Author's Note: I am channeling a bunch of old school "Dasey" fanfiction with this idea, but it's been on my mind for awhile now, and I just had to write it down. So this is it. Welcome to my iPod Challenge type of story. I hope you enjoy, and maybe can find some new songs to listen to based on the songs I've included here. Enjoy! Also, I know some of the airdates of the songs and stuff are off, but it's for the sake of the story so don't nitpick!

Songs That Give You Memories That Give You Goosebumps

Chapter One
Song: Taking Chances
Artist: Celine Dion, Remake by GLEE

It had been a long day when Clare's cellphone rang. She had had a busy day at the New York Reporter, and was in desperate need of a bubble bath and a glass of pino. She was in no mood for talking to anyone, but when her cell rang and MOTHER popped up on the caller ID, Clare knew she probably should answer it.



"Mom? What's up? How are you?"

"Oh, you know," Helen sighed, and Clare's heart ached for her mother, having to go through a second divorce and all, "I'm getting by."

"Are you sure you don't need me to come out and help you?" Clared asked, "Really, I can..."

"I am not taking you away from that job of yours," Helen insisted, "I am calling because I am packing up some of your things from your old room, and was wondering if you wanted me to ship them to you, or donate them to the church's charity drive. A lot of this stuff is from high school, and I know it may be painful for you to look at..."

"Send it," Clare said, not skipping a beat.

"But honey, a lot of this're busy with your new job, and I just don't think you should be picking at old scars..."

"Mom, I'm fine," Clare insisted, "Please. Send it. It'll be fun. I can call Adam up and he and I can go through some of it together. We'll make a night of it. It'll be fun."

"Are you sure? I just don't want some of this stuff to..."

"Mom, all that stuff is in the past. Besides, it'll be good for me to go through some of this stuff, alright? And Adam will come over, and it'll be fun. I haven't seen some of this stuff in ten years. It'll be good."

"Alright," Helen sighed again, "If you say so. I'll ship a box up to you by the end of the week, okay? How are you, honey? You sound tired."

"It's just been a long day," Clare kicked off her pumps, "But my question is - how are you, Mom? Are you okay?"

"Yes," Helen laughed a sad laugh, "Don't worry about me, baby. I am just fine. Glen came by the other evening and got some more of his stuff. He is going to crash at Jake and Katie's on the futon or something until he can find other arrangements."

"Lucky Jake and Katie," Clare couldn't help but laugh, "Katie is going to love that!"

"As long as he's out of my hair," Helen said, "Well, I better go. I've got some pasta on the stove. I'll talk to you later, honey."

"Bye, Mom."

After tossing her cell onto the bed, Clare decided to follow through with her plans of pouring a glass of wine and slipping into a bubble bath. As she let the lavender-infused bubbles wash over her, Clare couldn't help but feel mixed feeling about her mother's package. Maybe her Mom had been right, maybe it would be picking at old scars.

After her bath, Clare called Adam. On the fifth ring, he answered and said around a mouthful of what was probably pizza, "Clare! What's up?"

"Oh, not much," Clare lied, "My mom called."

"How's she holding up?"

"Alright I think. She was calling because she was cleaning some stuff out of the house, and she was wondering if she should send me a box of stuff from high school, ir just donate it to the church."


"I told her to send it."

"Got it. So now you want me to come over and be there so you don't have to sort through all that stuff alone, right?"

"You're a mind reader!" Clare could feel the yoke being lifted from her shoulders, "Thank you so much, Adam! That means a lot!"

"Hey, it's what I'm here for. Just call me up when you get the box, alright?"

"Will do."

"And Clare?"


"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Adam," Clare lied again, "Just going to fix myself some dinner and snuggle in for the night."

"Well, you call if you need anything."

"Always do."

That Friday, the brown cardboard box was waiting for her in the mailroom of her apartment complex. Anxiously, Clare carried the box upstairs, and called Adam. She didn't dare open it without him there to help her. He didn't waste much time, and within an hour, Adam was sitting on her couch, feet on the coffee table, staring at the box next to his sneakers.

"So, are you going to open it, or am I?" Clare didn't say anything, so he added, "Clare, nothing is going to jump out and attack you if you open it. Sitting here thinking about it is making it worse. Just do it."

Clare nodded, swallowed the lump in her throat, and slid the box cutter across the packaging tape. Packaging peanuts spilled out onto the carpet as soon as she peeled back the flaps on the top of the box. Peering in, she was hit with the weight of hundreds of emotions colliding into all at once.

"What's that?" Adam pointed to something pink on the top.

