'Every time… Every damn time… I followed him when he left… I pushed my self back into his life when he pushed me away, I gave him my everything, I put everything I had into us, Every time.'

'I know Jude..' Simon said from the corner, a shocked look on his face.

' No shut up I need to get this out… I know it's my fault I know I left. But he is supposed to love me, and he just let me leave, without even the hint of fighting for me… after all the times I… and now this… am I really that easy to forget' At this Jude seemed to run out of steam a funny look crossing her face as if she just remembered something, sitting down and throwing the tabloid she had been holding onto the ground, where it landed face up on the very picture that had sent her on her rant…

'Jude … ' Simon started, but she wasn't listening she was off in her own world in her head.

It was pouring down rain but she didn't care, her heart was breaking she could feel it, she was drowning, her breath coming fast and the tears streaming down her face mixing with the rain and she put her head in her arms and let the sobs come fast.

The door opened to her right, it was him, of course it was him probably coming to tell her how he was right all along, didn't he understand he was to blame here as well, what was wrong with her, what was so unattractive that she was never the first choice..
'For what it's worth, Shay's a kid, and an idiot. And he made the wrong choice' Tommy had said… and it hurt, she snapped

'It's not worth much, coming from you.' She retorted, heart shattering at the memories of his rejection.

'What's that supposed to mean?' He asked

'I'm so tired of falling for guys that don't fall back. It hurts'

'Jude, I...' no he didn't get to interrupt he was going to let her finish because it was his fault too that she was out here ruining a perfectly good dress in this torrential down pour…

'You all say the nicest things. "You're so great, you're so nice," but none of you want to date me. So you wanna help me, Tommy? Tell me what I do wrong. Tell me why I'm so easy to give up, and then maybe I can fix it'
"You are asking. The. Wrong. Guy…' and then he grabbed her and kissed her.

' Jude, JUDE' Simon yelled, pulling her out of her reverie, she realised she was crying and she wiped her face on her sleeve, leaning forward to pick up the tabloid, looking at the picture of Tommy on the front cover, standing next to a beaming Darius holding a little square of plastic, Headline reading Tommy Q's first solo single…

'Sorry Si, its just, I haven't written a single track since I got here, what with finding a place and seeing the city, I mean its been three months and I've barely unpacked, and in that time he has written and produced a single…I just guess I never expected him to be doing so well without me...'

'Look Jude I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but you left him behind not the other way around, you can't be mad at him for getting on with his life.'

'That's just it Simon, I know I left him behind, I thought it was what I wanted, I needed to clear my head, Sadie and Jamie just kept going on about how I was only 18 and acting as if I wasn't thinking clearly, I just needed some space, and its not like he never walked away from me before, he's done it so many times, I panicked, he said he wanted to marry me when a couple of months earlier he couldn't deal with me meeting his family, Leaving him was easy, it was the right thing to do, I was scared and hurt and unsure, I needed some space, I just.. Si I never expected to miss him so much.' At that her voice broke and she looked up at Simon looking so lost he could barely deal with it.

'Come on Jude, put this out of your mind, its your birthday, not everyday a girl turns 19, I've got a present for you and your party starts at 6, I better get downstairs to help set up or Celine is going to bury me alive..' He walked over and sat beside her pulling out his gift placing it in her lap gave her a one armed hug and walked to the door.

Looking back over his shoulder he said ' Take the rest of the day off, I'll see you at 6 sharp, and Jude don't forget, some people live forever with their feelings bottled up inside, you are one of the very few that have the luxury of an outlet for your feelings, use it wisely.'

She unwrapped the present and realised it was a battered looking journal with the first few pages torn out … written on the first intact page in Simons hand writing was a simple line ' A fresh start doesn't always mean a New start' she smiled slightly and wiped her face on her sleeve, and suddenly struck with inspiration she started to write, letting it all pour out of her, scratching lines out here and there, humming to herself, picking up her guitar, putting it down, making more scribbles, the cloud obscured sun creeping lower in the sky as the day went by, and this went on for hours until …'JUDE!'

'Oh shit' she mumbled to her self, closing the journal and glancing a her watch, it was 5pm she was supposed to be in hair and make up half an hour ago, Celine was going to skin her.. 'COMING CELINE' she yelled back and she ran out of the studio and almost ran straight into a fuming Celine…

'Where on earth have you been? And what on earth happened to your face, you've given me less than an hour to fix this, you're lucky I got the best in the field for your big day, have you even seen yourself today' Celine exclaimed directing Jude towards a mirror on their left…

'oh wow…' There was ink smudges on her nose, her mascara had run at some point, her hair was all over the place and she had huge bags under her eyes… 'Sorry Celine, I got carried away writing'

'Hmmph, well I'm glad you are finally writing something Jude but if you don't get into make up right this second you won't live to sing your song'

