Rated: T

Warnings: Suggestions of slash, Parody

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: To readers of Alice in Candyland: I'm really sorry for not updating in a while. I have my reasons. I've finished the newest chapter but I haven't gotten round to editing the other one yet. Expect an update over the next few days. Maybe even today if I'm feeling productive.

Anyways, this is the offspring of writers block and my weird thoughts. I just had to get this out of my head. I watched the movie again the other day and that long, awkward stare between Mr. Salt and Wonka got me thinking...

Note: This is a very short parody. If you don't like parodies, don't read.

"Go on! Scoot!" Willy Wonka ushered the children away, motioning with gloved hands.

Mr. Salt lingered behind, sensing an opportunity to ask the famous chocolatier about his business and the secrets to being so successful. Besides, his wife had been nagging at him about his waistline for a while now. Chocolate would go straight to his stomach.

Veruca brushed past him, eager to try the candy. He watched her run off with a vague smile on his face. It was a rare treat when Veruca gave up her constant demands and was satisfied with something. Of course, it wouldn't last. As soon as she tired of the candy, she would want more. It was always more.

Mr. Salt's smile had turned into a slight frown as he turned back to Wonka. The chocolatier was gazing at him intently, his expression difficult to read. Interest? Amusement? Mr. Salt raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to laugh or look away or something.

"What a strange person. Completely and utterly off his nut." He thought, shifting uncomfortably when Wonka's stare didn't falter. He looked down, not enjoying the uneasy feeling Wonka gave him.

"Your lace is undone." Mr. Salt pointed out to him, breaking both the silence and the spell, his eyes falling upon the black heeled shoes he wore.

"They don't like to be tied up as much as I do." Wonka responded in a rapetastic purr.

Mr. Salt wore a mixed expression of surprise and disgust and he retreated hastily, not missing the victorious smirk Wonka gave as he turned away.