this fanfic isn't full of mindfuck or anything. it's clear-cut and my attempt at being angsty and painful and asdfghjkl; Finn angst is usually in my other account but i want this piece on THIS account warnings for cancer, disease and Brittinn feels xo Peanut Butter/Sam.
Brittany liked it when she was eating popcorn with Kurt and sitting down in pyjamas. She liked popcorn. Kurt told her it didn't have a lot of calories too which was good because she didn't want to get fat and Finn to leave her. Finn didn't like to watch the Little Mermaid because it made him sad so she watched it with Kurt and the girls. They weren't like Finn. Finn liked to watch these things and didn't talk as much and when he did, it was about the movie. Brittany and Finn didn't need to talk because they didn't need to say any words. They just kinda knew. She liked it when Finn would sprawl on her lap when they watched and she can play with his hair. Finn had really soft hair. She told Finn and he smiled kinda weakly. With the girls and Kurt, they talked a lot and it wasn't about the movie. It was sorta annoying when Brittany was trying to focus.
Brittany knew Rachel was bad for Finn because she never told him that his hair was nice and fluffy. Brittany knew she was good for Finn because she told him his hair was fluffy all the time and it made him really happy.
She took the remote and paused the movie. Kurt had looked back at Brittany, and finally, he just stopped talking as a look of concern made its way to Kurt's face. "Honey? What's wrong?"
"I just feel sad," Brittany said. "My koala is really sad."
Koala was what she called Finn because he was adorable to her because sometimes, he didn't understand things and Brittany had to explain things to him. When Finn asked her questions and she answered, he got it and he believed her but a lot of people would've called her stupid. Finn didn't really call her stupid and when he did that one time, he was really sorry. People weren't sorry like Finn was. She knew when Finn was sorry; he had this kind of sadness in his eyes that didn't go away unless she forgave him. She always forgave him because she didn't like seeing Finn sad and she really liked Finn.
Kurt sat down beside Brittany, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Do you know why koala is sad?"
Brittany shook her head. "But he's sad and I think he might be a little sick." She finally said after a while. "He has a bruise now because the cabinet the side of his face and he bruised really bad but he didn't used to bruise real quick like that before."
"That's normal, honey," Kurt tried to explain to her.
"I know, Kurt and you're my little smart dolphin and all but I can't help but feel like something is wrong with our koala." Brittany said. "He started to act weird."
Kurt was suspicious now, as he raised an eyebrow. "Weird how, honey? Did he mention going to places and doesn't he touch you anymore?"
"Finn didn't cheat on me," Brittany caught on which shocked Kurt slightly as Brittany then added on. "Why would you say that? Finn really likes me."
"Well, he has a history of—"Rachel was cut off by Quinn.
"What Rachel was saying," Quinn rolled her eyes, "was that Kurt wanted to make sure that he didn't hurt you too."
Brittany shook her head. "Well, Finn didn't like either of you so of course he cheated on you because he was confused. If he really liked someone, he wouldn't be confused."
Rachel and Quinn looked offended and Kurt tried to clear his throat. "So, how would you describe Finn's weird, honey?"
Brittany looked like she was thinking before she said, "well, he kinda gets sick a lot now. And before all of that, he was crying a lot."
"Crying?" Kurt seemed to raise his eyebrow at this as Brittany slowly nodded her head.
"Mmmhmm. He said that he had Cancer and I told him it was okay because I was a Virgo and I think we were compatible and if we weren't, I thought we were an exception." Kurt seemed to considerably pale when he heard this but Brittany still kept on going. "It's okay, Kurt. We can still be together even if our star signs weren't okay."
Kurt looked like he was going to throw up. "I'm sure you will, honey."
Brittany looked down at the bowl. "I think I'm gonna get some popcorn. Maybe the sad feeling is really just hunger."
Kurt didn't say anything. He met Rachel's eyes which were filled with shock. They can say nothing. Brittany came back after five minutes, and sat down beside him. For the first time, Brittany didn't have to worry about them talking during the movie because they were all speechless.
"Cancer, Finn?" Kurt said when he spotted his six-foot-three stepbrother picking up a cereal box. The minute Kurt said those words; he had thrown the box on the ground, allowing little bits of Cheerios to splutter on the carpet Kurt bought for the kitchen.
Finn shrugged. "Are you gonna like yell at me or something for not telling you because I was going to but I can't really find the words to say 'hey, I'm dying'."
Kurt shut his eyes as hot tears filled them. "And you told Britt?"
Finn froze. "Brittany…told you?" he said, voice hollow. "Is she okay?"
"She's fine, Finn. She doesn't quite get that it's a terminal illness and you're gonna die," Kurt rose his voice slightly as his lips trembled. Kurt leaned down to pick up the box of Cheerios before looking up at Finn with those hurt eyes. Finn was speechless now, as Kurt took the bits of cereal in his hand, placing the box of Cheerios on the counter and then binning the pieces in his hand that had fallen on the floor. Finn picked up the box, took out a bowl from the counter.
Kurt took the box from Finn and pouring in the cereal for him in a bowl. Finn grabbed onto Kurt's wrists. "Wait, stop. That's enough."
"Are you on a diet?" Kurt horrifically stated. "Finn, that's—"Kurt then recognised that Finn's skin was feverish and hot. "Oh, oh, okay, honey. You honestly don't feel like eating?"
Finn shook his head. "But Mom wants me to and Burt got me Cheerios just so I would eat stuff."
"Oh," Kurt nodded his head mutely.
Finn then added on. "Don't explain it to Britt," and Kurt's eyes widened.
"You don't want to tell your girlfriend that you have an illness that can very well kill you depending on the stage and treatment options? I know Dad and Carole don't have much right now and it's going to be Hell for them scraping up any amount of money—"
Finn nodded his head. "Yeah, like my Doc said something about chemo and he's running along the options with Mom. I know I should be there too but the more he talks, the more I want to throw up."
Kurt laid a hand on Finn's shoulder as Finn added on again. "Please don't let Britt understand anything, okay? She's really happy and it's the kinda happy that makes people beautiful. I don't wanna see her sad. You can tell her that I get sick a lot and that I have a bad maroon system—"
"Immune system," Kurt corrected him. "Finn, you don't. It's all lies."
Finn shook his head. "Please don't let me tell her that I'm dying. Don't let me hurt her like that…Britt is kinda magical and she told me when she gets sad, she wants to run away with unicorns and I don't want her to run away with them. Unicorns can really kill you too, because of the horns, like in Supernatural. By the way, did you know like to kill vampires you need to like behead them?"
Kurt chuckled and shook his head. "Finn, not telling Britt would be a disaster. If she finds out—"
"No," Finn shook his head again. "If she finds out, she'll be kinda sad, but then she'd be happy because if I didn't tell her, it means I really, really like her and that I wanted her to be safe."
Kurt was thrown back by this response as he shut his eyes. "Finn, are you in love with Brittany?"
Finn shrugged. "I don't know. Britt thinks that we're in love because sometimes, she walks in the bathroom when I'm showering or pooping and she shaves her…down there and her armpits, and I don't find it gross."
"That is a disturbing image," Kurt looked away.
"Oh," Finn then had a small smile on his face, as he looked for the milk and scrunched up his nose when he found skim milk but apparently, settled for it. "And Britt thinks that we're in love because once she told me she really liked it when I wore a really old big hoodie and I wore it when I picked her up from the Cheerios even though they recognised I was wearing Britt's clothes and made fun of me but I still did it for her."
Kurt smiled weakly. "Britt has a big hoodie that fits you?"
Finn looked at Kurt like he was crazy. "No! Dude. It was like Lord Tubbington's hoodie."
"The cat?" Kurt asked and Finn nodded his head slowly, as he splashed on milk on the cereal and then sat down on the table. Kurt shook his head. "Do you want coffee?"
"Yeah, just not a lot!" Finn exclaimed. "Like Britt said if I drink a lot of coffee, I become like the Flash and run really fast."
Kurt caught on quickly, and then asked. "Did she tell you this before your 5K Mr Schue thought you should join by any chance?"
Finn nodded his head. "Yeah, and she got me a lot of coffee and I was really fast and finished it all but Puck and Mike didn't so that was kinda cool."
Kurt smiled weakly.
"What?" Finn didn't quite get it. Kurt just made him eight ounces of coffee, which Finn deemed as okay, along with his itty bitty amount of Cheerios and milk. He took a spoonful of the Cheerios and then looked up at Kurt whom was just shaking his head knowingly at him.
"You're like Allie and Noah." Kurt mumbled.
Finn scrunched up his nose. "Ew, the Notebook was really weird and stupid."
"You watched The Notebook?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. Finn nodded his head to Kurt's words as he bit down his lower lip.
"Yeah, I kinda did. With Britt. With both thought it was really stupid," Finn murmured. "So we tried to see what Disney couple we're like but that didn't work out so well. Britt can't be Snow White because she thinks red apples are gross so she wouldn't have eaten the apple in the first place. She didn't like Cinderella because she'd be afraid of mice and I kinda am too." Finn blushed.
Finn carried on talking as he spooned his cereal. "She thought Sleeping Beauty was perfect but I said I wouldn't let her sleep for so long. It wouldn't be good and that I would've found her a long time ago and woke her up. Belle and Beast were really weird because I would never yell at her like he does all the time. Britt doesn't like Pocahontas because Pocahontas kinda reminds her of Santana and she doesn't wanna remember her ex. San used to tell her it was okay to cheat and stuff and that wasn't cool. Tiana wasn't okay either because Britt told me that I don't look like a frog and that I'm adorable."
