DISCLAIMER: I do no own Bu Bu Jing Xin in anyway. All characters and trademark belong to Tong Hua. All soundtracks and scenes come from the TV drama series. I only own my unique characters.

Reviews are gladly welcomed and appreciated. It is the only form of pay a writer like me gets. Please no flames as this is created based on my interpretation and understanding of the series. Some historical references have been made.


Ruoxi knows her time is coming. She had foreseen it when Emperor Kangxi punished her by sending her to the laundry room for six years, known about it after Yongzheng ascended the throne and when the royal physician took her pulse, and was ready to face it when she revealed to both Yongzheng and Thirteenth Prince and of her warning to Eight Prince. She hopes to see her beloved Jie-jie, Yutan, her mother, and perhaps even Emperor Kangxi and De-Fei once more even if it were just to beg for pardon and forgiveness. She just did not expect it to be now of all times in Fourteenth Prince's residence against his shoulder. It is not that she minds Fourteenth Prince. No, she loves him just as much as she loves all the other princes who held her in high regard. She just wishes for a little more time so her beloved Fourth Prince can come see her one last time. If not him, perhaps Thirteenth prince can be beside her comforting her, maybe even talk of the conversations, jokes, stories, and laughs they had share twenty years ago. Had time really flown by this fast?

She recalls every moment she has spent with the princes: Tenth Prince with his kind and innocent nature, Eighth prince with his benevolence and patience, Fourteenth Prince with his friendship and laughter, Thirteenth Prince with his unwavering brotherly love… and then there's him. Her beloved Fourth Prince, how could she ever forget him? She had seriously taken Eighth Prince's words to heart about leaving and forgetting the Forbidden City and all the war, love, and hate between the princely brothers. But could she even forget if she wanted or tried to?

Fourth Prince, he is her shelter and protector. Ruoxi wants nothing more than to spend her remaining lifetime and days with him even if she could only see him for a few hours at day's end, just to share a cup of tea and a few words of wisdom with him, to see him sleep at night peacefully knowing she is by his side. She knows something must have happened to the point where he wouldn't even come to see her one last time. Perhaps she has truly underestimated his love and hate towards her. But even then, could she truly let him and his love for her go? Could she let go of all her love for him, the man who has stolen her heart and soul? She truly regrets not having heeded Emperor Kangxi's words of wisdom from so many years ago: [1]"Forget what you have already lost, treasure what you currently have". If she had listened, would she be in this state now?

Alas, Ruoxi knows everything: love, hate, passion, fear, dreams; they all have an end of their own. She just hopes that with her death, the battle for the throne and the hatred between all the remaining princes will finally come to an end. She's relieved that Fourteenth Prince is here with her as she knows he will not leave her side at any cost. Yet she's still wishing her Fourth Prince will show up. Between her labored breaths, she kindly requests that Fourteenth prince cremate her after she departs this world. She has never liked the dark and is afraid bugs will eat her after she is buried. She wants to be free like the wind, ever-ready and everlastingly present by her true lover's side. Of course, Fourteenth Prince agrees to this last request, albeit tearfully. Accompanied by the wavering tones of the fiddle with Qiaohui and her maid standing guard, the two of them watch the almond blossom petals dance in the wind. With her head against Fourteenth Prince, Ruoxi dreams of the future she could have had with her Fourth Prince, the daughter she would have had, the future her child would have had, and everything that comes in between. If this is the last thing she ever does in this world, she hopes to envision all that could ever be true.