This story is edited to meet the TOS rules of the Fanfiction website. To get the full story it is also posted unedited at the writers coffee shop.
This story is of a taboo topic that deals with a man falling for a very young girl. At no time does he have sex with her until she is eighteen. You may find his inner monolog offensive when she reaches between fifteen and sixteen when he becomes attracted to her physically.
This story stems from events in my real life and I know for a fact that at anytime I never felt that I was being harmed or threatened by anyone. Unless you were there, you don't know the circumstances that surrounded this time in my life It was my life and I know the details of what transpired. I was in fact 13 at the time and I believe I was adult enough to handle the situation without it ever getting out of control.
If you see Edward as a pedophile you are sadly mistaken. I know my own character because I wrote him. He was not salivating over a thirteen year old girl with a flat chest and sick twisted fantasies as a few of the reviews have strongly suggested. The mention of that age was when he had realized he wasn't happy with his wife and it stunned him that a thirteen year old girl could listen to him better than his wife who is his age. He left his wife for a better life. It had nothing to do with Bella and some sick fantasy some have conjured up.
I cannot believe I am getting grief when Edward has done everything to make sure he doesn't break a law. She was 18. He never acts out even when his body starts to feel that physical attraction towards Bella as her body matures in to that of a young woman. He waits, but still I get reviews that scream pedophile.
I am asking you now that if you cannot see this story for the way I intended it to be THIS STORY IS NOT FOR YOU. THIS IS HIS STORY and I will not let a few reviews try to deter me from telling it because some can't seem to grasp it. I would also like to add that it won a contest voted by the public...so if you feel so strongly about it reconsider your view of it because thousands are reading it and loving their unique relationship and strong connection!
THE FIRST CHAPTER IS PROOF THAT EDWARD WAITED. HE WAITED FOR BELLA UNTIL SHE WAS OF LEGAL AGE. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE DIDN'T THINK ABOUT HER SEXUALLY AT FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN, SEVENTEEN and the last time I checked, I don't think that fits the criteria of a pedophile.
I find it fascinating that not one review complains about a young Bella at fourteen lusting after a man old enough to be her dad. Why is that acceptable but for Edward it isn't?
Why was it acceptable for Edward who is 109 in Twilight to lust after and make out with a seventeen year old girl sneaking into her bedroom at night while her father was asleep to spend the night with her, for her to go through her teenaged years lying to her father on a daily basis, while wanting nothing more than to get in Edward's pants!
Not to mention the whole werewolves who imprint on newborns! I am pretty sure none of those that are protesting about this story protested about those facts in Twilight because if you had you wouldn't be here reading fanfiction. All of us have still put aside these facts because we love the idea of falling in love and that is
EXACTLY how I wrote this story and intended it to be read.
I have never written stories for reviews. I don't write for shock value. I write what is in my heart and what my heart feels is broken when I get some narrow minded reviewer who cannot see past that number 13 and then conjures up all these horrible ideas of what this character is.
I apologize to those that get this story for subjecting you to have to listen to this ridiculous disclaimer to explain it to those that cannot grasp it, or want to stir up and invent something that just isn't there.
I love, cherish and adore all of my readers. I think they are AWESOME for standing up for me and this story so be warned...they do read the reviews and you just may find that they will protect me just as I will them if anyone speaks bad about them.
An Innocent Discovery
Taste of Forbidden Contest
Winner of the best story voted by the Public.
(This story was written as an entry therefore it also explains the subject matter! It is after all Forbidden)
As if growing up is not hard enough, there are some things in life that are simply not fair.
When your parents tell you, you are too young to do something you really want to do, could qualify as one of those things.
Girls who can eat anything they want and never gain a pound. Totally unfair.
Then there is the mother lode of all unfairness, when one day at the age of fourteen, you realize how blind you had been, when someone in you life becomes so indescribably beautiful overnight, you wonder if a fairy didn't come down and cover him with magical fairy dust while you slept.
