Okaaay, so I'm thinking of updating my fics again and maybe finishing a few of them. Does anyone even still read this? If so, leave me a review letting me know how you're liking it!
*-* Deidara's Point of View *-*
"I dreamed about him last night, for the first time in a long time." I admit to the blonde woman in charge of absorbing all my insane ramblings for money divied out to her by the U.S government. I'm aware she has private clients who she probably sees in her home, but all of her state-appointed cases like me see her in her office. I'm not offended by this - I wouldn't want lower-class nutcases in my house either.
"Why do you think that is?"
"Well, of course it's because of everything that happened yesterday, seeing him again. Obviously he's going to be on the forefront of my mind and stuff." I answer, frowning. "But, it was different."
"We were adults. . . I mean, we were how we are now. It wasn't memories of when we were kids."
"What happened in the dream?"
"It was. . ." I hesitate only slightly out of embarrassment, then continue. After all, I'm sure she has heard worse than anything I could tell her, right? "We were having sex." She doesn't look surprised.
"Are you sexually frustrated?" She asked me, raising her eyes from the paper to stare at me. I shrug a little.
"Maybe. I haven't really, you know, dated anyone in awhile. I haven't really been in the mood but maybe my body, you know?" She seems to understand, although I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.
"Do you think it's a good idea to get involved in a sexual relationship now?"
"I don't know. . . Maybe." I answer, and she continues to stare, indicating for me to elaborate. "I mean, you know they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right?" I smile a little at the phrasing, but Tsunade looks unamused.
"Has that worked for you in the past?"
"Not exactly, but it hasn't really been a hardship, you know? I mean, I've dated some nice guys. They treated me good and everything."
"What about the man you were talking to before? Neji, was it?" She asked, and my eyes widen in obvious surprise and shock.
"I forgot, honestly." I admit, frowning, thinking of the nice brunette I had gone out with a few times in the last month. He was smart, calm, and witty, and the dates had been nice. Dinner, movies, that kind of thing. Nothing to write home about, but certainly not a displeasure. I enjoy his company. "All this stuff with Sasori. . . "
"You're saying your thought process has been so focused on Sasori that you've forgotten everything else?"
I allow my head to fall back on a pillow the color of a toasted marshmallow, and close my eyes. "Pretty pathetic, huh?"
Thankfully, she doesn't answer the question. "Do you think if you continue on with your life the way it was, you may be able to cope better with his return to Konoha?"
"I'll give it a try." I answer honestly, staring up at the beige ceiling.
After leaving her office, I pull out my phone, staring at it cautiously. I don't give my mind a chance to talk me out of it, my fingers quickly locate the contact labelled, 'Neji' and dial it.
"Hello?" His voice answers quickly, it's obvious he didn't have to think twice about whether he wanted to talk to me or not. It had been a few weeks since we had spoken, so I felt awkward.
"Neji." I greet him, rolling my eyes at my own lameness. Who calls someone with nothing to say?
"Deidara, it's nice to hear from you. How have you been?" No awkwardness on his end, it seems, which appeases me a little.
"Busy," I reply, opting to use a lie. I hadn't been busy, I just hadn't seen any kind of future with him so I hadn't returned the couple of texts and voicemails he had left me after our last date. "Sorry I didn't get a chance to get in touch with you. I should have." It's true, I really should have. He's really a nice guy, no obvious defects or flaws.
"That's fine," He says coolly, and it really seems to be. "I hoped everything was alright with you."
"Fine." Neither of us say anything for a minute, because I had nothing to say in the first place. I guess Tsunade's advice prompted me to call him, but I'm such an impulsive idiot I didn't even stop to think before I did it.
"Are you. . . Busy tonight?" He asks, slightly tentatively. I think about this for a second, and decide I'm not.
"No. Did you want to maybe do something?" I offer, wanting to spare him the task of asking.
"Yes." He answers quickly and firmly, and I remember another reason I like him. He's very to-the-point, and blunt. There are no guessing games or analyzing the things he says and does.
