I'm so sorry bout it being so long! Hope you all enjoy this next chapter.
Ok, so I've decided to create a supremely one-sided relationship between an oblivious, misunderstanding Anko and a special guest a time yet to come, Killer B!
The guy crushing on our new favorite sensei will be none other than that senbon-chewing loser, Genma Shiranui. His attempts at getting around Team 7 will be seen by Anko and Sakura as bullying Naruto. Sasuke will see it for what it really is and actively try to sabotage Genma's attempts, leading to the unfortunate jounin's ass getting kicked by several people, sometimes at once.
Also, we'll soon see the appearance of Jiraiya and Orochimaru in the next chapter or so. But for now, let's just get through the Preliminaries, ok?
Squad 7 and their Accidental Instructor
As he laughed madly at the ambush the cadets were walking into, one thought echoed through everyone's mind…
Chapter 11 – Madness? This…is…KONOHA!
"…this is boring…"
Anko sighed again as Sasuke, for the eighteenth time, stated 'this is boring'. She agreed that it was indeed, boring. Smashing through windows and freaking out the lil' genin were great fun and best part of the Chunin Exams. But the waiting was murder…
Idly, Anko checked up on her students/squadmates. Sasuke was squatting atop the proctors' box, staring near-unblinkingly into the dense foliage. She could see him sparking fire and lightning in his hands as elemental chakra exercise. Down below the branch she rested on was Naruto. He sat in a ring of clones, running through some plans/formations/whatevers. Anko didn't quite understand why he was planning with his clones in the first place. The clones would know the plan the moment they were created. Then she heard what he/they were saying…
"I'm telling you, Anko-sensei's boobs are way bigger than that other lady, um…Kurenai's boobs!"
"No, Anko-sensei' boobs are smaller. They're just way perkier!"
"Why does this matter at all? We get to mess with Anko-sensei's boobs whenever we do really good in training or on missions…"
"Because boobs are great and Anko-sensei's boobs gotta be worshipped the right way!"
"…I like Anko-sensei's butt…"
The argument degenerated from there to expounding on Anko's various traits and how glorious each one was. A bit flattered, Anko arched her back and was pleased to hear the gasps and sound of mass dispelling of his clones. 'Heh, still got it…'
Off to Anko's right was Pinky (Sakura). She was reading through another incredibly complex book, several inches thick. Anko could just make out the title…
'Advanced Medical Techniques in Direct Combat – Castrating an Enemy without Them Noticing, Version 3.4 written by Tsunade Senju, edited for explicit content by Shizune.'
Anko twitched. She could see that both boys were pointedly ignoring the title, trying in vain to get over the fact that their pink haired comrade was learning such a technique. She hopped off the branch, giving Naruto an unintentional eyeful. "Alright, fall in and listen to what Auntie Anko has to say!" And fall in they did, each sitting right before her…and somehow each had a notepad, pen and a pair of glasses as they awaited her orders/wisdom/rant…
"…ok, so this is boring as fuck and no way in hell am I gonna wait here for five days. So we got three options!"
Anko paced before them, stating those options…
"Number one, we head right through the forest and camp out in the tower until the exams are done.
Number two, we head back into the village and pig out and screw around til it's time for the prelims.
And number three!"
Anko glanced down and saw that Sakura had written down everything she had said in verbatim. Sasuke had done the same, but rather abbreviated. Naruto…he had drawn a full blown sequence of scenes straight out of a manga, each scene depicting her speech and every one of their characters were nearly perfect likenesses of themselves. Granted there were some exaggerations like Sakura going up a cup size and her warhammer was different. Sasuke's character had longer, less duck-like hair and Naruto's had armor in addition to his regular outfit. Anko dutifully ignored her character's exaggerations. Her character had two sheathed katana, a bandolier of kunai, bigger breasts and the severed head of Orochimaru clutched in her right hand…
Anko saw nothing wrong with her character at all.
"Training! So what'll it be, minions?"
The three barely batted an eyelash, instantly spouting, "Training!"
With that, the four moved to the next area over, Training Ground 43…multiple explosions and chakra flares would be seen/sensed for several hours later.
The much venerated Sandaime rested in his chair, rubbing his tired eyes. He had FINALLY finished the morning's paperwork and was taking a much deserved break. While somewhat disappointed he hadn't been able to observe Naruto's (and be default, his team's) progress, he had heard the mutterings of the various leaf nin coming and going from the Tower.
His hand stilled from applying another signature when he heard one of the administrative chunin conversing with that evil woman known as his secretary…
"The Uchiha's team's pretty amazing. Their performance in the first-…"
"…Uzumaki's especially really come along…"
"…never would have thought…"
"…-ably gonna be seeing him wearing the Hokage's Hat in no time at the rate he's going."
Hiruzen's hand practically danced across each new sheet, his face sporting a small yet, proud smile. 'Oh Minato, if you could only hear this yourself. You'd be so proud of your son. Kakashi's truly stepped up and taken Naruto under his wing. So much progress in so little time…"
Sarutobi couldn't wait to see Naruto at the end of the Second Exam, and most likely the Third Exam out in the Arena. There was little doubt in his mind that Naruto (and the rest of Squad 7) were ready to be Chunin.
