Anything in italics is a flashback. It's the past. Anything not describing current events. Italics and bold text is a flashback within a flashback. Bold is dates, pay real close attention to them because not every event is in order.

Also, this is set somewhere in 2x08 – before Kurt was going to transfer to Dalton but after Burt found out that Karofsky was bullying Kurt. c: at least the 'current time' is. The past is all.. the past. It's AU to some parts of 2x08 and future events that way. ^_^

Inspired by "My Child" by Disturbed.

Warnings: death of Kurt's mommy (which is canon), language, major Kurt hurts, rape, mentions of suicide (minor character suicide), suicide attempt


Title: My Child
Rated: +13 – language
Summary: Burt Hummel never counted on getting his girlfriend, Elizabeth Borden, pregnant, but karma hits him hard when the priest thinks that Elizabeth will birth a demon child. "You have sinned," the priest murmured, "you will not suffer. Your child will, just you wait and see and it will be your fault." A buttload of Kurt hurt. A Kurt and Burt piece. Not AU, just read it.
Genre: Mystery/Angst


november twenty-five [2012]

Burt looked back to see his seventeen-year-old son sprawled out in the back. Kurt was just lying down in the back of the car when Burt looked back. "Are you sleeping, kiddo?"

Kurt slowly nodded his head as he took a deep breath. "I suppose," his eyes were still shut tight as he said. He sounded dull, and sad. "Though I'm not one to, considering I do preach Finn constantly about how bad it is to sleep in the back of a car, as well as the effects it will have on his sleeping schedule."

"Just checking," Burt said, looking back towards the road.

By the time that Burt had reached their destination, Kurt was fast asleep. Burt had pulled Kurt into his arms as Burt laid a hand on Kurt's cheek. They were in a usual hiking spot instead of home. He hoped that Kurt won't wake up as he recklessly moved towards the mountainous region. He stared at the rocky region. Burt bit down his lower lip as he pushed Kurt head-first into the rockiness.

Kurt's eyes snapped open at the impact of the rock against his head as he looked back up at Burt with hurt, confused eyes and recognition at the one who was putting him in pain.

Kurt said nothing and neither did Burt as Burt continued to push Kurt head-first into the rocks until Kurt had fallen down, unconscious with blood pooling out of his head.


september nineteen [1990]

"Hey," Hiram Berry moved towards the male standing there with a bottle of beer. Quickly, the male – Burt's – eyes met with Hiram's as Hiram slowly approached Burt, whom was taking the fifth gulp of the shitless huge thing, and Hiram was nine hundred percent sure Burt Hummel didn't need any more of that liquid.

"What the hell do you want?" Burt murmured against the strain of the information he had to digest.

"Well, if you're going to be like that," Hiram began, rolling his eyes, "then I won't even give you any help."

"Fine, faggot," Hiram had crossed his arms at Burt's insult, which didn't even phase through him.

"Really?" Hiram finally said. "Lizzie's preggo and you're going to choose the moment to mock my sexuality. Who the fuck do you think you are? You know, we got Shelby to have our turkey baster baby and you're just sitting here being mopey and having all of that alcohol. You're not old or anything, but you're not young either. You can handle a bay—"

Burt cut him off. "Just don't say it, alright? Think I might just throw up," he clutched a hand on his stomach as if to emphasise the point, fixing the denim jacket he was wearing and re-adjusting the baseball cap he was wearing around his brown hair before taking a swig of beer to forget.

"Baby, Burt," Hiram finally said despite Burt's statement.

Burt looked suddenly paler as Hiram prodded him with the word. "Baby, baby, baby, baby," and that was when Burt turned towards the balcony window's trashcan and puked.

"I wasn't joking," Burt said, smelling the disgusting stench of the vomit as he stood up, when Hiram whisked away the beer from him.

"Oh and this had nothing to do with it?" he pointed towards the beer with a nose scrunch, reminding him how much of an abomination the alcohol was and how he truly didn't need it.

"Just," Burt began, as he bit down his lower lip. "Jesus Christ, how the fuck am I supposed to take care of a fucking baby? What if it starts crying and pissing and I let it die in his cot or something?"

"First of all," Hiram began, "it's a baby. It will start to cry and as you put it, 'piss' though I would use excrete. Also, you are not a murder. You won't let your own kid die in a cot or something, and if you did, Lizzie would've killed you. Lizzie goes insane when you put extra chocolate-chips when you two are making pancakes for breakfast, remember? I don't think she's gonna let you hurt a baby."

Burt looked back. "I'm gonna fuck it up." He murmured. "I need some sort of…I don't know, someone to tell me what the hell am I supposed to do. My Dad, he's never been in my life. I have no idea what a Dad is supposed to do, and none of this emotional shit. My Mother was a sociopath. Fucking hell, I'm amazed I even have any emotions in me for fuck's sake."