It was as if I suddenly woke up, never having noticed it before.
My body's reaction was instant, while my brain tried to catch up. As confusing as that was, what really freaked me out, was that my body wanted what it saw, in ways that I didn't understand.
I began to fidget nervously, standing in the same room with him. My hands shaking and my knees weaken.
He is the epitome of the man every girl wants to marry, make love to, and have dozens of his babies. The kind of person you could live happily ever after with, and never regret it.
What I want now more than anything, is totally forbidden. So totally unfair, because…
He is older. Old enough to be my father. He is married with a family. Worst of all, I melt now every time he lavishes affection on his little girl, who just so happens to also be my best friend.
Tia is the luckiest person in the world to have Edward Masen as her father. He dotes on her, referring to her as Daddy's little girl. Something I have never heard from my own father.
Edward also works with my father as an undercover cop, and he is married to Tanya.
Everything about Edward is different. He doesn't wear a uniform, or that ridiculously short haircut that cops usually do. He has a thick head of bronzed hair that always appears as if he just rolled out of bed. Then there are those beautiful, piercing, green eyes that seem to change colors with his mood or what he wears. Then to top it all off, he is tall and the man has a swagger unlike anyone else.
Edward is famous in this town for breaking all of the rules. "Rules are made to be broken…the object is…don't get caught!" is his favorite motto.
With Charlie always working, a lot of my time was spent over at the Masen's.
I felt like I was part of their family. I loved my father, but I envied the relationship Tia and Edward had.
I cannot remember the first day I met Mr. Masen, but I do remember the first day I saw him. I knew instantly that I fell unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him and deep down, I knew I would never have those feelings returned, because he is already taken. That fact only proves that once and for all, my theory about life being unfair is just that.
Over the years, Tia and I grew closer. We became inseparable one fateful day, walking into her house after school to find her parents fighting. They announced that they were getting a divorce before they each went off separately, slamming doors. It left me and Tia standing there stunned. She is my most cherished BFF, and I promised her from that moment on, that I would be there for her every step of the way.
Tia was torn between them, especially when her mom moved out. A few months later, she and I sat in the den doing homework when Tia's father came home unusually early from work.
He had this bright gleam in his green eyes, and that gorgeous half-crooked smile graced his lips... It didn't go unnoticed by me how beautiful he looked that day. His mood was beyond happy and his grin deepens walking towards Tia. My eyes fall to what he held in his hand. A blue box from the infamous Tiffany and Co. is wrapped in a white satin bow.
He kneels down in front of Tia, who is staring wide-eyed at him besides me.
"Daddy bought his little girl something. Baby…you are not going to have to endure going back and forth between me and your mom. You are solely mine Tia, at least until you are ready to fall in love and leave your old man to find your own happily ever after. You will always be my little girl, and I want you to know that."
He places the box on her knee smiling at her.
Edward won sole custody of Tia and my heart swelled for them both; it meant that I get to keep them both in my life.
I remember watching Tia open her gift; a pang of jealousy hits me when she pulls out a bracelet that has a small crystal heart, and a gold charm that says, "Daddy's girl."
She squeals out excited, throwing herself at him. I fight back my own tears now watching them. He hugs her tightly and laughs.
Edward's routine had changed slightly, as he now took up jogging. He would run every night before dinner and I relished seeing him return all sweaty and panting, as I watched from my bedroom window.
I didn't think it was possible to fall harder for a man, I could never have. I doubted if there would ever be a time that I would get over my feelings towards him. Some nights I cried myself to sleep, because the desire to be with him was unbearable.
I put myself through the most pleasurable torture of sitting at the breakfast table every day before school, knowing that I would get that one chance to ogle one of the sexiest creatures on the planet. I made sure to arrive at the same time everyday, knowing Edward would walk out of the kitchen, shirtless.
