Sooo I was looking through my old mp3 player and found this song called "Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera and it inspired me to write this story and I haven't read anything like this on fanfiction so enjoy(:
I was naive
Your love was like candy
I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
And I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely
I knew it would hurt. In the back of my head I knew it was a mistake. I never should have made myself that vulnerable. How could I believe that it was real? How could I be that stupid?
I distantly remember my driver's ed teacher telling me and Sierra not to drive in the condition I'm in: hysterical. That's the thing about sadness, one small mistake, the littlest lapse in judgment could send you into a world of hurt. And with that hurt comes tears, and with those tears come memories of other pain, words left unsaid and tears left unshed. It was the worst feeling in the world simply because it was unstoppable.
I try to regain control as I continue driving away from that hospital. Away from him, away from our memories and the real me only he knew. The drive is long and painful. One that consists of me trying to regain my composure. Pulling into the driveway, I take deep breaths to calm myself from the sobs that rack my body. I do my best to fix my makeup and puffy eyes then open my door, knowing my mom will probably give me shit about my appearance. Hopefully I fixed myself enough to cover the fact I've been crying. All I want to do is lie in bed and be miserable in peace.
I relax when I notice my car is the only one in the driveway. I walk strait through my house and into my room, not even bothering to check if Shelly and her new care taker were home. Feeling the tears start to pool again, I collapse on my bed and ruin my sheets with my problems. I don't know how long I stayed like that but the next thing I hear is a "Brittany!" calling up the stairs.
And just like that, I'm up and walking to my desk at the other side of my room, my back facing the door.
Theres a short knock at the door "Brit?" my mom says, opening the door.
I instantly wish me and my mom had a closer relationship. I wish I could talk to her about this without her saying "I told you so" or shaking her head at me. I wish all this pain would just go away.
I feel her presence as she says "Where have you been? I get a call from you saying you're at Sierras at 7 o'clock in the morning and you don't show up until," she pauses, probably looking at her Chanel watch "11? What was so important…"
"Sierra and Doug were in a fight and Sierra needed me." I lie easily. I usually hate lying, but I can make an exception this one time.
I can almost feel her raise her perfectly plucked eyebrows raise "At 7 in the morning, Brittany?" she sighs "We talked about this. If you were with that Alex boy, its ok. I-I trust you."
At the mention of Alex I'm off again, unable to control the waterfall streaming from my face, I collapse into myself, shaking. My hands instinctively cover my face to try and hide the wetness in my eyes. I don't recognize whats happening when I feel something wrap itself around me. I look up to see my mom cradling me in her arms and rocking me slowly back and forth. My arms come around her in return, not remembering the last time this happened. I hang onto my mother for dear life and try to will the tears away. I don't want to hear her say I told you so or see the disappointment in her eyes, I don't think I could take it.
"Shh," my mom coos "Whats wrong, Brit?"
I take a few short, shaky breaths, debating on whether I should talk to her or not. To be honest, I'm still shocked she showed me this side of her. Of course, things have been a bit different with our family since that conversation at Sierras house. The night that…
Don't you start Brittany.
I decided to seek comfort in my mother. The least I could do was meet her halfway, so I did. I told her everything, skipping the whole sex thing. I wasn't ready to share that much yet. I hadn't even told Sierra.
I wipe my eyes and sniff "You can say I told you so if you want but it won't really make a difference." I say when I'm done and she just stares at me. I'm really surprised she didn't interrupt at all.
"No," she says slowly and shakes her head "That's not what I was going to say."
"Then, what?" I snap a little. This is really unnerving.
She sighs "Look Brittany, I know you think of me as this cold woman that only thinks of material things, and you may be right. But I have seen my share of heartbreak and pain." I must have looked skeptical because she chuckles lightly "We don't talk a lot about my past, do we?"
I shake my head "Mostly just plans for the future. Its almost like…" I trail off, trying to think of the right way to put this "Like you regret it."
She cocks her head to the side "My past is my past, Brit. It made me who I am, I don't have regrets and probably wouldn't change a thing. I just don't live there anymore. I guess I just don't talk about it because I don't like looking back, I like to keep moving forward."
I laugh cynically and roll my puffy red eyes "Well that's all fine and dandy except I can't." Here comes the tears "I can't keep moving forward with all this pain, I can't see what path I'm on because of all these tears. I'm just not strong enough, Mom."
She pulls me closer, surprising me yet again "Oh honey, its ok to cry. Sometimes…" she pulls back to look into my eyes "Sometimes being strong means being able to cry, but sometimes being strong means being able to let go."
Looking into my moms eyes, so similar to mine, I finally see all the wisdom hidden behind all the botox and makeup. Sure shes a bitch, a little selfish, yes but shes not a terrible mother overall. If I'm being honest, shes always tried to give me what I wanted. From good grades to designer clothes. No, I don't really care about that stuff, but she tried. And at the end of the day, I have no idea what struggles shes had to face in her life.
I nod and try to smile, knowing its fake and wipe away my tears. My mom shakes her head and smiles, she is just full of surprises tonight "You don't have to do that Brittany. This is hard enough as it is. Don't make it any harder by pretending." With a kiss on my forehead, she walks to the door.
Before walking out, she turns back around "You try so hard to be the person everyone wants you to be, maybe you should try to be the person you want to be. I love you just the way you are, Brit. Remember that, ok?"
A new set of tears spring to my eyes but not because of Alex. Happy tears. I may not heal soon and it won't be easy, but I can try. I know the feelings I have for Alex will never fully go away. He was my first, and my only love but I think I can live with that. Pain will still overwhelm my body but I know now I'm strong enough to get through this. I know its probably for the better. But I will always love him.
I can't mend
This torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from
That's all folks! Review/favorite or whatever you please. I'm going to post my cast for PC, just the main characters: Brit, Alex, Isa, Paco and Sierra. Check it out on my profile, along with the link of Christinas song, seriously LISTEN! Check out my other stories and REVIEW, tell me what you think of my ideas of the characters and my other stories, I just want to know you guys are interested in my stuff. Thanks for reading(: