Honorable Mention from the judges votes! It was stiff competition!
Formally known as Illicit Unintended for the Taste of the Forbidden contest! I was never happy with the title and should have called it Shame from the beginning...
Title: Illicit Unintended
Taste of the Forbidden Contest
Pen name: Catastrophia
Word Count: 8,615
Summary: It was a union that was never supposed to happen, an affair that took over her life and altered it. Unable to keep him from advancing, can Bella keep her brother-in-law away and save her marriage? Or should she give in on what could possibly be what was always meant to be? Perhaps fate will make the decision for her.
Disclaimer: Plot is mine, Twilight is Stephenie Meyer's. Mature Content.
Where are you?
Where am I? Nowhere you need to know. Though you already do.
I want to see you.
When don't you?
I heaved a sigh, tossing my phone back in my purse. It wasn't going to work, I needed to step away. I had stepped away; I just needed to keep it that way this time.
It didn't matter how many times I told myself that, I couldn't deny the truth; I wanted him. My body ached for him constantly. Months and months of giving in and being with him, knowing it was wrong, but I just couldn't do it anymore. The guilt and desire warring in my head were a constant and just too much to handle with everything else in my life.
"Excuse me, Mrs. Cullen, I need you to sign this," my assistant Jessica said, walking into my office and setting a file on my desk. "Also, Mr. Cullen called; he wants to set up a lunch meeting today."
Fuck. Sneaky bastard.
I shouldn't have put something like this past him.
"Don't I have a lunch appointment already?" I questioned, knowing I already had lunch plans with my husband.
"Mr. Cullen said it was urgent business and couldn't be delayed, so I called and rescheduled it."
I swear the vein in my forehead twitched.
"And what was his response? Since I was unable to speak to him myself?" I asked, my ire peeking through and Jessica gave me an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen, Mr. Cullen was so insistent, since he's been out of town all week, that you have a meeting immediately to discuss the new merger. Your husband was okay with it and said he'd see you at dinner tonight," she explained.
I nodded and sighed, giving her the cue to leave. My phone came back out of my purse and I sent a scathing text to my tormentor.
You fucking bastard! I can't, I told you I can't! – B
I buried my head in my hands, scolding myself for the situation I'd gotten into. He was persistent, unwilling to let me go. It started out innocent enough; we were out of town on business, the two of us running Cullen Enterprises together. It was just a business trip, not the first but it was the last. It changed everything.
Carlisle Cullen started the company thirty years ago, retiring at an early age, leaving only two of his young executives to handle the company. That was when Edward and I took over five years ago. Carlisle still remained in the backdrop, giving his opinion and advice, but letting us run the company. Edward and I had a good working relationship, and at the time were becoming good friends. I was happy to have such wonderful in-laws as the Cullen's.
I met my husband, Jasper, in college while he was in law school and I was working on my undergrad in business management; he was four years older than me. Jasper and I married eight years ago, and he didn't want to follow in his father's footsteps. That was how I became Vice President. I didn't even meet Edward until the day before Jasper and I got married.
Edward was two years younger than Jasper, and I hated the connection, the attraction I felt for him, because Jasper was the man I loved, and Edward was his little brother, my in-law.
You can, and you will, Isabella.
His text came through and I could feel tears prick in my eyes. My marriage was being threatened… by my brother-in-law. All because of one stupid night I drank a little too much wine in a hotel in New York.
No, it wasn't just that and I knew it. I had been attracted to Edward from the beginning, but thought my values would keep me safe. As soon as his lips touched mine, I knew that I was wrong. I felt so much, too much. That original, unexplainable connection was made, and solidified. That was a year ago. I tried to break it off, multiple times, but he always pulled me back in. Two weeks ago I put my foot down, and it angered him. He took me roughly on his desk, and as much as I should have hated it, it was the most pleasurable experience in my life.
The phone on my desk beeped, and Jessica's voice rang out, "Mrs. Cullen, Mr. Cullen is back in the office and he wants to see you right away."
My jaw clenched, and I tried to steady my nerves as I picked up the file she handed me earlier and walked out. I handed the manila folder to her and headed down the hall. My spine straightened and I squared my shoulders, prepared to stop his advances.
It didn't help.
As soon as the door was shut he was on me. His lips attacked mine, hands squeezing and groping my flesh while he pinned me to the wall.
"Fuck, I've missed you," he said, pressing his erection into my stomach.
I tried not to be affected. I pushed against his chest, trying to get him away, but he wouldn't budge.
"I can't, Edward, I can't!" I exclaimed tears burning my eyes.
His grip tightened on my waist and shook me against the wall. "Stop that! Just fucking stop, Bella!" he growled, anger swirling in his eyes.
"Please," I begged, but he shook his head. "I'm married to Jasper. I love Jasper."
"Stop saying his name!" he yelled, moving past angry to furious. "You are mine! It's me you really want; I can see it in your eyes."