An Hour later Jude was standing, curls falling down her back, make up flawless, flowing dress clinging to her figure like liquid silver, at the top of a staircase while Celine said a big thankyou to everyone and welcomed the birthday girl to the party… Jude glided gracefully down the stairs accepting a glass of sparkling wine from the waiter she blew a kiss to the audience, and began to mingle. After about an hour she was getting tired of the fake smiles, she was so exhausted, Simon motioned her over, 'Hey birthday girl, you look exhausted, heres the key to studio three why don't you go take a bit of a breather'

'I'd give anything to get out of here even just for 15 minutes, if Celine notices tell her I've gone to powder my nose or something.. thanks Si' kissing him on the cheek she took the key and snuck off down the hall, studio three is one of the smaller studios in the building but the one with the comfiest couch, she sat down and kicked off her heels, exhaling a breath she felt like she had been holding all night. She looked over at the sound board and saw something vaguely familiar.. 'No way, that cant be what I think it is' but it was… there sitting on the sound board was Tommy Q's new single… unable to resist the urge knowing she would hate herself for it later she placed it in the player and put the head phones on. The music struck up and without knowing it she fell back into the chair next to the sound board as his voice, his beautiful voice, washed over her..

It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed

And in that café on that Friday night

When I asked you that question and you said alright…

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

There was a time, that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking 'til the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to lose but so much to gain
Are hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,
That you would drift on memory bliss
on that Stair well on that rainy night
It was just you and me and you were mine for life

We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

The last chords of the song had long since finished before Jude realised she was crying again, afraid of ruining her make up and knowing she was on a time limit before Celine noticed her absence she tried to pull herself together. .. 'put him out of your mind, just relax girl, you're gonna be okay, breath Jude breath… okay this isn't working, what do I do how do I get this out, I need it out of me…' and that was when she spotted the guitar in the corner, she pulled her journal out of her bag, just big enough for the journal and her phone.. and started to play the song she had spent the day writing, she let the first chords play over and over and as they washed over her, she felt calmer, she began to sing, the blank spots in her writing filling themselves as she let the music take over…

Wake up with a cage
Around me
My heart is in a knot
My lashes getting caught

It's faith
I hate you
For everything you did
The fight we never fought

There's a storm raging inside
And I'm trying to calm it down
Sometimes I get the upper hand
This time I hit the ground

Putting back the pieces
That are shattered since your love
It's like stitching the feathers
Back on the wings of a dove

Shake it off
Denial
Everyone can tell
This girl's not doing well
Get up
Get going
See leaving you was easy
But missing you is hell

There's a storm raging inside
And I'm trying to calm it down
Sometimes I get the upper hand
This time I hit the ground

Putting back the pieces
That are shattered since your love
It's like stitching the feathers

Back on the wings of a dove

And I know
This is my mess
And I know I should've let him go
He's shown me it's a joke

But I choke

When I try to let go

There's a storm raging inside
And I'm trying to calm it down
Sometimes I get the upper hand

This time I hit the ground

Putting back the pieces
That are shattered since your love
It's like stitching the feathers

Back on the wings of a dove

Part of me won't give up

Wants to turn back the clock
Part of you is still caught
To the seams of my heart

Part of me can't believe
That I'm losing control
Part of you let's me know
That I'm ready to go

There's a storm raging inside
And I'm trying to calm it down
Sometimes I get the upper hand

This time I hit the ground

Putting back the pieces
That are shattered since your love
It's like stitching the feathers

Back on the wings of a dove

Jude sighed as she stood up to put down the guitar… 'I know I left him, but it was so easy for him to let me go?' she whispered to herself.

'Letting you go was the hardest thing I have ever done, not following you was the biggest mistake I have ever made" Said a voice from the door way.

'Tommy?' Jude said turning around…

'Happy 19th Birthday girl, sorry I'm late.' And there he was, leaning against the door frame Her look, the look he saved just for her on his face Jude ran into his arms hardly believing he was really there until she felt his solid frame in her arms… 'I'm sorry Tommy I shouldn't have left I shouldn't have ..'

'Jude, shut up, I love you, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I love you, and I am never letting you go again.' He pressed his forhead to hers, looking into her eyes. Then their lips met and she felt like her heart would burst out of her chest… his hand travelled down her arms to her hand… and slipped something onto her finger..

'can I take this as a yes Harisson?' he asked. 'Of course Quincy'…

THE END…

My take on what happened after that terribly upsetting season four finale… written in an hour just to get it out after rewatching all seasons last week and listening to wings of a dove tonight, the first song was the script before the worst with a couple of tweaks to fit the story, the second was Alexz Johnsons – Wings of a dove… I own the rights to neither song, nor the characters of instant star, or the show itself, I just like to play with them to help make my fantasy world work again after they canned the show before the 5th season which would surely have fixed everything and made it perfect again,… thanks for reading!