My Great Criminal Brain

Stop reading this!

I, Professor Padraic Ratigan, the world's greatest criminal mind, do hereby attempt to organize the most intricate mysteries in Mousedom: my own clever ideas. Even a genius has to collect his cunning thoughts from time to time, and he must do it in such a way that his men never once suspect that he's overwhelmed.

The train pulls away from the station, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Soon I will be in Cambridge, arousing Basil's suspicions while taking time to relax simultaneously. Basil will begin an investigation as soon as he hears I've left London, trying to outwit me by arriving at the crime scene before I do. Here's the best part of my plan: I won't even commit any crimes! He'll worry himself sick in vain attempts to figure out my brilliant scheme, and I'll be doing nothing but relaxing in my hotel, or perhaps visiting a few museums-without stealing artifacts like I usually do.

When Basil tires himself out and decides to confront me in Cambridge, I shall sneak back to London. He'll search everywhere, but he won't find any trace of me, especially when some of my men visit Cambridge and commit enough minor offenses to fool Basil into believing I'm still there. While they keep him distracted in Cambridge, London will be mine to sabotage at leisure, and I shall have no opponent ingenious enough to ruin my heists. By the time Basil realizes what I've done and returns to London, the city he loves will be under my control!

He'll hate himself! He'll sink into depression and wonder how he could have been so foolish! By the time he overcomes his pathetic state of melancholy self-pity, I'll be more infamous and feared than Rattila the Hun, Monterey Jack the Ripper, and Genmouse Kahn combined!

That's in the near future. For the present, I shall relax and give my vulpine wit a chance to recover. After the Westminster Massacre, which took three weeks to plan, my great criminal brain is a bit tired. A few days without a felony will be just the thing!

To pass the time, I journal a bit. Writing is an excellent way to get one's thoughts in order.

However, no one must read what I have written. If anyone saw these words and presented them to the police, I would be in quite the predicament.

If you're reading this, return my journal to me at once. I am most displeased that you ignored my blatant order to stop reading these words, but all will be forgiven if you will bring this book to its rightful owner (me) immediately. I know you will do the right thing and read no further.

Know that if you do continue reading, it will greatly upset me.

You KNOW what happens when someone upsets me!