Kurt smiled weakly as Finn took a sip of his coffee before going on. "Oh, Jasmine was okay but then I don't go around stealing stuff so that was out. Then she told me that was a lie because I stole her heart and I didn't give it back. I don't know how to do that to be honest. I don't think I have her heart lying around and stuff," Finn shrugged. "We went looking for it, but we couldn't find it so I bought her a heart-shaped cookie and told her that I found her heart and it was really nice but then she ate her heart. I told her she had two now and she can love me even more."
Kurt found the thought of this adorable, as Finn then went on. "Mulan wasn't an option because Britt said she'd never join the army for her Dad because he's kinda mean to me and thinks that I'll hurt her but I told her it's only because he loves her a lot, and he wants her to be safe like I do, then she smiled and we had dinner together. He likes me now. So…"
Finn grinned. "I thought of Rapunzel and it works because Flynn is a lot like Finn and Rapunzel has really long locks and he's kinda a Lima loser like me but he still loves her a lot and he made her find her parents. Rapunzel was really cool, even though he's a really smug arrogant jerk and it's kinda like you and Sebastian being together. Oh, I think you and Sebastian should be together because Sebastian is kinda like Belle and you'd be the Beast and yell at him a lot but then you'd make him fall in love with you after like locking you two together and he'd see that your butt is better than Blaine's and want to marry you too."
Kurt wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Glad to know," he murmured. Finn pushed his plate towards Kurt which sent alarm bells. "Finn, you barely ate."
"I have like a fever because my…prune system thing it's not working out so well. Really. Because my cancer is like in my bone marrow or something like that so that means I get sick a lot, so it's not a lie," Finn said, his eyes looking sad and unfocused, nearly distant. "I'm just really scared that she's gonna be sad and I don't want my last memories of her to be sad. I want…I wanna sit down with her and eat pasta that we'll both pretend we made but it's really from Olive Garden or something and we can laugh and stuff and I don't have to worry about her touching my hand or-or-or like telling me that I'm coughing a lot or that…"
"Shhh," Kurt tried to calm Finn down. "I'll tell her you have a really bad immune system."
Finn nodded his head mutely. "Thanks, Kurt; you're a really good person."
"Just…" Kurt didn't even look back at Finn as he pushed back the Cheerios to his brother, 'finish your breakfast, Finn."
She dreamed of para- para- paradise every time she closed her eyes…
Finn laughed when he heard the radio when he and Brittany were sitting down and eating pasta. This time, Brittany really made the effort to cook it herself, but she ended up burning half the kitchen the first time. It was nearly midnight when Brittany got an okay dish, but to Finn, it tasted better than anything in the world even if it came from a package and Brittany's 'garnishing' was just a lot of shredded Parmesan because Brittany liked cheese and she kinda bathed it in olive oil because 'Kurt said it was really healthy and I want to give you a lot of strength because of your bad maroon system'.
Finn smiled weakly as he took a spoonful of the pasta. "I really don't get this song. I mean, like if Paradise is Heaven and stuff, then you can't really dream of it because nobody knows how it looks like. It's beyond our imagination, right? Sometimes people are really dumb."
Brittany just shrugged. "I just like the sound because it sounds magical."
Finn laughed and it made Brittany smiled. "Finn, your laugh is like a blanket."
"Yours too," Finn's eyes glittered underneath the light. Brittany loved how Finn knew what she meant, because Finn's laugh was really like a blanket wrapping around her. It made her feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, like she can fly too.
"I think," Brittany began, "like paradise can be love because you can like dream of the feelings but—"
"—you can't see it," Finn finished it off for her and Brittany giggled. "You're a genius, Britt."
Brittany smiled as Finn stood up and put in a cassette, "this is like my favourite Coldplay song." Brittany liked that Finn liked old stuff sometimes, because it was sorta cute.
Look at the stars, look how they shine for you…
Finn turned around and sung that verse out for her. Brittany smiled weakly. "I really like stars."
"I like them more than rainbows," Finn added on, 'because rainbows only come after the rain but stars are always here, like even if you don't always see them, they're always there. Your eyes kinda have stars in them right now, and they're really pretty."
Brittany smiled weakly, and stood up. "Yours too and it's like a chocolate fountain sparkling."
Finn was full-on grinning now. "Good, because I really like chocolate."
Brittany was grinning now as she turned around to sit down and eat the rest of her pasta. Finn joined her but then Brittany looked sad, and this made Finn sad too. "You're not eating," Brittany said, her voice really soft. "And I know you're big, Finn but you're not really fat. I mean I sorta think you are sometimes because you wear these huge gross stripped shirts all the time because you're really insecure but I don't want you to get really sick and like the song says, if you turn into skin and bones, I'd want you to turn into something beautiful."