Hiram finally shrugged. "Well, I—"

"Shut the fuck up, Hiram. Just don't talk to me. Go back to your boyfriend and give each other AIDS or some shit."

Hiram rolled his eyes. "Fine." He muttered, as he turned around, and just before he left, he pointed towards a building just right beside a centre that Burt managed to find, since it was so white that it stood out. "Church. Since gays are such an abomination, there you go. There's your route. Go confess your sins or whatever, and I'm half-certain you're Christian and then the other half of me thinks the only thing you believe in is major league baseball and a horrible taste in music."

Just as Hiram was about to leave, he heard Burt say, "You still suck for taking away my beer. I was drinking that shit."

Hiram took a deep breath, not even looking back as he said, "well, Elizabeth needs you and I'm doing this for her, not for you. After all, you used to bash my head in. How am I supposed to feel about that? Helping you is completely not in my list, but I would do anything for that girl. To be honest, you don't even deserve her."

Burt stepped back slightly from the balcony edge, "yeah, I know."

Hiram looked back for a moment. "You made my life Hell, you know?"

Burt just shrugged. "Whatever," he looked back at him. "Just fucking leave. This isn't really the time to point out all my flaws."

"Oh, if I wanted to point out your flaws, we'd be standing here forever—"

"Just leave, you stupid fucking bitch!" Burt overreacted, placing his hands into his pockets, feeling like he was completely out of hope. He didn't even apologise to Hiram as he left. Burt looked back at the balcony, and then saw an angel in snow move towards him. She wore a white dress with a white band, eyes softly glistening a lovely green as her blonde curls bounced in the air.

"Burt," Elizabeth murmured as she moved towards him. "That wasn't quite nice."

"He was getting annoying," Burt shut his eyes as he leaned against the balcony, his chin tucked between his hands as his blue eyes gazed into the open world. It seemed so far away, like a distant image to things he can't really put a name to.

"Are you taking your medicine?"

"No," Burt honestly replied, and he really didn't care. "What's gonna happen to me if I don't?"

She shrugged and moved in close with him, tucking her chin between her hands and gazing out in the open as well, "what are you looking for?"

"Know when I'll find it I guess," he murmured as he sighed, standing up straight and stretching his sore back. "I just am really fucking tired of everything. I love you—"

"That's a lie," Elizabeth cut him off, as they both stared at each other.

"Well, I want to," Burt added on as if it would make a difference.

"I don't…I really don't care," Elizabeth was honestly shocked at the amount of truth in her voice, "but this baby – you have to love. Unconditionally."

Burt snorted. "Yup. Unconditional love for a thing that I'll just end up fighting with—"

"—he is not a thing," Elizabeth rubbed her protruding stomach as if to say otherwise. "He's a boy. Just like you. And he will be perfect. He is perfect already."

"Well, if he has my genes, he's fucked," she took Burt's head in her hands, staring at his eyes.

"Well, if you're both fucked, then you can both love each other," she added on, kissing his nose. He snorted and looked back at the white church when he asked, "Are you gonna do something about it?"

"Dunno," eyes still fixed at the building. "Maybe."

She just shrugged, taking his box out of his bag and shoving it into his hands. "Take your pills, okay?"

Burt rolled his eyes, taking the dosage, "Fine. Whatever floats your boat."


february twentieth [1990]

The cold red slushie was falling from the boy's cheeks. Hiram Berry was holding Leroy Berry into his hands, whom was slouching over and covering his sticky face. Their faces were in matching shades of red, as sugary stickiness slid into their mouths when they were being slushied. Their faces numb as Hiram found the tissues, wiping each other's faces off before they went to their lockers.

Hiram coldly glared at Burt just as they moved. The boy hid behind his letterman jacket as he smirked at Hiram. Leroy gave him another hard look before he broke away with his lover, as their hands found each other. Elizabeth stood there, shaking her head at Burt and then shutting the locker when she picked up a few books.

"Here let me hold 'em for ya, babe," Burt smoothly mumbled, taking the stacks of books from her hands, and she didn't even acknowledge the gesture.

"Apologise to Hiram."

"For what?" Burt's voice was full of agitation. "I was just restoring the food chain. This was pretty much needed. The stupid little thing was staring at my ass or something. What if he raped me or—"

"Burt," she cut him off, looking up at him. "When you do bad things, they will always go against you. Promise you'll be a little less homophobic of my friend."

"I'm not homophobic but it just ain't right for you to be making out with anyone like that in any room," Burt shrugged, and Elizabeth snorted.

