Title: Trivial
Author: Kel
Rating: PG for innuendo
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: Useless trivia

Notes... Posted for Ghini Tynant, who helped me come up with the inital
exchange and it sort of ran from there.

Archive: Knock yourself out.

"Okay, Clark... I'll bite. What's the most trivial thing you know about me?"

"I know that your mechanic is named Hans."

*snort.* "You know how attached I am to my cars. I'd hardly call my
mechanic trivial."

"Come on. How many guys know the names of their best friend's mechanic?"

"How many guys do you know that drive Ferraris, Porsches, and Lamborghinis?"

"Okay. But still."

"My turn. The most trivial thing I know about Clark Kent is... you won a
fourth place ribbon in a rock-collecting competition."

"Okay, no argument there. That is decidedly trivial considering I haven't
even *thought* of that since I won it."

"And that's a shame, Clark. You should take pride in your victories, no
matter how minor they are."

"Thus speaketh Alexander the Great."

"Did you know that Alexander created the first legion of homosexual lovers?"

"... No. I have to say, I did not know that."

"You see? Hanging around me is good for your intelligence quotient. Keep it
up, and we'll have you educated in no time."

"So Alexander's gay?"

"Me or him?"

"... either?"

"Yes."

"To?"

"Both."

"Oh."

"Yes, Oh."

"But Victoria--"

"Bisexual, if you want to get technical."

"Bi--bisexual?"

"Yes, Bisexual. As in not monosexual. As in AC/DC, hitting from either side
of the plate, swinging both ways, bisexual."

"Bisexual?"

"I've actually been accused of omnisexuality, which means that people think I
ooze sexuality to inanimate objects, but I don't see it."

"Omnisexual?"

"Well, at least you're parroting a different word."

"Omnisexual? Like... pool cues and swords and water bottles omnisexual?"

"Very good, Clark. I was beginning to think you hadn't noticed."

"Totally not blind here, Lex."

"Could have fooled me. Welcome back to the world of multiple syllables, by
the way."

"So that's trivial? That you're... what is it... omnisexual?"

"Well, no, I think it's pretty damned important."

"Um... Twilight Zone time here. Um... Lex... what are you doing?"

"I'm proving my omnisexuality by drinking from a water bottle."

"Not necessary."

"You get the picture yet, farmboy?"

"How about exosexual?"

"Exosexual?"

"Yeah. Sexual with an extraterrestrial."

"Something you want to tell me, Clark?"

"Clark Kent Phone Home?"

"Your finger isn't glowing."

"Because I'm not ET, dork. But it's still the same principle."

"Uh huh. You can't phone home without a glowing finger."

"Lex, you're hung up on the glowing finger. How about a glowing dick?"

"It glows?"

"Well, not so far, but hey... I'm open for experimentation?"

"I'm a scientist at heart. Let's go experiment."

THE END