Whatever had happened, it was one hell of an interesting story. Bobobo was alive. The others were okay. Bibibi was somewhere out of my line of vision, which right now consisted of the fact that BOBOBO WAS ALIVE. Which apparently took a second for me to figure out, because for the longest time I just stared up at Bobobo, trying to convince myself that this was him, that this was really, truly him. And then I caught an angle of light that shone down on his shades just right so that I got a small peak at his eyes, just barely an outline.
But it was him. So I did the first thing that came to mind. I throttled him.
"I SWEAR TO JEBUS IF YOU EVER USE THAT DAMNED PILLOWPET EVER AGAIN I REALLY WILL KILL YOU!"I exclaimed, shaking him by his neck, momentary anger eventually cooling, seeing a small bit of blood on his chin that hadn't been there before. I sat back, eyes going wide as my heart dropped and I covered my mouth. "Did...did I do that?"I asked, a horrible feeling twisting inside me. Bobobo gave me a quizzical look as his neck re-flated from my strangling, and then he whipped the red from his chin.
"Ketchup! How embarrassing!"He exclaimed in his high feminine voice. And I paused. Because this moment was different. This moment was special. Because I finally got it. Because I finally remembered what Beauty had said to me all those years ago. Because for the first time, with Bibibi presumably defeated, all my angst sorted out, and Bobobo alive, I wasn't going to lose him.
So I laughed, and shook my head, realizing for a moment that my hair was down.
"Bobobo. You're an idiot." And with that, I wrapped my arms around his neck and quickly leaned forward, chest about to burst and not from a homicidal demon lodged in my soul. And do you know what I finally did? What took a love triangle, two empires, dozens of battles, hundreds of needles, and almost 3 years to happen?
I kissed Bobobo-Bo-Bo-Bobo. Right on the lips, pulling him close to me so that I could be sure he would never, ever get away from me, ever again. At first he was shocked, and I could hear the exclamations of the gang off to our right, but after a second he realized what was happening, and I felt two arms pull me to him, chests touching, as Bobobo kissed me back. And when you look at the guy you might not expect it, but he was one hell of a kisser. In fact, probably better than I was! It was soft, and gentle, though he was such a strong man, and it wasn't just a kiss. It was emsomething/em. It emmeant/em something. Almost as if it were a proclamation.
A proclamation that he wouldn't let me go. And I wouldn't let him go.
"Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-butttt...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"Jiggler's cry of heartbreak rang out, tears audibly hitting the floor.
"MY SCREEN TIME! SHE'S TAKING IT! TAKING IIIT!"Don shouted. I blushed heavily and pulled away, looking over, having completely forgotten that they were all actually there...watching me...kiss Bobobo...yeah...
Jiggler's eyes were wide as rivers poured from his eyes, Don Patch firmly under Beauty's foot, as she winked at me, Gasser gaping and blushing. Bebebe was chuckling and clapping his hands, with Bububu elbowing him and saying sarcastically,
"Finally! It only took 94 chapters!" Next to her Dengakuman was cheering and waving a flag with a heart on it, Rice smiling as an identical flag stuck out of his bowl of rice. Next to him, Nunchuck and Major Minor had confused looks. Guess they didn't get enough of the plot development. Battleship was jumping up and down in a cheerleader's uniform, cheering and beaming.
Giga and Halekulani's eyes were wide and their jaws were dropped.
"B-but...wait...woah!"Halekulani shouted, freaked out.
"I did emnot/em see that one coming!"Giga exclaimed, shaking his head. I chuckled a little at that, until I got to the next person in line, smiling timidly, cautiously, as Softon starred at me a moment, his true face partially covered by long, very pink hair. It was a long moment before, finally, he gave me a true-to-heart smile and a nod that lifted a 3-year-long weight from my shoulders.
Until I got a 2-ton weight smashed into me in the form of my older sister, who had poofed into being somewhere during the kiss.
"NU-UH! NO ONE KISSES MY LITTLE SISTER LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF ME! ARE YOU OKAY? DID THAT MAN HURT YOU?!"She exclaimed, me splayed on my back as she fawned over me. I struggled for breath and managed to choke out,
"Um...I wasn't conscious for most of this fight...but judging by all the blood on me..I think I'm severely injured...so...can you...get off?"