"You, not homophobic? Dear God, Burt," Elizabeth looked away from the boy's eyes. "That is probably the most inaccurate thing you've ever told me."

Burt wanted to retaliate to that but the blonde had given him a very quick chase kiss before leaving for Geometry. By then, Hiram had passed by him, looking at him once before straightening his jacket and then saying, "Burtie, it's alright. I know you have troubles with coming to the fact that you're also just a bit different than other people…uh…it's called 'trying too hard to fit in'."

Burt fixed his jacket almost as if he was suddenly self-conscious about his appearance.

"Lay off the doughnuts," Leroy murmured as they walked past him. "One day, you're gonna have a heart attack or go into shock or something and it won't be prettyyyyy," he said the last word with a sing-song voice.


september twenty-second [1990]

He always forgot to take his pills. It just didn't occur to him he had any problem. Burt's hands were shoved into his pocket as he moved towards the church.

The church was vast, all golden-lined and white, as white as snow.

Burt found the priest, as he walked towards him, not quite knowing how this would work. The entire church was so empty that it kinda gave away at Burt's heart.

The priest looked up from whatever he was reading.

"Hey," Burt decided to start, not knowing if this was appropriate for a church, but still continued to walk towards the priest, pausing when he thought he was close enough without getting in the dude's personal space. "Uh, I came here because I'm…"

"Lost?" the priest raised an eyebrow.

"Sure, lost is good," Burt nodded his head, tasting the word on his tongue. "Actually, lost is perfectly what I am."

The priest was staring at Burt intently as Burt continued. "I'm having a kid to be honest and I have all these doubts and…" Burt stopped himself before he cursed in the church, and took a deep breath. "I'm just…"

"Lost," the priest repeated, as he looked down for a moment before meeting Burt's eyes.

Burt just shrugged. "Aren't you supposed to tell what's going to happen or give me some advice? Do you need to know more about the situation—?"

"Oh no," the priest stared at him. "Of course, we know about the notoriously famous Burt Hummel."

Burt flushed. He didn't even know the priest knew his name.

"You have sinned," the priest said, eyes intent and devoid of any mercy as he said the words. "You will not suffer."

"That's good—?" Burt said in confusion but the priest had cut him off.

"Your child will," the priest's eyes were cold with contempt now. "Just you wait and see and it will be your fault. After all, it's not every eon that your wife births a demon child."

"Demon child? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Burt snapped back coldly, as his eyes went hard with darkness.

"Just you wait and see and you'll understand. He is not of this world." The priest turned and left, with a certain lingering gaze on Burt's face just before he left.

"Well, fu-"Burt stopped himself again, and turned to leave. He took a deep breath. "Well, Beth, I tried."

He'd sinned so the only logical thing in Burt's mind was to find out what just in case. The baby wasn't legitimate, so it was probably that bit.. Burt can just propose to Elizabeth and it will be okay and this church can get up and help him or something because he had nothing else to turn to. He had nobody else to help him. This spirituality shit was actually his only option…

"Know when I'll find it I guess," he murmured as he sighed, standing up straight and stretching his sore back. "I just am really fucking tired of everything. I love you—"

"That's a lie," Elizabeth cut him off, as they both stared at each other.

"Well, I want to," Burt added on as if it would make a difference…

He didn't look back either way as Burt Hummel bought the ring.


november two [1990]

As Burt trudged back towards the church, he didn't realise that in this particular visit would be his second and last. He had walked inside and the holy house of God was just as empty as always. He had found himself standing in front of the exact same priest. It almost felt like the exact same position as well, when Burt had said, "well, I'm marrying her. Now so help me."

The priest stared back at Burt. "Well, you've done nothing to your sins. You have the sin of judgment despite the fact that judging others is an act of God of course. You give his order when you don't even know his order."

"What?" Burt raised an eyebrow, not quite getting what the priest was saying.

The priest didn't seem to care nor understand that Burt didn't quite understand what his sins were. "Your ideas are right, but God still tells us not to judge others."

Burt raised an eyebrow. If his ideas were right—oh, screw this. Burt turned around.

"I'll just go birth my demon kid," Burt scornfully responded.

A few days later, he was watching as Elizabeth groaned and moaned in hormonal rage. Her only moral support, Hiram, was apparently sick or something. Burt didn't quite understand that either.

Elizabeth had laid a hand on her stomach in content as he slid his hand across her shoulder. After a while, she'd say what kind of 'sick' Hiram was.

"Hiram got raped," Elizabeth murmured softly.