Finn nodded towards her. "Don't worry. I'm just eating slower. I'll finish this up. I promise."
Brittany grinned now. "I believe you because you always keep the promises you make to me since I'm really special to you."
Finn nodded his head. He really did finish every last bit, but the food weighed heavy in Finn's stomach and he was really sick. He stayed in the couch with Brittany for a while before he had to go up and run to the bathroom. Brittany followed him inside the bathroom when Finn dropped his pants.
"Oh!" Brittany got it. "You…you have to poop like a lot now, right?"
Finn nodded his head. "You don't have to stay because it's really gross and it's gonna smell really bad."
"I'm gonna go make you really salty soup because that's what my Mom does when I get sick like this but I also don't wanna leave you. I don't mind if you're being gross because you don't mind it when I need to shave." Brittany said, voice adamant.
"It's okay. You can go make soup for me." Finn said, as he groaned. "But like, I don't want to eat it. I feel like my stomach is being ripped into pieces."
"That sounds really bad," Brittany pointed out the obvious. "It must really hurt. I'll close the door and you can call me if you need me. Like you can tell too because my parents don't wake up no matter how hard you yell."
Finn weakly nodded his head.
Brittany left, feeling a little guilty. She turned off the music and found Lord Tubbington eating the rest of the pasta on from the pot. "Hey, Lord Tubbington, go look out for Finn, okay? And tomorrow, I'm gonna give you a Garfield day and make you lasagna but I don't think Finn can eat that because he's really sick."
Lord Tubbington had stepped out of the kitchen and Brittany put the rest of the pasta in Lord Tubbington's bowl because he really deserved it for being a good kitty. Bad kitties got salad and carrots. Brittany called Kurt.
"Britt? It's like one am," Kurt groaned. "And you're disrupting my sleep. I might get wrinkles before I'm even forty—"
"My aunt doesn't sleep and she's fifty and doesn't have any wrinkles so I think that's a myth," Kurt would laugh because Brittany believed that was a myth but really believed in the existence of most supernatural things. Brittany then added on. "Kurt, what soup has a lot of salt in it? Do I have to put in salt when I'm looking for salty soup or—?"
"Unless you want to get water weight, why would you even want salty soup?" Kurt yawned.
"Because Finn is sick and he's in the bathroom and I need to make him salty soup because that's what my Mom does for me when I get bathroom sick." Brittany explained.
"Oh, diarrhoea," Kurt understood. "Brittany, let Finn stay away from sugary drinks. Yes, salt is just about right. Do you have Campbell's?"
"Yeah! I have a lot of those!"
"Then make him some of that. Heat it up, make it a little watery. He might still feel bad, so just wait a bit. Oh, and Brittany, people with diarrhoea need to be constantly fed despite the measures. I think I read somewhere that people restricting their food intake are sicker for a longer time. If you have any Pepto-Bismol or Codeine, that can help too. Just don't shove the whole thing down his throat. Give him one dose at a time. Okay, honey?"
"Thank you, Kurt. You're a really good dolphin. I'm gonna go help koala right now," she shut off the phone and looked for soup. Lord Tubbington came back after a moment with a tortured-looking Finn.
"I feel really empty," Finn murmured. "Like…I think I don't even have any bowels which is weird."
Brittany felt sad for him because Finn looked like he was in pain. "I'm really sorry, Finn, but I made you some chicken soup because salty soup really helps and Kurt said you can wait a bit before you eat but I'll stay awake until you do."
By the time it was four am, Brittany put the soup in the microwave when Finn said he'd finally eat it. He only said he would because Brittany was serious about not falling asleep until he ate it. He'd gone to and from the bathroom for about two more times in the last three hours. Brittany read the labels five times so she can give Finn the right amount of medicine and not screw it up because she'd be really hurt if she realised she made Finn sicker than he was.
Brittany dragged Finn to her bed afterwards. Lord Tubbington joined him in and Brittany looked for her mattress. "I used to keep mattresses here because Santana liked 'camping' with me, but I'll find them now so I can sleep on them. I'll keep the bathroom door open and the lights on and if you feel sick, just nudge me, okay, Finn?"
Finn nodded his head as he laid on the bed. If he protested, they'd still end up with Finn on the bed and Brittany looking for the mattress. To be honest, he was also extremely drained and tired and just wanted to sleep. He would've fallen asleep on the couch if it wasn't for Brittany pulling him to her room.
When Brittany found the mattress, she fell asleep on top of it. Finn found the energy to trade the duvet for the really thin blanket she was gonna sleep with. Brittany didn't like how Finn kept the temperature of the air conditioner so cold but this time, she let him keep it as low as he'd liked with Lord Tubbington curling up onto his arm.