He tells me he will pick me up in the evening, which gives me an adequate amount of time to get ready. When I hang up the phone, I do feel better.
*-* Sasori's Point of View *-*
"I can't stop thinking about him."
"I know." Itachi responds, glaring at me from across the room.
We are both sitting cross-legged on either side of our living room, pulling items out of boxes and placing them in piles to be carted off to the rooms they belong in.
"I just feel really guilty, I guess."
"You have nothing to feel guilty about." He tells me for the 50th time, but I still don't agree with him.
"I didn't even try to contact him after I left."
"You were a child. Children don't know how to handle emotions like what you were feeling."
And that's the bottom line, isn't it? We were children. How am I still so enamored by someone I liked 7 years ago? In my defense, he is extremely sexy. How could I not be attracted, at least initially? I liked his ass even before I knew who he was, I reason with myself.
"It's like a stupid shoujo anime." I scoff, placing a black converse shoe and a book titled 'The Heroin Diaries' in the pile designated for Itachi's room.
"If this were a shoujo anime, then you and Deidara would end up declaring your everlasting feelings for each other, then make love in some secluded forest, with flowers and leaves and woodland creatures scattered about. And at the very moment of climax-"
"Itachi." I growl, glaring at the floor, my cheeks flaming. Damn it.
He laughs, shaking his head. "Right, sorry. I forgot you don't like to talk about sex. Well, maybe it will be different after you lose your virginity."
I snarl, face flying up to meet his gaze, my teeth bared in anger. I felt a mixture of part anger, and part mortal humiliation at my complete and total lack of sexual experience being mentioned, and an acute paranoia that someone had heard, as if someone was listening with their ear to the front door of our apartment.
"I told you not to call it that!"
"What?" He smirks at my reaction, he had known it would get a rise out of me. It always does.
"I don't have a virginity. I'm not a woman or an uke, okay?" I snap, eyes narrowed. "I just haven't. . . Fucked anyone, yet."
He nods condescendingly, obviously not convinced. "It's still called your virginity, regardless of how it embarrasses you."
"It makes me sound like some blushing bride or something stupid like that."
"Well, you're certainly blushing." He points out, still smirking. Sometimes, Itachi is a huge asshole for no reason. Actually, the reason is because he loves to embarrass me. He's a bit of an emotional sadist.
"Whatever." I let it drop, because I know there's no way to win with him. And he has a point, I hate talking about the fact that I've never had sex. I hate the fact that I'm a virgin being acknowledged even more than I hate the actual fact, if that makes sense. The actual fact only bothers me a little, at least I have the excuse that I'm socially awkward and unattractively pessimistic. Not exactly a turn-on for most people, and I never really dated anyone except Deidara. . . If you can even consider that dating, since technically we never had an actual date.
But I feel morbidly, horrifyingly embarrassed when the fact gets brought up. Probably an old subconscious leftover feeling from when we were teenagers and sex was all anyone thought about or talked about and if you had done it, you were a god, and if you hadn't done it, then you lied and said you had.
Itachi breaks me out of my thoughts by making a patronizing little noise in his throat. "You know, I'm sure Deidara would be happy to guide you through your introduction to the adult world."
"Shut up." The thought gives me equal parts arousal and horror. "Take your stuff to your room, whore." I say, gesturing his growing pile of possessions. He laughs a little, not in the least offended by my remark, as we both knew this wasn't even close to true. He wasn't a total prude, but he was picky, and I knew there had only been a couple of guys to meet whatever his strict prerequisites were, and actually land a hook-up.
"I've never seen you agonize quite so acutely about anything before, Sasori."
"I never have." I answer quietly, shaking my head in exasperation for myself. I must be a real loser.
"It's obvious you want him. Why don't you call him?"
"No!" I deny the idea nearly before he can finish voicing it. "I have to wait at least a couple days, right? Or else I'll look desperate."