"I know." Burt said in response.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

"I was there," Burt muttered. "And I couldn't do anything. I know who did it and—"

Elizabeth had jumped up in response, face full of shock as Burt had watched her stand up and pull up her pants. Elizabeth had looked back at him with hard eyes that were suddenly filling with tears. "I. Hate. You," she muttered. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

"You can't leave me. It's our baby—"

"—which you don't even want!" Elizabeth blurted out, taking out the ring that he'd given her and sailing it across the room. "You don't want anything. All you want to do is drink and die in your pit of misery. You…are just like your parents because how could you watch him get raped—"

"I got fucking scared." Burt suddenly cut her off. "I couldn't do anything. Felt like if I did, they'd hit me too. It was me against fucking six of them! What could I have done?"

"Something," Elizabeth coldly sneered. "Something. You could've done something."

"This ain't no storybook. In reality, you get scared. You get paralysed. You get fucking numb and you don't know what to do. It's not really something they teach you. What if your Dad never existed and you're having a baby? What if your Mother's a sociopath that shot herself? What if you were raised up by your bipolar sister? How the hell do you expect me to turn out right? I wasn't taught to fight back or any of that shit. I wanted to do something, but how would getting us both hurt do anything, huh, Beth? Huh?"

Elizabeth didn't look back as she threw her clothing in one of Burt's trolleys.

Burt grabbed her by her wrist. "Beth, please, please just—"

"Don't you ever touch me again," Elizabeth whispered.

"It's my baby too and—"

"Don't use this child as an excuse to keep me miserable in this 'romance' you kept for yourself! Just…just go drink or something and die drinking. I am done feeling sorry for you," Elizabeth said the last part strongly and then added on, "I think you should be done feeling sorry for yourself and your 'horrific' childhood and start to feel sorry for other people. Yeah?"

Burt watched, unable to do anything again, paralysed with shock, as Elizabeth had left. The last thing he'd seen in her for a long time was her hair as she turned away, shutting the door behind her.

"Come on, Goldie locks, come back," Burt weakly whispered, but she didn't. He thought of pouring himself a drink but decided against it, throwing himself on the bed as he held his head in his hands. For the first time in a long time, he let the pain sink in with no sweet medicine to dull it. The sharp pain was constant, and lingered in his mind even as he slept. He lost track of hours of sleep and hours in days by that point.

He wrote to Beth every day. She never responded.


january thirty [1990]

Burt decided to go find Hiram. He found him in a pool of his blood. Hiram was dead It would always haunt Burt Hummel. Every word he'd told him suddenly condensing into a ball in his mouth as he stared down to find him sitting there. That was when the lies would start. Leroy found another boy. His name was also Hiram, and he was a lot happier than the Hiram Burt knew. Burt hadn't seen Beth again either. He wouldn't. Not until…

may twenty-seventh [1991]

Burt watched as Elizabeth gave birth. She was in too much pain to tell him to go away. He didn't look away. The priest's words still in his mouth. Kurt was the most average baby ever, light and even a little pretty.

"Don't hold him," Elizabeth just told him. "Ever."

Burt thought that was harsh but he silently nodded his head. New Hiram said something about it being a cute baby as him and Leroy cooed over Kurt.

Burt nodded his head. "Okay," he said in a soft voice. Elizabeth held the baby boy.

"This is the last time you'll ever see him you realise," Elizabeth said, as Burt looked at the boy. Real boy, with his pulsing red skin and sensitive eyes. His hands were so fucking tiny. He was just so fucking tiny. Kind of a miracle that that managed to form into Elizabeth in only nine months. It seemed like forever when she was pregnant.

"I don't want you in my life ever again. Don't do anything. Like you're so good at," Elizabeth finally stated. "If you see me in a distance, with anyone, doing anything, just don't do anything."

The Doctor seemed obsessed with Elizabeth. Burt wouldn't understand that either until he found the Doctor Jacob and Elizabeth kissing near the rocky mountains. In the future, he would hit Kurt against the same mountain until he bled a shade of unconsciousness.

Jacob was hitting her. He could do nothing.

"I don't want you in my life ever again. Don't do anything. Like you're so good at," Elizabeth finally stated. "If you see me in a distance, with anyone, doing anything, just don't do anything."

He watched as Jacob hit her against the rocks. She had amnesia. She didn't remember the most recent of events though. Like the birth of the baby, or what she told him. Burt still wouldn't see her, or look at her. She told him not to.

Kurt was three years old when Burt realised the horror that was Kurt – 'the demon child' that the priest was talking about. His heart was pummeling faster and he realised what the sins were. At five years old, Elizabeth realised what it was too, but she was hooked to a life of dance and party with Doctor Jacob.

The final straw was when she left Kurt alone in their little apartment for days.

"Just," Burt began, as he bit down his lower lip. "Jesus Christ, how the fuck am I supposed to take care of a fucking baby? What if it starts crying and pissing and I let it die in his cot or something?"

