my obsession with all things 80s Battlecat version lead to this and how it came to don't want to know. i wanted so bad to make a flash video of it but i'm just not talented enough to animate it so i'm going to attempt to write my idea in story format as a one-shot. i take some liberties with the locations i picked for the sake of the hilarity that is about to ensue-if nothing else i at least hope this is so stupid its funny and you get a good laugh out of it. here on earth we have the internet. for the sake of this story let us pretend that on Eternia there is something similar that i like to call "SpydorNet". yeah i know it could have been WebstorNet but that just doesn't have the same ring as SpydorNet.


Eternian SpydorNet Presents: I'm Too Sexy

Somewhere within the depths of Castle Grayskull is a room with a video camera connected to a computer with a sound system nearby. A disco ball hangs just above the cameras field of view. A green paw holding a universal remote sneaks into the frame of the camera which shows the wall as the feed from it travels live through the computer and out onto the Eternian SpydorNet and into homes everywhere. One button is pushed and the disco ball is lowered and begins to spin as the main lights dim. Another button is pushed and the sound system starts pumping out the "I'm too Sexy" song. The paw leaves the frame and moments later Battlecat struts into the picture swaying his hips and swinging his head in time to the music as the lyrics begin.


Meanwhile at Snake Mountain, Skeletor activates his viewing globe but all he gets is snow.

"Blast it this infernal thing is on the fritz again! Now what am I supposed to do for entertainment?"

Panthor pushes a portable computer logged onto the SpydorNet toward Skeletor.

"What's this?" Skeletor picks up the computer and watches for a moment as Battlecat stands up on his back legs and does a spinning dance turn. "This is what you do all day? Watch that infernal Battlecat dancing?"

Panthor punches a button with his paw that brings up a screen which shows that Battlecat is the biggest SpydorNet star in all of Eternia.

"What?! Battlecat the biggest star on the planet? What are they thinking? I should be the biggest star!"

The purple cat shrugs indifferently and punches the button switching back to Battlecat's live web cast. He shakes his hips to the music and bobs his head as he watches Battlecat turn around backward and swing his tail around in circles.

Skeletor notices the word LIVE blinking in the top left corner of the video feed frame. "Live eh? That gives me an idea."

Panthor waves his paw at Skeletor motioning him off to carryout whatever evil scheme he has cooked up and let him watch the show in peace.

Skeletor waves his havoc staff and opens a portal to Battlecat's location.


Battlecat still working it up on his back legs as waves his front paws in the air in some approximation of disco dancing doesn't notice the portal that Skeletor emerges from.

Skeletor starts grooving to the music then dances into to frame. Not content with sharing the spotlight he hip checks Battlecat knocking him out of frame and sending him flying across the room. With the show all to himself Skeletor really gets his grove on the music.


At Snake Mountain, Panthor does a double take staring slack-jawed as Skeletor appears on the screen.


Battlecat gets up and dusts himself off. No way is he letting Skeletor steal his spotlight. He gets right back into the groove of the song and dances back into frame-this time its him that hip checks Skeletor sending him flying to the other side of the room.

Not to be denied his chance to be a star Skeletor dances right back into the frame.

Still bogeying down Battlecat tries to shove Skeletor away.

Skeletor shoves right back forcing Battlecat out of frame again.

Battlecat charges Skeletor and this time they end up in a fight rolling around on the floor.

He-Man rushes in to see what all the yelling and roaring is about above the blaring music. When he spots the camera hooked up to the computer which is sending out the video feed on the SpydorNet the fact that Skeletor is inside Castle Grayskull is lost on him. He-Man steps into the frame and starts dancing.


Panthor watches He-Man for a few moments then starts laughing.


Battlecat and Skeletor stop fighting and just sit on the floor stunned staring at He-Man slack-jawed.

He may be the strongest man in the universe-but He-Man can't dance.

Battlecat and Skeletor turn to each other and nod. They've got to put the planet out of the misery of watching this. They both get up and pounce on He-Man and this time a three-way fight breaks out.

Skeletor breaks out of the fight and starts dancing again. He makes a cat like clawing motion as the "I'm too sexy for my cat" part of the song comes up.


Panthor hisses at the screen, incensed as Skeletor does the cat bit.


He-Man tackles Skeletor to the ground pulling him back into the fight.


As the song ends at Snake Mountain, Panthor moonwalks on all fours out of the room.

welcome to the insanity that is my mind. if enough people like this crazy thing and review the story i may add more one-shots to make it a whole series of snippets gathered from the Eternian SpydorNet. one more idea is in the wings just waiting to be written and my man had another idea for one he wanted me to write this morning so if you want to see more review and let me know you want it. you have an idea for one post it in a review-if i write it for the series you get credit for the idea.

NEW poll question in my profile-check it out.