DISCLAIMER: "Kim Possible" and all characters within © The Walt Disney Company and its related entities. Kim Possible created by Mark McCorkle & Bob Schooley. All rights reserved. All other Characters not related to Kim Possible belong to their respective owners and creators. Original and ideas Characters are the intellectual property of their respective authors.
"What about this?" Shego asked, bored out of her skull. She held up a purple sphere the size of a volleyball, with no identifying marks or features of any kind.
"Hmm," Drakken said. "Nonmetallic Gravity Bomb. Sucks in all objects not made of metal. Toss it."
"It doesn't work?"
"No, no, it works. There used to be two. I may have tested one inside a lair that was carved out of a mountain. The cave-in was, erm, quite impressive."
Shego rolled her eyes and placed it in a bin. She really, really wished she could take a vacation day or two to get out of this, but it was a clause in her contract. Part Five, Employee shall assist with every monthly inventory inspection. No exceptions.
So once a month, Shego was stuck for a day or two cataloging failed and abandoned experiments that always managed to end up in this rented warehouse. The police, GJ, even Team Possible had never managed to find it. She suspected it was because Drakken paid in cash.
"How about this?" Shego said as Drakken made notes on a clipboard. She showed him a pastel pink ray gun.
"I believe that's the S.O.S. Ray."
Shego raised an eyebrow. "Sounds a little too do-gooder to me, Dr. D."
"Oh, yes, I see. It stands for Sexual Orientation Switcher."
Shego's other eyebrow joined the first one. If they went up any higher, they'd be indistinguishable from her hair. "For WHAT?"
"It's not complicated, Shego," he said idly. "It switches your sexual orientation. Turns straight people gay, gay people straight." Drakken glanced at her. "What?"
"Why would you build such a thing?"
"For Kim Possible," Drakken replied. "I thought it might break her spirit to suddenly become an object of hatred for hundreds of millions of people across the globe."
Shego groaned. His "break her spirit" devices were always the most cockamamie. "How come I never heard about this?"
"I believe you were on vacation. It was a couple years ago. Team Possible showed up while I was working on something much bigger - one of the Lil Diablo's predecessors, I believe. By the time you broke me out of prison, I'd already moved on to something else, and I forgot about the S.O.S. Ray."
That she could believe. A lot of inventions ended up on the back burner because of his short attention span. "So you never had a chance to shoot her?"
"No, I shot her. Clearly it malfunctioned, however. I've seen Kim Possible and the buffoon on the television. They're so sweet together, it's sickening."
Shego froze. The mere existence of such a device paled before this shocking announcement.
"You shot her?"
"I believe I just said so."
"You switched Kimmie's sexual orientation?"
"Honestly Shego, could you pay attention for once? Yes, I shot her. No, I didn't make her gay. Why is this so hard to - "
She looked at him like he was stupid. It was a look she'd mastered. "Did it ever occur to you that she was gay to begin with, and that you made her straight?"
Drakken paused. "Eh, well, perhaps . . . no. But I don't even know if the ray worked in the first place. Oddly enough, none of my henchmen were willing to be guinea pigs."
Shego handed him the Ray. "Shoot me. Then shoot me again."
He gaped at her. "You're joking. You're actually submitting to be experimented on? By me?"
"Drakken," she growled.
"All right, all right, fine. Though I don't see why this is so important." He took the Ray, pointed it at her, and fired.
A pink beam hit her in the center of her chest. A seizure ripped through her body, much as it had when she was Reverse Polarized. When it stopped, Shego held up a hand and assumed a look of very deep thought. Then a grimace ripped across her face. "Okay, hit me again," she said.
"Shego - "
"In case you hadn't figured it out by now, you just made me a little different, Dr. D!" she snapped at him. "So I'd like to go back now!"
"Eep! Yes, of course!" He shot her a second time.
When she had caught her breath, she looked up into his expectant face. "So I - ?" he asked.
"Well, doc, either she's the most closeted person in North America, or you turned Kimmie into a hetero."
"Oh, irony. Why must you always be so cruel?" Drakken cried out, shaking a fist.
Shego snatched the Ray back. "I'm keeping this, IF you don't mind."
"Er, no, I don't think I will mind. Why?"
"I could tell you, but then I'd have to come close to killing you."
