Breakeven

It was the day he felt his heart broke into pieces, like literally. He could feel it crumbling as he watched the people around him applauding the newly-wed couple who just shared their first kiss as a married one. He looked at the groom's face and all he could see was pure happiness. He couldn't help but remember the time when the older boy shared that happiness with him. What he doesn't know is why their friendship started to fall out and the two started to drift apart.

The people were now at the reception venue and the happy couple are doing the infamous traditions during weddings. Everyone was cheering for them and he could not take the smiles and laughter inside the room. He felt like he would suffocate if he won't get away so he got out of the room and climbed into his car to drive away.

He came across a deserted park and decided to spend some time there. It felt just like that time when he went there with him, just two friends fooling around. Unfortunately, that won't ever happen again and he was sure of that.

Time passed by and he didn't realized that he was on the park for almost two hours. He took out his phone and saw that there were 5 messages, 3 from Liam, 1 from Niall and another one from Zayn.

Liam: Wer r u? It's time 4 d best man's speech.

Zayn: Man, where are you? Louis is looking for you.

Niall: Harry, are you okay? Some people noticed that you're not here. They are asking questions on your whereabouts. The people will suspect.

Liam: Zayn gave the best man speech but Louis isn't amused.

Liam: juz call me, we're getting worried here.

He sent a text to each of the boys starting with Liam, then Zayn and Niall.

To Liam: I'm okay man, I'm just not feeling well. Sorry if I didn't told you where I was going.

To Zayn: I just went out, I'm not feeling well.

To Niall: I'm okay Ni. Just tell them that I'm not feeling well. I don't think I would go back though.

Harry went back to their shared flat but he felt more alone when he entered. The familiar toms were not on their usual place anymore. The lights were off and he didn't bother to turn them on because he didn't want to see anything that would make him remember about the older lad. He quickly went to Louis' room and smelt the familiar scent all over the place. It was the scent of Louis, his true love.

When he was a child, he used to believe in Happy Ever Afters but when he grew up, he learned that those things only exist in fairy tales. He used to think that one day, he would be that knight in shining armour and he would be saving his princess, but now he's nothing but a damsel in distress.

Everyone thought that he has everything he wants in his life but sadly, he couldn't have the one thing he desired the most, the one thing he needed the most, Louis Tomlinson's heart. Some people might say that Louis is in love with him as well, but he knew that it wasn't true. There's no way Louis could love someone as pathetic as him and now he was proven right, the love of his life is already married with another. Louis might be the perfect guy for him but he wasn't the prefect girl for him, he wasn't even a girl. And everyone knew that Louis is as straight as a pole even though he's very flamboyant and sassy. That night, he felt into a dreamless sleep.

He woke up with the sound of the door being opened and he was surprised to see Louis there.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked groggily.

"Well, I should be the one asking you that. This is my room Harry. What are you doing here?" Harry didn't knew how to answer that question. He just can't tell him that he went there because it was the only place where he could be comfortable 'coz of Louis' scent around it.

"Whatever Lou. I'm just tired yesterday so I went to the nearest room. Aren't you supposed to be in you honeymoon with El at Hawaii right now?" He asked curiously.

"I just forgot something. Why did you leave yesterday?" Louis asked in a serious tone.

"I got stomach ache." He answered plainly.

"Then maybe you could have told me before leaving? The guests were worried about you Harry. They thought that something happened or that we had a fight! You have embarrassed me in own wedding! I should've picked Zayn to be my best man."

"How did you expect me to tell you when you were dancing with Eleanor at that time? Did you want me to ruin your first dance with her as your wife? I couldn't do that Lou even if I wanted to and I am pretty sure that you didn't even noticed that I was missing 'till the best man's speech is nearing. Oh and I am very truly sorry because I have embarrassed you in your own wedding!"

"You know what? I hate you Harry! I didn't know what happened to us but I hate you! You fucking prick! Grow up Haz!" Harry watched as Louis stormed out of the room and slamming the door. The tears started to fall down his face as he noticed the picture of him and Louis in the side table and he threw it on the wall. He promised himself that this would be the last time he would ever cry for Louis but he was sure that he wouldn't be able to keep that promise.

Because of Louis' wedding, the whole band has a break for two months. A week has passed since the wedding took place and now he's watching the TV with Louis and Eleanor's face all over the news. The news anchor was saying how the two of them were spotted walking hand in hand with a smile on their faces just like the old times except for now, the two are already married. He turned off the television and decided to log on to Twitter on his Mac.

Looking at the trending topics, 4 of them were about Louis and Eleanor but 1 trending topic caught his eye, it was about him and Louis. To be precise, it said "Larry Stylinson is Still Eternal." He still remembered that time when the Directioners trended Larry Stylinson is Eternal and the two of them were joking about it.

He looked through his mentions and some of the tweets caught his attention.

" LourryS_: harry_styles Larry Stylinson is Still Eternal. I bet that was a fake marriage. That beard needs to fuck off."

" StylesTommo: harry_styles is it true that you left at the reception of their wedding? Don't worry, we all know how you feel and you're gonna get through it."