"Oh my gosh!" Clare snatched it up, "My old iPod! There must be some great songs on here."

"Great?" Adam scoffed, "Need I remind you of that period where you were addicted to Matchbox Twenty?"

"Not my best year," Clare laughed, "I wonder if this thing still works."

"Probably. Give it here," Clare handed the iPod to Adam, and after a bit of fiddling with it, the screen lit up, "Well look at that!"

"Put it on shuffle. I want to see what there is on this thing."

"Are you sure?" Adam raised an eyebrow, "Some of the music...I know he gave you a lot of your music taste..."

"Adam, press shuffle please," Clare repeated adamantly. Adam complied.

"Oh my gosh," Clare's face lit up, "Remember my GLEE phase?"

"How could I forget?" Adam groaned.

Clare closed her eyes as Lea Michele's voice flooded the living room of her apartment. She remembered when she downloaded that song. It had been her sophomore year of high school. The episode had aired that night that she had hung out with Eli and he had teased her, and somehow they had wound up less than three inches away from each other - him holding on her to wrists. They looked at each other for a moment, before she blushed, and he let go of her wrists.

It had been one of the first moments she realized the effect that Eli Goldsworthy had on her. That night, she was watching GLEE, and Lea Michele sang that song. She realized it fit perfectly, and downloaded it that very night. She had listened to that song constantly on repeat.

"I downloaded this the first time we really hung out," Clare explained, "And listened to it constantly. It was the first time I really realized that I liked him...a lot."

Adam smiled, "As if you didn't know the second you met him."

"No," Clare blushed, "The first time I met him he ran over my glasses and told me I had beautiful eyes. He drove a hearse for Christ's sakes, Adam! A freaking hearse!"

"Yeah. He did."

"I didn't know how I felt about him. He gave me butterflies, but I tried to suppress them. I thought he was just like any other smooth-talking guy out there. I-I didn't know..."

"You okay?" Adam asked again.

Clare nodded, "Yeah. It's just...going through this stuff...hearing these songs again."

"I have an idea," Adam stood up from the couch, "I'm going to seal this box back up. You hold on to that iPod and I want you to listen to it for a few weeks. Then we'll go through the rest of this stuff. I don't want it to be too overwhelming."

"Adam...thank you."

"Don't mention it," Adam shrugged, taping the box back together, "You call me when you're ready to go through the rest, alright. And call me if you just want to talk."

"I will," Clare led him towards the door, "Thanks for everything, Adam."

"Aw, don't mention it."

After she shut the door behind him, Clare sat back down on the couch and listened to the song again. As Lea Michele's voice flooded the living room a second time, she felt as though she was suddenly fifteen again - head over heels and dizzy in crazy teenage infatuation.

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

It had been so true. She really hadn't known much about his life, or his world. She didn't know about Julia or about his Bipolar Disorder or Depression or Hording or Anxiety. But at the time, he didn't really know about those things either. And even if she had known, would it have changed how she had felt on that night? Would it have changed anything at all?

Clare had been so desperate to just have someone again in her life. And Eli...Eli was unlike anyone she had ever met before. He scared an excited her at the same time. She wanted to get to know him more.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

She had no idea that she would end up as a journalist. Writing had been sort of a challenge for her, but when he was assigned to be her English partner, he wasn't scared to hurt her feelings or critique her writing. She was an A student. No one ever critiqued her work before - in fact, she was the one that everyone else went to for ideas and suggestions. No one ever corrected her work. But Eli was different in that regard.

He pushed her to do better. He pushed her to improve her writing. And eventually, he became her biggest supporter. He had stood by her side as she had fought to make her dreams come true. He had been so proud when her first article had been published...

Clare winced, not wanting to focus on that memory.

Instead, she closed her eyes and continued to listen to the song.

It had gone fast. That lyric seemed like a blade through her heart. It had gone by way too fast. They had been a whirlwind from the very beginning. They had gotten together fast, and almost just as fast as they had gotten together, they had broken up. Clare felt the goosebumps reappear as she thought back to that night and that phone call.

He was driving, and he was manic. Of course, she didn't know what manic was at the time. Oh sure, she had heard that word but applying it to Eli? Eli wasn't manic, he was intense - or at least that's how she had thought of him. He was so intense. He felt things at greater volume than anyone else she had ever met. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and that sometimes got him into trouble.

Like on that night.

That night that he had crashed his a means of getting her attention or whatever, Clare still wasn't sure. All she knew was that he had almost died that night because of his feelings towards her. They were toxic together. She needed to end it. She needed to walk away from him. She couldn't take the stress of his intensity any longer, and she dropped his hand as he cried out for her, and turned her back on him.

