Setting: Takes place directly after the last episode of season 7 (so right after Mulder was abducted)

Disclaimer: In case you were wondering, no, I do not own X Files :P

A/N: It's been a few months since I've posted anything so I'm sorry if anyone missed me. lol. I'm usually writing Stargate and this is my first X Files story so I'm sorry if it's a little OOC but remember that these are Scully's inner thoughts and feelings. I believe she puts on a little bit of a show when she's around people, trying to convince them she's "one of the guys" and in these personal letters to Mulder she can let her guard down and express her true feelings, knowing he, nor anyone else, will ever read them. With all that said please read and review :)


It's 2 a.m. and I can't sleep, there's just too much on my mind. I've tried everything but nothing's helped, this is my last resort. I'm so confused and I've got all these conflicting feelings. I don't know what to do, I know I should talk about it but you're the only person I want to talk to no, you're the only person I can talk to, you're the only person that would understand and wouldn't think I'm crazy. Hell, even I think I'm crazy. I don't just want to talk to you, I need to talk to you. Why did this have to happen now? I'm so scared, Mulder. I need you here, I need you to tell me it will be ok, I need you to help me through this, I need you to sit here and hold my hand, I need you to hold me like that night in Oregon. I need you. I know you'd know what to say, I know you'd know what to do. You always know what to do. I admire that about you, I admire so much about you. I know I don't say that enough, but it's true. And you have this… presence almost, you keep me calm. Just knowing you're near brings this calmness over me. I can't explain it (there seems to be a lot of things I can't explain these days.) But when I'm with you, something feels so right and I know everything will be ok in the e-

A/N: I realize that quote from the summery wasn't actually in the story and that usually drives me nuts when authors do that but I promise it is actually in the story but not 'till a way later chapter. I just thought it was a good summery of her feelings. I also realize this chapter is short (and most the other chapters are too) so I'll try to upload a couple at a time and update frequently but I just started college and you know how busy that can be. Like I said before please review, I love to know that people are reading the stories I worked so hard on. Plus I'm more motivated to update when I have more review :P Jeez I think my author notes are longer than the chapter. LOL! I promise to write less (or at least shorter) a/n's in the future chapters :)