Fear

By: Carol Molliniere

A/N: Because I think that even Jesus had to have a nightmare in some point of his life. This is set somewhere in the Holy Week, before Maundy Thursday.

And I already know I suck at getting into the mind of the Son of God, so there's no need to flame me about it.

(And you guys are gonna kill me for not updating sooner.)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Bible. If I did, then I would have better things to do than writing fanfiction.


Blood. The first thing I saw was my blood.

Crack! Crack!

And then I heard myself scream. I heard people cry. I heard people jeer.

And then I felt pain.

Pain everywhere; rocks scraping my bare feet, my back feeling the flail, my head pricked with thorns…

More pain.

Blood flew everywhere.

No.

No.

"NO!"

I forced my eyes open.

No blood. No nails. No thorns, no cross. Just silence, my panting, and the crackling of the fire.

My heart was beating so fast, so hard, like the hammers on the nails. Sweat ran down my brow. It wasn't just a dream, I knew that for sure.

It was coming, and I knew it.

I glanced around me. All of my disciples were there, around the fire, still sleeping. Peacefully.

The peace would be shattered so soon.

"Strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered…" I muttered to myself. Yes, there they were, in my dream: fleeing, not to me, but from me, lost.

I looked to the two people beside me: John and Mary Magdalene. I saw their tear-streaked faces below my cross, and I remembered, with another flash of pain, my mother standing there, next to John. Mother cried the hardest of them all.

I turned to look at Simon-bar-Jonah. Peter. He was there also, he was yelling he didn't know me three times, and we both exchanged glances, and he knew what he had done.

I grabbed my hands and tried to stop them from shaking; the time for that dream to come true was so soon.

And then I turned to look at another of my disciples.

Judas Iscariot.

I remember all too well what part he played in my dream, he betrayed me – I can still feel his lips on my cheek – and then his smile disappeared in a flash, and like Peter, he was filled with remorse—

"I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood!"

I suddenly feel dizzy. My head aches. I bring my hand to my forehead. I feel sweat.

Blood.

"Father…" I pray, lying down again.

"Father, I'm so scared…"

And I close my eyes again.


A/N: About Zech 13: 7, I used the actual verse from the Book of Zechariah rather than the one Jesus quotes in Matthew 26: 31 (New International Version). I thought it was better that way.

To tell you the truth, this fanfiction started out as a random plot bunny from the fanfiction store in my head (the fanfiction store is also where people get their "perfect" Mary Sues). I was just sitting in school in Science class, and then this voice is like, "WRITE! WRITE!" So I did. And the result – this fanfiction – scared me at first. I thought I could never write fanfiction again.

But I'm posting it now, so…review, please?