Title: Four Steps To Acceptance

Pairing: Wolfwood/Vash

Rating: T for Trigun . . . and Teen.

Spoilers: Nooooooooone.

Warnings: Faggotry. Swear words and urges and fantasies about sex and sloppy make-outs.

Summary: Wolfwood wonders if Vash has ever fallen in love and it all goes downhill from there. Wolfwood centric. Fluffiness. Lemon-scented.

Author: ShowMeOnTheDoll

Author's Notes: This is my first serious attempt at fanfiction so helpful critique is more than welcome. Flames will be used to bake my cookies. Dedicated to TheCrimsonClarity who has reignited my love for Trigun and perverted priests. She also beta'd this truckload of ficpoop so now it's only a little bucket of ficpoop!

Disclaimer: Apologies in advance for any OOCness. As stated earlier, this is my first ever serious fanfic so LOL I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I'M DOING POSTING THIS CRAP HERE but oh well. Nick, Vash, and Millie's left pinky all belong to Yasahiro Nightow. I'm just borrowing the first two with no promise of profit. *tear*

Four Steps To Acceptance

Chapter 1 / Questions

It was an early morning on Planet Gunsmoke. The air was thick and hot and the sun was freeing itself from the thin clouds that tried to keep themselves formed in the sky. Vash and Wolfwood were on a road to somewhere, listlessly heading for the nearest town. After all, a man can only take so much of the heat.

Wolfwood was getting rather used to traveling with the infamous outlaw at his side. Comfortable, even. It was times like this that he felt somewhat in-synch with Vash as their steps matched up to one another and whatever laughter they shared sounded almost as if it were melded together, one in the same. Despite their initial differences (looks, values, choice of weaponry, and tendency for trouble), Wolfwood sometimes liked to entertain the notion that he felt like they were more alike than they realized. Pot and Kettle. Seemingly different but still painted in the same shade of black. Isn't that how you were supposed to feel about your friends? Especially your best friends? The ones you laughed and cried with. The ones you watched out for and comforted.

Best friends. Not a term the priest had exactly vocalized or even registered to himself until just then but it seemed to fit. It felt right. Not that he would admit it outwardly. It didn't seem like the type of thing a 'man of the cloth' should be saying to a so-called criminal. But then again, a lot of the things Wolfwood said or did in the presence of Vash didn't exactly fit into that category. Like the example his 'best friend' was exploiting for his own amusement at that very moment.

"When you walk up to a woman you don't even know and tell her she 'has legs for days' what d'you expect? A cookie?" Vash chuckled lightly as the memory of the event came back to him.

"Well, I wasn't expecting an outright slap in the face, that's for damn sure." Wolfwood was chuckling along with him.

"On a scale of 1-to-rejected, what did her response tell you, Nickey?"

Wolfwood tapped Vash's jaw lightly with a fake punch. "Hey, I told you not to call me that! Besides, I get lucky more often than not, Spikey. I don't see you tryin' to score with anyone out here. At least I have a substantial amount of experience."

Vash let out a snort. "How much experience have you got exactly? Twenty unsuspecting women? Thirty? Forty?"

"Well, not to say women aren't wonderful creatures and all, but I can't just shut out all the other attractive options available for my enjoyment. They'd be missing out." Wolfwood straightened his posture from his usual hunch and tipped his chin up as if to showcase some sort of unseen exuberance of his so-called 'sexual proficiency'.

The outlaw took a minute to take in exactly what the priest has just said. "You . . . you mean, like . . . men?"

Wolfwood's eyebrows tipped up towards the center of his forehead as he spoke dryly. "Yeah. Men. Y'know. That one gender with the penis attachment."

Vash shoved at Wolfwood's shoulder while sucking in a breath as if trying to conceal his bubbling laughter. "I know what men are, jackass, I just don't find it very priestly of you to lust after woman and men, let alone to lust at all. It's unholy!" Vash threw his arms up in mock-horror.

Wolfwood just shrugged. "Y'know what they say, 'only a man can truly know what another man wants'. . ." With a sidelong glance at Vash, the priest waggled his eyebrows for extra emphasis. For a second there he thought he saw the outlaw shudder.

