As yet another World Conference drew to a close, the few Nations found themselves wondering if they had really just wasted four hours of their lives on a load of bullshit.
"...And there you have it," America said, beaming widely as he gazed at each of the frustrated Nations. "I, the hero of this entire freaking world, am going to create a mega-awesome, half-super-hero, half-alien awesome heroic dude, by mixing my blood with my alien friend, Tony's, and then using it to make a heroic little clone! And then the super dude will save us all from Global Warming."
Everyone stared at him in disbelief.
"The end!" America lifted his arm, attempting to strike a heroic pose.
"...It took you the entire meeting to tell us that," England hissed, lifting his head from where it had been planted on the table for the majority of the meeting. "The. Entire. Meeting."
"I have to agree with England," Germany said, his voice filled with irritation. "That was a completely useless."
Austria shot Germany a smug look. "I told you we should start checking people's speeches at the door from now on! You thought I was crazy - and your idiot brother laughed in my face. Well now whose laughing?!"
Everyone ignored him.
"What are you guys TALKING about?!" America demanded. "That was completely awesome!"
Austria shook his head, looking vaguely disgusted. "Sometimes I wonder if he even hears what comes out of his mouth..."
"...Sometimes the Awesome Me wonders the same thing about you," Prussia muttered.
"Why are you so useless?!" England yelled, his anger boiling over. The Nations all shifted in their seats, knowing what was coming next.
"Hey!" America snapped, an indignant expression on his face, "I'm not useless - I can't be. Heroes are too awesome to be useless! It's quite tiring at times, actually."
"WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN IDIOT?!"
"I am not!" America shot back. "And anyway, you suck at cooking, and your scones taste like they came out of France's arse...so no one cares about your opinion!"
"That is an insult!" France cried, clutching his chest dramatically. "Angleterre's cooking does not deserve such a compliment! It is vile and disgusting!"
"You are vile and disgusting!" snapped England, glowering furiously at France. He turned back to America. "And don't you dare insult my cooking, you CRETIN! My scones are sheer heavenly goodness...you are not even worthy to lick their golden-brown crusts!"
"Well thank fucking god for that!" America shot back.
"SHUT UP, MY SCONES ARE PURE GOODNESS!" England howled, his face turning red with fury. "If only the same could be said about your WORTHLESS, IDIOTIC BRAIN!"
"Yeah well...if I have a bad brain, which I don't, then it'd be your fault, since you raised me! You just suck at parenting!"
The entire room froze, and went deadly silent. You could have heard a pin drop.
Then England exploded.
"Why you...YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHY I SHOULD PUT YOU OVER MY KNEE AND SPANK THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF YOU!"
Unsurprisingly, that comment came from France.
"It isn't meant to be kinky!" England howled. "Dammit, I hate you all!"
Then his phone began to ring.
With a muffled yell of frustration, England yanked the device out of his pocket, and flipped it open in a single, violent movement.
"WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE," he howled, "HANG UP NOW BEFORE I TRACK YOU DOWN AND STICK A SWORD THROUGH YOU!"
There was a moment of silence and then; "...Arthur? What the bloody hell...?"
England froze. Oh fuck.
It was his boss.
"T-this isn't England!" England choked out, forcing his voice to mimic a French accent (of course it sounded nothing like one). "This is the annoying pervert...England is busy...he can't come to the phone..."
His boss let out an irritated noise. "No seriously, Arthur..." he groused. "This isn't a joke! This is really important -"
"Who's Arthur?" England laughed, continuing his poor imitation of France. "I don't know any Arthur, haha...I mean, er...oh HON HON HON.."
"Oh for God sake!" his boss cursed. "Arthur, I'm not joking! Wherever you are -"
"Ta-ta!" England cut him off. "I mean...however you say bye in French..."
He hung up the phone.
England stood still, staring at the small device for a moment. Then, with a howl of frustration, he flung it at the wall with all his might. It shattered into multiple pieces, and scattered across the floor.
"THIS MEETING IS OVER!" he yelled. "If anyone needs me, I'll be at the pub!"
And with that, he stormed out of the room.
There was a moment of silence; then everyone went back to their previous conversations.
"Haha," America laughed. "Silly old Iggy, getting all worked up about nothing..." his voice trailed of when he caught sight of the glare that Canada was giving him. "What?"
