A/N: Marvel owns all names and likness.
"Cama cama cama cama cama cama Camelion."
Wade was singing to himself again. Wrapping the towel around his waist, he went into the kitchen and opened a new bottle of beer for himself. He continued to sing as he sat in his lazy boy and turned on the television.
A white ghost appeared on the couch next to him with long hair covering its face. Wade shrieked and jumped from his chair on to the floor and reached for the gun that was 'strategically' placed there.
After a snort of laughter and a cleared throat, the ghost asked "Are you alright, Mr Wilson?"
Wade lifted the gun over the arm of the chair and pointed it at the ghost. "Be gone Demon!"
The ghost sighed and walked, wait, walked?
Laura stood over him extending her hand to help him stand. She was wearing a black over bust corset, a red undershirt, black jeans and black boots.
Wade blinked a few times. "You fucking weirdo? What are you doing sitting in the dark?" He stood up on his own and went to go get some clothing.
"I was awaiting for you to get out of the shower."
She gave him some privacy that was allowed in a one room studio like industrial building while he dressed. "You couldn't call? What the hell are you doing here anyways? Isn't past yer bedtime or somethin?"
"You requested that I contact you when I turned 18. I do not have your contact information and I had a feeling that that is information Logan would delve to me. So I drove here. And the Academy only has a lights out policy, not a sleep policy. If this is inconvenient for you, I will leave."
"Wait; did you say your 18?" He quickly pulled his pants on and grabbed a shirt.
Looks like we won't be needin' those.
"Yes, as of two hours and" she looked at her watch "fifty three minutes ago."
Bow chicka bow wow.
Wait, this is a set up. Alice Cooper is about to storm the front door at any second.
Alice Cooper? Awesome! Wait, why?
"The guy that hosts 'How to catch a predator'?"
Wow, no. 1, its 'to catch a predator', 2) Chris Hansen hosts it, and 3) you have Alice Copper and Anderson Cooper confused.
Who's Anderson Cooper?
"The guy you're confused with, duh." Wade grabbed a mask and put it on.
Anyways, better get some id dude.
"Why? She doesn't lie."
Yea, except for when she does.
Here, let me play this out for you okay:
"Hello Mr Deadpool, take a seat. Do you know why you're here?"
"I don't sound like that."
Yea you do.
As your brain, I must second that motion.
As I was saying:
"We have reports that you were about to have an inappropriate relationship with a minor."
"She told me she was 18."
"Did you verify this?"
"I took her word for it."
"Mr. Deadpool, as hard as this might be to accept, you are the adult here. Its your responsibility to verify hearsay with facts."
"The fact is she's hella hot."
*Sigh* "Well, since you won't see to reason, can I introduce you to our special guest."
"Oh, Norman Osborn? No, Matt Murdock. No, Dad?"
"No, Mr Deadpool, its Wolverine. And he's not very happy to see you."
"Oh God, you're right."
Wade cleared his throat. "So, you're eighteen huh."
"Yes." She stated with her back still to him.
"Got any proof?" He walked from his room pulling his uniform shirt over his chest.
"Growing up in a laboratory means I am not supposed to exist. I have six different birth certificates, four different passports, four social security numbers, and eight different drivers licenses. If you read my file, you would know that I am telling you the truth."
"File didn't say when you were born." He said standing behind her.
She pulled out her wallet from her back pocket and pulled out a drivers linces from England that said she turned eighteen three months ago. "It's the closest I have."
He stood in front of her, taking the license then arched skeptical brow. "Rebecca Hornsby?"
"The original female was the child of English nomads and died three weeks after her birth. There is no record of her death making this a plausible identification to assume."
"You're weird." And booped her nose.
She jerked back from the random contact and lowered her brows in confusion. "So you keep saying."
"So why did ya come here?" He asked passing her back the lincse.
She took it and placed it back in her wallet. "I have been told that birthdays are a time to spend with friends and families to celebrate life."
"So what, we're friends now? This could've easily been done over myspace."
She looked up at the red and black mask. "You are the only one who showed any notion of wanting to see me today."
"I'm sure daddy-kins Wolverine wouldn't mind seein ya."
"It is the second Thursday of the month."
"He is…otherwise preoccupied."
"Maintaining a sexual relationship with a questionable ally."
He laughed. "That is ridiculously honest."
She took a step away from him. "I have also been told that birthdays are used to give gifts."
Deadpool smirked. "So what, you think cuz I have a job I must be loaded. Sel-fish." He sang.
She lowered her brows. "I do not understand?" She picked up two katanas from the sofa that she brought. "I was under the impression that gifts were given to others."
"Yea, but…umm.." he tilted his head at the swords in her hands. The base color was black with red rope and red ribbon. "Seriously?"
She presented them to him ceremoniously. "I broke your others, this is the least I could do."