She placed her hands on her face and pouted, until a familiar voice walked up behind her and said,
"C'mon, take my hand Babe." Torpedo Girl jumped up and spun around. Then froze. For a long time. Eyes wide, mouth open. Slowly, I inched back over to Bobobo, who quickly hid behind me and shook. I pet his head, watching, as Torpedo Girl finally managed out,
"Yeah, the ice-cream thing was really a mask-"
"OUR CHILDREN WILL BE SO BEAUTIFUL!"She screamed, clinging onto Softon as I laughed, helping Bobobo stand up as I turned back, seeing Softon actually laughing, too.
"Yeah, with you, how could they not be?"D'awwwwwww.
"...ugh..."I turned my head, seeing a broken and beaten Bibibi laying on the bottom of the stairs that led up to his throne. He winced, looking out at us, and something possessed me(haha, get it?) to turn and nudge Bobobo.
He looked down at me curiously, and I nodded my head over to Bibibi. His eyes strayed over for a moment, and then he nodded, walking over to his older brother and holding out a hand. Everyone watched, eyes wide, as Bibibi gave Bobobo a confused and guarded look.
"...Why? I... I tried to kill you. Why would you help-"
"Hey, I'm not one for touchy-emotional moments." Yeah right... "Just take my hand... Big Bro."Bobobo said.
Bibibi's eyes went wide for a moment, and then, slowly, shakily, he took Bobobo's hand and Bobobo pulled him to his feet, the two looking each other in the eye before shaking the hands they were holding.
"Just give it a second."I deadpanned, interrupting Beauty. And on cue, Bobobo slammed an entire bowl of pasta onto Bibibi's head, Bibibi gaping and rubbing his bruised noggin as Bobobo shouted,
"THAT'S FOR EATING ALL MY PASTA WHEN WE WERE KIDS!"
"You little runt!"Bibibi shouted, and thus a fist-fight ensued. I facepalmed and sighed, shaking my head.
"Hey, what'd we miss?" I gasped and turned, beaming as Rem and Suzu walked in, beaming.
"Hey!"I exclaimed, and they ran over to me, hugging me despite all the blood.
"Hey! Um...what are they doing?"Rem asked, looking over as Bobobo and Bibibi got into an intense thumb-wrestling competition.
I just chuckled, shook my head, and said,
"Just being Bobobo."
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***Epilogue-one year later***
"Hey!"I shouted, grinding my fists into Halekulani and Giga's heads, the two glaring at each other with red faces. "Get along you two! It's a special day!"I scolded, both pouting and glaring coolly at the other. I shook my head and sighed, the two sitting at a sit-on-the-floor Japanese table, turning and calling over my shoulder,
"Put on your tuxes! It's almost time for the ceremony to begin!" The both audibly groaned, but I smiled, pushing open the door and looking out into the lawn of the newly re-built Hair Kingdom Castle Of Super Happy Rainbow Squirrel Times. Bobobo named it.
The entire Hair Kingdom was rebuilt. Surprisingly, it only took about three days after I gave all the guys 'special juice' from this one seller named 'Honey-boo-boo-child'. Now it was hustling and bustling, under the rule of its new kings and queens: Bububu and her husband, Most Interesting Man in the World. I call him Greg. Bebebe, Bibibi. Bobobo and his wife. I chuckled at the thought, twisting the Frosted-Flakes box ring on my ring finger absentmindedly. It took him fourteen boxes of frosted goodness.
Speaking of the Bo-tector, I spotted him sitting in the front row, with everyone else sitting in the chairs situated on either side of the bright-pink carpet on the ground, little ice-cream and torpedo-shaped ornaments everywhere. I smiled and walked past everyone, taking in our little, unlikely group. Don Patch, who finally married Yaya. Jiggler, dressed as a Nu-Pimp with his lucky-hankie clothing on, still giving me puppy-dog eyes. You could imagine how he was at my wedding.
Bububu and her man sitting there, Bububu's belly a bit round, and not from excessive drinking(which she recently had to give up). Giga and Halekulani walking in with uncomfortorble faces, dressed in actual tuxes after much persuading by me. Rem and Lambada sitting there, holding hands discreetly, as if we all didn't know. Beauty and Gasser next to them, laughing, Beauty blushing and beaming, making me smirk a bit wider. Major Minor and his cadets, still in a floatie and yet a tux. Nunchuck playing with tape, sitting next to his girlfriend, the Elmers Glue girl.