"No, you can't," I argued, mustering all the strength I could find. "I belong to… Jasper, I want… him." I tried so hard to make us believe me.
His grip tightened, face red with anger. He picked me up, hooking my legs around his waist, my skirt riding up. I yelped at the unexpected movement, but it turned into a moan when the bulge in his pants pressed against my core. Without thinking about it, my hips pushed down against him. He groaned, lips, teeth, tongue, attacking my neck and marking it up like a high school boy while he hips thrust against mine.
"Deny me all you want with your words, your body tells me how you really feel."
His hand reached between us, undoing his pants. I tried to protest, tried to get away, get down, intent on staying away from him, making sure it stayed ended. It didn't help. He was too strong. Even though I struggled to get away, he was able to push my panties aside and plow into me. One hard thrust and the connection was remade; my resolve crumbled.
I cried out, my eyes rolling back in my head as he thrust into me, repeatedly and hard. All efforts to get away from him ceasing immediately. My hands gripped firmly on his arms as pleasure filled sobs erupted from my chest.
"Fuck, baby, I've missed you," he whispered against my lips.
His hips rocked against mine, pushing himself harder and deeper. Instead of forcing him away, I was pulling him closer.
"Edward, oh God, Edward!" I cried out as he hit a spot deep inside making my insides shake.
His lips crashed to mine and I couldn't deny it any longer; I needed him.
"That's right, baby, say my name. Fuck, I love to hear you moan it, knowing it's my cock that makes you feel that way. Tell me you love my cock."
"I love… Oh God! I love… your cock!" I whimpered between thrusts, and it was nothing but truth.
He began cursing and I knew he was getting close.
"Who makes you feel this way?"
"Y-you do!" I screamed out, my walls clenching around him as my body began to shake with each spasm.
"Only me," he growled, his body tensing, holding me closer. I could feel him pulsing within me, filling me for the first time in two weeks.
The shameful part of me was begging not to force myself away from him for that long again. I didn't want to admit how whole he made me feel. How when he touched me I felt a spark of something I never felt with Jasper. That my panties would become wet with just one look – a look he gave me often.
His breath was coming out in pants, hot against my neck as we slid down to the floor. I didn't realize my hands had wound around to the back of his neck, one pulling at the hair at the nape, the other clenched around the collar of his shirt and jacket.
"Tell me you love me," he whispered so low I could barely hear him.
"W-what?" I questioned, hoping he would say something other than what I thought he said. His body was shaking beneath me.
"Tell me you love me, please Bella," he begged, more than a whisper, but not much.
I was at a complete loss for words. In a year we'd never talked about our feelings, and I didn't know if it was love that I felt for him. All I knew was it was wrong and the guilt associated with it consumed me. And as much as I tried to stop, to stay away, it was always so easy for him to reel me back in.
I couldn't say it, couldn't say the words he wanted to hear. Instead my hands made soothing motions on his back trying to calm his shaking. After a few minutes he sat back, his eyes were soft, fingers trailing along my jaw to my lips.
"What do I have to do to make you love me?" he questioned, though not entirely to me.
He nuzzled into my neck, then with a sigh pulled me off him. I instantly missed the loss of both his body and the feeling of him inside me. He straightened out his clothes and I moved to the attached bathroom to clean up.
I stared at my reflection, and hated what I saw staring back at me. I looked thoroughly fucked, my face flush, a bit of lust still evident in my eyes.
I was living a lie, cheating on my husband with his brother. I'd broken the most sacred vow I'd ever given. Realization was beginning to settle in that there was no coming back from it; we'd been behind closed doors for too long. Everything was going to change soon.
As I exited, Edward was sitting at the table, papers filling the surface along with our just delivered lunch. The expression he wore was his usual one, all of the anger followed by weakness I'd seen over the last fifteen minutes gone. Back to business, back to running Cullen Enterprises.
Two hours later I had a stack of papers I needed to go through and a contract to have legal start on. Before I made it out the door his hand was on my arm, his lips on mine, and a whispered word on "mine" left his delicious mouth.
His secretary's eyes locked on mine as I exited and it gave me all the confirmation I needed that she knew exactly what was going on. I'm not stupid; the sounds we made had to have traveled through the thin office walls and door. She's probably known for a while.
My head was held high as I walked back to my office where Jessica was ready to bombard me with messages. That was one thing about my job; it was always busy, keeping my mind away from what I'd done with the President of Cullen Enterprises.
At just after five Jessica came in to bid me good night and to make sure I was also on my way out the door. I left a few minutes later. I'd been craving a casserole that happened to also be one of Jasper's favorites and hurried home to start in on it.
Jasper arrived home a few minutes after I did. Knowing it was just the two of us I changed my clothes into my favorite jersey knit dress. It was nothing fancy, but it was very comfy, much better than my confining skirt suit.
"Hey, honey," Jasper said as he walked in, placing a kiss on my cheek. "Mmm, that smells good."
I smiled up at him. "It just sounded really good today," I said, stirring the broth as I cut up some onions.
"Can't wait. How was your day?" he inquired, loosening his tie and setting his briefcase on the counter.
"Hectic as usual. Edward's back from Texas, we're going through with the merger, so now we have all the contracts to draw up."
"That's great. I'm sure Dad will be happy. You and Edward have really grown the company in just a few short years."
"Carlisle is the one who got it off the ground and running, that's the challenging part."
"Do we have plans next weekend with the family?" he questioned.
I shook my head. "I don't think so. Your parents are headed to Europe on Wednesday, and Edward is going to Portland on Thursday."
"You're not going?" he asked, and I knew by the information in his voice we were in for another discussion about company travel.
"To Portland? No, Edward can handle it by himself. Besides, someone has to run the company while the head honcho is away," I argued, finding it a valid excuse.
"You haven't been on a business trip in a year," he noted. "I'm just worried you're missing out on something when you're not there. You two are running it together, you should be there to make the decisions as well, ask questions, network with clients."
Jasper's reasoning was sound, but I couldn't tell him the real reason. That I didn't want to be alone with his brother anywhere near a hotel room.
"I trust Edward's judgment. His decision is the one that matters the most anyway," I pointed out and Jasper nodded.
"Well, I think you should consider going to Portland. It's a short trip, and not a bad drive, especially this time of year."
"I'll think about it," I said just to end the conversation.
The doorbell rang and we looked at each other in confusion. Jasper went to answer it, and I continued on finishing up the casserole.
"Hey, Edward!" Jasper exclaimed and my blood froze.
"Jasper, how have you been?" Edward asked and I heard the door close. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
"Oh, no, we're just working on dinner, why don't you join us?" Jasper offered and I prayed he would turn it down, but I knew he wouldn't.
The cunning fuck knew just what he was doing. I clenched my eyes shut and took a few deep breaths to calm my ire.
"Evening, Bella," he said from the doorway, smirking at me.
I plastered a smile on my face. "Not even back for eight hours and you're already crashing our dinner?"
"Well, there's nothing to eat at my place, and you always make the most delicious meal," he countered and my smile faltered.
Jasper didn't seem to notice the double meaning in his words, to which I was thankful.
"You're always welcome, you know that. So, how was Dallas?" Jasper inquired grabbing two beers from the fridge, then handing one to Edward.
"Good, we settled everything, and are ready to merge with a large firm there. Aren't we, Bella?"
"Yes, he's loaded me down with all the information and contracts. It'll be days before I work through it all," I said, placing foil on top of our dinner and opening the oven to slide it in.
"Why don't you go with him next time?" Jasper suggested, trying to get Edward in on it, and I could feel my temper rising. There was a reason I didn't go with him. It would just be a repeat of New York.
"Yeah, that's a great idea," Edward chimed in, smiling.
I almost threw the spatula in my hand at him. Jasper was innocent to it all.
"Not a bad idea. Maybe I can keep you in line," I said pointedly, smacking the spatula against the palm of my free hand.
"Good luck with that one," Jasper said with a laugh. "I'm going to grab a shower while the food in cooking. And as I go, I vote that Bella goes to Portland and you let Rosalie handle things while you're gone. You two need to be able to depend on others, not just each other."
He headed out the door and up the stairs, his feet heavy with each step. My heart rate sped and I wanted to call out to him to make him stay. I began to shake, and when my eyes met Edward's I wanted to run. He stalked up to me and I backed away.
"Stay back," I warned. "We can't… I can't."
"I thought we talked about this earlier, baby," he said, grabbing the spatula from me and spinning my body around.
He gripped my hips tight, rocking his cock into my ass, his mouth close to my ear, a small moan coming from his lips making my pussy ache for him. I tried to hold back a moan, but it came out anyway. Having his body flush with mine always made me lose it. The master bathroom was just above the kitchen, and we could hear the water turn on.
Edward took that as his cue and pulled my dress up and my panties down, pushing on my shoulders so that my arms would rest on the counter. The sound of his zipper coming undone echoed off the walls and before I could protest he was slipping between my folds.
He pulled back and slammed in before setting up a quick pace, knowing the time was limited.
"Fuck, Bella. I can't go that long again. Don't make me. I need you so fucking much, all the damn time." He thrust again harder to make his point. "My cock aches for you, only you."
"Stop. Please, Edward," I pleaded despondently, though my body was begging for him.
"No. You need this too. I know you're not fucking him. I know I'm the only one who gets to taste your sweet honey. Every day, Bella. I will fuck you every fucking day from here on out." He gripped my hair and pulled, tilting my face back enough so he could see me. "You're mine, not his."
My body was on fire, and I cursed myself when I realized I was pushing back against him, my body tightening around him. His fingers found my clit and began circling and pinching it. I was shaking, holding in the screams that wanted to come out.
"I love you, baby," he whispered brokenly into my ear, and I shattered.