"Lord Tubbington wants you to get better," Brittany said, head face into the pillow. "You're a good person and when you get sick, you're in pain and that's not good."
Finn smiled. "Go to sleep, Britt."
Brittany laughed. "And dream of para-para-paradise?" she said in a sing-song voice.
"Every time you close your eyes," Finn chimed in.
Brittany clung onto her pillow, as she fell asleep lulling the song to herself. Like a lullaby, it made Finn fall asleep too. She woke up two hours later when Finn had to go to the bathroom again and she called Kurt to ask him if she can give him another dose. When he said not yet, she thanked him even though he was sort of pissed off about how she was ruining her sleep. She called Santana later when because Santana woke up at eight and she asked her if she can get her more soup because she didn't want to wake up her parents and if Finn had anymore chicken soup, he looked like he'd throw up.
Santana got her a lot of salty soup and she didn't even call Finn fat like she usually did. Finn noticed it too so when Brittany was busy with the microwave, Finn grabbed into her elbow, pulled her close and told her to make fun of him.
"What?" Santana's voice was loud even in a whisper.
Finn whispered the last bit. "If you're gonna be really nice to me, Britt's gonna catch on. It'll break her heart when she thinks that something is really wrong with me." Finn begged with his eyes.
"Fine, butterbeer brain," Santana rolled her eyes, but Finn saw that silver of emotion that said that she kinda felt sorry for him too. "I'm only doing this because even if she broke up with me over you sorry, sick ass, I still love her, understand?"
Finn nodded his head mutely.
When Brittany finished microwaving his soup, she stopped and then asked Santana. "Is it better if I like cook it on a stove next time because microwave radiation and stuff is bad, isn't it?"
Santana shrugged. "I don't think he cares. Your boyfriend is radioactive himself."
Brittany went quiet. "He's sick though, San. Don't be mean to him when he's sick, that's bad."
"He'll get better. Besides, this is good for him. He might drop a few pounds and lower his risk of heart disease." Santana kept going on, and Finn knew it must be hard for her to say all these things because they'll hurt Brittany too and she didn't want to hurt Brittany.
Brittany didn't say anything else as she placed the bowl of soup in front of Finn and told him to eat all of it. Finn did and he didn't even have to promise this time. He looked hungry, which meant the nausea went away for the most bit. Brittany smiled. "Do you want to eat something else?"
"He doesn't need anything else," Santana quipped.
Underneath the table, Finn's hand found Santana's and he squeezed it for her. She looked at him for one second and he realised he was right. It was really hard for her to say any of that right now.
"I'm sorry, Santana," Brittany began, "but I'm gonna tell you to go away if you say anything bad about Finn because he has body issues and Rachel didn't care about it enough to stop you but I do because I really, really like him."
"Fine," Santana gruffly replied as Finn let go of her hand just so he can use the spoon when Brittany turned around.
"Do you want pizza?" Brittany looked like she was craving it. He looked at the calendar and realised that Brittany was probably on her period. He then blushed, realising that he also let the poor girl go downstairs when he used her bathroom just because she wanted his full comfort.
"At nine am?" Santana murmured.
Brittany looked discouraged but Finn nodded. "Yeah, sure," and she left happy.
"Britt always wants pizza when she's on her period. Like…sausage, ham, pepperoni and pineapple," Finn said. "That's why she didn't like Puck or Rachel staying with her when she had her period because she can't have it 'cause apparently, Jews don't eat ham or pork which was really embarrassing because once I made a ham sandwich for Puck when he was sick and when he asked what was in it and I told him, he nearly threw me out of the window. That would be bad because he really shouldn't be out of bed when he was sick."
Santana rolled her eyes. "You're really something, Finnocence."
"You're not a Jew too, right?"
Santana glared at him as Brittany came back and hugged Finn. "We get pizza!"
"I'll let you go back to your gross lovefest," Santana said. "Lay off the pizza, Hudson. Else you'll expand like a helium balloon and I know, Britt, I'm showing my way out the door right now."
"Good, because I didn't want to get Lord Tubbington to do it," Brittany said. "He gets really angry when you're around anyway."
Finn snorted and Brittany said. "Do you want any more medicine? I think I should call Kurt again just in case it's bad for you to have anymore…"
Brittany's eyes were filling. "Finn, I don't like seeing you sick. Hey! Tears are like salty." Brittany sat on Finn's lap as she pressed her cheek to his mouth. "It'll be good for you I think."
Finn's lips against her cheek as she held him tightly. She pulled away when she stopped crying so that she can run her fingers through his hair.
"Hey, Britt," Finn said, voice soft.
"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you…" Finn sung for her.
Brittany smiled. "Yeah, I'm looking at them. You have a lot of them in your eyes and they're really pretty."