Bebebe sat in front of them, surrounded by his bunny mafia, Bibibi next to him with a tie on...no shirt, just pants and a tie... I was going to introduce him to Hulk Hogan, maybe the two would hit it off. Dengakuman sat in Bibibi's hair, with a camera positioned at the ready. After much protesting by me, Hatenko sat there, too, making google eyes at Don and evil eyes at Yaya. Master Yasha sat there, too, just for kicks and the after-party.
On the second front row sat, and this caught us ALL off guard, Battleship and Suzu, holding hands and smiling, Suzu quickly placing a discreet kiss on his cheek, making them both laugh. Yeah, and people thought me and Bobobo was surprising! J stood at the alter, the Best Man... Crap! I had to get up there! Or really, back there, where I had to walk Torpedo Girl down the isle! I turned on my heel and ran, into the small house where she was standing in a wedding dress with flowers, facing me with a blush and worried eyes.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"She asked, panicked. I laughed and shook my head, patting her and saying,
"You look stunning, sis!" She gave me a big kiss on the cheek and stepped back, looking at me.
"Is that what you're wearing?"She asked, and I looked down. Pants. Bra top. Jacket. Wedding ring. Yep.
"I'm the main character. What do you expect?"I joked, and she was about to say something, when a song rang out. I quickly reached down and took her arm, walking to the door. She took a deep breath, saying quickly, before we opened the door to walk her down the isle to where Softon was waiting,
"Yeah?"I asked, looking down, curiously.
She smiled straight ahead and said quietly,
"I'm glad you found happiness." I was quiet for a second, thinking back on everything, in this one quiet moment. All our friends, filling up three years of memories. I could still perfectly remember each battle, each first-meeting perfectly in my mind. To be honest, I never expected an orphan assassin with no one would end up standing here today, as this girl. It was nothing short of extraordinary.
"Thanks, sis. You too."I said, smiling, looking forward as my heart began to beat quicker, excited and sad that I was giving my sister away to my very best friend, knowing that when I walked down that isle, Torpedo Girl in tow, a world of memories would forever remain there. Today was a day of new, leaving behind old fights, old kisses, old feelings, for new. Outside, 'Paradise' by Playcold was just beginning, and Torpedo Girl took in a deep, shakey breath. I took her hand and squeezed it, assuring her that she was marrying her dream man.
And I opened the door. It went silence minus the song being performed by the one and only transvestite armadillo, who gave me a wink as I started walking Torpedo girl down the isle. It was beautiful, as everyone either cried, cried harder, or out-right bawled like Battleship, Don, Jiggler, and Bobobo. We walked, all eyes on my beautiful big sister, especiall one pair standing at the altar, J quickly patting his back. He turned, eyes momentarily locking with mine.
And we shared a memory in the rain, a little boy and a little girl, all grown up. And my chest swelled, because I was so happy for the both of them. And, as his eyes turned to Torpedo Girl's, his hair back in a neat ponytail, hair still in his face, I could tell that he was happy for himself, too. Just as the song ended, I got Torpedo Girl to Softon, their eyes so locked that I had to step right up to Softon to tell him my parting words for my sister:
"You kill her I'll melt you like ice cream in the desert. Good luck."
I stepped back, J and I sharing a quick wink as the marriage dude stepped up...
"...You're kidding?!"I exclaimed, Service Man stepping up with a bowtie on over his sheet, clearing his throat. This was...ridiculous. Perfect. I watched with a smile on my face as Softon and Torpedo Girl gave each other looks that people only gave if they were compleatly in love, where their eyes light up and you're afraid they'll miss their cue to say 'I do' because their just so wrapped up in each other.
But they didn't skip a beat.
"I do."Softon said with a smile.
"And you, Torp-"
"I DO I DO I DO I DO!"She exclaimed, crushing Softon's neck with a tight embrace. I laughed, and only then did I realize a small tear was running down my face. Hey, my big sister was getting married, cut me some slack!
"Then by the power invested in me by this dirty bedsheet," ...Ew?... "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."Serviceman finished, and Softon held Torpedo Girl up, her arms still strangling him, as he gave her a suave smile, and leaned in for the kiss...and then...poof.