Stars filled my vision as I clenched around his glorious cock. He swelled inside me, whispers of love and adoration falling from his lips as spurt after spurt filled my pussy.
His arms wrapped tight around my waist and he dropped to his knees, keeping us attached. Lips pressed light kisses against my neck and shoulder. His words were still swimming in my head. He didn't mean it… he couldn't.
The water turned off above us and I jumped out of Edward's arms, running to the half bath to clean up and become presentable. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and could clearly see the inner turmoil I felt. I tried to straighten it out so that Jasper wouldn't notice, but I was failing. Edward's confession, whether in the throes of passion or not, was a shock I was not prepared for and my heart ached accordingly.
My eyes met Edward's as I exited, and the expression I found was the same as mine, along with a longing I'd never noticed before. This had gone beyond lust, beyond one night of indiscretion, beyond a year of fucking. My hands were shaking, and I knew I needed to say something, but I had no clue what to say, or do.
"Edward, I…" I trailed off at the sound of steps coming down the stairs.
My eyes widened and I moved to look busy, trying to push away all of the conflicting emotions that were storming through me. I choked back the tears threatening my eyes and plastered a smile on my face, and then moved to bring the casserole out of the oven.
"Mmm, smells good!" Jasper exclaimed as he entered the kitchen.
Jasper loosely wrapped an arm around my waist and placed a kiss on my forehead, a show with no real feeling in it. Nothing like what I felt when I was with Edward.
Dinner went well, Jasper and Edward catching up. It was when Jasper asked Edward when he was going to meet a girl and settle down, that my ears perked up to the conversation.
"Well, actually, there is someone I have my eye on," Edward said and my head lifted to look at him.
"Yeah? Well, tell us about her," Jasper encouraged, and I tried to smile when he looked my way.
"She's beautiful, intelligent, witty, and she can be so cute. Being sexy as hell doesn't hurt either."
Jasper chuckled. "Attraction is a good thing, right Bella?"
I nodded in response. "Attraction is needed in a relationship."
"Well, we have that in spades. Too bad I can't seem to get her attention for more than a few minutes," he said poignantly as he stared at me.
"Why don't you go after her?" Jasper questioned, oblivious to our exchange.
"I don't think she realizes my intentions are true."
"Then fight for her. If you want her, you have to make her yours," Jasper advised, and for a brief second I wondered if he was talking to Edward, or to himself.
After dinner with Edward, I was cajoled into going to Portland, packing an overnight bag and making sure that two reservations were made instead of one. It wasn't that far from Seattle to Portland, but we were having dinner with the CEO of another company that would probably go late into the night. Therefore, it was enough that it didn't make a good day trip, so we would be returning on Friday morning. Edward was going to drive us, meaning I would be stuck in a car with him for three hours both ways.
We met at the office, finishing up a few last minute things before grabbing some coffee and heading out.
While I had been worried about our journey, the atmosphere in the car was… off. Edward was being a bit distant, and I didn't know if it was because he was holding back or what was wrong. The last week and all of his revelations swirled around my head, trying to figure it all out.
"Why did you say that?" I questioned in a whisper out of nowhere.
"Say what?" he asked, confused at my sudden breaking of the silence that surrounded us.
"Why did you say you love me the other night?"
"Because I do," he answered, his voice clear.
I looked at him as he stared at the road ahead of us. His hand was tight on the steering wheel, jaw locked tight. He was waiting for my response, bracing himself.
"Oh," was all I managed to say, redirecting my eyes to the window, watching the scenery zip past.
I found the music soothing, and soon drifted off. Edward's voice calling out to me woke me a little while later. When had arrived at McCarty International, one of our business associates.
Emmett McCarty greeted us and we spent the afternoon talking shop, and working out the dissolution of Whitlock Industries which we were in the process of obtaining. Afterwards, we checked into our hotel and headed up to get ready for dinner.
Our rooms were right next to one another, and before I could get the card into the slot for my own room Edward was dragging me into his, bag included. I yelped in surprise but soon was melting against him when his lips claimed mine.
"I won't be able to get through dinner without having you," he said in desperation, hands pulling at my clothes.
"Don't say you can't!" he raged holding me tighter. "Stop resisting. Can you honestly tell me you don't want this? That you don't want me?"
My head dropped, eyes closed as I shook my head. I knew the truth. His green eyes found mine and the words slipped out before I could think.
"I do want you."
He smiled a sexy little smirk and I hit his chest while grabbing his suit and bringing his lips to mine. He made me relent, admit what I hated to tell, but he loved when I did.
Hands grabbed at clothing, stripping us as we headed to the bed. My fingers slipped into his pants and wrapped around the silky length of his cock.
"Oh, God," I panted and he moaned, pushing into my hand.
"Baby, it's been days," he noted, pushing again.
I dropped down to my knees and pulled him out. I needed to taste him. Leaning forward the head of his glorious cock slipped between my lips. He groaned, the sound vibrating through me, concentrating between my legs.