Finn looked down at his feet. "I can't promise the world, Britt, but I promise you all the stars in the sky are sort of shining for you. Plus, the song is called Yellow and you're a blonde!"
"I just don't want Mr Schue to belittle my performance on the account of—"Rachel was cut off as Quinn walked into the girls' bathroom. Mercedes stopped fixing her hair.
"What?" Quinn icily said.
"You look like you were crying," Mercedes pointed out as Tina, whom was standing beside her, gave her a quick jerk of the head.
"Of course I've been crying," Quinn said, voice full of hysteria. "Finn has cancer if you haven't noticed and he's been sick—"
"—is he at school today?" Tina cut her off. Finn hadn't been at school in a while, between getting sick, Doctor's appointment and just generally being tired so they never got to catch up with him or talk to him as much as they did before. It was nearly impossible right now, considering Finn and Brittany were even more glued to each other than before and they felt like intruding some sort of territory. Kurt had said that Brittany had been at their house a lot, helping Carole if Finn got sick, or if Carole and Burt were out, then Finn insisted on staying over at Britt's and he also insisted that they acted normal so Brittany wouldn't catch on.
"Yes," Quinn said. "He is and I honestly just think we should pray for—"
Brittany had walked inside, pulling Finn into the girl's bathroom with her. "I'm really sorry but I don't wanna leave Finn alone and I know you guys are only here and the boy's restroom has this smell that makes Finn nauseous so…" Brittany pulled Finn towards the sink.
Finn had a sickly grey pallor, and his hand was bleeding. Brittany had pulled out a box of bandages with Disney characters on them for him and put many of them alongside of the monster-cut that Finn seemed to have gotten himself.
Rachel was quiet for a while and then asked, "Brittany, honey…don't you think…don't you think you should wrap that up at the nurse?"
Brittany looked up at her with soft eyes. "But the nurse isn't really nice to Finn and she gets kinda angry if we go there like all the time."
"Oh, fuck this," Santana began. "Berry, you have to have some sort of bandages or something. Maybe Puckerman or Beiste do. We need a fucking First Aid kit otherwise that bitch will get infected."
Santana took charge and in a few minutes, they were sitting at Mr Schue's office along with Puck whom was just crossing his arms over his chest. Finn was sitting on Will's desk. When Brittany saw the rubbing alcohol, she quickly grabbed Finn's other hand as he winced at the sting. Will wrapped Finn's hand with gauze, tightening it up.
"There, that's a lot better. That cut though…it wasn't really that big but the amount of blood gushing from it…" Mr Schue shook his head. "Are you okay?"
Finn nodded his head, still looking pale. "Can I talk to you alone, Finn?"
He looked at the girls, whom looked hesitant before leaving. Puck didn't though. He just shut the door, when Finn looked at Mr Schue.
"Your absentiseem is worrying me, Finn. Your whole state is worrying me," Will then began. "You look paler. You're tired. You've lost a considerable amount of weight. What's going on?"
That all it took for Finn to break down and Will to wrap his arms around him, patting Finn on the back. "There, there, calm down…it's gonna be okay."
"What the hell is going on with you? It seems like every Glee girl knows and Hummel, but they won't budge," Puck suddenly said. "What is going on with you that is so…I don't know. What happened to you? Are you on fucking drugs or something—? Quinn lost her shit today."
"Puck," Will gave him a hard look. His facial expression softened looking at Finn. "Finn?"
Finn looked down. "I…I think…no, I know…that I have cancer, like the one in the bone marrow and… my Doc said something about white blood cells or red blood cells or something like that and stuff and that's why I always get really sick."
Puck seemed thrown back. "What?" his voice was colder now. "You're fucking kidding. Tell me you're joking or some shit because—"
"If you want me, I can hug you. Britt likes them." Finn cut Puck off.
"I don't want a fucking hug!" Puck exclaimed. "I want you to get fucking better."
Finn's face dropped considerably as hot tears filled his eyes before shaking his head. "Chemo don't work," he said with a weak smile on his face.
"Fuck." Puck murmured. Will couldn't correct him on his language, stunned as Puck slammed his fists towards the table, looking back up at Finn before attacking him with a hard embrace. "Fuck you, man. Fuck you."
Finn laughed amongst his soft sobbing. "Wouldn't you want to, dude?"
"Screw you, Finessa." It came to a still silence as Puck shook his head. "Screw you to Hell."
Finn curled up into Puck's arms for some time.
"What does Brittany know?" Mr Schue asked. "Does she know, Finn?"
"No," Finn said in a soft voice. "And she's never gonna know."
"Are you gonna die? Because that's a really good way for her to know," Puck mumbled under his breath. "Tell me. Because if you're not gonna die, then I'm throwing a party or some shit."
Finn was silent.
"Dammit, Finnessa, I didn't say that so you can stay silent and shit. I want you to tell me that you're not gonna die from this!"