I needed to sit down at the table to steady my wobbly legs at the mere sight of him. The sexiest man ever sits here every day, with no shirt, denim button fly's, hung low on his hips, and that last button always left unfastened, waiting to be done up, as he carried in a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee.
It made every day worth living.
I kept my carefully guarded secret of the crush I carried for Mr. Masen, and I am resolved to the fact that I will never find a guy my own age that will ever live up to him.
I coveted every look, every smile, every compliment, and every given opportunity of his touch. I replay every one of these repeatedly in my own mind and catalog it in my diary to read when I am alone in my room, most nights.
I've worried that Tia wasn't as naïve as I'd hoped she'd be and wondered if she could see my adoration for her father. Luckily for me she hasn't seemed to have caught on…yet.
Tia asked him once if he was ever going to date again. "I have no plans of that any time soon. It is just you and me kid."
I smiled inwardly, and run home to write it in my diary when I noticed that his eyes darted to mine after he said it. I was sure I was imagining him thinking of me and so I wrote the fantasy that I longed for.
The older I got, the harder it became to control my hormones when I imagined doing things with my best friend's father.
I just couldn't help it.
Tia was dying to make plans for my eighteenth birthday, but I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I attempted to forget about it hoping it would pass without anyone knowing it.
Then, my first gift arrived a week early from my hair brained mother.
I gasp when I see the 2 piece red bikini that would most likely barely cover my modest curves. I had no choice but to wear it because I still had yet to go shopping for my own this summer, and Tia and I had plans to swim all summer long.
The week passed too quickly while we swam every day. I was thrilled that for once my skin seemed to of tanned and not burned.
"I really have to go home," I stood up, grabbing my towel. "Charlie is coming home for dinner and I promised I would cook for him."
"Lucky Charlie," his smooth voice comes from behind me startling me. I turned to see Edward standing on the patio so close, I felt his hot breath on my sun kissed skin. My eyes fall down to his hands in his pockets. My blush radiates over my cheeks when I look back up and notice today, that his beautiful bronzed hair is uncharacteristically long for a cop.
I manage a smile for him and naturally blush further when his eyes noticeably scan down the front of me.
I want to die of embarrassment.
Did he just check me out?
"You girls have fun today?" he asked finally stepping around me, heading over, and kissing Tia on the forehead.
"Hey Daddy," she answered sweetly. "We did, but I lost track of time. Can we hit the diner tonight?"
"Sure baby, go put some clothes on." He brushes her hair out of her eyes and then strolls past me, back into the house.
I gather my things and enter through the French doors. Edward is standing next to the counter, his hands gripping it firmly with his back facing me.
"Fuck," he groaned aloud. "I can't handle this bull shit!"
The stupid doors shut loudly behind me before I could stop them. Edward's head lifts up and he turns quickly. His expression leaves me wary because he looks so angry.
"Sorry." I whisper.
His eyes dropped to my mouth, then my breasts, down to my bikini and back up again. He sighed heavily, and then gave me the sweetest smile.
"No, it's alright," then he turned quickly running for the stairs.
It was one of those moments, I had to put in my diary, but it had been missing since the day we went to the beach two weeks ago. I cried for two days, certain it was buried under the sand somewhere. I felt a deep loss of all those special moments gone.
I left quickly and headed home.
When Charlie arrived, we sat down for dinner; I didn't hesitate when he finally asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
"I lost my diary," I answer, looking up at him. "I would like a new one."
He nodded. "You pick it out, let me know where and how much, and I will get it for you. Sound good?"
"Perfect!" I smile, and enjoy the rest of dinner in our familiar silence.
"Before you open that, get your ass upstairs and shower! We are going out, and don't have much time. She marches past me, with her bag of all things beauty in hand. I know better than to even argue about this. I give in following her directions.
After having spent what felt like hours getting ready for God knows what. Frustration set in as I follow behind her.