His fingers wrapped into my locks, pulling me closer, pushing him deeper. I'd almost forgotten his taste it'd been so long.
He rocked his hips smoothly fucking my mouth, as my tongue swirled around his hot red tip before taking him in again, repeating the process until he was panting. His muscles tightened and just when I thought I'd get to taste him, he pulled me off and threw me on to the bed.
He stalked toward me, crawling between my legs and ripping my panties off. I barely had my arms around his neck when he thrust hard into me, making me see stars.
"Bella, Bella," he chanted into my ear.
He held me close as he pounded into me. There wasn't as big of a rush, we had over an hour to get ready, but there was always an unrelenting need that drove us.
His fingers twisted my nipples while his teeth nibbled on my neck. I was on fire, having time to enjoy him inside me, sliding in and out. It was erotic, forbidden, and I needed more.
"Harder," I begged, crying out when he slammed into me.
I screamed, loud, moans slipping from my lips. There was no one to hear us there. In and out, delicious friction building. The wet sounds of our skin slapping together bounced around the room.
"Baby, I'm so close," he whispered in my ear, his words causing me to squeeze around him. "I need you to come for me."
I whimpered, my back arching off the bed as he changed the angle, hitting the spot inside that he knew drove me to insanity. My eyes rolled back, mouth hanging open, muscles tensing, and then I screamed, my orgasm ripping through me.
Expletives fell from his lips, his movements became jerky, and then I felt him pulsing as I milked him.
He collapsed his weight down on me for a moment before moving to his forearms. When he rolled onto his back, he took me with him, snuggling me into his side.
Before I realized it I was drifting off, my body sated and relaxed. In the back of my mind I wished every time we had the ability to cuddle like this afterward.
Edward woke me about half an hour later and we showered and changed in his room. He was kissing me every chance he got, and we almost didn't make it out of the room when he saw me in my dress.
Dinner included lots of drinking while we discussed business, economics, and any other topic that came up. It was quite enjoyable, and I learned a lot. Like the fact that Emmett was enamored with Rosalie at our company, who he was in correspondence with frequently, and had been turned down every time he asked her out.
Edward was handsy at the restaurant, the mix of atmosphere and booze. So it was no surprise that as soon as we were in the elevator, heading back up to our hotel rooms he was on me, kissing and groping anywhere he could reach.
Everything was fuzzy, but I did remember him telling me how sexy I looked in my dress. Along with the feeling of him filling me again and again, our bodies moving together. An echo of "I love you" ringing in my ears.
I woke up to a pitch black room, my body burning up. Edward was wrapped securely around me, his body heat becoming too much in the stagnant room. I glanced at the glowing numbers on the bedside clock; it was almost two in the morning.
Crawling to the edge of the bed I sat up, pausing for a moment before pushing off. I stood, wobbly, my hand clenching my head as I searched for my things. I couldn't stay. I couldn't wake up in his arms in the morning. It would be too difficult.
I found my dress and pulled it on, leaving everything else but my purse that held my room key. My hand rested on the handle, giving one more glance at Edward's sleeping form, and opened the door. With shaking hands I slid the key in the slot and entered the room next door.
The tears slid down my cheeks as I threw my dress off and collapsed on the bed, curling onto my side. Everything was a mess, confusing, and soon I would have to choose. I just couldn't do this anymore; it was slowly killing me inside.
The next morning on the drive home Edward grabbed for my hand, tangling his fingers with mine. I let him, the feeling, the closeness, making me relax. He didn't say anything about me leaving in the middle of the night, but he knew why I'd done it.
Before we left the car he cradled my face in his hands, kissing me hard and deep before we headed back into the office.
I didn't feel well all weekend, and assumed we'd had something bad to eat while in Portland. By Monday I had a new and terrifying theory.
Fear took hold of me as I waited for the longest two minutes of my life. It began when I noticed I was starting a new pack of birth control pills and hadn't gotten my period. My blood ran cold and I immediately ran to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test.
I was always so diligent about taking my pill, always on time, and I had remained so the last month. The test was merely to clear my mind of any negative thoughts.
Shaking, I stared down at the test and began to cry, my body folding in on itself when I realized my worst fear had come true.
Pregnant. I was pregnant.
What was I going to do? I knew exactly who the father was, because Jasper and I hadn't had sex in months. It was Edward's. There was no doubt. I was carrying my brother-in-law's baby.
The blood drained from my face just as the saliva kicked up in my mouth and I rushed to the toilet, heaving out the contents of my breakfast.
I called my doctor and made an appointment immediately for confirmation, as well as calling the office to let them know I'd be late coming in. I wouldn't… I couldn't get too worked up about it until I knew totally and completely for certain. When the doctor did, I found myself in a daze. She was talking, but I didn't hear any of it.
Somehow I ended up at the office, but with no recollection of how I got there. Jessica immediately took note of my strange behavior and gave me a knowing look.
