Sandra sat in one of the cubicles in the met toilets; these were the times she allowed herself to cry, to allow the tears to fall. She couldn't take it anymore, bottling things up wasn't working anymore. It wasn't a good way to cope, but she'd done it all her life, it was the easy way out of everything. Now that bottle was full what was she supposed to do? How could she tell someone that she wasn't coping anymore, how could she say she just couldn't take things anymore.
As she sat crying she began to wonder what had gone wrong to push her over the edge. Nothing had happened recently but yet for some reason it was now she was beginning to break. Everything she'd chosen to ignore in the past, every feeling she chose to bottle up was all catching up with her, she had no idea what to do.
She sat there debating what to do, she just wanted someone there, someone who understood, and who she felt cared about her. Someone who wouldn't judge her. She couldn't think of anyone, this made the tears fall more she was alone. How was she supposed to go on like this?
She decided she'd now been long enough; she wiped the tears from her face and the black streaky lines that had appeared down her face. Now her make-up was fixed, it was time to get back into the office and hide behind a fake smile, behind a brave face and to just pretend. Pretending was something she was good at.
She made her way back into the office, being careful not to speak until she was calmer as she was sure if she spoke the tears would start falling yet again. She made her way into her own little private office and sat listening to the witty banter exchanged between the boys out in the main office. That was where she should be, that's what she should be doing. She couldn't help but wonder what the hell was wrong with her and why she was being what in her eyes was weak. Enough was enough, she was slightly calmer before but still broken, she had to just keep pretending and go join in the laughing, even though it was fake. She had to have something, something to keep her hanging on before she did anything she'd regret.
'Are you okay Sandra?' Jack asked slightly concerned at the fact she'd been cooped up in her own office all day.
'Never better Jack.' He nodded and turned back to his work, she was slightly upset he hadn't been able to see right through her. In one way it was what she'd wanted, she didn't want anyone to know how she was feeling, but on the other hand she was sure she wasn't that good at acting that she could pretend she was perfectly okay that well. It was just more proof to her no one cared enough to be bothered.
Okay this is quite personal and took a lot to put this up but sdbubbles managed to persuade me. Because of how personal this is reviews really would be welcome.