*********I do not own any of the rights of the characters. No copyright intended. *******
PLEASE DO NOT READ ME IF YOU NOT AT LEAST EIGHTEEN YEARS PLUS. THIS STORY CONTAINS PROFANITY, VIOLENCE AND ADULT SITUATIONS. SO IF THIS OFFENDS YOU SHOULD STOP READING NOW.
I have to apologise for my absence. Becoming a single mother and juggling the kids on my own as well as making sure they don't suffer in this transition has been hard. I'm finally making headway and finding my feet and the kids are happy and of course, since they're happy so is mummy, so a happy mummy has more writing inspiration to work from. Thank you for your patience and kind words. I never intended this to be a long story, this will be one of the last main chapters and then it is followed by an epilogue. It is shorter than usual, but I just want these last couple of chapters to be from just one perspective. I get my happy ending so maybe I should think about giving Bella hers.
Four long weeks until I finally get to meet, my son! I'd hoped to give him the family he so deserved but that wasn't going to be happening anytime soon. Even from all the letters I'd left everyone, there had been no contact from any of them. I now knew where I stood with all of them. Every day of my supposed new life has become nothing but a monotonous routine. It was wearing on my already strained and tired body. I thought deep in my gut that this would be the right thing for me. New places, a new scene and new faces. None of that mattered when the one thing that counted wasn't here with me too. I was missing my heart. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get over the fact that I didn't have my heart here with me. I'd left that back in Forks. I'd left it with Sam.
Making my way into my new home, empty home, after another tedious day at work, was always the worst of my day because as the front door closed and echoed through the empty home, it echoed the emptiness inside me. I was starting to regret ever coming here. Yet again I was alone, but I would rather be alone and on my own than rather than being lonely surrounded by people I knew and who supposedly loved me. Being here was the lesser of two evils.
I decided that it was enough self-pity for one day, the whiny sound of my own voice was starting to get on my last nerve. How is that even possible? I don't know many others that get pissed off at the sound of their own voice. Only you Bella Swan! I went up to my room, one of many in this huge house that I'd invested in. Well and least Blake could pick and choose his room as he grew, that was the least I could offer him. I'd give him all the love I have left inside of me and show him that he was indeed wanted and we're all the family we need. Granted, with my career on the up and up I could also afford to give him the luxuries in life that I never had as a child. I vowed to let him have as normal carefree childhood as I could possibly give him. I wanted to make sure I was here for him and he didn't have to worry about anything apart from when the next time he gets to play outside in the yard. Something I was never afforded as a child.
In my master bedroom I strip my clothes off that have been restricting my aching body all day, finally relieved that I'd now get the freedom my burgeoning bump sometimes demands, especially if I have on a top that hugs my bump. It does make me chuckle sometimes when I'm in a conversation with someone and suddenly my son makes his presence known. The person I'm then in conversation with stops and looks down at my stomach with wide eyes, I'm sure they have thoughts of an alien about to burst from within when they see that. Not so good for me when Blake decides to stretch out his little body, last time he did that he knocked my bladder and I literally pissed my pants. Thank god I was in my own home when that little episode happened.
After running the shower and releasing the day's tension and just letting them run down the drain, I'm wrapped in the towelling robe, perched on the edge of my bed dry rubbing my hair with a towel. Thinking about how I'm going to get myself through these next final weeks, especially now that I don't have work to occupy my days or my mind. Work literally became my salvation, but then again it's not very healthy to push all of ones emotions to the back of the mind, but that's what I did. Now all I had to occupy my days was preparing myself and readying my home.
I'd had his nursery painted when I first moved in. It just wasn't stocked with all the necessities that I'd need for him, well, it was all in his nursery just none of it unpacked and ready for him. His pram, crib, cradle and all the other things to go along with it were all there, I just hadn't got around to doing any of it. God, no I'm even lying to myself. If I was honest with myself it was the fact that I'd be doing this all alone was the real reason for not getting it prepared. Can you blame a woman in love for holding out even the slightest chance of hope, even though that chance had disappeared the first time Sam was ordered back to her, that bitch Emily's, side.