"Mrs. Cullen, are you alright?" I nodded. "Well, you have a meeting with Mr. Cullen in half an hour to go over some contracts for the merger. You need to snap out of this. Just get through the afternoon, and leave right at five," she said, her hands wrapped around mine.
I stared at her, and then thought about this afternoon and Edward. The emotions were too much for my sensitive stomach and my hand flew to my stomach as a wave of nausea hit. Jessica grabbed a trash can just as my body began to heave. Nothing came out as I'd already expunged my breakfast.
"Mr. Cullen doesn't know yet, does he?"
"I just found out this morning." I shook my head, and then her words hit me. My head snapped up to her, eyes wide with fright. She wasn't talking about my husband. She knew.
Jessica always addressed my husband as Jasper or "your husband", and Edward as Mr. Cullen – a way to distinguish them. Tears sprung to my eyes and Jessica wrapped her arms around me.
"Ssshh," she soothed. "You need to calm down."
"What am I going to do?" I questioned, gratefully accepting her comfort.
"You're going to have a seat and I'm going to grab you some tea. You need to relax, get a grip on yourself before you go in there."
She was right; I needed to focus right now. I was about to go into a meeting and I needed to have my head in the game. Granted, the meeting was just between Edward and I, but that was scarier than anything else at the moment.
While Jessica was away I opened up my email, and tried to push all thoughts away from the fact that I had a child growing inside me from an affair with my brother-in-law. The tea helped in a way, the warm slightly sweet liquid was soothing to my stomach that had been through so much upheaval that morning. She also brought some saltines and a few shortbread cookies for me to nibble on.
Half an hour later I entered Edward's office. He smiled brightly, happy to see me. The files were spread out on the large table to the side and we took a seat, both our laptops open.
Every time he touched me, most of them accidental, I jumped. It was hard to keep my composure, knowing what I had to tell him. It was taking everything in me to attempt normalcy, but I knew he wasn't buying it.
"What the hell is wrong with you today?" Edward asked and I moved my gaze upward. His features suddenly became worried and he moved closer to my side. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep it from him, and tears began to stream down my face. "Bella, baby, you're scaring me. What's wrong, love?"
I started sobbing and he pulled me onto his lap, arms wrapped around me. He tried to soothe me, tried to calm me, but it wasn't working. I'd fucked it up, fucked everything up, and now I had to pay for my sins.
"I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry, just please… please don't cry. I can't take it when you cry," he pleaded and I grabbed hold of his suit jacket, pulling him tight. His words making it so much harder.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I just don't know what to do!"
"I'll help you, love. Whatever it is, whatever you need, I'll do what you need me to. Anything."
My tear filled eyes moved to his and I could see the pain and distress I was causing him. I swallowed hard, and then told him what would change everything, forever.
"I'm pregnant," I whispered, before elaborating. "We're pregnant."
He stared at me, the words sinking in, multiple emotions swirling in his eyes, his body frozen.
"Wh-when you say 'we' you mean…"
"Edward, I'm pregnant with your child," I admitted through wavering words.
His face was emotionless as he picked me up and placed me back in my chair before standing up. He walked a couple feet and turned to look back at me. My sobs picked up, knowing I'd lost him. He was shunning me and our child.
He paced a little before stopping, his mouth open to speak, but nothing came out. He turned and moved to the window where he stayed, and I took that as my cue to leave.
I would begin to pack my desk, and prepare myself to tell Jasper, before I left, making the decision to stay the remainder of the week. What I would do after that, where I would go, I had no idea. All I knew was that I needed to get away from the Cullen family that I'd brought shame to.
Just as my hand reached for the knob it was snatched up and my body was turned and pressed against the wall.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" he questioned, anger lacing his tone as he searched my face for answers.
I cringed away, unable to look at him. "I'm leaving."
"No you're fucking not!" he yelled.
"I shouldn't be here anymore. I've disgraced your family," I argued weakly.
His body was shaking, his breath heavy. One hand slowly slid around my waist and rested on my abdomen, his forehead pressing against mine.
"You're not going anywhere," he stated. My eyes met his and the intensity I saw there made me gasp. "Please don't take you and our baby away from me. Please, Bella. I need you. I need you both. I can't live without you anymore."
I stared up at him in disbelief. "I'm married to your brother!" I protested.
"Screw him. Marry me. It's me you love."
"You can't be serious, Edward!"
"I'm very serious. I love you, Bella, and I want you to be mine," he declared; bringing new tears to my eyes.
His words had my heart skipping a beat, words I never knew I wanted to hear lighting me up inside. "But the family."
"Fuck the family!" he screamed. "I don't give a fuck what they think. I want us to be a family, Bella. Say you'll be mine."
"It's not that simple, Edward."
"Yes, it is. Divorce Jasper, marry me, have our baby, and live happily ever after… with me."