"Tia, you know how I feel about surprises!" I stop walking to demand an answer.
"Where are you planning to take me?"
"Oh Bella, don't ruin this! I promise we are going to have so much fun. Everything is already set up, and my dad will be home any minute so we need to hurry. You don't want to keep my dad waiting now do you?"
I narrow my eyes at her, wondering once again if Tia knows more than she is letting on. Especially when she uses the potential of her father's disappointment against me.
I give in, following closely behind her as we head towards her house.
"Why are all the lights off?" I ask.
"I haven't been home all day silly." She laughs, unlocking the door, throwing it open.
I shriek, gripping my chest to try to calm the frantic beating of my heart after having the beejezus scared out of me.
I look into the sea of familiar faces staring back at me and I feel my cheeks heat up at the very thought of what is painfully obvious.
I am brought out of my haze of embarrassment when I feel Tia tugging my arm while jumping and laughing.
"You had no idea huh?" Her blinding smile makes her even more radiant, than she already is.
"No you little brat!" I slap at her arm. I want to turn around and bolt, but as I scan the room, my eyes land on Charlie who lied to me about having to work, because he is not in uniform, smiling from ear to ear. He walks towards me planting a kiss the top of my head, wishing me a Happy Birthday.
He steps back, and once again my world shifts, the moment I am aware of his presence.
My cheeks burn hotter, and my blush deepens now that I am standing merely inches from him. I look up; his mega watt smile makes my heart skip a beat. My knees weaken I am sure to faint if I don't get a grip on myself.
Then to make matters worse, he winks at me, heat radiates even more from my cheeks. I have always feared he knows the reason for my blush.
Hearing his voice is like the soft feel of velvet against your bare skin while tasting the sweetest chocolate that melts in your mouth. Every time I hear his voice, everything else ceases to exist.
I cannot move, let alone breathe, his voice lowers to a soft whisper. My heart launches into a frantic beat when his lips are next to my ear. The words are simple but when they come from his lips, it is as if he is speaking poetry.
"Happy Birthday Bella."
Then for the first time since I have known him, I feel his lips brush against my jaw just below my ear, kissing my cheek. I am so stunned but now, my entire body ignites like a live wire as if ten thousand volts of electricity shocked me.
"Thank you Mr. Masen." I look up at him feeling both bashful, but still wanting to throw my arms around him all at the same time.
"Are you ever going to stop making me feel like an old geyser and just call me Edward?"
I smile apologetically, loving the way he says his own name, and I try it out for the first time. "Yes, Edward."
I watch his mouth fall open, he gazes at me, and I swear I see longing in his expression. It appears that he likes hearing me call him by his first name.
"Dad! Your gift!" Tia interrupts us and I look down to see the little blue box he is holding in the palm of his hand.
Suddenly, I want to cry.
I hear people talking all around me, gifts being thrust at me, but I cannot help but watch him take a step back to allow others to congratulate me.
I get one chance to make a wish tonight. I already know what it is going to be when I blow out my candles.
All I want is just one night.
I know it is one of those unobtainable dreams, but there is nothing wrong with dreaming.
All evening, I would swear that I could feel him watching me. Every time I looked over his way, his eyes seemed to smolder before someone would capture his attention forcing him to look away. I am almost certain of it.
After saying goodbye to the last of the guests, Tia and Ben drag me out to the garage, after the last guest has left.
"Bella I need a favor! Ben and I want to spend the night at his place; can you just tell my dad I am going to go stay with you?" She begs me to lie to her father. Apparently tonight she and Ben were about to go all the way, and I couldn't be happier for her. I let her convince me, but before she walks out of the garage, she reaches over to her dad's car, pulls his jacket off the hood tossing it to me.
"He is cleaning up around the patio. I assume he is still outside so you can toss it in on his bed, but hurry and try to get in and out quickly."
So now here I stand, in front of Edward Masen's bedroom door, holding his leather jacket.