"On with the inventory!"
Kim sighed happily. Life was great. High school was over, the world was peaceful, Ron was sweet, and there wasn't a single dark cloud on her horizon.
"Hey there, Pumpkin."
Obviously Kim had been looking at the wrong part of the horizon. She turned around. "Shego," she sighed. "What are you doing in my bedroom?"
"Because it was there? Honestly, you could TRY to make it more of a challenge. Some day a less scrupulous woman than myself is going to put some plastic explosive under your bed, and then where will you be? Other than a thousand feet in the air, I mean?"
Kim slapped a hand over her face. She really, really hoped this wasn't an end to the truce Drakken and Shego had been observing. But the ray gun in Shego's lap didn't reassure her. "Why are you here then?"
Shego leaned back in her seat. "Tell me, Kimmie. Was there ever a day a few years ago when you looked around as the other cheerleaders were getting changed, and you realized those feelings you were having weren't normal?"
"No," Kim lied very easily, ignoring the chill that ran up her spine. "Was there ever a day when you decided you weren't going to be a pain in the ass that day?"
"Nope. So anyway, you went to bed every night after that, and you prayed to God that it wasn't true, that you couldn't possibly be gay, and if he'd pretty please with sugar on top make it go away, you'd be ever so grateful?" Shego continued.
"Shego," Kim said warningly. She was very proud of the fact that her voice didn't shake, not even a little.
"And then one morning, your prayers were answered?" Shego added quietly.
"What do you think you're doing, Shego?"
"God didn't make you straight, Kimmie. It was this." Shego held up the S.O.S. Ray. "Do you by any chance remember a mission a couple years ago? Drakken was working on one of his big robots, I was on vacation, you got shot with some ray but it had no effect on you?"
Kim could count the number of times she'd gone up against Dr. Drakken without Shego around on one hand. Of course she remembered. The big robot - looked a lot like a Lil Diablo, now that she thought about it - the henchmen, the absurd lack of difficulty, the blast that she barely . . . noticed . . .
"Does the timing of that mission mean anything to you?" Shego asked.
"Oh, no," Kim said.
Shego nodded. "Sorry, Kim. But I think Dr. D made you boringly, depressingly straight."
Kim felt the blood draining from her face. "You can't - you're not going to tell, are you?"
Shego chuckled. "Tell what? That you used to be gay? Some story! Besides, I think this one should stay under my hat. No telling what will happen if some loonies find out they can de-homo our society."
"Why are you telling me this now?"
"Doy, because I just found out today." She looked speculatively at Kim. "I bet you'd feel a lot safer if this Ray was in your possession instead of mine."
Kim nodded quickly, even though she regarded the Ray as if it were a poisonous snake.
"Well, I'll let you have it for the low, low price of one question answered truthfully."
"What is it?"
"Before," Shego asked, "before Drakken did this to you - were you ever attracted to me?"
Kim looked away. "You said this stays between us, right?"
"Cross my black little heart."
"Okay." She looked back at Shego. "Your body in that outfit? Hello?"
Shego sighed, then smiled slightly. "I guess I should be more careful choosing my vacation days in the future, Kimmie." She tossed Kim the S.O.S.
Kim caught it, then processed Shego's remarks. "Wait, what? You're trying to tell me - "
"Not entirely. I'd say eighty/twenty." Shego got up and brushed past her as she headed for the window. "I'll see you around, Kimmie. Have fun with your man."
"Shego - " Kim started again.
"Save it." She looked back just as she was about to slip outside. "You know, I don't know if you really believe in God or not, but if you do, then God made you that way for a reason. I'm just saying."
"Shego, I can't. I love him."
Shego grunted, then summoned one last smile. "Promise me - you ever think of using it again, you'll look me up."
Then she disappeared, almost as if she was afraid of hearing Kim say "no".
Kim closed the window. "Promise," she whispered.
Author's Note – I was really interested in exploring the ramifications of certain Season 4 episodes, like "Stop Team Go" and "Mad Dogs and Aliens", even if it meant not writing Kigo. This story, and a few others, came along for the ride. However, by that time I had "officially" retired from the fandom, and I didn't want to pull a Brett Favre. So I didn't feel comfortable with "Allaine" posting it. Until now. This is the one I most want to write a sequel for some day.