Deadpool smiled. "Well, since you're just giving them away." He took them from her and inspected the blade on one. "It's not even sharpened."
"It does not need to be." He arched a skeptical eyebrow and pursed his lips. Laura popped her claws and tried to break it. The vibration hit his hand and he held tight to the blade, ready to attack. She didn't move and he watched her. Her claws didn't even dint the metal. He took the blade back and inspected it again. "You were complaining that you are the only one who did not get…'nifty' weapons. The blades are weaker than anitanium, but not by much."
"Cool!" He sheathed the sword and quickly hugged her. She tensed instantly, but started to relax as he was letting go. "Where am I gonna put these?"
Laura arched a brow at him. She assumed he would probably carry them everywhere like she and Logan did. Not just because of the lethality, but also of the practically.
He looked at the swords again. "Very Merry un-birthday to me." He looked at her with a smile. "So, what do want for a present?" She lowered her brows in question. "Yea, you know, a birthday present that's given - how many birthdays have you celebrated?"
She looked off into the distance as if remembering. "Gambit tried once but the festivities were…cut short."
Deadpool paused. "Jesus Christ kid, you're makin' my childhood seem like a walk in the park." With a sigh, he grabbed his keys. "Come on, I'll share some of my toys." He walked to the back room of the building and unlocked the three locks on the door. He turned on the lights of the room and took a step inside.
Laura stayed on the other side of the door frame and took a quick inventory of his armory. Numerous guns, rifles, bullets, cases, grenades, swords, knives, syntax, and food supplies lines the walls and covered the floor. He even had an ammunition reloader sitting in its box under other boxes of 308 rounds.
"You can have two…of anything."
"I would have nowhere to keep it."
"What, you share a room at the Academy or something?"
"No. The cadre do room searches weekly and…is that a 50 caliber FNH Ballista with collapsible stock, inferred and night vision scope and the three accompanying 338, 308, and 300 Winchester barrels?"
Deadpool smiled. "Ahh say it again, baby, slower. And whisper it in my ear."
She felt her heart sink as she looked at the red and black mask. "It is not an option, is it?"
Deadpool looked at her. "I just bought it." He said defensibly. Laura turned to leave the room. He gave an aggravated sound and pouted. "Fine. But only because you did the big dog eyes."
"Dog eyes?" she asked slowly.
"You know, 'I'm so cute and innocent,'" he said in a high pitch, " 'you know you wanna give me everything I ask for'."
"But I do not want to you give me anything."
Deadpool crossed his arms. "Uh huh, right. Just like a dog."
Laura smirked. "You are the one wearing the collar."
"What's your favorite book?"
Laura was silent as she contemplated. "US Army Field Manual 22-116. 'Tactical Explosives and Incendiary Devices Available by the Terrain'."
Wade chuckled. "Sounds like a real page turner."He took a drink of his beer. "What's your favorite form of torture?"
She looked into her beer for the answer. After a few long, silent moments, she raised her head. "I have found that when one has the time, puffer fish poisoning is not only effective but amusing as well."
"That's cold. It takes like eight hours for them to die. I like it." He took a swig of his drink.
"Targets are more willing to revel information if properly informed of the six stages of puffer fish poising. They tend to become more cooperative by the second stage if one places the antidote somewhere visible but unattainable to the target."
Deadpool paused. "There's not an antidote." Laura smiled into her bottle and took a drink. Deadpool took an excited intake of breath. "Marry me."
Laura discarded the empty bottle and opened a new one. She made the motion that it would be illegal for her to consume them, but he made the argument that with a healing factor, it was nothing more than drinking contaminated water. "What is your favorite torture?"
He leaned forward excitedly in his chair. "I call it 'the box'."
Laura arched a brow. "Physical, psychological"
"All of the above." Laura gave an "Ah" and drank her beer. "We should go into business together. I could be the brains, the brawn, and you can be the one that the fan boys trip over themselves for."
Laura arched a brow. "No."
"What you want to be a hero or somethin?"
"Something like that."
"Why? It's so boring and it's the same thing over and over and over"
"It is because I have the power to kill and destroy that I want to help."
Deadpool squinted his eyes and leaned forward. "That doesn't make any kind of sense."
Laura looked off into the distance. "Sensi Igirumi once said that everything has a yin and a yang. It was not until after I met Logan did I understand what he had met. I have the power to kill and the ability to destroy anything in my path. But my yin to this, is that I can use my abilities to protect and save innocents. According to you, I have to accept who I am. I am a machine designed to kill on command. But I am also a human and have the power of choice. With it, I can choose whom I kill and whom I will save. And with the power of choice, I do not wish to be the monster I was meant to be, but something more." She looked back at Deadpool with innocent eyes. "Does that make sense?"
