Based on a true story. A mostly true story. But a very true story. I tried my hand at comedic writing, something I don't do very often. However, I hope you guys find it humorous despite the inside jokes, my apparently frequent usage of repetition for humor, and the Sengoku Basara reference. (I hope some of you get it! The Date Masamune engrish lines. Probably only from the anime, idk)
Party at Ozma's! Bring your hp potions!
a short story by: CreeCree
Includes a screenshot!
"Ahhhh~ It's the perfect day for a +13 revolver at Kiri's," the young desperado remarked to himself as he straightened out the tie on his university tee.
CreeCree (known simply as "Cree" by friends) glanced down at his glowing pride and joy, a pair of +12 Steel Blue revolvers. He had gone through many guns, but none have served him better than these. Grinning to himself, he ambled over to Kiri's reinforcement machine, confident that his revolvers could obtain the elusive, ever-wanted pink glow. He could feel it, just like him, his revolvers too desired a taste for more power. He was tired of being the weakest in parties, and was often laughed at for his pathetic damage back in Behemoth. With the help of Steel Blue however, he managed to overcome that. Smiling, he strolled on pass the Moonlight Tavern.
"WHOA, CREE, DON'T DO IT!"
"Huh, Buf is that you?"
Cree turned around, and immediately turned away again. A golden, radiant aura blinded his vision, but he knew at its origin was Buf, his trusty crusader companion and fellow guild member. And also, at (many) times, a voice of reason. Clad in a gold attire with a shining cross of justice on his back, Buf saved Cree's weak ass many times.
"Don't worry, don't worry, I'm sure Steel Blue won't fail me!" said Cree, utterly convinced.
"Not until you have a spare +12," said Buf, utterly not convinced.
Cree sighed. He knew deep inside what Buf was saying was true. It was best to play it safe with Kiri. She was the reason why many became the drunkards at the Moonlight Tavern that Siusha often commissions dungeon fighters to take care of.
Rushing over towards them was a blond samurai dressed in a black and white hakama. One of his arms was sealed in white, a proof that he had subdued Kazan's curse that afflicted many. It was their fellow guild member, XgenSlicer, or just plain Xgen. He was a self-proclaimed legendary Glacial Master who wielded a +13 Chillspout to battle and fought using the powers of ice unlike most other Grand Masters in Arad. His dream was to be the very best Weapon Master of all Arad.
"Yo Xgen," greeted Cree and Buf.
"It's time for OTHERVERSE!" Xgen declared.
Cree shirked. Buf paled. Otherverse. That place. Oh boy.
"I need to head to Dark Side. I need to confirm what Michael is doing."
Cree considered retreating to Seria's room. Buf pretended not to have heard Xgen. Dark Side. That place. Oh god.
"But I'll need two others to join me. I don't trust anyone else to watch my back but you two. And considering how tough the Dimensional Rift is, I'll definitely need you both there with me."
Moved, Cree readily accepted. "Of course!"
Unmoved, Buf remained silent. Until Cree prodded him with the barrel of his revolver. "You're coming too."
And so, the trio marched off to Aphelia, where Dorothy awaited them. "I see you've gotten your party members."
Xgen beamed at her, "We'll be fine, so let us in. I'll show Ozma the prowess of Arad's soon-to-be greatest Weapon Master!"
Cree shakily gave her a smile; he was starting to have second thoughts. "Well, I just bought some health potions and Sacred Blessings. We should be okay. I also have my Steel Blues."
Buf sighed, he knew he had no choice but to go along, "Just don't rush out of Divine Invocation again, Cree."
Xgen glanced over to Cree. "Lead the way!"
Cree gulped, and then walked into through the omnious portal...
... and landed on the dusty earth of Dark Side. And Xgen landed on top of him. And finally Buf landed on the very top.
"...!" Struggling to breathe, Cree crawled from under the dogpile. He faced the monstrocities snarling and spitting at them. The ugly, deformed minions of Ozma. He gulped again. Yes, Ozma of the Chaos, an Apostle. He had faced other Apostles, but this time it was going to be Ozma at full power and in his domain. Clutching his revolvers, Cree began sprinting toward the first monster, determined to -
Buf glared at the desperado frozen in mid stride. "Buffs."
Cree obediently headed back and received his blessings. Xgen eagerly awaited his turn to receive his round of blessings. What full support crusaders may lack in power, they made up for in the power boosts they gave to their comrades. Feeling stronger than ever, Cree charged ahead, meeting the first monster-
Cree glanced back, slightly peeved. This time it was Xgen. "I forgot what Dark Side is like, so remind me what to do."
Oh right. "Just clear this mob first, I'll tell you what to do for each of Ozma's main guards as we move along."
And then the two proceeded to make exploding bloody clay bits out of the monsters as Buf continued to provide support.
The first knight, Despairing Tiamat greeted them with a flick of his cloak.
"Grab the red orbs! They'll keep us alive!" shouted Cree, immobilized by black... stuff.
Tiamat was quickly dispatched through some haphazard attacks.
The second knight, Destructive Berias met them with a powerful swing of his sword.
"Grab the ghosts! They'll enable us to damage him!" shouted Cree... and soon found his life being leeched by all four Ghosts of Destructions. "Nevermind! Go kill him! Hurry!" Xgen was furiously slicing and dicing Berias anyways albeit obliviously, and they defeated him as well.
The third knight, Horrendous Astaroth, sneered at them as she created a barrier around her.
"Counter attack her! If you're being slowed, stay back, it's infectious!" shouted Cree... and soon found himself grabbed by black, oozing
hands. Instinctively, Xgen chased over Astaroth who was right next to Cree, and got infected. Instinctively, Buf ran over to Cree preparing
to replenish the buffs, and got infected. Luckily, they survived the battle thanks to Healing Wind.