"First of all," Hiram began, "it's a baby. It will start to cry and as you put it, 'piss' though I would use excrete. Also, you are not a murder. You won't let your own kid die in a cot or something, and if you did, Lizzie would've killed you. Lizzie goes insane when you put extra chocolate-chips when you two are making pancakes for breakfast, remember? I don't think she's gonna let you hurt a baby."

Burt took him then. Stolen him actually, but he can't leave a kid all alone. Kurt kicked and cried and screamed but in two years, Burt can feed him lies. When Kurt wanted a blood test at eleven to who was his real father, Burt only proved it to him.

"You have sinned," the priest said, eyes intent and devoid of any mercy as he said the words. "You will not suffer."

"That's good—?" Burt said in confusion but the priest had cut him off.

"Your child will," the priest's eyes were cold with contempt now. "Just you wait and see and it will be your fault. After all, it's not every eon that your wife births a demon child."

Kurt didn't really understand what was going on when people looked at him the way they did. Called him things jokingly. Burt knew all along. He always knew…what Kurt was.


july sixteen [2000]

His sister shrieked when she realised what Kurt had just told her. Kurt looked so happy, enthusiastic even as Burt took Kurt into his arms, pulling her away from him.

"Did he just say what I think he said…?" now, Lily was looking dangerously close to hitting Kurt.

"Shh," Burt mumbled, pulling the confused and afraid Kurt to his lap. "Come on, Lils, he's just a kid. You're scaring the shit out of him."

"You know how he's going to turn out," Lily spitefully said. "Get him out of here before…I don't know. He does—"

"He won't do a fucking thing! Kurt is nine. He just turned nine, didn't you?" his eyes looked towards Kurt compassionately as Kurt slowly nodded his head, paling with every word that his Father was saying. Kurt was always so pale but now he was more than exceptionally pale.

"You should've listened to the priest," Lily mumbled. "He really is a demon's kid or—"

"Fucking shut up, Lily! Or get the fuck out of my house! Actually, yeah, get out!" Burt called out. "If you can't live with Kurt, you can't live with me."

Lily stared at him for a hard time. She left. Three weeks ago, she died on the streets. Burt can care less. She made his life a living hell when they grew up. He gave her the money. He gave her all of Beth's money, the money she saved for Kurt. She spent it all on cocaine and heroin. It was all her fault.

Kurt looked up at Kurt. "Is Auntie Lily coming back?" his eyes were full of fear and pain.

"No, no," Burt ran his hand down Kurt's hair. "Come on. I'll order pizza."

Kurt's eyes enlightened as he jumped up in his bed, following his father downstairs in promise of pizza. When Kurt ate, he looked up. "What did Mommy think about me?"

Burt can remember the days she carelessly left Kurt in the house, not giving a damn about what happened to him, leaving alone a box of Cheerios and a chocolate bar for Kurt to survive on.

"She loved you, kid," Burt smiled as he watched Kurt's face light up again. "You were her world."


november nineteen [2012]

Of course, Burt knew what he was. He'd always known what Kurt was, and he was still coming to terms with it.

"I'm gay."

"I know."

"You do?"

That wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was watching Kurt come home with the bruises.

The priest stared back at Burt. "Well, you've done nothing to your sins. You have the sin of judgment despite the fact that judging others is an act of God of course. You give his order when you don't even know his order."

The priest told him that his sin was judging people. He judged Hiram to the bone, judged what he was – his sexuality. The priest told him that it was a right thought, but he judged Hiram still. The Bible said you weren't allowed to judge people, no matter what religion or dialect or lifestyle they had. It was a sin. Only God can judge. Burt realised that when he realised Kurt was actually gay. His sister flipped when Kurt said he wanted to marry a Disney prince. When Elizabeth realised Kurt was gay, she didn't care. She was far too gone. She looked a lot like him when she was in some sort of downward spiral that Burt couldn't really stop.

Burt watched as Kurt came back home nearly every day, mumbling things about slushies. Burt's heart practically stopped when he found that Kurt always had a spare set of clothing. Burt couldn't do anything about the bullying for most of Kurt's life…

The cold red slushie was falling from the boy's cheeks. Hiram Berry was holding Leroy Berry into his hands, whom was slouching over and covering his sticky face. Their faces were in matching shades of red, as sugary stickiness slid into their mouths when they were being slushied. Their faces numb as Hiram found the tissues, wiping each other's faces off before they went to their lockers.

Hiram coldly glared at Burt just as they moved. The boy hid behind his letterman jacket as he smirked at Hiram. Leroy gave him another hard look before he broke away with his lover, as their hands found each other. Elizabeth stood there, shaking her head at Burt and then shutting the locker when she picked up a few books.