He smirked at her. "Yea." With a silent understanding, they both nodded and took a drink. "Ya think I could ever be a hero?"
She stared forlornly down at her beer bottle. She remained silent in deep contemplation. "No."
"Well, gee thanks."
She looked up at him with a serious face. "Not in today's 'black and white' judicial standing of heroes like Captain America and Spider man. Heroes are people who are courageous and brave. You fear nothing, making it impossible to show courage. They are loyal to their beliefs and help people based on selfless reasons without rewards. You are a mercenary, your loyalty is sold to the highest bidder and currency is your reward. You are… more related to a Grecian Hero perhaps. They are often favored by the gods and are seen as their courage and strength as something that is innate. And each must go through a great trial of physical and emotional trauma. Today's American society believes in the underdog and the dedication of trying. As long as you strive to do well, you will be seen as a hero to those you save. But when compared to Captain America, you will always fall short because of your realistic views."
He swirled the beer in his bottle and smirked. "Thanks." She gave a solemn nod and took a drink of her beer. He just smirked and took another drink. "Have you thought about going to college?"
"And what do I have yet to learn?"
He waved his hand a the question. "Does it matter?"
"Does it?" Her face was hard but her question was innocent. "What did you learn?"
"Oh, at HKU, ya know, Hard Knocks University, I learned how to kill and be immortal."
"Then I must have a doctorate."
Wade laughed. "Oh my God, you do have a sense of humor. You're drunk aren't ya?"
She looked at her empty beer bottle and the other four she drank during the night. "How can you tell if you are?"
"You go numb."
She popped her claws and felt the flesh tear and the smell of blood in the air. Not numb. Not drunk. It was only then did she realize something was missing. She heard Wade talk without listening. Something is missing.
"Something is missing."
He looked around the room? "Are my guns missing? I just bought Bessie. And Clarence. Oh God, Bertha!"
"No, they are still in the armory where we left them." She lowed her brows in thought.
He sighed. "Oh thank God, I was starting to get paroind there for a second."
Paranoid. She looked up into his white eyes. That's it. She is…relaxed. Is that the word? Is that his true power? Is this how he drops his opponent's guards? He lures them into a false sense of security waiting for them to underestimate him. No wonder he enjoys playing the fool.
Wade arched a confused brow. "You alright Kid? Shit," he crouched slightly in his chair, "is the trigger scent here?" He looked up at the corners of the ceiling expecting to see something.
Wade visibly relaxed in his chair. "Jezus, you're freaking me out. Stop it."
"My apologies." She went back to sitting quietly in her chair, watching the digital clock on the other side of the room counting seconds.
"Hey, gimme your left hand." Arching a brow she did as he asked slowly. He pulled a hunting knife from his boot and held it up like to stab her hand. Her instincts took over. Using her right hand to knock the blade to the ground then held his other wrist, she jumped up on the table and used her knee to pin his right wrist to the table and popped her claws of her left hand pointed at his throat. Wade smirked and tiled his head, giving her a better vantage at his throat. "This could be funner than the game I had in mind."
She looked over his face for lies. She slowly backed away from him and apologized. Sitting down in her chair, she looked down at her lap counting the seconds again.
He picked up the knife. "game's easy. You stab the table between your fingers like this and if you hit the fingers, you loose and have to take a swig of the dranio." She meet his gaze and nodded in understanding. "And to raise the stakes, we have to do it to each other."
She pulled away from him slightly. "You want me to hurt you?"
"Trust me kid," He said with a smile, "You can't hurt me."
A bottle of Jack sat between the two on the table. Laura was winning but Deadpool would never admit to it. "Do you have a good hand?" She asked with a bit of a smile on her face.
Deadpool had only started to win the game when he realized she could literally smell his bluffs and her own poker face made it difficult to play against her. Now, he was forced to resort to not looking at his hand at all. He made the notion of wanting to quit.
"I thought you liked playing against impossible odds."
Deadpool growled at the memory. Now she was just toying with him. He smiled and pulled a random card from the deck to finish the river of their game of Texas hold em. "Call."
Laura flipped her two cards over to reveal a pair of twos. Paired with the river, she had a full house with an accompaniment of three eights.
She arched a brow. "I believe it is your turn."
Perhaps strip poker against her wasn't the best idea. Deadpool decided that loosing his boxers was better than losing his mask, considering it was all he had left. With a heavy sigh, he flipped his two unknown cards over.
He smirked. "What's red and black and unpredictable? This deck!" Four eights and an ace. He gave a slight victory dance.
Laura smirked. She had to give it to him. He almost had Domino's luck ability. She sat up strait and reached for the clasp to her bra.
