Hi. I'm bored. Solution? Writing. Bingo.
Hello there. I'm Sasori. I'm a puppet. I don't possess emotions, and I don't feel anything.
Ever since I became one, all I've heard in my life is the word 'emotion'.
Why do people talk about such worthless junk? Emotions hold no value. That's what I thought. One particular person changed that.
It was on one rainy day, but I couldn't feel the aura of gloominess that was all around me. My former partner, Orochimaru had left the Akatsuki, an evil organization.
I felt nothing.
The next morning, I was called by the leader. It was such a bright and sunny day. How I despised it.
I hate sunny days. Their brightness is so dreadfully cheery. Before I knew it, a foolish-looking blonde boy stood before me. He reminded me just of what I hate.
He held a small, white clay bird in hand. His long blonde hair covered half of his face. It reminded of me of the sun.
I could see just one of his eyes, the color of the sky. He claimed to be a fellow artist. Psh, foolish kids these days.
Just as I predicted, he was a nuisance, and called those pathetic explosions art. Yes, he pissed me off. The brat was completely annoying and I was blamed for his actions.
Yet, there was something about him that could not make me hold my hatred for long.
The way he lifted my level of negativity for the whole day just by saying 'good morning'.
The way he invited me for lunch even though I don't eat.
The way he respected my view of art, even if I didn't act that way back.
And even the way the innocent 'un' came out at the end of his sentences.
These things made me feel different; I no longer stayed in the shadows. The kid was annoying, but he wasn't all bad. I never showed how much I enjoyed his company, though.
I continued to mean to him. The innocence he possessed afterwards shot me straight through the center of my heart- er, heart core.
I felt guilty every time I told him to shut up.
I felt a pang in my stomach every time I slapped him.
My chest ached every time I locked him out of our room.
But I still did it.
What I was experiencing was guilt. I didn't want this to interfere with anything, so I bottled this inside of me, where it could do damage to no one but me.
Why was I doing this? I thought I loved it when people could feel the pain I had been feeling all my childhood.
Then, one night, my guilt took its token. I was kept awake all night. Seeing that trying to sleep was pointless, I walked out on the front deck, and took a look at the starry night sky.
I preferred night over daytime, because it was a relaxed time. It relaxed me. I soon heard footsteps behind me. Guess who it was? That brat Deidara who always made me feel guilty.
I glared at him, silently asking him, 'what do you want?'
He looked at me with those glassy moonlit eyes. All the kid did was take a seat next to me and watched the night sky- with me. The one who had always abused him.
I enjoyed his presence, as usual, but this time, I was filled with guilt. Today, I'd been especially aggressive. Why did he want to hang around me?
So I did something I wish so dearly that I could take back. I scoffed and left him there, alone. I went to bed, but couldn't get to sleep anyway. I stared at the ceiling thinking over my actions until morning. He never returned.
I rose before the others and went to the kitchen. I didn't need to eat, but I went to go there anyway. Deidara was there.
He was fixing himself breakfast, and seemed to sense my presence as soon as I entered the room and immediately asked if he could make something for me. I asked for simply a cup of juice.
So he opened the refrigerator door, took the bottle out and poured some juice in a glass. He was bringing it over to me, when he tripped over a kitchen cloth that had been dropped.
Glass shattered everywhere. Juice created a large puddle on the floor. I waited for the other Akatsuki members to come running here. They didn't come.
Then the brat started crying. Over spilt milk. Er, juice. That's when I heard the word that would blow me away forever.
"I'm sorry Danna! It was an accident! I won't do it again! I'll clean it up, un!"
Danna. The word I least expected to come out of his mouth. It meant master, or husband. It was a word titled with respect. I couldn't be scold him now; those teary eyes were too much.
"Fine. No harm done. Let's both clean this up."
From that day on, we actually got along. I still scolded him, hit him from time to time, but I felt that I was around a more easygoing aura.
Happiness can't last forever. Soon the tables were turned, and so unexpectedly as well. We were assigned a mission, but got lost and somehow we were driven into a huge snowstorm.
Hiruko couldn't take the freezing climate, and he soon cracked and was utterly useless to me. After three days with living in the cold with the brat, I was filled with guilt once more.
After all, I had chosen to go the way that had gotten us into this mess. He came up to me with one bright blue eye and a light blush, then told me, "Danna, I still love you, un."
My "heart" skipped a beat.
KO. If I had tear glands, I would be crying my eyes out at that very moment. That little blonde boy had dug his way into my life, and now he was hurting me. I hated this guilt. I couldn't take it anymore.
Then I did the most horrid thing I had ever done in my life. I pushed him into the snow, and ran away without looking back. Leaving the poor thing to freeze in the cold.
I'm surprised God let me live for my terrible burden. Somehow I had found my way back to the hideout. Everyone asked me where Deidara was. I told them he died.
After that I ran to my room, avoiding everyone, and cried myself to sleep, and ended up taking a short nap. I woke up again, feeling heavy in the chest, and could feel the stain on my soul.
I sat down at my desk and started working on a small puppet. The room felt so empty. His last words echoed through my head. I couldn't concentrate without him. That's what got me thinking.
I'm a puppet. I possess no feelings. So what was I feeling? Guilt? Sort of. Regret? Sort of. Grieving? Of course. But it was something else. After thinking it came to me. What I was feeling was love.
Puppets aren't supposed to possess feelings, which means they can't love. But I'm different, and I've come to realize that Deidara had been helping me the whole time. I'd loved him since I saw him, that's why I felt guilt. I now know I still love him.
I've also come to know that, on the outside I'm a puppet, but at heart I'm still a human.
Oh dear, it's so sad…. I can't believe I killed off Deidara too… Trust me, I'm a fan of his, and it was hard! I really hope you like this, and that I did a good enough job on it! Zap out!