I wasn't given a chance to reply as a wave of nausea suddenly came over me and my hand clamped over my mouth. I pried myself from his arms and raced to the attached bathroom, retching into the toilet. Edward's cool fingers moved the hair from my face, holding it out of the way as I emptied my stomach of the few crackers I'd eaten. He helped me stand when I was done and I rinsed my mouth out, thankful he kept mouthwash on hand.
"I-I have to think," I said after a few minutes. "It's all so much."
He stepped up behind me, arms wrapping around my waist, his nose nuzzling my hair.
"I'll make you so happy, I promise. He doesn't make you happy, but I can, I know I can. Jesus, Bella, I've wanted you to be mine since the day I met you. I envisioned it was you walking down the aisle to me in that white dress of yours," he admitted and I was forced to see how strong our connection was even then. "Be my wife. End this fucking charade you call a marriage and be mine in every way. Say it. Tell me, Bella."
I turned my head, tears still streaming down my cheeks. His eyes were burning with emotion. My hand reached up to cup his face, his eyes closed as he leaned into my palm.
Soft, tortured eyes returned to mine and I knew what to say, I'd just been pushing it back, keeping it at bay.
"I love you, Edward," I admitted, voicing the feelings I'd been hiding from both of us.
His lips crashed to mine and I felt the walls I'd built to protect myself from him crumbling to the ground as I accepted him and us.
After that we returned to his office, his arms wrapped around me as we talked about what to do. He wanted me to move in, but I still had a difficult conversation with Jasper ahead of me.
Just as I was headed home at the end of the day I received a text from Jasper that he was going to be late, so I picked up some dinner on the way home. I didn't have much of an appetite, which was surprising since I'd thrown up my breakfast and never ate lunch. I picked at the chicken and biscuits, but didn't eat much.
I was lying on the couch in my comfy clothes, mindlessly flipping through channels, when Jasper got home. He wore an expression I didn't understand; it resembled a combination of many.
In his hand was a large envelope. He held it out for me and I sat up, taking it from him.
"What's this?" I questioned, my fingers working to open it.
"Divorce papers," he said and my eyes shot up to his. There was no emotion, just casual indifference.
"What?" I questioned, wondering if I'd heard him wrong as it was just the thing I needed to talk with him about.
"I know about you and Edward," he said and my mouth dropped open, color draining from my face, as I was unable to even deny it. "I check the voicemail this afternoon from work. Your doctor's office called, said you left your pre-natal package there this morning. It didn't take much to put two and two together, since we haven't slept together in quite some time, and I've seen the way you look at him, and he at you. The strange thing is when I found out, I wasn't really angry."
"Jasper, I'm so sorry!" I cried, tears welling in my eyes.
"Didn't you hear me, Bella? I'm not angry," he reiterated and I stared up at him in confusion. "I should be. I should be furious, lashing out in hurt that you've been screwing my brother behind my back. But the fact that I'm not…" he paused and thought about what he was going to say, "well, maybe I am a little," he chuckled a bit, like the notion was kind of funny to him. "It all made me realize that while I love you, I'm not in love with you anymore. We were young when we got married, still in school, but we've drifted apart. We don't talk about the future, we don't talk about kids, and I can count the amount of times we've had sex in the last two years on my hands. We're friends living in the same house."
I couldn't disagree with him. I did love him, but I wasn't in love with him. I was, however, in love with Edward, a fact I could no longer deny, especially since I was carrying his child.
"I never meant for this to happen," I said looking up at him, needing to get it out, just so he knew. "It just… did."
"I know. We should have had this conversation years ago. That way you and Edward wouldn't have had to sneak around, and you wouldn't have warred with yourself about your feelings for him," he said before revealing in a whisper, "I knew how he felt about you from the beginning."
I couldn't even think about his last sentence, all that clouded everything was why wasn't he mad?
"You're my… husband, and I've… betrayed you," I noted brokenly and he gave me a sad smile. "You should be angry with me, yelling at me, something!"
"I can't, because this is a weight off of my shoulders as well. I want you to be happy, Bella, and if that happiness is with my brother, then so be it. Hon, this was a long time coming, and to be honest, I've been having many of the same thoughts as you. It's really more relief than anything, because I can now act on those thoughts without regret."
"You met someone?"
He smiled a shy smile that I hadn't seen in years. "Yeah. I haven't acted on it though, but I will now."
"Do. I want you to be happy too, Jasper."
The doorbell rang and Jasper moved to answer it. I could hear him talking to someone, and I recognized the voice. Their interaction was positive sounding as they walked back into the room. As soon as our eyes met, Edward's face lit up and he ran to me, wrapping me in his arms. It was a little disarming at first, but I soon relaxed, my hands slipping around his neck.
Edward turned to Jasper who was looking solemnly at the ground.
"Jasper, I… I'm so sorry," Edward apologized as he held me tight. "I never meant to betray you or your marriage… but I truly love her."