She never got over that moment, and every night - even when she was dating Jake - she thought about that moment. She knew she could have handled it better, but she needed to get away from Eli for her own safety and sanity as well as his.

At that time though, she didn't know any of those things. All she knew was that Eli had held her wrists, and his eyes had danced. And in that moment, everything was beautiful.

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Would she still have dated him if she had known that he would crash his hearse? Jake had asked her that question once. He asked her if she knew Eli would hurt her so much, would she still date him if she could go back in time and change everything. Her answer had been of course she would still date Eli. She had taken a chance on him, and that chance had paid off. With Eli, she could be herself. She could laugh and dance and she was pretty sure he made her eyes dance too.

Why would she ever take that back?

Clare's hand reached up and lightly touched the onyx and tungsten ring handing from around her neck.

I still wouldn't take it back. If I could go back and never know you...I would never. Never, Eli.

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

He was hurt and damaged, that was clear to see. He wore that tattered heart on his sleeve, but he kept it locked up behind a wall of tungsten and diamond and rock. It was impossible to break that wall, but with that smile on that day, and seeing his green eyes dance as he held her, Clare knew she had started to break down that wall.

He was starting to let her in. She had no idea that she had been the first since Julia (other than his parents) to see how truly beautiful his heart was. He wasn't the cold and callous guy he had played himself up to be. Once he had let her in, Clare saw the many different layers of Eli Goldsworthy. There was the cold and callous layer, the sarcastic layer, the happy layer, the playful layer, the teasing layer, the smokin' hot layer, the compassionate layer, the goofy layer, the passionate layer...there were so many different sides of him, and Clare wanted to get to know each and every one.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

They had taken that chance together. There wasn't always solid ground, and sometimes the bottom dropped out, but it was always worth it. Even after their break up, it had still been worth it.

Of course, they had gotten back together. Eli had warned Clare that it wouldn't all be perfect - there would be bad times and there would be good times. He wanted to make sure she was all in. And she had made a promise to him that she was, and she remained so even after...

Clare shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut so the tears wouldn't fall. She focused on the song some more.

She had known her parents wouldn't approve, but she didn't care. Eli drove a hearse and was a self-proclaimed Atheist - even though she found out later that that wasn't true. However, she knew her parents would totally disapprove of him. And when their fighting worsened, she used Eli as a means to get them to focus on her for once. It had killed him that she of all people had used him, and she forever felt guilty for that.

But at the time when she had first heard this song, all she knew was that rather her parents or her friends liked him or not, she wanted to belong to him. She wanted to see his eyes dance everyday, and hear his laugh, and see his smile. To go a day without that would destroy her - that's all she knew.

I'm not destroyed now though...Clare bit her lower lip, and forced herself to just finish the song without thinking about...

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing like love to pull you up,
When you're laying down on the floor there.

So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

Lovers. She had remembered the way she had felt when Eli had first touched her, holding her wrists and their lips so close that she could almost taste his Spearmint bubble gum. She had never wanted to kiss someone so badly before, and that frightened her. That night, she had clutched her purity ring and said a prayer for discernment and guidance.

Clare rolled her eyes at herself for that. She had been so naieve, but somehow Eli had remained patient throughout. But oh when she had first downloaded the song, and when she was listening to it over and over and over again, all she could thing about was how she wanted to belong to Eli. She wanted to walk down the halls with him and have everyone know they were together. She wanted to stay up late on the phone with him, and fall asleep talking to him all night.

She wanted to be his girlfriend, and that frightened her. She hadn't quite hit her boy-crazy phase yet, and the fact that she was so mesmorized by Eli Goldsworthy scared her beyond belief.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don't know much about your life
And I don't know much about your world

That day seemed like yesterday to her.

He had teased her. He had loved teasing her. He'd say or do anything to get a reaction from her, and it drove her crazy when he'd do that. He had teased her, and she had laughed and tried to make some sort of counter-argument. The little details were fuzzy now, but Clare remembered his face as she backed him up against the post - his eyes dancing with laughter, something rare for Eli. They had been a dingy green when she had first looked at them, but that afternoon they sparkled like royal emeralds.

He had grabbed her wrists, and Clare had felt herself covered in prickly goosebumps. Sitting on the couch, the goosebumps came back as the lyrics filled the living room. She hugged herself and leaned back against the couch, totally immersed in her memories.

She had been fifteen. Was that really thirteen years ago? It couldn't be...