A/N-This chapter will be in diary form, I am trying to condense the 12 years in one long chapter so it will not get repetitive for my readers. Please try to imagine a vital, healthy woman in her late 20-early 30's, slowly losing her self. Dark circles under her eyes only get darker as time goes on, she loses weight and her hair becomes gray before its time.

Terah goes and sits down at the table where the pen and paper are, she looks and thinks then she starts writing in her own secret written language...I have just come back from the doctor, it has only been a little time since I have started taking the medicine that he gives me but I do not see a difference but he says to be patient. I also talked to my mother today and she says that if it does not stop soon, I will be shunned by the family, it is not her choice but it is the rules of the temple. I do not know why...papa is in bad health, that is why it has not been done sooner. I do not know what to do but I will lean on Jehovah.

She then a few lines under what she has wrote and writes a small prayer

* Make haste to help me, O Lord of my salvation

Terah puts down her pencil and she looks around the room and she remembers her husband and son playing in the room and she smiles.


Terah sits down again and she writes'They, the doctors, tell me that it has been a year with this...whatever is wrong with me. They have tried several ways with the herbs and it does not work so they are trying something different. Poppa died some months ago and my sisters and my sister had to sneak me into the place where his body lays. Nobody knew because if they did, my mother and sisters would also be shunned like me and maybe they would get a worse punishment because of my uncleanness. There are some days I do not want to get out of bed. I must go lay down now, I will write later.

* Make haste to help me, O Lord of my salvation.

She looks around then gets up and goes and to the back bedroom and lays down in the dark wondering what to do and what will happen.


3rd year

Terah walks around the living room clearly tired and beaten down in her body and spirit. She makes her way to sit down by her hands across the walls and she sees the chair and pulls it out after she takes a few minutes to catch her breath. She sits down and pulls out a piece of paper, takes ahold of the pencil and she waits for her hand to quit shaking then she finally writes...It has been so long! I am not taking any medicine because NOTHING is working. The doctors have almost all but given up, but there is one last thing they are talking about doing...something called a op-oper-operation?

She puts her head on the desk for a few minutes then breathes heavy then writes a few more lines.

I have to go lay down but my prayers and hope are still with the Lord, my God.

Please be with me Jehovah.


4th year-

Terah sits at the desk and she is crying. She wipes the tears away then she writesAfter I had that op-er-ation, I did feel better for a while but the blood never really stopped, just got lighter. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have much food in the house because I am trying o save all my money to get better. I don't know what to do. I, I am thinking of trying...there's a old woman in the town that says...I don't know, would God want this?

P-pl-please God...h..help me

A/N-I was going to try to do all 12 years in one chapter but I am breaking them up. I am trying to show her desperation in this situation...she may have run out of so many normal solutions that she may go to unconventional methods.

Please share with me if you have any ideas.