I knock quietly letting myself in, when there is no answer.
The scent of burning wood fills my senses as the warmth of the room blankets my body. The fireplace sits in the corner of the master bedroom, with a pair of wingback chairs facing it. I look around the room awestruck by how comfortable it feels in here. His essence is everywhere, from the large canopy bed to my right, to the jacket I now hold close to my chest. I am so aroused breathing in the scent of him, I can feel my heart skip a few beats imagining him in this very room.
I lift the fabric to my nose and inhale. Not wanting to let it go, I finally relent and place his jacket on the bed. I brush my hand over his bedspread knowing that this is where he sleeps and I wonder if he is ever naked when he does.
I sigh and turn heading back towards the door
"Did you have a nice birthday?" that familiar sultry voice calls out, startling me out of my own haze of fantasies. I turn to face where his voice is coming from.
I didn't even see Edward sitting there in front of the fire. His expression is indifferent as he stares into the flames. He is still wearing the jeans he wore earlier this evening, but the black t-shirt that hugged his body perfectly, is now lying over his right thigh. My eyes fall to his bare chest as it glows in the firelight. I also catch the glint from the crystal glass that is filled with amber liquid dangling from his fingertips.
I stutter, "I...I uh...am sorry, I didn't know you were here. Tia asked me to bring your jacket up."
" You didn't answer the question." he replies firmly, his eyes still unwavering from the flames.
"Oh, well yes…I did. It was wonderful, thank you so much for allowing Tia do this for me. For using your home, I mean. It was sweet. I had no idea and I was really surprised." I laugh nervously.
He continues to look into the fire and smiles softly. His silhouette in the flickering amber flames is stunning.
His voice is so low I strain to hear him.
"It was my idea you know."
I stand here; heart thundering in my chest as I stare at the most stunning man to of graced the earth, and his admission leaves my mind reeling.
He thought of this?
"Come here Bella, please?" My heart is beating so hard it's about to jump out of my chest. Not wanting to upset him, I do as he asks, moving in closer. I can smell his cologne.
His eyes lazily look towards me now, brighter in the light of the fire. I can see something in his eyes. I could feel it even more so.
I swallow hard and feel my face burn up and as usual, I drop my eyes bashfully down and that is when I notice it. Something I hadn't seen and thought was forever lost.
My Diary, is sitting on his knee, his finger caresses the smooth brass cover over the now very bent lock.
Panic hits me, and I cannot even speak.
His hand comes out towards me, his fingers take my wrist, gently into his, while I stand here fidgeting as he starts to admire the bracelet that he had gifted me with earlier this evening.
It was the highlight of my night.
His thumb brushes over the charms; his voice is so soft as he speaks His mood unreadable.
"I didn't take it, if that is what you are thinking. You must have dropped it in my car the day I picked you and Tia up at the beach. I would have returned it, but I admit curiosity got the best of me, so I peeked."
I swallow harder this time.
"Isabella, I am sure that you are aware you talk in your sleep. On more than one occasion, I have been lucky enough to listen to you speak without worrying about you running off to hide. I know I shouldn't stand around and watch you sleep, let alone listen to your dreams. I began to look forward to those nights that you and Tia have a sleep over. I took whatever I could get from your nocturnal ramblings. Then it was like this fell out of the sky, and suddenly I could read your mind." He looks down at my diary.
My eyes close and I want to die.
"Hey." His voice continues on speaking so softly, I give in and I slowly open them to look down at his thumb softly brushing the back of my hand as I fidget as he looks at me now.
"What you must think of me." I whisper.
Every secret, every thought I have ever had about Edward, every memory I carefully documented so I would never forget is written in my journal.
A smile brightens his eyes, and then slowly disappears, replacing the gleam with a furrowed brow and a frown.
"No, I am going to tell you something," he says, taking a deep breath before he continues.