"Wait." Laura looked at Deadpool who had adverted his gaze. He tapped his fingers against the table as he thought of something else. Laura arched a confused brow. These were the rules of the game. Why was he changing them? He smelled different and his heart rate changed. "I have a better idea." He jumped up and went into his armory. Laura leaned back confused. Wasn't seeing her nude the reason he choose this game? Why is he changing the rules now? His actions are…illogical.
"Here" He came back with two revolvers and a box of bullets. "Instead of clothing, the winner gets to shoot the other."
Laura arched a brow. "I do not like being shot."
"No one does. Here's the fun part. We can wager how many shots are fired but we only get one bullet." He loaded one round and spun the chamber. Snapping it shut he pointed the gun at her. With an annoyed brow, she looked away from him as he fired the gun.
"Lucky." He chided. He set it down and started to shuffle the cards.
Laura watched his hands. "May I raise the stakes once more?" Deadpool looked up at her. "The loser gets to chose where they are shot."
Laura stood and walked to the far wall of his one room industrial shack. She pointed at the third rib from the top on her left side. "Shoot me here."
Deadpool rubbed his chin in thought. "What happens if I fail?"
"Nothing, you won the hand. There will be no retaliation."
Two bottles of Tequila and one bottle of Draino later.
"Wade, this is ridiculous. I have better hearing than you do which would prove that statically I have a better chance of winning this game."
He spun her in a circle several times with a blind fold on. "Oh, you think so huh? Then you're aware of what happens if you lose."
"Yes, if I miss the tar- you, then I will have to drink the entire bottle of rum."
"Good girl." He took a step away and ran to the other side of the room. "Go."
Laura stood still, and listened for his footsteps. In a flash, she threw the knife. There was a thud then silence. She removed the blindfold quickly.
Wade stood a few inches away from the blade that was stuck in the wall. With a smirk, he pointed at the girl. "Drink." She sighed and did as she was told.
Four AM rolled by with little notice. He had made the comment about she reminded him of a pit bull and the Twilight actress
"Ugh, mouth breather, what's her name…" Laura wasn't helping. She confessed that she had never seen the movie as it was banned in the X-mansion and Utopia by Jubliee and Logan, and Hazmat banned it in the Avengers Academy.
Deadpool had there by dubbed it 'Amazing Vampire Movie Night' followed by 'Nazi Zombie Movie Day' followed by 'Beware of the Full Moon Monster Night'. He had them set up in a play list for her on his laptop that was hooked up to his huge tv.
"These movies are stolen." She noticed as he was setting it up.
"No. They're just…digital."
She arched a brow. "Your heart palpitations have become irregular, indicative to the actions of a lie."
"I…well..umm..Whatever. Arrg, ya dare be thinkin of takin me plunders or turnin me to the po-po ya best ta know ta walk the plank ta Davy Jones." He poked her in the shoulder with two fingers. She gave a confused look. "Cuz stealin movies is called piracy…"
"It was the voice that confused me."
He blinked a few times. "Followed by Pirate Movie Night." He returned to the play list.
But it was now 4:28 am precisely. She watched as the black and white Nosferatu stalked his prey. His deformed figure made him a target. It made stalking difficult without being caught. At least she could…hide in plain sight.
She quickly looked at Deadpool who, judging from his breathing patterns and heart rhythms, was sleep. Not REM but asleep. Being a silent movie, she had little choice but to listen to him breathe.
Nosferatu held his hands to block his eyes from sun. Opting instead for the shadows. Everyone he saw was food, everyone he touched, he killed. Is this what Deadpool meant when he said that monsters prefer the dark?
If that's the case, monsters who stay hidden protect those who can't protect themselves. Doesn't that make them hero's, in a very skewed, sort of way? Like X-Force?
She pulled her knees to her chin as she watched the vampire move across the screen in his abandoned home. She looked at her watch. It was 5:19 am. If she left now, she could make it back in time for a few hours of sleep before Hercules was to arrive and give his teamwork lessons.
Deadpool was still asleep. She quietly gathered her corset and boots, having dressed before the movies, and silently walked across the concrete floor. She put her hand on the door knob and smiled to herself. This was the most…fun…she has had in a very long time. She sniffed the room to…remember this night. She opened and closed it behind her quickly and quietly. Even then, it didn't matter. She knew he was awake and watching her leave.
She started the engine of her car and put it in reverse. Her cell phone vibrated and she looked at it. New text message from DEDPL. It wasn't much of an encryption, but it would keep pedestrians confused.
U left ur rifle
She smirked. He was serious? Not wanting to disobey the law more than she already has, she put her car in park as she thumbed the returning message.
I am currently not in the position to acquire such a piece of equipment. Will you please house it for me until a come when I may need it?
She pulled on to the near by highway and headed north for the airport. Her phone vibrated and read the new text message.
She arched a skeptical brow. Oh, his mask motif. He is also…weird. She thought with a smile.