Wolfwood watched curiously as Vash's eyes returned to the road ahead of them, his cheeks pinked slightly as a wavering smile formed on his face that, like many others before, didn't quite reach his eyes. His restless gaze bounced from the road to Wolfwood and back until it settled on his boots as he spoke. "Well . . . at least you practice what you preach."

The priest let a puff of air out of his nose like a tiny snort. "Yeah, I guess. If that's what you wanna call it." It was like he had almost heard the cogs as they turned inside the outlaw's skull and began to wonder if he had spooked him a little. He didn't remember his sexuality ever truly coming into light before in any other conversation so he assumed Vash was somewhat surprised, albeit a little uncomfortable.

Maybe it was less 'surprise' and more so that the outlaw seemed minutely embarrassed? It's not as if they made a habit of discussing the more 'sensitive' details of their sexual progression. Just a typical exchange of back-and-forth where they ribbed each other for their attempts at romantic interludes (or lack thereof). Wolfwood, however, had more important questions: Was Vash embarrassed by his own progression, the priest's involvement with male partners, or maybe just the notion of having a male partner to begin with? With the flurry of possibilities weighing heavily on his mind, the priests had begun to think to himself.

'Guess that'd makes sense . . . we usually talk about women . . . figured good ol' Spikey would get a lil' nervous at the mention of gay stuff.'

He reached into his blazer to fish a pack of cigarettes out of an inside pocket. Lighting one up, he took a quick puff, watching the smoke leave his mouth in curls as it drifted up and disintegrated into the air, absently deciding to ponder the flamboyant-looking outlaw walking alongside him.

Did Vash have an 'off' experience with another man before that could've set a somewhat negative tone for his opinion on the thought of two males together? Did some guy who was interested in him rub him the wrong way? Or maybe it just wasn't his thing? That wouldn't explain his edgy reaction to Wolfwood's admittance of familiarity with men. As the priest kept asking himself question after question pertaining to Vash's involvement in the area of same-sex relations, his mind had begun to wander deeper into the aspects of sex in general where the his companion was concerned. The priest immersed himself deeper in thought, a dimly-noted theory forming in the back of his mind.

'For all his own failed attempts to romance, it doesn't seem like he really takes any action with anyone . . . '

In fact, he had a pretty good guess that the outlaw hadn't even kissed a woman, much less laid a hand on one, since he had known him.

Vash and sex. Sex and Vash. Had he even had sex before? Could Vash even be sexy? That particular question drew a fair amount of rather 'compromising' situations into Wolfwood's mind. The image of Vash's naked and scarred figure laid across a haphazardly constructed bed with the sheets, crisp and white, covering the area just under the end of his 'happy trail'. One of his own hands lazily traced up the muscles of his well-built abs, across his taut chest, lightly grazing one of his nipples as it passed over his face to rest in his hair. His expression displayed flushed cheeks and his teal-colored eyes were half-lidded with a touch of laziness to them. His mouth, lips tinged with red as if he had just been thoroughly ravished, held a smirk that the priest didn't think he'd ever seen on the outlaw's face before.

At that point the scene shifted and Vash was kneeling on the bed, exposing himself completely as his expression shifted from inattentive to downright hungry and his torso slowly leaned towards the bedspread until he fell onto all fours. He was leisurely crawling across the sheets mouthing something like 'want you' and then the setting re-oriented itself again until it was viewing straight up in the direction of to the ceiling of a room with Vash hovering directly above. Wolfwood's rather distracted brain noted that the outlaw's hair was free from its usual form, towering on top of his head in a sea of blonde quills. Instead, it was un-gelled and easing itself off of the outlaw's toned shoulders to sway in between himself and the viewpoint. Then the fantasy outlaw spoke in a huskier tone that made something in the priest's belly churn somewhat anxiously. Wolfwood thought he had imagined him saying something along the lines of 'are you ready for me?' but that couldn't be because this was Vash and Vash didn't say things like that in such a passionate manner. Not seriously speaking, anyway.

All of these erotic musings of a predatory Vash made the priest's mind do a 180-degree spin and suddenly 'Fantasy Vash' was on his back looking as if he was being pushed into the bedspread. His skin was even more flushed than before, which further accentuated the plethora of scars, stitches, and plating coating his form. His hair remained undone as his wheat-colored locks splayed apart from one another across his scalp. His eyes were closed, making the outlaw look as if he were in some state of steady concentration. Suddenly, the back of his knees were hiked up towards his face by a pair of calloused, tan hands (which the priest assumed were his own since it was his daydream). Vash's torso slowly shifted backwards a few inches until his eyes shot open and he let out a unstable moan. His cheeks flushed visibly brighter, which didn't even seem possible at this point, as he grabbed for one of the bronzed arms holding up his legs.