"Bella, when all is said and done, I think you will see this differently. I cannot help it though. I have no control over the direction my feelings have taken, and by the time I am done saying all I have to say, it may be how you think of me after I make my confessions."
"I noticed two things about your journal. First, that almost every entry in it is about me, and second, you started this when you were fourteen. You wrote in it almost every day since, so I am guessing that this all started for you when you turned fourteen. However, for me what I am about to say I hope doesn't frighten you. My feelings towards you changed when you were thirteen. You captured my attention and it hasn't wavered once in all these years. The year before my divorce Bella. And the reason why I had the courage to ask for one."
I stand here next to him frozen, stunned, nervous, and anxious all at the same time.
"I know. That is a lot to take in, but please Bella hear me out. You are wiser beyond your years; it makes you seem older than what you are. You have this way about you that I swear you were my age sometimes," he chuckles lightly.
He stares off now wistfully, "I came home from work after a really tough week. You were sitting in the family room alone; you asked me how my day had gone. I stopped and stared at you, puzzled more than anything. I wondered if you were genuinely interested or just making conversation. I realized it wasn't the latter. You asked because you wanted to know, and the fact that you cared at all was probably the day I realized what I was missing in my life."
He drops my hand now, his long fingers feather through the mane of his hair and he tousles it. I have seen him do this a thousand times before. It is a trademark that I associate only with him.
"I sat down with you and talked to you. I rambled on and on and you listened. I could see something in your eyes. Something so simple and then later that night upon interacting with Tanya I knew what was wrong. Tanya never really seemed to care about anything that didn't revolve around her. Not even Tia took priority. My repeated attempts to tell her about my day ended the same way. Tanya blowing me off, leaving the room, or just interrupting me to tell me about her day. Our marriage had been that way for a while, but it took that one day to force me to open my eyes."
His eyes stare into the flames admitting things; I could not wrap my head around.
"The next few months were brutal. My head and my body were fucking with me. I would see you and I knew I couldn't do a damn thing about the way I felt about you. Bella if you only knew the turmoil I was in being attracted to you when you were so young! It was wrong. However, that doesn't mean I didn't feel it. I struggled every day. I wanted you in ways that were forbidden. Then one day, I gave into it, realizing nothing was going to change. There was only one answer. I wanted you. It didn't matter what age you were. It was just you. Life has a strange way of playing out. I never would have found you, if it hadn't been for Tia. I believe in fate Bella, so it has to be fate that you are standing here at this very moment, right?"
I stand here simply stunned by his confession.
He turns to look at me. His eyes looking for an answer, but he must have seen something else.
"Isabella? Am I scaring you?"
"N-No." I stutter.
"You are a terrible liar." He smiles.
A single tear drops, and I feel it roll down the heat of my cheek.
"I am scaring you, aren't I?" Concern burns in his expression.
"I…I…just can't believe it…its just…I never thought…you are so…"
"So?" he asks.
"Perfect." I breathe the word out; surprised I am so open to admit what I kept to hidden for so long.
His eyes brighten; a genuine smile graces his face, making him even more perfect.
"It is not I who am the perfect one Bella. It is you. It has always been you." His eyes fall to my hand and he reaches out and takes it again. His fingers trace the shiny links.
"After reading your diary, I chose my own way to show you a documented lifetime of memories that I hold dear. Things that had to do with you. Each charm has a meaning." I look down as he turns the delicate bracelet around until he comes to the small box charm.
"The miniature replica of the famous Tiffany box, it didn't go unnoticed that day the way you envied me giving one to Tia. I wanted so desperately to give one to you too, but I couldn't come up with a reason, not until tonight." He moves on to the next one. "The ice cream cone. Fuck, I love the way you lick an ice cream cone. I was sure you caught me more than once staring. You kill me every fucking time." He gave me a naughty smile, and then brushed his thumb over the cupcake. "This is a symbol of today. The day you turned 18."
He drops my hand.