"Here let me hold 'em for ya, babe," Burt smoothly mumbled, taking the stacks of books from her hands, and she didn't even acknowledge the gesture.

"Apologise to Hiram."

When the Karofsky situation was out of hand, Burt tried to stop it. He had to do something about it, because something was better than nothing.

"I got fucking scared." Burt suddenly cut her off. "I couldn't do anything. Felt like if I did, they'd hit me too. It was me against fucking six of them! What could I have done?"

"Something," Elizabeth coldly sneered. "Something. You could've done something."

Burt always fought for Kurt. Except this time. This time, he couldn't. This time, he knew where it was leading to. Kurt was practically getting punished for Burt's sins. Whatever was going on, Kurt was reliving Hiram and Leroy's high school experience and Burt can do nothing about it. He can't stop the bullying. He tried to. God, did he try this time. When Kurt was pushed too far, Burt was there when Kurt was in the hospital, lying down on the bedside. His lifeless child with his beautiful blue eyes shut.

"…he might need therapy…" Burt repeated the Doctor's words in his head.

Kurt laid down there, punished. He was so innocent already, reliving the verbal abuse and bullying that went out in the hallways with rare complaints, preferring to talk about what song he was going to sing instead.

"…I'm going to give Kurt a prescription of anti-depressants when he wakes up…"

All his life Burt knew what it was heading to. Kurt and Blaine were the Hiram and Leroy of this generation. He knew what happened to Hiram. He knew what'll happen to Kurt the minute he saw that Kurt was re-enacting all of the things Burt did to Hiram, the things he regretted never stopping – sometimes initiating. Burt knew, and it made him feel sick that he can honestly do nothing about it.

"…signs of sexual abuse…"

Hiram got raped. Hiram tried to kill himself.

Kurt was raped. Burt knew that. Kurt was raped by six of those shitheads and Burt can do nothing. He was in work. He couldn't have done anything realistically. Burt needed to do something because Kurt cannot kill himself. Kurt can't hurt himself. He was in so much pain already. His Kurt. It took Hiram six weeks to break. He had to do something. Anything…was better than doing nothing.

He remembered Elizabeth and Jacob when he drove. Kurt was in the back. He looked so tired.

Burt looked back to see his seventeen-year-old son sprawled out in the back. Kurt was just lying down in the back of the car when Burt looked back. "Are you sleeping, kiddo?"

Kurt slowly nodded his head as he took a deep breath. "I suppose," his eyes were still shut tight as he said. He sounded dull, and sad. "Though I'm not one to, considering I do preach Finn constantly about how bad it is to sleep in the back of a car, as well as the effects it will have on his sleeping schedule."

"Just checking," Burt said, looking back towards the road.

By the time that Burt had reached their destination, Kurt was fast asleep. Burt had pulled Kurt into his arms as Burt laid a hand on Kurt's cheek. They were in a usual hiking spot instead of home. He hoped that Kurt won't wake up as he recklessly moved towards the mountainous region. He stared at the rocky region. Burt bit down his lower lip as he pushed Kurt head-first into the rockiness.

Kurt's eyes snapped open at the impact of the rock against his head as he looked back up at Burt with hurt, confused eyes and recognition at the one who was putting him in pain.

Kurt said nothing and neither did Burt as Burt continued to push Kurt head-first into the rocks until Kurt had fallen down, unconscious with blood pooling out of his head.

Burt laid down beside him, as he pulled Kurt into his hands. "Don't worry, kiddo," he whispered. "You're gonna wake up and you're not gonna remember recent shit that has happened to you…I promise, okay?"

Kurt's eyes slowly opened as he registered Burt standing there. "What happened?"

"We were hiking. You complained something about your hair and fell down. Here, come on. Let's standing up."

"Why were we hiking?" Kurt said, in agitation as he stood up. "Ugh, these pants were good."

"Shh, kid. I need to drive you to the hospital. It's gonna take a while—"

"Why? There's one a few minutes away from us. Why insist on going on a half hour drive for the other?" Kurt raised an eyebrow, as he groaned. "My head…it's horrific pounding."

"Uh, I just don't like that one. Plus, you don't like the coffee from that one and we're probably staying for a while, huh? Also, you like the drive."

"Not when my head is killing me like this," Kurt groaned in dissatisfaction.

"Come on. I'll even let you go over the minutes for your phone to talk to Blaine." Kurt blushed at the mention of Blaine. He groaned, saying things about how hard he must've hit his head as he curled up in the back seat again.

"You should talk to me to not lose consciousness," Burt said after a while. "Come on, kiddo, what's going on with you?" Burt was definitely trying to see what the last thing Kurt remembered.