Finn has tears recollecting in his eyes. "No dice."
"So that's it?" Puck mumbled. "You're gonna fucking die?"
Finn slowly nodded his head.
"Fucking Hell," Puck cried out, his voice sounding scratchy as Finn placed a hand on Puck's shoulder. "You're really gonna die and you don't want Britt to know?"
Finn shook his head. "Not…like yet because dude…I kinda…I kinda think she loves me and I don't…don't want to hurt her. It'll…it'll kill me if she knows…that I'm dying. It'll kill me if the last thing I can remember of her is her pain and I kinda don't want to remember that. I wanna remember my happy Britt that lets Lord Tubbington sleep next to me." He said the last bit breathlessly.
"You're screwed up, man," Puck shook his head as Finn nodded his head silently. Mr Schue placed a hand on Finn's shoulder, so Finn was inclined to look up to see him.
"Finn," Mr Schue wanted to begin. "I—"
"I know, Mr Schue," Finn cut him off as he let Mr Schue hug him again. "I'll miss me too."
"Who was your first crush?" Finn looked across from the bed to look at Brittany, whom was putting nail polish on her nails.
Brittany looked up and smiled. "I think it was a panda."
Finn smiled weakly. "Mine was like Bubbles from Powerpuff girls."
Brittany smiled. "And I'm blonde and yellow like in our song so I look like her."
Finn stayed silent for a while before he pressed his head against Brittany's thigh, and looked at the colour she was painting her toes with, which was a really nice watermelon pink and she ran her fingers through his hair. They didn't need much else.
Brittany's eyes looked down at Finn's eyes that were filled with tears for no reason at all. Brittany ran her hand down Finn's hair. She knew now too. Finn knew she did.
"I'm not gonna ruin my nail polish."
Finn nodded his head. By crying. By screaming. He wanted that. "I'll do your nails for you. I don't think you can keep your hand steady."
Brittany stayed quiet.
Finn was sitting down beside her on his own swing and they were swinging and singing right now. Finn looked at Brittany with a happy, elated look on his face.
"Look at the stars," Finn began, "look how they shine for you…"
They were swinging. It was dark at night. It was just them and the really cold wind.
"And everything you do, and they were all yellow!" Finn was full-on grinning by now and then it was Brittany's turn to sing with the verse. They went along for a minute or so before Brittany's face crumpled and she halted the swinging, with hot tears running down her cheeks.
"You're skin, oh yeah…you're skin and bones…" Brittany was now looking at Finn who stopped to swing as well, their eyes are locking with each other as Finn stood up and walked towards Brittany.
Brittany looked up at Finn and the more she looked at him, the sicker he looked as he moved towards her. "Turn into s-something beautiful…" she breathed against him.
Finn took it from there, as hot tears filled his eyes. "You know I love you so…you know I love you so…" Brittany's arms went around him as she attached herself to him, and his arms were around her, still able to support both of their weights as Brittany's head pressed against his shoulder.
"Shhh, Britt," Finn's arms still around her, not willing to let go. "You're gonna cry a lot now and it's gonna hurt but when we go home, we're gonna sleep next to each other and it's be okay because there are still stars in the sky and I promised them to you and they don't like to see you sad, okay?"
Brittany nodded her head.
"You're really strong and smart, Britt," Finn whispered. "I wish I was like you but that's okay. I have you, which is a lot better than being strong anyway."
Brittany stayed silent.
Finn bit down his lower lip as he dropped them to the ground, and Brittany climbed on top of Finn's chest, their bodies full of sand, but they can't care about how uncomfortable it was as Finn looked down at Brittany. Finn was supporting the upper half of his body near a bench, and Brittany was curling up towards him. They were silent, and Finn was busy looking at the sad stars in her eyes.
Brittany knew that Finn was sick now, but she wouldn't ever mention it again because it'll hurt Finn, and she didn't want Finn to hurt so much. He was already hurting a lot, so they just sat beside each other, because the stars still shone and if they still shone, then it would be okay, because Finn promised her those stars.
"I'm sorry, Brittany."
Sorry didn't really help anymore, Kurt thought bitterly to Santana's words. Finn was lying on that hospital bed, just waiting. They were all just waiting. Carole wouldn't stop crying. Finn wasn't even dying of cancer anymore. Finn's immune system was so bad he caught pneumonia and it was killing him.
Brittany's finger was tracing against Finn's ribcage, her eyes staring at his face longingly. "You're sick, oh yeah, you're skin and bones…" Brittany shut her eyes. "I figured out something, Finn."
Finn looked up at her with a weak smile on his face. "Yeah, Britt?"
"You always look beautiful to me. You look sick now but you're still pretty. It just hurts to look at you right now, but you're still nice-looking."