Wiping furiously at my eyes, as they made the room around me, start to blur. I refused to spend any more time and stress on any of them anymore, I couldn't do this anymore, not just for my son but for my sanity too. I'd started to make myself feel bi polar with all these moods and emotions I was putting myself through. Not anymore, not for anyone. I'm stronger than this. I'm Bella Swan. I can't be anyone in this world apart from myself. I lay upon my bed and drifted off into hopefully what would the first of many peaceful dreamless sleep.
I slowly came back to consciousness with the feeling of being hugged, it startled me. Quite near damn freaked me out. I lay there in the darkness of my room, thinking what the hell it could have been when suddenly without warning came the tight contracting of my stomach. Oh no! Blake, not now baby. It's too soon. My thought process tried to complete but it was shut down with the elevating tightening and pain of my stomach, which made me crouch in on myself as I clutched my son to me.
The pain began to ebb, which was a relief. I needed to sort myself out and get help. Shit, this was really happening. I was on my own, and this was really happening. Get a grip Bella! I decided to forgo getting changed, well, apart from actually adding underwear to my person. I grabbed my hospital bag, which I had the sense to pack for myself last week, on the advice on some friendly regular customers. Thankfully I managed to get down the stairs in one piece, good going for me really, before I was hit with another round of contractions. I gripped onto the wall for dear life, as I clenched my eyes tightly while trying to breathe through this big bastard.
After it began to ease I started to panic about how the hell I was going to get the hospital. I phoned my doctor and she eased a lot of that tension by telling me she'd come over to check me over. Lucky for me, she only lived a few blocks from me, plus she knew about my predicament of being a single mother and not having anyone to turn to in this city. I dropped my bag to the floor at the bottom of the stairs and made my way over to the door to unlatch it so she could make her own way in, which she knew to do. I made my way into my living room and tried to get comfy. As I sat the tightening started again. But they were different this time; they didn't make me want to clench my whole body tight. I could actually breathe through these with relative ease. Well this is just great. Stupid damn body! Things were slowing doing and obviously the panic was over and now I had a doctor rushing over to aid me in my apparent time of need.
I sat there rolling my eyes towards the heavens. God, do you really hate me that much that you have to make me look stupid as well now. As I sat there silently cursing the world I heard a slight tap on the front door before it was pushed open.
"Bella?" Dr Herbert called out.
"In the living room, Doctor!"
I watched as she entered the living room and just stood there looking at me and shaking her head. What the hell did I do?
"What are we going to do with you, Bella?" Um, was that rhetorical or not?
"Well, you know me I like to make my life as complicated as can be. Why not just add more stress on to it. Might as well add to the fun!" The doctor chuckled lightly at this.
"Right, well lie down for me and part your gown and we'll see what's happening with the little guy." I heaved myself from my sitting position and shuffled onto my back. As the doctor came towards me and started to prod at me, my stomach took it upon that moment to begin to tighten, still not as bad as what it had been, but still there all same.
"Ah, well that was good timing. Yep, you are definitely tightening there Bella, but as to whether you're actually contracting is yet to be determined, I can only tell you that with an internal. Which I'll give you once I clean up and then we'll go from there." I nodded at her kind voice. Her voice always brought me comfort in the panic of my appointments. "Which way do I go to clean up?"
"Just down the hall and its straight ahead." I watched as she got up and disappeared. As I lay here flashing the ceiling I thought how calm I actually was. I really thought I'd be more panicked than this. But I felt more at ease than I had been in a long time. It was as though my mind and body decided to finally let my soul join the club. I really felt as one, for the first time on god knows how long. Well, since Sam. But yet even the thought of Sam didn't deter my calm good feeling. Hum, maybe I was finally healing after all this time. Maybe the thought of seeing my son was finally the trigger that I needed. Who the hell knew? But all I knew was I finally felt whole.