"Well, I'm sore in my ass for no reason so I suppose either Blaine took me to another kickboxing lesson or so. I'm tired but then again, with the amount of homework I have, I supposedly have to stay up until three am to study and do it. The bullying at school has gotten a lot worse and—"

"That Karofsky kid and some other of his goons were expelled," Burt said after a minute. He didn't want to say what really happened to them because of what they'd done to Kurt.

Kurt sighed in relief. He was too tired to ask why but he will later. Burt knew Kurt. "Don't fall asleep, Kurt, okay?" Burt said. "It's gonna mess up your sleeping schedule or whatever you tell Finn."

Kurt smiled gleefully. "So you do listen to me. I thought I was making the part where you do listen to me up in my head usually."

Burt pressed his lips together as Kurt was looking in a plastic bag. Burt tried to remember what was inside but Kurt sounded it out. "There are anti-depressants here…addressed to me." Kurt mumbled, reading off patient name and apparently knowing the well-known anti-depressant's name. "I'm depressed?"

Burt's silence was enough answer for Kurt.

"You should take 'em," Burt suddenly said.

"Oh, I will," Kurt murmured.

"Are you taking your medicine?"

"No," Burt honestly replied, and he really didn't care. "What's gonna happen to me if I don't?"

His medicine for his blood pressure. He heard a heart attack just a few months ago. Kurt then shrugged. "I don't really need the medication anyway. Nothing will happen to me if I don't take it."

Burt knew what'll happen if Kurt didn't take it. He knew what'll happen if Kurt remembered. He knew it all. He knew what'll happen, like he knew that Kurt was gay. He knew how Kurt would die. Burt may delay it. A month, a week, a year. Blaine will marry a Kurt. Their child would never know who was his real father, would never doubt it… they would be the happiest thing in the world together, Blaine and Kurt. Blaine will only marry a Kurt, as a replacement for the real one, just like Leroy.

"Don't forget to take it, Kurt, okay?" Burt said again.

Kurt shrugged, like he didn't see the point in it. "Of course. I suppose I'll go back to planning my Deluxe wedding with Taylor Lautner about now." He said, as he opened his iPhone.

"You do that," Burt lifelessly said. He didn't have the heart to tell Kurt that he won't have a wedding, or even graduate out of high school.

"Dad, you're a little off," Kurt mumbled. "Is something the matter?"

"Kinda…" Burt found the perfect word for what he was feeling and now, his throat was constricted. "Lost."

"Hospital's about five minutes from now, and you take a turn left. You'll see it." Kurt didn't quite understand either. He might one day. Burt hoped he never would. They were in a game, with only one way out. Burt can delay it but he knew it'll come . "I think…I think I'm bleeding quite a lot."

Burt's heart raced. "Bleeding never stopped?"

"No…" Kurt didn't quite understand what that meant.

"Just hold on a little longer, okay, Kurt? You knew what those pills are for, right?" Burt knew this was wrong. This was so, so wrong right now. His stomach was twisting in those knots and his head was already killing him.

"Not really," Kurt murmured.

"You have this thing, Kurt," Burt finally said. "You have these weird hallucinations and delusions. You think someone raped you."

"Nobody raped me!" Kurt looked appalled.

"You doubt it sometimes." Burt had to lie. He had to convince Kurt it wasn't a memory. It was just a figment of his imagination. "But you're gonna take these pills. You're gonna be happy and okay, alright? Just take 'em. Promise me you'll take 'em."

"I will," he won't. Burt knew he'd forget to take them, or deliberately ditch them. Burt didn't see the point in his and all the facts were right in front of him. "Hold on, Kurt, okay?"

"I'm fine, Father." Kurt rolled his eyes. "Hmm. I'm craving an almond latte after we're done."

"Course, kid. Get up. We're gonna wrap that thing around your head now."

After Kurt was bandaged, and they 'checked' for amnesia. It seemed insignificant to the Doctor that Kurt had skipped an entire two days. Kurt complained about school stress and Burt got him his latte. "Now, I have to find something that goes with gauze for school," Kurt mumbled.

Burt just stared at him for a while as he took Kurt in his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Whoa, what was…that for?" Kurt laughed.

"I love you, Kurt. Always will."

Kurt smiled weakly. "I know," he took a sip of his latte. "It's not like I'm dying, Dad. I'm fine."

Burt nodded his head as he laid a hand on Kurt's shoulder for a second. Kurt sighed in frustration at Burt's overprotective measures. That night, Burt heard Kurt screaming – night terrors waking him up at night. That morning, Kurt's eyes were bloodshot.

"I don't know what's happening to me, Rachel," he heard Kurt talk to her early in the morning. "I feel like I'm either going insane or falling apart."