I stop breathing all together, when he opens my diary.
His voice fills the room and my head as he begins to read aloud, my most private thoughts.
I spent the holiday with the Masen's since Charlie had to work. I miss spending holidays with my mom sometimes.
We were headed to the beach for the annual picnic and fireworks show. Edward drove us and of course, my heart was beating so hard as I rode behind her father. His arms looked even more muscular. His right arm hung slightly out the window, and I watched as the fine hairs glistened against the sunlight, only adding more beauty to his flawless skin.
I glanced up to peek at him in the review mirror, and I am a little startled to see him looking at me through his dark Raybans. I was almost one hundred percent positive he was looking at me. His eyes move to look in another direction but take one more subtle peek back at me.
Did he just smile? Am I imagining this?
He flips through, another page of my diary answering the questions I was asking myself.
"I was looking at you," he says, softly licking the tip of his finger and turning another page. "You were beautiful that day, just as you are everyday. Your long chocolate brown curls tied through red, white, and blue ribbons. I loved the way your neck was exposed to me. That curly ponytail is so sexy and sweet. You were sin, and I wanted to be a sinner."
My breath hitched in my throat again, but he continues reading while I stand there frozen in place. Hearing my words flow from his lips didn't sound the same when I read it back to myself after I had written it.
In my head, I always felt as though I sounded depressed, writing about wanting the unobtainable, but his voice dripped of nothing but sexual desire as he stopped at a page to read.
The first day of high school.
The first day of high school.
Fifteen and clueless…sometimes I hate being a teenager. I don't feel like a teenager most days.
Tia and I dared to dress up more than usual for our first day of high school. I was nervous, until something happened, when I went to pick her up this morning.
Well, more like Edward happened.
He commented on what I was wearing when he answered the door, leaving me with a feeling of confidence, but still blushing in embarrassment like the stupid teenage girl I am.
He stood at the door holding it open and I watched his eyes move from head to toe over my body. He looked slightly confused, but he finally spoke after a long pause.
"Good morning Bella. You are up early. Come on in, Tia is almost ready."
He steps back and lets me in, and I can feel his eyes on me. I swear it felt like they were burning into my soul.
"You look…wow!" he mumbled, "Just...pretty…no—pretty doesn't do you justice…beautiful. You look beautiful." His voice seemed a little softer, as he swallows and shuts the door. Then out of nowhere, he bolts up the stairs leaving me speechless.
I wondered all day what that was all about? Sometimes his actions confuse me and leave me feeling distraught. I know it's just wishful thinking! He can't seriously see anything in me. I am a kid, no one, and he is…Edward.
Everything about him is perfect and he literally brightens up my life.
His voice changes as he stops reading and reveals to me what he thought that day.
"I couldn't fucking believe it. You were growing up right in front of me, and then a day like that comes out of nowhere. My mind battled with my body. I saw how innocent and young you were, and I hate myself for thinking those things," his brow furrowed.
"My mind fantasized about you all the time. Things that no man my age should be thinking of ever doing with a girl as young as you. I wanted you Bella, I wanted you so fucking bad, I ached lying in bed at night, closing my eyes and that endless loop of my favorite fantasy. If you only knew what went through my head. My God, you were fucking fifteen. My daughter is fifteen and I just couldn't stop the feelings I had when it came to being around you. I swear, I had no control over what I felt."
He closes my diary and tosses it off on to the chair next to him. He sets the glass down on the table next to him and he sits forward. His hand reaches out resting on my waist and his touch is warm against the bare flesh of my back as he gently pulls me towards him.
My legs don't hesitate and move with no resistance.
"Page Seventy four." His whispers, sounding out of breath.
"I have never been kissed. I won't ever let anyone touch my lips unless it is him. I will die never having been kissed and that is okay, because I am his, even if he doesn't know it. I have always been his. Even if I never get to kiss him. My lips are his. I just wished he knew it."