" VasHappeninStyles: harry_styles Don't worry, we all know that you're still Boo Bear's number one.x"

" ElounorIsReal: Poor Harry_Styles we all know that you're in love with Lou but sad to say El has his heart. You can have my heart though ;)"

" LarryIsntReal: See what I told you? Louis_Tomlinson and Harry_Styles aren't in love. Long live Elounor!"

" nanana: Harry_Styles got what you deserved eh? That's for meddling with the love Louis and Eleanor have for each other. It sucks to be you right now."

It was the last tweet that got through him so much. How could people even say that? He never did anything to break Louis and Eleanor apart. He loves Louis but he wouldn't do anything to hurt his feelings. He wanted to be happy even if that happiness isn't with him.

He knew that Louis would come back tomorrow so he decided to do it today before someone could change his mind. He put his mac on the the table and turned his webcam on to make this video. By now, he knows how to play the guitar so he took it out from its case and he sat in front of the mac with the guitar on his hand.

"So I just want all of you to know that none of this is your fault, especially you Lou. I don't want you to feel guilty after I have said all that I need to say. First of all, I want to thank all of you for always being there for me but right now, it isn't enough. And please, I don't want this video to go out in public. I just want this video to be seen by the people dearest to my heart, just you guys and my family.

To my loveliest Mum, I want you to know how much I love you and I don't want to see you cry. You are the most important girl in my life Mum and you are best Mom I could have ever asked for. I'm so sorry if it's short but well, thank you for everything.

Gemma, my beautiful sister, take care of Mum okay? Don't let her do anything stupid. You're the best sister ever! Love you sis!

Robin, just like what I have said to Gem, please take care of Mum as well. Thank you for treating us like your own children even though we're not.

Dad, well even though we're not together anymore, I want you to know that I love you and I miss your company so much.

Now let's move on to my friends….

Hey Zayn, so I can see how much you have changed since you met her. Just take care of her and love her with all you have. Love you man and thanks for being there for me.

To our Daddy, when are you going to propose to Dani? I can't wait to see her in that wedding dress, I bet she'll look stunning and as gorgeous as ever. Get your girl Li and I wish all the happiness for the two of you. Thank you and love you lots.

To my dearest Leprechaun, I'm sorry I haven't kept my promise. I told you that I wouldn't do anything stupid while you're in Ireland but I couldn't do it Ni. Thank you for everything and I hope that one day you'll find your princess as well. Love you bro.

And lastly, to my one and only Boo Bear….. Well, I don't know how to start this but well, I love you Lou. I know you've heard it many times from me already but I love you, I love you, I love you and I will never stop. But this is the first time you'd ever hear me say this, I'm in love with you Louis William Tomlinson and I am really sorry that I fell for you. You're just so amazing and all. I wouldn't be able to live a life without you so I might as well end it already. I wish that you'd be happy with Eleanor and have little tommos all over your house, running and playing," Harry's voice started to crack because he was now crying so he stopped the recording of the video first before he continued.

"I wish that the two of you will have a long and prosperous married life. And don't blame yourself for this, 'kay? I never had the courage to tell you all of this in person but even if I did, would it be different? Would you maybe tell me that you love me too and that you have been waiting for me all along?

Guess not. I know that you love her and I'm happy for you. I can't be selfish Boo even if I wanted to be. I wanted to locked you up in my room and make you mine forever but I could never do that because it won't make you happy. It's sad to see that you're happiness is with her but at the same I'm really happy that you've found someone you love and they return the feelings.

So before I end this video, I want you to hear me sing this song because that's what I'm feeling right now and I can't take it anymore. I love you Louis, always has and always will."

Harry started to play the chords to the song. He loved the song and how it describes his feeling right at this moment.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while he got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

His best days will be some of my worst
He finally met a girl that's gonna put him first
While I'm wide awake he's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause he's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

You got her heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while he got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break
No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no

The song ended and Harry started to speak again, "So I guess this is the end eh, just don't miss me too much okay?" He let out a small laugh before saying just kidding. "This is the hardest part but goodbye."

Satisfied with what he has recorded, Harry burned it to a CD and wrote to my family and the boys only. He kept it on the top of Louis' side table beside the broken picture frame with a picture of him and Louis. He tried his best to fix it but once cracked, it couldn't be the same again. He took out the sleeping pills from the cabinet and a glass of water as well.

Before he take the pills, he decided to tweet something first.

"Harry_Styles: I just want to thank all of our fans for being so supportive and everything. I love all of you guys, never forget that. You people would always have a place in my heart.x"

He wasn't sure if he should text him or not but the best part of him told him to so he quickly typed a short message.

"I'm sorry Boo. Love you. –Haz."

He turned off his phone and put it inside the drawer. He readied himself for the inevitable. A part of his mind was asking him if he was sure to do this and he yes, he was. He took 20 of the pills, 5 at a time and drank the glass of water as well before going into a deep slumber where he knew that he would never wake up.

As the darkness consumed him, he remembered everything from the first time he met Louis at the loo to the part where they were formed as a group, them making the video diaries, Louis saying that he would marry Harry, them ending up as third place, when Simon signed them, recording their first single and music video, having their first tour, the time when him and Louis accidentally kissed, and just everything until their meeting which ended up being a fight. But the last thing he saw was the beautiful face of Louis saying I Love You to him.