"You're fine, Kurt," Rachel was apparently on speaker because Kurt was making eggs at the same time.

"If you say so."

Kurt made breakfast, looked at it and then binned it. Burt tried to forget that things like that existed.

He couldn't forgot that a few months later, Kurt was pushing around the food on his plate. Kurt had taken a bite out of takeaway Chinese, but he looked so disinterested in it.

"I think I understand what you mean," Kurt said. "I keep on having horrid nightmares…and…hallucinations I suppose?...of being raped and it is…horrific to be honest. It is so lucid and…"

"Have you been taking your pills?" Kurt didn't answer. Burt knew the answer.

"Ever heard of redemption, Kurt?" Burt mumbled after a while.

Kurt looked up from his food as he raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I have. Can't say I quite believe in it. I don't believe in God, remember?"

Burt shrugged. "Okay," that was a nice thought. "You're gonna be okay, right?"

"Of course, I am," Kurt said. "I'm just fine."

All of it. Lies.


I took my pills.

Burt smiled when he read that text message. He sent back a text to Kurt's iPhone about how he was sorry but he got McDonald's. He got himself a salad, but he got a burger for Kurt. He went upstairs after he placed the takeaway to get Kurt down for dinner.

He found Kurt asleep. Burt moved towards the boy and shook him awake lightly. Kurt was always such a heavy sleeper. "Wake up, kiddo."

He found the bottle. It was full yesterday. Now, it was half-empty. Burt's first instincts was to shove his fingers inside of Kurt's throat. Adrenaline-rushed, Kurt's eyes snapped open, as he threw up the pills. He looked back up at Burt, with confused jaundice-laced eyes as Burt held him tightly as if afraid to let go.

"Stay awake, Kurt, okay? Come on. I'm gonna drive you to the hospital and you're gonna talk to me and stay awake. I'll get you that damned latte you love so much and…"

Kurt didn't even look like he can stay awake for five more minutes.

"Did she love me?" Kurt asked. "Did my own Mother even love me, Father Dearest?"

Burt couldn't answer that, as he took Kurt's body into his arms. "You're gonna stay awake, okay?"

Kurt nodded his head. "I can't."

"Yes, you can. You can stay awake. Don't fucking die on me, Kurt. I will kill you if you die right now." Kurt chuckled humourlessly at the statement. "Why did you do it?"

"I suppose…" Kurt murmured, as Kurt pressed his head against Burt's chest. "I… was a little…" Kurt found the perfect word for it just then, "…lost."


"Why was in only in death, were you redeemed my child?" – My Child, Disturbed

Honestly, if I kept writing, I knew that I would've killed Kurt, so I just laid it out as a possibility that Kurt would've survived against all odds, or he would've died. It can go either way and I know some of you would've wanted a nice ending with Burt explaining everything. Maybe even Kurt exploding in anger but all of it going nicely.

As to recap: Burt used to be a homophobic boy that got his girlfriend pregnant. Elizabeth and Burt's love was shallow if anything. She stuck with him because of the baby or so it was implied. Hiram and Elizabeth were friends. Burt used to bully him. Burt went to church for some guidance and help from some crazy priest dude that told him that his child would be a demon child – aka you realise later that 'demon child' was pretty much just gay. Karma bit him in the ass actually because of it. Elizabeth went pretty much crazy, eventually dying due to hands of new abusive boyfriend whom used to hit her against the mountain place/it made her lose her memory and forget she even had a kid sometimes (which led to her leaving Kurt neglected) but Burt lied to Kurt mostly because from the implications, you understand that Burt himself had a rough childhood. He didn't want that for Kurt. He loved Kurt, unconditionally and all. He even kicked out his sister for him and didn't even feel sorry for her death or downfall.

A few years later, the Karofsky situation happened but instead of just stopping, it escalated to rape. Rape Burt couldn't stop from happening and he could do nothing about (like Hiram's rape.) Kurt was re-enacting Burt's high school life, the things Burt either did or didn't do anything for him. It was very dark karma that the same things were happening to Kurt and he wanted to do something about it, but he couldn't. To him, the only way to stop Kurt from doing anything was to make him forget, so he beat him unconscious in the rock place like Beth's abusive boyfriend to help him forget, then he lied some more, telling Kurt that the rape was a hallucination.

You can take the end in two ways, either Kurt talked to Leroy and figured out that his Mother didn't love him, or the whole story. Or he remembered something from his past from when his Mother used to keep him neglected and asked him that question. As for what led him to finally break down and take the overdose, is all up to you to figure out. It can be a Berry-related thing, or Kurt could've figured it out. I wanted it to be vague so you can build it up from whatever I implied.

Either way, long A/N is long! xD.

Xo Peanut Butter/Sam