Finn smiled back at Brittany. "Thanks, Britt. You're real nice-looking too. Smile for me?"
Brittany's lips stretched into a wide smile. "Like this?"
"I can beat you," Finn grinned back at her.
Now, they were fighting to see who can make a wider smile. Kurt's stomach was hurting him from the sheer amount of liveliness in them, from the sheer amount of happiness between those two.
"If you die, can I choose the words to put on your tomb?" Brittany asked.
"Britt, you don't just ask people to—"Rachel was cut off by Finn.
"If I die, you can have my sticker collection." Finn finally said, as he nodded his head and then picked up a sheet of paper that was probably important but Finn didn't care. He took a scissor and cut a star for Brittany. "Sorry, I'm like…my hand keeps trembling and I'm kinda dizzy but I think it still looks good."
Brittany nodded her head. "Everything you do is really good," she said after a while.
Finn smiled at her. "Britt, do you know what we're waiting for?"
Brittany nodded her head mutely again.
"You're gonna cry when it happens," Finn said. "I know, you're magical, Brittany but you still have feelings, but…but I'll be back, okay? It'll be okay, alright, Britt?"
Brittany's voice cracked. "But I don't want you to go. Nobody else understands me."
"I understand you," Finn smiled weakly. "You understand me too, don't you?"
Brittany nodded her head again, silently. "I understand that people are going to take you away from me and I'll be sad and all alone until you come back."
"I don't want you to be sad, Britt," Finn tried to tell her. "I want you to be happy because you're beautiful, Brittany."
Brittany nodded her head. "Because I'm yellow?"
Finn nodded his head. "And I'm like a really nice blue and together, we're kinda the sky. Night and day…okay?"
"Okay." Brittany nodded her head.
"Come on, why are there all these people in Finn's room?" Brittany asked, as she looked at Kurt, "because I really wanna see my koala right now and give him chocolate before he goes away. It's his favourites and I made them with Blaine and it took us three hours."
Kurt bit down his lower lip. "Britt, sit with me."
Kurt had tears running from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Brittany but…Finn, Finn's gone now."
"To the bathroom?" Brittany asked, her voice low. "Because I've seen him poop before so that's okay—"
Kurt cut her off as the tears ran down harder. Hot, piercing in his skin. "No, honey…listen to what dolphin is telling you now."
Brittany nodded her head as Kurt went on. "Finn is dead now."
Brittany's eyes filled with tears. "That's okay."
Kurt felt Brittany lay a hand on Kurt's cheek. "Stop crying, Kurt, because it's okay. It's gonna be okay."
"Britt, I'm sorry. I…"
"Finn doesn't want us to be sad all the time," Brittany reminded him. "He'd be sad that you're hurting so bad, Kurt and you're our dolphin. He wants you to smile and be happy because in our mind, you're like the ocean and the ocean and the stars and sky have to be all happy together so that the world can be in peace, but Finn'll be back. Finn's like the stars and you always don't see the stars in the sky in the morning but they're there, and he's really pretty."
Kurt bit down his lower lip. "Honey, I don't know how to not be sad…I…"
Brittany then cut Kurt off. "It's gonna be okay. You know why?"
"No clue, love," Kurt shook his head.
Brittany then smiled weakly. "Because Finn promised me all the stars in the sky and there are still stars in the sky so he's still kinda staring back at us and he doesn't want us to be sad anymore. I know. I know because I really love Finn and he loves me too. That's why the stars still sparkle. They're for me. Because he loves me, Kurt. He doesn't need to say it, because I know."
Kurt nodded his head softly.
"If I die really young then it's okay too," Brittany said. "Because I'll be together with Finn but if I don't, then that's also okay because Finn's really patient in waiting. He was patient when he was waiting for our ice-cream in McDonald's and he'll still be patient now."
Kurt bit down his lower lip. "Of course, sweetie."
"You wanna know something else?" Brittany whispered.
Kurt shrugged and Brittany then added on. "I think Finn's in you too because when you're really happy, there's stars in your eyes too. Finn says there's always stars in my eyes so he's always here with me. I think it fits too because my eyes are blue and his favourite colour is blue. I think we should get him blue and yellow flowers for his grave, and we should sing Coldplay because he really likes Coldplay."
"Of course, Britt," Kurt shook his head. "Anything you want."
"No," Brittany shook his head. "It's not what I want. It's what he wants."
Kurt cried harder, because Brittany wouldn't dare said that Finn wanted – it's what he wants – like he was still there, standing in front of her.
"Did you ever hear Paradise by Coldplay, Kurt?"
"She dreamed of para-para-paradise every time she closed her eyes," Kurt sung out the world-famous line.
Brittany nodded her head. "I think I found it, and lost it, but I'm gonna get it back again and when I do, I don't think we'll ever let it go again."
"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."—Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890