"If you wait too long, you'll seem uninterested." He reminded me, making me groan.
"I hate this kind of shit, you know that."
"Which is probably why I'm finding it unbearably funny to watch you squirm. You are like a character in a shoujo manga."
"Why would someone like him want anything to do with someone like me?"
"Someone like you?" The humor has suddenly fled from Itachi's face and voice. "You mean intelligent, and creative? Or maybe you mean how you're contemplative and practical. Certainly not traits anyone would look for in a potential mate. I'm sure you're right, nobody could ever be attracted to you."
I pause, somewhat stunned by his sudden declaration. "I. . . Thank you, Itachi."
He doesn't answer me, but I knew he wouldn't.
*-* Deidara's Point of View *-*
The date goes well. I use well as a kind of relative term, like nobody died and we exchanged a few conversations, and he was a gentleman. We have dinner at a Japanese restaurant, where he seems very comfortable (being Japanese and all), and finds it funny that I'm hesitant to try some of the weirder stuff - like sashimi - but really liked onigiri stuffed with plum umeboshi and these little pink, white, and green sweet things on a skewer that he called dango.
Several times during the date, I find myself staring at him and wondering why he doesn't make my heart race or ache like thoughts of Sasori do. He's good-looking and all, I mean he has a nice face and interestingly light-colored eyes and surprisingly pretty hair. It's dark and long and it looks really smooth and nice. I wouldn't mind running my hands through it, I mean. There's nothing unattractive about him, to be honest. I decide I'm not trying hard enough, and thinking about Sasori right now is stupid, seeing as I have a perfectly nice guy here and in front of me. One who actually seems interested in me, and I doubt would suddenly cease contact with me for 7 years before showing back up in my life again.
After the date is over, he parks his car in front of my apartment and politely walks me to my door.
"I really enjoyed seeing you tonight, Deidara. I'm glad you called me."
"Me too." It's true, I am glad I called him. I really liked that dango stuff.
"I'm hoping you'll call me again in the very near future. I don't want to lose contact with you again."
"I'll call you." Probably. I sigh inwardly at my own thoughts. I made a forcible mental note to myself to call him. I could at least try being normal, for once.
He leans into me, and I know what's coming. He's going to try to kiss me goodnight, because he's done it before and I let him. I'll let him this time, too. Because he's a good kisser.
Only this time, he doesn't keep the contact exclusive to our lips and his hands cupping the back of my head. His body kind of lines up with mine in a way that lets me know he wants to come in. I don't immediately object, and I let him grind against me a little bit, even going so far as to lean back against my door to allow him some leverage, my arms wrapping around his shoulders.
When his fingers trail down from my neck to my shoulders, I pull away slowly, staring at the intense look in his eyes. He's really handsome.
"I'm. . . Not ready to. . . " I stumble over the wording, but he obviously gets it. What else could I be talking about?
"That's okay." He whispers, and it really does seem okay. He doesn't sound irritated or angry at all.
"I mean, I'm not ready right now. Like, I have a lot on my mind right now. I'm sorry." He shakes his head in response to my apology, smiling lightly.
"Deidara, I said it's fine. Like I said, I really enjoyed seeing you tonight."
His easy acceptance of my not being ready strikes me exactly the right way, and I decide I actually do want to sleep with him. But since I've already told him I'm not ready, I don't want to look like a psycho by immediately changing my mind.
"If you're not busy, maybe you could come over tomorrow night and we could. . . Watch a movie or something, here." He knows what I mean. I mean, maybe we would watch a movie, but the central point of the night is going to be his body on top of me.
He agrees to come tomorrow evening, and opens my door for me, telling me to have a good night. I watch him drive away in his car from my window, and I feel good about my decision.
But my dreams are still filled with Sasori.
Alright, so that's that. Not a good chapter, imo. I mean, there is literally no interaction between the main love interests, but I like Sasori and Itachi's relationship. I adore brotherly relationships. Also, I suck at writing now. Sorry about that.