Jasper's jaw was clenched tight, and I knew then that even though this was for the best for both of us, it still hurt in the end. We'd spent the last nine years together after all. He rubbed his face, and before Edward could speak again his hand rose to stop him.
"I don't want to know. Really. Just… let's not talk about how long it's been going on, how long you've been fucking my wife. Let's just… not," Jasper said, and I could see this wasn't quite as easy as he made it out to be. He was angry, despite his words. "Now, that being said, let's go get you packed."
"Yes, packed. I'm keeping the house. You have a house after all," Jasper said, then looked to Edward. I followed his gaze.
"Let's go home," he said, beaming down at me.
"Home?" I questioned looking into his smiling eyes.
"Your new home… with me." His lips pressed against mine and I had a strange reaction of accepting it and rejecting it at the same time as we were in front of Jasper.
It would take time to adjust to that, to it being me and Edward, not me and Jasper.
I left with a suitcase that night, going to my new home with Edward. It was a strange transition, talking with my husband while packing with his brother who was my new… fiancé. I hadn't actually accepted Edward's proposal to him, but in my head it was a done deal.
I was nervous when we got to his place and he led me to what was now our bedroom. Maybe because I'd avoided the room for years because of my marriage, but I'd signed on the dotted line, our divorce officially underway.
Edward had never been as reverent and tender as that night, but then again time was always against us. "I love you" was a litany on his lips with each kiss, each thrust. I found a safety and comfort in his arms that I'd never felt with Jasper. An undeniable pull I now had the freedom to explore and relish in. We remained wrapped up in each other all night for the first time in over a year.
Over the next few weeks we worked on moving my things over to Edward's with the help of Jasper and his new girlfriend Alice. He was so smitten with her, and I was so happy he seemed to have found what I'd found with Edward.
The divorce was going smoothly, all due to how amicable we both were, it was slated to be done in record time. So fast, in fact, that Edward and I were planning a small little ceremony to take place just two weeks after everything was final. He didn't want a big wedding, and it was my second. Edward just wanted us to be married before the baby came, and he wanted to see me walking in a white dress to him.
We hadn't told Carlisle and Esme, wanting to get it all underway so that family didn't interfere. We all knew what we wanted. So they were hit with a bit of a shock when they came over to Edward's for a family dinner a few weeks after that and found me there, Jasper and Alice arriving just after them. We all decided to wait until then to tell them everything.
"Just what in the Sam hell is going on around here? Seducing my other son, Bella?" Carlisle yelled in my direction, but Edward stepped in front of me.
"Don't go throwing accusatory words at her," Edward said, glaring at his father.
"Bella and I are getting divorce," Jasper added, wrapping his arm around Alice, afraid she might be next.
"Divorced? After this long? Why?" Carlisle inquired, looking between the four of us.
"We don't love each other anymore, Carlisle. It happens," I said.
"It happens?" Carlisle questioned.
"Just how long has all this been going on?" Esme asked and we all looked at each other.
"Bella and I signed the divorce papers three weeks ago," Jasper answered.
"That's not what your mother was asking," Carlisle interjected, turning his attention to Edward. "How long have you been sleeping with your brother's wife?"
"Not long enough," Edward answered and I pinched him for being a smart ass.
"How could you? She's married to your brother!" Esme yelled.
"How could I not?" Edward countered.
Esme gasped. "Edward Anthony! I raised you better."
"You raised me just fine, and taught me love is worth fighting for."
They were angry at his answer, Carlisle throwing words at Edward and me, but Jasper stepped in, calming him down.
"I'd like you all to meet my girlfriend Alice. Alice, these are my parents," Jasper said, introducing the woman they'd barely noticed.
They were both stunned, but stopped their yelling, the need to be polite overtaking them. Alice soon won them over with her exuberance.
After a while we all sat down to dinner, the atmosphere around Carlisle and Esme volatile. With Alice's cheerful personality the four of us, Jasper, Alice, Edward, and I, were all having a good time. It was then, after watching us interact, that they relented. Carlisle commented that we all looked happier, livelier. When we finally confessed, when he learned how long Edward and I had been together, he knew the company wasn't in any trouble because of our relationship.
Esme was beaming, bouncing with excitement, when Edward and I showed her the ultrasound. It wasn't much, but it caused tears to flow from her as she hugged us both. Edward's arms wrapped around me, smiling that everything was just right. I sighed into his chest, fully relaxing with him for the first time ever.
Edward was ready to officially celebrate our engagement after they left. He'd done it over dinner, presenting me with a very large, very beautiful ring. I'd already told him I'd marry him, but now, everyone knew.
"Soon to be Mrs. Edward Cullen, I desperately need to be inside you before I burst," Edward said, panting into my ear.
His hands trailed down my body, reverently pausing at the not quite yet visable bump growing between my hips. He growled "mine" into my ear before I felt his cock part my lips. My head fell back, resting on the bed as he moved within me.
Life was much better being out, no longer hiding in an illicit relationship.
No more guilt or shame.