my thigh, a silent plea.
I shut my eyes as my breath hitched, sparks shooting from my leg and coursing through my being, his heat
drowning me. I thought suddenly of children, of the sun lit beach, of Jacob's warm hands on my waist, of life…
"Bella?" Though the lust had not entirely faded from his voice, I could hear the question and the worry. "Bella, honey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push…that is I hoped you…shit, Bells I.."
I placed a hand upon his lips, and his eyebrows lifted in surprise. Holding his gaze I slowly lowered myself back onto the bed, leaning against his good side, and without words, without having to ask, Jacob knew. He wrapped his good arm around me and held me close.