"Take a good look at me now,
do you still recognize me?
Am I so different inside?
This world is trying to change me."
A passerby on the street would see me as a regular blue haired teenage boy. As I stare into the locker room mirror I realize I haven't changed much on the outside, or on the inside. I'm still distant and I'm afraid of what's inside of me. I don't want to change but I can't go on like this anymore.
I want to erase the monster I've become. My dad sees that monster as the key to ending my curse. The Hikari curse. He doesn't care if I am destroyed in the process; he only strives for Dark's demise. The Chief Superintendant is indifferent about me; I mean sure he isn't my real father. But I'm still human, I still need affection.
Anyway, I only hope I can be forgiven for the damage my ancestors caused, and I would like someone to say it's not over. I'm begging for mercy because I'm only the monster my "dad" made me.
"I'm better alone now,
See I'm torn from my mistakes,
And I stopped believing that I,
Could ever make things change."
I've always felt alone in my thoughts. In my struggle to make things change. But Daisuke talks to me every now and again. Every time he sees me he sees a friend. He's wrong; I'm his enemy... aren't I? He should hate me, especially when I hurt Dark when I was Krad, and countless pursuits of the thief as Commander. He doesn't. He's so forgiving and I think that's why I care for him so much. My only true friend that knew the risks.
How much of his generosity can I take when I know it hurts him? How long can I wait when I can't go on like this anymore? Someone erase this monster I've become, I'm begging you please. I'm so weak beacuse of this.
"Because who I am isn't who I used to be,
I'm not invincible,
I'm not indestructible.
I'm only human can't you see
The beauty in me?"
My thoughts drift to Risa Hararda and I wonder if she's ever taken a good look at me. If she has seen my change. Girls always look at me and think I'm gorgeous, but would they think that way if they knew about the monster inside of me?
Back to Risa, the girl I asked to give me lessons on being feminine. Would she forgive me if she knew all the horrible plans I have to try and capture Dark? Would I have to beg and explain about Krad?
"Satoshi, you aren't like this. The real you wouldn't be bothered by these thoughts." the angel's voice from far away. Through the pain in my chest I can see Krad the demon spawn.
"I've changed and I'm not going to succumb to you!" I said through gritted teeth.
I watch as he falls back asleep, but I feel his presence in me just the same. The monster I become when I experience deep emotions. My ancestors created this monster and I'm forced to be his host. I was made to become this monster and I hate it. I miss Rio even though I barely knew my mother; I feel bad she had me and passed on Krad, but that is why it ends at me. I don't want to put anyone else through this.
"Satoshi, are you coming? We're about to start our exercises." I heard Diasuke call through the open door.
"Coming," he held to door open for me and we walked to the gym. Obviously he forgot I can only supervise, but at least he didn't forget about me. Or his head.
I ought to be working on my other fics but this idea wouldn't leave me alone because this song is amazing and fits Satoshi so well, to me anyway. Review please, it would mean the world to me.