Oh Hiruzen you poor oblivious fool…
So Team Seven eventually arrived at Anko's favorite dango stand, eating to their hearts' content on the succulent treats. Well, Anko and Sakura ate the dango treats. Naruto was eating ramen and staring dreamily at Anko's bounty. Sasuke, hater of all things sweet, was munching on some deep fried tomato slices. So they were enjoying themselves in their own ways.
The area was nice and quiet; the sunlight pleasant with warmth…
Back in the Forest of Death – Kakashi's Brood
"Emi-chan, I think we're lost…"
Little Maru-kun clung to his most bestest friend as they wandered through the scary forest. He thought being a ninja was really fun and Bakashi-sensei taught them all sorts of cool things. But right now, being in this forest wasn't fun at all…
"Don't be such a fraidy-cat Maru-kun! I knows the way to the tower. My onii-chan told me all about it from the last ones. So I knows the right way and we'll all get there and there'll be ice cream and pudding and…"
Maru-kun listened intently…or as intently as a six-year old could listen. Behind him were the rest of his classmates. Some of the others were real scared but the more adventurous kids kept their spirits up. Not to mention all the stuff they poked with their special ninja kunai that Bakashi-sensei gave them. The way the blood spurted from the tigers and bugs and bears would have been scary if not for the 'dicentilisaying' training Himura-sensei had them all do before. Now all the gushing red syrup was really cool.
Maru-kun drew strength from Emi-chan's rambling. Then he heard someone being tickled. Or maybe it was screams of agonizing pain. He got them mixed up a lot since Himura-sensei did his special dicentilisaying jutsu. Then again, he got a lot f things mixed up since then, just like all his classmates.
"Maru-kun, a tickle party! Let's go!"
And he was dragged off to the sound, leaving all their friends on their own. Crashing through the bushes (and trampling over some unfortunate Rain-nin), the horde came upon a strange scene. A red-haired Sand ninja's team was all alone in the middle of a clearing. Said clearing was covered in red syrup and ground beef… They heard the tall blonde and cat-guy tell the redhead with the gourd say,
"G-gaara…they're just kids…we should head to the tower, ok?"
"Come on Gaara, just listen to us for once. Even these kids won't be all that good for your existence, right?"
The redhead kinda sounded funny and all they heard was some of his answer.
The funny cat-ninja guy started shaking and then…
"Hey! Where's the tickle party?! I wanted to play too!"
Emi started whining about not finding the 'party' and sulked. The blonde girl kinda went all white and slowly walked over to them.
"H-hey kids, you all should run…just run as fast as you can right now…"
Maru-kun thought she looked kinda sick and pulled out one of his cookies. One of the regular store cookies, not his mama's special cookies. Mama's cookies were nice and gooey and warm and made his head go funny. Then he would wake up and find his papa all beat up. He asked what happened to papa but all he and mama said that Maru played too rough with papa. He tried promising to be more careful but papa said sometimes you had to play rough to have fun and mama would give him some milk and more cookies.
He held out the cookie to the girl.
"Hey, you look all sick and stuff. Here's a cookie! Mama gives me cookies when I feel sick and then I feel all better. Oh, I'm Hidokimaru but everyone calls me Maru-kun. What's your name, nee-chan?"
The girl tried smiling as she gingerly took the cookie. Maru noticed the redhead walk closer with the cat-guy following at a small distance.
"I, I'm Temari, Maru-kun. Thank you for the cookie but you all should really run along…run as fast as you can, ok?"
She smiled at him the same way Himura-sensei would smile when Maru or Emi or even Taro managed to get the training dummy in the head with a kunai. Maru shook his head and took out two more cookies.
"No, I gots to give your friends some too. My mama taught me to be polite."
Maru nodded once and marched over to the two boys with some more cookies. He held out the cookies to the redhead (Temari looked ready to grab Maru as he closed in on Gaara).
"Here ya go, Aka-san! A cookie for you! Not one of mama's cookies but still good."
Emi skipped over to Maru and smiled at the confused Aka-san.
"Take the cookie Aka-san. They're real good because Ko-ji-san baked them and he always makes good cookies and cakes and cupcakes and meatbuns and…"
'Aka-san' ignored the loud thing and focused on the nexus of deliciousness held in the smiling thing's hand. Slowly, Gaara reached forward and snagged the cookie. A moment later, he popped it into his mouth and allowed the poison time to set in. He'd humor the things then kill them the same way he killed all those other poisoners. Kankuro and Temari slowly reached for their weapons. Ninja they may be, but even they wouldn't stand by and let Gaara kill two six-year olds!
A tense silence passed.
"…want another one?"
Gaara quirked an eyebrow as the expected poison still did not activate. Thinking it to be a two-part poison, he munched on the next cookie…and still no poison. Just ooey-gooey deliciousness that settled his nerves and made him go 'nom-nom-nom' mentally. He nodded in thanks. The thing smiled and started munching on the cookies with the loud one. Glancing at Temari and Kankuro, he shook his head. The two looked dumbfounded for a moment before relaxing (as much as a ninja can relax).
"Temari…Kankuro…when the next test is over…you will buy me more cookies…"
They nodded, silently and telepathically agreeing to buy as many cookies as they could…