Twin Exchange September Challenge: Whatta Man
Hermione walked into the kitchen of the Burrow to find Percy sitting at the table drinking from a mug that said "Chosen One". She raised an eyebrow, even Ginny wouldn't drink out of that mug with Harry in the house.
"What, he's never up this early," Percy smirked, "especially after a night like last night."
Hermione shook her head, "It wasn't pretty."
The floo flared announcing the twins' arrival. "What wasn't pretty, pretty lady? I brought hang over potion for ickle Ronnikins and 'Arrikins" Fred asked, stopping to kiss his girlfriend on the cheek.
"Perfect Pompous Percy has a death wish I see," George gave a low whistle at his brother's choice of mug.
"It isn't all that daring to drink out of a mug, if he comes down stairs all I have to do is transfigure it," Percy was wearing a highly suspicious grin.
"I see each of you has the prankster gene. Well, I for one don't want to have to witness Harry catch you. Last weekend was bad enough, thank you very much, if it happens again we'll never get the house back together before Molly and Arthur get back," Hermione said on her way out of the kitchen.
Ginny passed her on the steps, "Whoa what's wrong with 'Mione?!" Looking around she spotted the mug, "What the hell is that, Percy. Harry is going to have kittens if he see's you with that mug!"
Percy just lifted it to his thin little lips and took a big swig from the mug.
Charlie filed in next, "So what's the deal with Harry and this mug?"
"Well, you see big brother, the Prophet named Harry the Chosen One after the ministry debacle." Fred started.
George picked up the story, "Then, Dean and Seamus thought it would be funny after the final battle to send him a victory prize. Every time he picks it up, it projects Seamus and Dean singing 'Whatta Good Man' – which is a American Muggle song – very loudly."
Ginny carried on, "And completely out of tune. Harry was not amused. He has forbidden anyone to use it."
Charlie was a little confused, "If he hates it why doesn't he just destroy it?"
Fred sniggered, "See, now that is where Forge and I come in. The lads knew Harry'd hate it, so we made it so that every time you try to destroy it, it replicates, but DO NOT tell him that we were involved!"
"Right, Right, Gred, there are now about fifty of them," George was beaming.
"So, what happened last weekend that was bad enough for Hermione to do a runner at the mere sight of the mug today?" Charlie was intrigued because Hermione was one of the smartest, bravest witches he knew. It had to be something to make her take cover.
Ron walked in and shook his head, "The mere thought of it has my fingers tingling. Mum started it though. She found the mug hid away in the back of the cupboard, thinking it was somehow accidentally misplaced she served Harry his tea in it."
George stepped in, "What she didn't know was that we were spiking his tea with Ogden's finest in hopes of pranking him later. He was half lit before she brought the mug in. So, mum, comes in all proud of herself and talking about what a lovely thoughtful gift it was and that we are so fortunate to have the Chosen One in our family."
"He saw it and said thank you, but the moment she was out of the room he went bat shit. There was literally steam coming out of his ears. Seeing that he was going to throw it, we magiced the tea out of the mug and into the one he was drinking out of before." Fred broke in.
Ron paled, "He'd throw it at the fire place and then two would lay where there should have just been shards, and he'd pick it up and throw it again."
"We put a silencing spell on the room, but who'd have thought he'd be such a violent drunk?" Fred was laughing at the memory.
Ginny said, "You know, you two are lucky that Luna and Percy came over to distract him, he's going to have kittens when he finds out you are the reason for all those mugs."
"What does my fiancé and Percy have to do with this and why is my fiancé with you, Percy?" Charlie turned on his smaller brother accusingly.
"Um, well I was helping her pick out robes for the wedding," Percy said with his hands innocently up in the air.
Fred and George doubled over in laughter at that point, "So, Perce comes in arguing with Luna about the color of the dresses. She says," Fred and George take over the roles of Luna and Percy, acting it out.
"I just love this shade of lilac," Fred said in his highest dreamy voice.
George put on his stiff upper lip and said in a perfect imitation of Percy the Pompous "My dear, that is a not lilac, it's halfway on the spectrum between Indigo and Violet making at lighter shade of amaranthine."
"Then Luna gets up and says, 'Why Percy you must have run into the humphfrakles outside, amaranthine means timeless and imperishable. They always make my mind fuzzy too, see now you have to stand on one leg and hum 'God Save The Queen'."
George looked almost as offended as Percy had and once again imitated him perfectly down to the way he spoke slowly as if dealing with someone that was not too bright, "What? Luna dear, there is no such thing humphlefraks. Amaranthine has several meanings, but I would be willing to go so far as to compromise that the dresses are violet"
"Oh Percy, you really must get to singing," Fred nearly knocked George over trying to pull up his leg just like Luna had done to his brother. "Those humphfrakles can do serious damage if you don't get them out straight away. And YOU are Percy not the dresses, they're lilac."
Ginny then decided she'd play Harry. She mocked stared slack jawed at the pair going back and forth about the dresses. Suddenly she jumped up pretended to push glasses back on her nose and pointed her wand at the twins, "What the bloody hell? The dress is bleeding purple! Doesn't anyone see that I am buried up to my arse in mugs over here? I swear if I find out who charmed this effing mug I am going to set their bullocks on fire. Everyone knows Then he let out at string of explicatives and sat down at the nearest seat putting his head in his hands.
"That's when I walked in," Ron said, "I sat down across the Wizarding Chess table from him and said, I'd fancy a game m'self."
Fred wiped tears from his eyes, "Then next thing we know Harry makes this yelling sound and there is a big bang then Ron is wearing Luna's purple dress and Harry is storming out of the room yelling, 'You know I'm not a fan of Wizard's Chess'."
"Then when he got to the stairs, he whips around and charms all the chess pieces to attack and bite at Ron's fingers," George barely got out for laughing so hard. "Best night ever and we didn't even have to pull one prank!"
"I said some awful things that night, didn't I?" Harry said putting his hand on Ron's shoulder. "I'm sorry mate, I shouldn't have taken it out on you." Percy's wand was a blurr transfiguring the mug into a steaming light brown garden gnome. The Twins could barely control themselves at the bizarre look Harry was giving the table.
While Ron and Harry were sorting it out Ginny leaned over whispering to Charlie, "'Mione did a runner because she paid Seamus, Dean and the Twins to do it. Apparently, he put one of the WWW prank color changing powders in Crookshanks food a while back and the poor cat still goes through the rainbow every time it coughs up a hairball. That is one witch you just don't want to cross." At that moment, Harry picked up the gnome and it suddenly started singing. "Whatta man, whatta man, whatta a mighty good man" in the most off key voices Charlie had ever heard.
"PERCY, DAMMIT, IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHITE!" Harry started cussing
"Yeah, I think the Freddie better get her something nice for her birthday next week for that inspiration, it's bloody brilliant. It's worse than a Caterwauling charm."
A/N: I own nothing. JK owns it all. Thanks to Kjpanny Kjchristie17 for letting me use her "Chosen One" mug. If you like my story please go vote for it (after the 20th) on the Twin Exchange forum. Thanks to my fantastic beta Annie3773, with out you this wouldn't have come out nearly as well! Don't forget to vote! ~M