In Wolfwood's conscience, his traveling companion made for a rather sensual bottom. With that thought confirmed, the priest began to hum quietly to himself, feeling fairly pleased with the visions he had produced. At the moment, with a startling pause, he had recognized he was just thinking about having sex with Vash. Vash. Spiny-haired, oddly spectacled, oftentimes goofy-faced Vash. That singular realization shook the priest with a surprising amount of alarm. A feeling of awkwardness situated itself within him as he slowly glanced towards his aforementioned traveling buddy. Vash was looking less nervous now, casually whistling along with the tune the priest had been humming until he felt Wolfwood's eyes on him. He paused, lips still puckered out in a inaudible whistle as he cocked his head towards the now-silent priest. Pouting a little in the process, he had begun to speak.

"Hey, you stopped humming! I was kinda enjoying that . . ."

Had Vash been listening to him that closely? The priest thought he had been somewhat quiet. He huffed in response as the corner of his mouth twitched in an attempt to hold back a smile. Had the outlaw always paid him this much attention? He was reminded of his previous exploits in his daydream and his own cheeks startled to flush. He felt as if he had done enough thinking for an entire day in the last half-hour alone.

Yet something was still nagging at him. Whether or not Vash had had sex before didn't explain his efforts at romance that never seemed to go anywhere. Wolfwood hadn't assumed the outlaw had truly loved any of the women he approached, but something told the priest that Vash had clearly loved someone at least once before. The brief looks of sadness and apprehension that flickered in his eyes when he wasn't fully shielded behind his happy-go-lucky fa├žade clued the priest in on that fact some time ago. He felt the slightest tug in his chest at the visualization. Combined with his uncommitted smiles, the priest had felt the need to throw an arm around Vash's shoulder and snake him many a time to express some form of concern for his well-being, if anything. As his mind started to trail off again, he felt the sensation of Vash's stare trained on him. Maybe it was just an 'off' kind of feeling, but Wolfwood sensed Vash might've been worried just then. He wasn't sure if it was worry for him or worry for the lack of conversation, but in an attempt to fill the silence in between them, the priest took part of his latest inquiry and converted it into a question for the outlaw next to him. He cleared his throat to do away with the sudden sensation of dryness it held and spoke.

"Vash," he kept his eyes ahead of him, still feeling that omniscient gaze nearly burning a hole in the side of his face. "Could you ever fall in love with another man?"

He shifted his eyes to the outlaw next to him and noted Vash's initial expression as that of surprise, watching with wonder as it softened significantly. The two males locked orbs and Wolfwood could feel his cheeks burning even more in a twisted parallel of the way the outlaw's had in his daydream. Vash's mouth formed into a smile as he turned his head back to the road ahead of them. Wolfwood's eyes continued to grasp for Vash's because that look he had just given him . . . What was that exactly? Sympathy? Affection?

With the image of the outlaw's last expression firmly secured in his thoughts, the priest slowly shifted his anxious gaze back to the road as well.

Vash had just given him a few more things to think about.

Doll: Hey ya'll, Paula Dean here! Except not really 'cause I'm actually the author of this story. Sorry, no buttered fried butterballs sprinkled with butter for you guys but you can leave me some nice reviews if you want. *wink*

Nick: Reviews? Already? There's only one chapter up calm your tits.

Doll: Nicholas. Unless you want me to write you on your knees begging for Vash's c-

Nick: Okay! I get it, I get it. I'll be good. Dammit. *pout*

Doll: *triumphant smirk*

Vash: Uhm . . . Wolfwood?

Nick: What is it, Tongari?

Vash: Do you wanna' have sex with me? *twiddles thumbs*

Nick: . . . . .

Doll: . . . . .

*Awkward Silence*

Nick: I . . . I should go. *turns to leave*

Vash: But Niiiiicckkkeeeeeeyyyyyyyy! *puppy eyes*

Nick: I told you not to call me that Tongari! *waves fist angrily*

Doll: Expect Chapter 2 sometime next weekend folks. Until then, Adieu!