"Okay Bella. Let's take a look at you and see what is happening with your boy." She said as she walked back into the living room. I slipped off my underwear ready for my examination. "Okay, this might be slightly uncomfortable but I'll be as gentle as I can." She began her examination while I decided to switch off as to what was happening. I was happily humming a tune to myself in my head when the doctors coughing brought me out of my trance. "Okay, well this is what's going on." She said as she snapped off her gloves. "You have been contracting and it's made you dilate to slightly over 2 cm. Your waters haven't gone and from what I can see the tightening's have subsided too." I nodded along in confirmation. "Being 2cm is safe enough for your son as he's still encased in his waters, so you could actually go for the rest of the four weeks and become full term safely enough, but to be able to achieve this you need to rest. I don't mean your type of rest I mean almost constant bed rest, because of the stress you've been under I can see from the swellings of your ankles that your body is screaming out for it."
"Well, today was my last day of work, so I'm actually free to be able to this now. I want him here safely Dr Herbert. Tell me what I have to do and I'll do it." I was filled with determination, I'd fucked everything else up but god was I going to do this with all my might and will.
"Good, that's a good step. No stress, no heavy lifting and most of all no sudden shocks. That one is a must, if your body has a shock it could restart all of this and break your waters this time and we don't want that before its time. If that does happen, ring me and we'll admit you straight away. We can't take the risk once your waters have gone."
"Thank you so much doctor. Sorry for making you come out here for nothing." She had her stuff packed away and I'd put myself back together again and heaved myself off the sofa.
"Nonsense, Bella. That's what I'm here for. Remember contact me if anything changes immediately." I nodded that I would and I saw her to the door and closed it behind her as I waved her goodbye.
Good lord, my head was a jumble. I turned and headed for bed. I needed some rest. Now the panic was over I could finally get back to sleep. I eased myself back into my bed after conquering mount Le Stairs again and drifted off quietly.
A massive crash jolted me from my sleep. Not exactly what I needed, but what's more is I had a fucking intruder in my house. Shit! I grabbed the baseball bat I kept tucked into the side of the bedside table, as I gripped it I only then remembered that I hadn't locked the front door. Bella you stupid bitch! My blood was rushing through my body, so much so that I could hear the echo of it through my hearing. Not good, not good at all. I felt my body begin to tighten aggressively again. Please not now, I needed to get to my phone, which for some dumb stupid reason I'd left at the top of the stairs after I'd climbed them earlier. Damn it!
I gently eased my way silently over to my bedroom door and tried as silently as I could to open the bedroom door without too much noise. My tightening was really beginning to hurt now, so much so I had to bite my lip from crying out in pain. My hands were shaking from the force of the contraction and tears began to spill over from my eyes where they'd sat since my pain began. Please god, please god. Just get me through this safely.
I eased out into the hallway where the bedrooms were and started to make my way over to where I'd left my phone. I stopped suddenly as I saw a shadow climbing up the stairs, so I edged over to the hall light and flicked it on hoping that the shock of the light would scare the person enough to see me with the bat in my hand and hopefully they'd make a run for it. I kept seeing the shadow of this huge man keep climbing to the top of the stairs and step onto the very top one. It was now or never. I flicked on the light. What I saw sent my body reeling into a shock of new proportion, it made my stomach dip like I was on a rollercoaster. My legs couldn't support myself any longer and I fell to my knees holding onto my stomach with both hands, the bat soon forgotten, crying out in agony as pain became a tsunami, washing through my body. I felt myself wet onto the flooring. I looked down to see the mess my waters had made on the floor. Oh god.
My mysterious shadow person came running over to me. "Oh my god, Bella. Honey, please tell me you're okay?" Seriously, did I look fucking okay? I looked them in the eye.
"Please, you have to call my doctor and get me to the hospital. It's too soon." I gripped hold of him tightly as another pain ripped through me, as I cried out and held on tight. "God, it's too soon. Get me to the damn hospital." He stopped and pulled back with panic in his eyes.
Sorry! I know but I left it there for good reason. But don't worry; the next chapter will be done in the next few days. Let me know what you thought.