In Too Deep

I saw his beautiful eyes in my dream. I heard his enchanting voice when I was asleep. I longed to run my hand down his muscular arm. I craved to feel his smooth Mocha Latte skin. No no no no no no no I was not gay. I just...I just...I just wanted to be like him. Perfect. Composed. Calm. And cool. Handsome. Attractive. Mysterious. And mouthwatering. I'd seen the twinkling light of love and trust in my Cupcake's eyes when she looked at him. I bet that nasty little pug would never ever want to pee on him. I later learned that he was a bounty hunter and mercenary. I whispered his name in secret when I was alone with my heart thumping in my ears. He was such a beautiful man. He'd just stolen my Cupcake's heart away from me. I wanted to be his rival. I wanted to be his equal. I wanted to be as rich and successful as he was. That was the only way to win my Cupcake back, I was most certain of that.

I started dressing in all black. People snorted and told me I looked like a two-bit bouncer of a cheap gay strip club. I asked around for the price of a second-hand Porsche. My mother smacked me hard on my head and told me to get real while my Grandma smiled to no one and hummed another sweet Italian song.I thought about waxing my chest, back and butt. My mother smacked me again when my then unmarried sister caught me with her waxing kit in my hands. I thought about taking kick-boxing classes or Taekwondo. I gave up after my cousin told me how much it would hurt. No, I was not afraid of pain, I swear. It was just that my cracked ribs—bestowed to me by my sweet lovely cute beautiful Cupcake, my darling Stephanie, yay—hadn't completely healed. I thought about perming my hair straight. But I was having trouble finding the perfect beauty salon. I really, really didn't want to become the target of the rumour mills, you know. I tried to learn to raise one brow. I tried to speak with a lower sexier tone. I tried to smile barely there smiles. I tried to hold people prisoner with my mesmerizing eyes. I was this close to my goal. But one day my Captain called me into his office and told me to cut this shit and stop acting like a pervert.

"We are supposed to serve and protect, Morelli, not make a fool of ourselves and make men, women, children, cats and dogs feel ill."

The cold merciless look in my Captain's narrowed steely eyes and his tightly clenched teeth told me maybe this was not a joke. I was a very good team player. I knew how to follow orders. I had no other choice but to forfeit my secret dream. It was all for the greater good, gently but sternly I told weeping myself that night with my blanket over my head. We should be glad that it seemed no one could stand our charm. The snarky little voice in my mind snorted rudely but I paid it no heed. I tried my best and remained calm and collected. I would not budge and give in under any circumstances. I didn't have to be Cuban to be tall, dark, handsome, dangerous, mysterious and ultra-sexy. No, I was not a copy cat. I would win my Cupcake back in my own way and in my own style. Soon she would see the only truth. Soon she would choose the correct path. We were meant for each other. We were born to be together. We had to yield ourselves to our great creator's will. I was her fate. I was her destiny. I was her future. I was her happiness. I would be the father of her children. I would be her calm, assertive pack leader. She would be my calm, submissive wife and Cupcake. People would write songs about us. People would write books about us. People would make movies and TV shows about us. People would write fan fictions about us. Women of all ages and races would fight each other to death to join our fan club. Women world wide would want their daughters and grand daughters to have husbands like me. Stephanie, my Cupcake, my precioussss, and I and our 6 most beautiful wonderful children would live in heavenly bliss. No ugly nasty little pugs would ever again pee on me. EVER.

And I will never ever feel the pricking sensation at the back of my eyes and drool and moan whenever Ranger is near...never...