They moved on and at last saw him. A lone figure dressed in white sitting in the center of the clearing.
"Michael!" The three gasped in unison. There the legendary "Insader" (or Monksader if you prefer) stood up before them.
"Dungeon fighters, please turn back and do not harm Ozma," he pleaded, glancing up at them.
"Hell no." And so the ass kicking commenced.
A glorious angel descended from the heavens, granting Michael the vitality for another fight.
"Dungeon fighters, believe me. You mustn't defeat Ozma," he begged again.
"Hell no." And they put him down for good.
And finally, it was time for the confrontation with Ozma. Cree stepped forward, the blackened, dry earth cracking around his footsteps. A bead of sweat formed at his brow, it was time. He was breathing heavily, the fatigue from fighting before finally caught up. Xgen too had lost his energy, and was barely clutching onto his lightsabre's handle. A reassuring hand placed itself on both Cree and Xgen's shoulders.
"This is the last one." Buf then raised his arms about to call upon the holy powers of God for his final Healing Wind.
"Wait let me strip first."
Buf sighed. It was true though that the holy powers of healing were most effective without the Chronicle armor to hinder them. After all, the exorcism provided by the armor also reduced the effectiveness of his heals.
Rejuvinated, refreshed, revivalized, rebuffed, the trio was ready to move on. Cree turned to his friends, studying them thoroughly, for what might possibly be the last time. He took a long drag on his cigarette. Even so, it was not the time to get all emotional.
The two straightened up, looking at their party leader attentively.
"Are you ready, guys?"
"I can't hear you!"
"THEN PUT YA GUNS ON!" Cree rushed ahead, revolvers raised, and alone.
"Only you have guns," Buf pointed out.
"Argh, it just sounds cool to say, c'mon let's just go," whined Cree. And they walked through the gate, into Ozma's territory.
Geysers and floating balls of death populated the field as the party struggled to reach Ozma.
"Xgen, he's got a cloak that prevents him from being hurt. We have to shred that off as fast as we can to damage him!" called out Cree.
"Hit him a bunch of times? Don't worry, that's my speciality!" Xgen brandished his Chillspout slashing at Ozma at the speed of light. "ILLUSION SWORD DANCE!" Then one, two icicles magically formed before Xgen's blade causing additional hits to Ozma. It was a trick Xgen stole from the Ice Knight at King's Relic. Cree tried his best to support Xgen and then-
"Aura of betrayal!"
Suddenly the two icicles dove at Buf. And Cree turned into an ugly monster with a big nose.
"Gather up at me! I need to cure you guys!" Cree yelled in a horrendous, ugly, monster voice as he headed toward the nearest target-Buf.
Unfortunately, Buf was being assaulted by icicles as Xgen ran over. Into a barrage of lightning from Revenge of Light, triggered by the icicles.
"NOOO! XGEN!" Buf and Cree cried out.
Forunately, as Xgen fainted, he was gifted by the twin fairies from the Fountain of Life, renewing his life to take on Ozma once more. However, everyone was exhaused, both physically and laughed at them as he threw at them the most powerful of his curses over and over again. Buf went from fat to fatter. Xgen went from slicing to pinching. Cree went from handsome to ugly again. And again. And again.
"This... can't go on much longer," said Buf through gritted teeth. "I'm outta heals."
"And I'm out of potions and Sacreds," muttered Xgen.
"Same, I've got nothing left." Cree grimaced at their misfortune. They lived for now. But no longer could they rely on the Fountain of Life or Buf's healing. Was this really the end?
"No, it's not over. I won't let this be the end for us," said Cree. I'm also tired of turning into an ugly creature when I look this good, he thought to himself. The ranger that everyone mocked in Sky Tower, Behemoth, Aphelia, Storm Pass, North Myre... the ranger that everyone called weak, he would prove them wrong!
"'I don't need +13s to be strong," he mumbled to himself. "I've got you two, after all.' He gazed fondly on his trusty Steel Blues. He knew he would have to end this soon. 'Instead of gambling on Kiri, I'm going to gamble on you two, on this last move.'"
In retrospect, I realized this was a prime opportunity for a joke. After stating 'I've got you two after all', I noticed at first it seems I (or Cree, whatever, my ranger) was referring to Xgen and Buf.
So edited version just for myself because I can't stop thinking about the missed chance .
"I don't need +13s to be strong," he mumbled to himself. "I've got you two, after all."
Xgen and Buf glanced at each other, and then turned to look at Cree. They were touched by the amount of faith and trust their guild master placed upon them. They felt it in the very depths of their hearts and souls. Yes, this was definitely a near hopeless battle, however together, they have overcome virtually every obstacle! From Grand Flores to Bahn Hafen, they experienced poverty, broken +12s, pointless wastes of tokens, yet they stayed together through it all. It was then they realized even if they were not the strongest or the richest, they had their friendships forged from hardships and determination.
Just as they were about to announce their undying loyalty, they realized Cree was gazing fondly at his Steel Blue revolvers. "You've been great guns. Instead of gambling on Kiri, I'm going to gamble on you two, on this last move."
Out of sheer desperation, the desperado charged forward with all his might. In a frenzy he performed his final skill, praying it would work. He shot wildly around Ozma, but Ozma smirked, he knew in his cloak he was invincible. Five shots ricocheted off his defense. Ten shots. Cree prayed harder, closing his eyes, clenching his grip on the revolvers, and pulled the trigger.
Cree's eyes snapped open. There lay Ozma in front of him on death's door. The bullet had penetrated the cloak after all. A victorious purple skull burst in the air like fireworks. Xgen and Buf gaped at the sight before them. No way... it couldn't be...