A random story I came up with about a month ago. Doctor Who/Sherlock/Torchwood crossover. The Doctor pays a visit to the Holmes brothers and takes a keen interest in their love lives. Will feature characters from Sherlock, Doctor Who, and Torchwood. See warnings inside.

Author's Note:

Main Pairings: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Mycroft Holmes/Gregory Lestrade, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones

Side Pairings: The Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Anthea/Sally Donovan, DI Dimmock/Molly Hooper, past Mycroft Holmes/Jack Harkness

Warnings: Possibly m/m slash, swearing, and other stuff. Currently very PG-rated.

Disclaimers: Sherlock belongs to the BBC, Mark Gatiss, and Steven Moffat. The original characters belong to Arthur Conan Doyle. Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. Torchwood belongs to the BBC and Russel T. Davies. I own nothing but the plot and make no money from this story.

Chapter One: There's A Police Box In The Kitchen

John didn't quite understand what he was looking at... well, he could see that it was a police box; one of those really old ones, made of wood, blue, with a lamp-type light sitting atop it. So yeah, he got that.

What he failed to understand was just why an old-fashioned blue police box with a lamp-type light sitting atop it was in his bloody kitchen.

John had got used to coming home and seeing weird stuff; rotting flesh on the kitchen table; severed heads/fingers/limbs in the freezer or fridge; maggots frozen into giant wibbly-wobbly green jelly; and even Sherlock naked once, lying on the couch, and touching himself.

All of that John could handle, because they were just some of the many byproducts of living with one Mr Sherlock Holmes.

But a police box... a police box... why? John just... he didn't... WHY WAS THERE A BLOODY POLICE BOX SITTING IN THE KITCHEN OF 221B?!

'An aquaintance of mine left it here.'

John turned to see Sherlock- dressed in a purple shirt, dark blue trousers, and his favourite dressing gown- leaning against the doorframe, watching John watching the police box.

'Erm... what?' John said.

Sherlock sighed. 'An aquaintance of mine left it here,' he repeated.

'An aquaintance...'

Sherlock nodded.

'Left it here...'

Sherlock nodded again.

'Left a police box in our kitchen?'

... Sherlock nodded.

John groaned and rubbed his eyes. Was he missing something? Had he accidently drank one of Sherlock's experiments?

'What... why?' John asked.

'He's not very good at parking,' Sherlock said dismissively. 'Don't worry, it won't be here for long.'

'He's not good at... what?' John followed Sherlock into the sitting room, the younger man flopping onto the couch.

'He just went out for a minute to see Mycroft; they'll both be back soon enough,' Sherlock said.

'He... Mycroft...' John didn't think he was coming off as very smart- another byproduct of living with Sherlock- and tried his hardest to put together a complete sentence. 'So, let me get this right,' John said, Sherlock glancing at him. 'You have a mate- sorry, aquaintance- who... parked a blue police box in our kitchen because he's not very good at parking, and he just stepped out for a minute to see Mycroft, and they're both coming here... do I have the right?'

'Yes,' Sherlock nodded.

'Right... right... what?'

A smirk pulled at Sherlock's lips and he stretched, long, lithe body covering the entire sofa. Sherlock linked his fingers behind his head and said, 'Don't worry, John. We'll explain everything when he gets back.'

John rubbed his eyes and sighed, finally giving in. Fine; fine. If Sherlock had some bloody weirdo mate who liked carting around police boxes, fine. John would just go to the pub, maybe give Greg a call.

'Right, okay,' John said, pulling his coat off. 'This bloke, what's his name, then?'

John fell to sit in his armchair as Sherlock grinned widely, bright blue eye's on the ceiling.


'The Doctor,' Sherlock said, John raising an eyebrow. 'He's called the Doctor.'

Author's Note: So yeah, this is something random I came up with about a month ago. I posted it on Tumblr, and today I wrote another chapter, so I figured I'd put it on AO3 and this website so... here it is! Random Wholock!