"America, seriously, why did you have to do that?" Canada demanded.
"Do what?" America asked. "He insulted my heroic self, what was I supposed to do?"
"Hey, its not my fault!" America said defensively. "Stop looking at me like that - you have no right! No one even knows that you're there half of the time!"
"You know that England gets touchy about certain things!" Canada said, choosing to ignore the insult that had been directed at him. "It's not fair to push him like that!"
"How come he doesn't get yelled at?!" America demanded.
Canada shrugged. "Because he's probably drinking away his sorrows as we speak, and I don't want to have to deal with him when he becomes a blubbering mess...but that's not the point. Go apologize!"
"Why?" America sulked.
Canada narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Because if you don't," he growled, "he'll be drunk of his arse, and calling me in the middle of the night, crying about his sorrows, and making my life miserable over the phone! I need my sleep, dammit!"
"Okay..." America frowned. "So...why should I do it, again?"
Canada loomed threateningly over his brother. "Go apologize," he growled. "Or I'll pour maple syrup all over your hamburgers!"
America's eyes widened in panic. "No!" he cried, shaking his head in denial.
America's shoulders slumped. "Fine," he muttered. "...But you're coming with me," he added, scowling at his brother.
Then his phone began to ring.
America glanced at the caller ID and beamed widely. He held his phone to his ear.
"Hey boss!" he greeted, cheerfully.
"Alfred?" for some reason, his boss sounded panicked and nervous. "Oh thank God...look, I need you to listen to me, alright? Where are you?"
"I'm in the conference room," America replied, rolling his eyes. "You know that."
"Oh thank God..." his boss sighed, again. "Look, just stay there, alright?"
"No can do!" America replied. "I gotta go and get England from the pub, or else Canada will maple all over my burgers!"
"What? No -"
America cut off his boss's panicked reply. "Now he's giving me a death stare...gotta go. Bye, Boss!"
He hung up the phone.
Canada frowned. "Was that important?"
"Hmm?" America glanced down at the phone, and then shook his head. "Nah."
England gulped down yet another glass of beer, too drunk to notice the shocked looks he was receiving from almost everyone in the pub.
"...and then he just...he just goes and tells me I'm a bad parent" he sobbed, his voice slurred due to all the alcohol he had consumed. "I was a bloody excellent parent. Wasn't I? WASN'T I?!"
The bartender, who had been staring at him with his jaw hanging open since he had walked through the doors, nodded his head slightly.
"My god, it can't be...?" murmured someone in the pub.
"Maybe someone should ask" suggested another voice.
"No! That's just weird!" someone else exclaimed.
England continued his drunken rambles, oblivious to what was going on around him. "I mean, I know I wasn't there very often but...I had a job, goddammit! I HAD A JOB!"
"Yeah..." choked the Bartender. "I mean...uh..."
"I want more alcohol!" England sobbed, slamming his empty glass down on the table.
The Bartender picked it up with shaky hands, and then dropped it to the floor. It shattered into dozens of tiny pieces; the man made no move to clean up the mess.
From nearby, a man muttered; "He can't be! No way can our country be that pathetic..."
"No! I recognize him from the news!" someone protested.
"I WAS A GOOD BROTHER!" All conversation was suddenly halted by yet another one of England's exclamations.
Then America and Canada entered the room.
"Okay Iggy," America said, immediately making a bee-line for England. "Canada says I have to apologize to you, or he'll go all Mega-Maple-Man on me -"
"- I'll go all what?" Canada cut him off. In a lower voice, he added; "and don't call me that in public!"
"It's your super hero name!" America replied. "I don't need one, because I'm just awesome, but you haven't quite reached that stage yet, baby bro...also, don't sweat it, no one's going to notice anything, or give a damn if they do."
"...Then why are they staring at us?" Canada muttered.
There was a moment of silence.
The next exclamation shocked and horrified the twins.
"HEY - THOSE TWO ARE COUNTRIES AS WELL!"
Okay, so this is a new story. I'm almost finished my story "Meet the States" so I thought I'd try writing another one now :D
If it's a bit confusing in this first chapter, things will get cleared up as the story progresses.
Please review and tell me your responses to this chapter, since they motivate me to write faster, and also give me an indication of whether or not people are enjoying my story. Plus, its always great to hear what you guys think! :D