That's right. Poof. As in, Torpedo Girl poofed...back into Over. Which left me standing there, watching, as Softon kissed my older brother(not that there's anything wrong with that)... The awkward silence of the millenium award went to this moment later on at the Shmemmies. For now, though, Over's face got red-hot as he and Softon jumped away from each other, Battleship holding back Over as I turned and crouched, wrapping my arms around my knees as I hung my head in silence, utter distrubance.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"He screamed. Oh yeah...and we forgot to tell Over that Torpedo Girl was marrying Softon... "SHE'S DOING WHAT?!"Over shrieked, me still crouching there, utterly disturbed, trying to pry that image out of my head.
"Um, Amy? You okay?"Gasser asked.
"No. No I am not."I deadpanned, shaking my head. I felt two arms wrap around me and pick me straight off the ground, me looking up to see my Botector holding me, and I immediatly laughed. Then got shoved and toppled over, landing in Bobobo's lap as Hatenko ran over to Don, falling to a knee crying and pleading for his love.
Jiggler then became irate with a blade of grass and began screaming obscenities at it, Beauty and Gasser trying to inch away from him as Battleship and Suzu kept Over from killing Softon, J doing action poses to try and ease the tension, only gaining the attention of a love-struck Dengakuman. Over turned and tried to shove Battleship off, only to land a punch in on Nunchuck, who toppled over and knocked Major Minor and his cadets, causing those idiots to get into an all-out brawl, Rem shaking her head as Lambada and Rice took instagram photos. Halekulani was arguing with Giga about how much exactly this wedding cost, Bububu spinning around and punishing them by placing tutus on their heads and making them sit in oppisite sides of the carpet.
Bibibi and Bebebe just shrugged and played with the cute little bunnies in the mafia, making Don jealous and causing him to dress up like a playboy bunny to get their attention in vain, causing Hatenko to get a nosebleed. I looked around...and facepalmed. These were my friends?
"You're all idiots."I mused, shaking my head in ridiculousness overload. I felt something tickle the side of my face and I looked over, seeing Bobobo's nosehairs quickly retracting, him giving me that stupid, dorky little smile of his. And I immediatly smiled back, because it was impossible not to, leaning in and giving him a quick kiss, much to Over's frustration, the chaos ensuing.
Some things never change.
Well guys, it's been an amazing few months, and I can't compleatly believe that this whole thing is actually over. I must say a few things... *Throws out scroll that wraps the span of the globe four times* Ah hem... I love you guys, I love this series, and thank you for letting me write it with your amazing comments and feedback. I can only hope that you enjoyed this wild, insain, ridiculous, out-of-control, random pasta ride down the pasta slide as much as I did. I'd like to give a special thanks to Masked Pan, Fanfiction, and my wonderful, delightful, headache-inducing muses! Who have a few final words of wisdom for you all:
Don: Remember, I am the most amazing main character, tell your friends!
Jiggler: AMY I STILL LOVE YOU!
Beauty: Eat all your veggies!
Gasser: Remember to whipe!
Giga: There is art in everyone!
Bububu: Never turn down a nice drink and always look cohesive chic!
Bibibi: Love your siblings.
Bebebe: You don't need to have cool eyes to be a cool dude. You just need bunnies.
Bababa: I'm still in space...
Battleship: Wear a tutu on your head for good luck!
Beauty: I love you guys! Thank you!
Gasser: Air fresheners can save lives!
Dengakuman: Make sure you eat some Honey Butter today!
Rem: Get a good night's slee- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzt...
Suzu: Make an exit!
Baldie Bald III: Humans are worth- *punched. by everyone*
Baldie Bald IIII: Keep a nice, clean-shaven look!
Softon: Keep it cool, have some soft serve, love.
Over: Protect your sisters!
Torpedo Girl: Don't make bad jokes! Love instead!
Hatenko: Always believe in your boss!
Don's Mafia: Bye-Bye!
Nunchuck and Major Minor: DISESTABLISHMENTARIALISM!
J: Protect what's important to you, in style *poses*
Service Man: Service! *flashes*
Mean Green Soup Crazy Alien: Eat pleanty of soup! But only rice soup!
Master Yasha: I'm not lame!
Denbo: Listen to the music in your soul!
Bobobo: Eat Pasta, keep your nosehairs trimmed, and, above all...DON'T LISTEN TO GOOGLE MAPS!
Amy: Beware scorpions!
So there you are folks! That's how it all ends! The fat lady has sung! Asta la vista! Hug a panda! Go with the flow! May the nosehairs be with you!
-Love, nosehairs, and needles, Mz. Outcast 3