His perfect recall of my entry stuns me. He stands up, now taking my face in the palms of his beautiful hands, I feel as if my heart is going to explode. Another traitorous tear slips down my cheek, as I look up at him nervously. I hate that I am letting him see me cry like a baby, but I am defenseless to stop them.
This is real. It is not a dream. It is not a fantasy. I am here. He is here.
"Is that still true?" He whispers looking at me with hopeful eyes.
All I can do is nod while his thumb brushes over the heat of my cheek, wiping the tear from my flesh.
"Do I have permission to kiss the lips that belong to only me?"
I nod, still speechless.
His bright smile is soft in the firelight, and the twinkle in his eye is something I have never seen before. The green brightens up the grey shades of his eyes.
"I have waited so fucking long for this moment. You are as soft as I imagined. I know you're as pure as the driven snow, now I want see if you really do taste as sweet as I have always imagined…you have got to be so fucking sweet." He closes his eyes tilts his head and I stop breathing, closing mine.
Then I feel it.
Warm soft lips brush over mine, surrounded now in the scent of chocolate cake, brandy mixed with his own scent. It literally washes over me and warms every part of me.
His lips moving perfectly like an expert who knows exactly what he is doing, working them over my lips gently and slowly. Then, before I realize it, I can not only smell the chocolate.
I can taste it on my tongue.
His tongue parts my lips so slow and easy, not hard and rough like I have seen in some movies, where kisses are hard and crazy.
Every girl's first kiss should be like this. Maybe it is…I don't know but I do know that this is happening and it couldn't be perfect.
His mouth is warm. His tongue moves as if it is testing some boundary.
I stop the kiss and pull back slightly, and his eyes open slowly his brow creases with worry.
"I…I thought all this time, nothing like this would ever happen. Tell me it is real. Tell me I am not imagining this, dreaming this. Tell me I am not going to wake up. Please." I don't even know what I am really asking, but somehow he does.
His little smirk I have seen a thousand times before over the years is finally all for me.
I remember the first time I saw it. I felt my heart melt, and now…its right here and he is giving it to me.
"Bella…baby…God I have wanted to call you baby so many times, this is about as real as it gets. Before we do anything else, I need to ask you…I need to be sure that you are certain. That this is what you want. If it is, I have something for you. Something to add to that bracelet I gave to you tonight. The last charm that only we know its true meaning. If you accept it, then you have to know that there is something that you have to give me in return."
I stare at him and the words are out of my mouth before I can even think. "Anything. I will give you anything."
His hand moves down into his pocket and he reaches in. I notice it sparkles in the firelight as he takes my hand, clipping it to the bracelet. trying to see it in the darkness.
He answers my question without me even asking.
"It's a diary. I wanted it to represent the way we feel about each other. You confided in this book and dared to document your love for me without fear. For every moment that you experienced with me in your mind, in that beautiful mind of yours, I want you to know I fantasized about you too.
Age was not even a factor, even though I am old enough to be your dad, you poured your heart into documenting us. Bella, you are eighteen, now and that makes you old enough to vote, to go out in the world on your own. You are old enough to decide what you want. Whom you want and whom you choose to be with. I choose you. I chose you years ago. I have waited a long time for you. It is time for you to decide, because I cannot wait another minute. I just can't. I have waited so long for you, and now I am asking. I didn't make this decision lightly. It is based on my feelings, my desire, my need and on everything, I read in that little blue book. You poured our heart and your soul out in that book. I wished I had done the same. I don't want to pressure you, but I can't help it. If what you wrote is true, then I know deep down, for you to deny you weren't waiting for me would be untrue. Every word screams that you were waiting and hoping. Please Bella tell me it is true."
"I hoped." I nearly sob out the words. "I really hoped."
"You don't have to hope. I am right here." His arms come around and pick me up and he hugs me tightly to his warm body.
****This story is edited to meet the TOS for Fanfiction****