While the King is Away, Koopalings will Play
It was just a regular morning for the Koopalings. The kids were gathered in the living room, each engrossed in their own activities. Lemmy and Larry were playing a video game, Wendy was painting her nails, Morton was playing with toy soldiers, Iggy was tinkering with gadgets and doo-dads (cackling maniacally as he did so), Ludwig was studying complex sheets of music, Bowser Jr. was scribbling in a coloring book, and Roy was writing furiously on a long sheet of paper.
Wendy, finally satisfied with the shade and shine of her perfect nails, glanced at what Roy was writing. It was an incredibly long list, but she couldn't make out what the words said from her angle.
"What'cha got there?" she asked as she sat on the floor next to him. He immediately slammed his hands over the words and snarled at her. Startled, she drew back.
"None of your business! Just go back to your girly makeup or whatever, you sugar fairy!"
"Geez, fine! Be that way!" she grumbled, reclaiming her seat on the couch. She pulled out one of her favorite fashion magazines and opened it up. Seriously, she shows an ounce of curiosity as to what one of her brothers is doing, and that's the response she gets? And...sugar fairy? What kind of an insult is that?
She shook her head and started reading an article on skin care. It would be better to just ignore the incident. It was too early for a fight.
A few minutes later, Bowser strode through the large, unnecessarily spiked doors at the far end of the room. He stopped when he neared his children. A few glanced at him, but soon returned to their activities.
"Hey, kids." Bowser said, uncharacteristically calm. "Do you know what day it is today?"
"No, what day is it, dad?" they all recited robotically, still not deviating their attention from whatever they were doing.
"Today is the day that I steal the princess, beat Mario, and rule the Mushroom Kingdom." he said confidently.
"Mmm-hmm"s, "Oh, yeah."s, and "Uh-huh"s could be heard as the Koopalings agreed, once again monotonously repeating the cycle that happened every couple of days when the King of all Koopas decided to kidnap Princess Peach.
"So you know what that means, right?" he asked cheerfully.
"We stay here and don't do anything wrong."
"Exactly. That means no explosions, no monster truck/doughnut teleportation, no shape shifting monkeys, no nail polish fueled jet packs, no genetically modified pork rinds, and absolutely no parties. Do I make myself clear?"
The children, already having tuned Bowser out, didn't respond.
Bowser scowled at them. "I said... DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!"
The Koopalings jumped in fright and hastily responded yes.
"Good..." Bowser said, settling back into his previously calm and kind demeanor. "Now, this particular plan is far more elaborate and genius than any of my previous acts. That means I might be home a little late tonight. But don't worry. Your ol' pop will return home in victory!"
He made his way back to the door and opened it.
"Oh, and you guys will have to get your own food and stuff today. I'm borrowing all of the servants for this awesome plan."
The Koopalings heard this and immediately shouted out in protest, each trying to speak over the other.
"But I don't WANT to make my own food!"
"Who's gonna be my footstool?"
"There's no WAY I'm going the rest of the day without somebody bringing me hot wings on a silver platter!"
"Shut up! I'm your father, and what I say goes!" Bowser roared, stomping his foot for emphasis. Unfortunately, one of Lemmy's toy trucks had been parked there. Bowser growled in pain and hopped back on one foot. He glared at Lemmy who returned his look with a sheepish smile.
"I left some coins on the kitchen table in case you want to order pizza or something. Normally, we would just steal a pizza or something, but, apparently, that's just a little bit illegal, so we could get in trouble for that."
"Aww, man." Larry whispered.
"I'm going now. And I mean it. Behave. And NO PARTIES."
With that, the Koopa King exited the room.
When the doors had slammed shut, Roy stood up and addressed his siblings.
"I don't know about you guys, but I plan on having fun today instead of doing what dad says we should do. Anyone who wants to help, see me in the kitchen."
He left the room as well, dragging his long list behind him.
Larry, having turned around to listen to Roy, now looked back at the TV screen to see his character lying face down on the ground.
"What the-? Lemmy! You shot me!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah! It was pretty fun too!" the tiny Koopaling giggled and rolled around on the floor.
"We're supposed to work together in this game!"
Lemmy ignored him, laughing as he approached Larry's character's body and nudged it off a cliff.
Larry growled in fury. "Forget you! I'm gonna see what Roy is doing."
With that, Larry stormed out of the room, muttering about how stupid Lemmy was.
Iggy sighed at his new creation. A laser pointer that could turn anything into an eternal source of pure energy that, if used correctly, could end the world's energy crisis? Booo-riiing. He tossed it in the Dematerializer that he had thrown his last few stupid inventions in, like the slice of toast that could cure any disease and the magnifying glass that can let people see into parallel dimensions. What Iggy truly needed was something wild, something new, something that would really make people say, "Wow, what a genius!" and then flee in terror when they figured out what his invention REALLY did.
Iggy thought and thought, but the nearly insane inspiration and creativity that had once coursed through his mad-scientist like brain had ceased flowing. He sighed once more and adjusted his glasses, defeated for the time being. Perhaps he would just see what Roy was doing. Iggy stood up and left the room, his next destination being the kitchen.
"We're almost there, Private! Don't give up now!" the sergeant yelled to the soldier who was clutching on to his shoulder for dear life. A hostile's bullet had nailed the Private in the leg, preventing him from being able to walk.
"I...I don't think I'm gonna...make it...Sarge..." the private panted, clutching his wound.
"You'll be okay! You're gonna make it! Don't you die on me!"
The two managed to make it around a dilapidated building. They clambered over a mound of rubble and spotted their salvation.
"There it is. The chopper! We're gonna make it!" Sarge shouted gleefully.
However, enemy soldiers were right on their tail. Bullets whizzed by and barely missed the pair. The sergeant got the private inside the vehicle. He was about to climb in himself when he saw a small object near his feet.
Bowser Jr. dive-bombed Morton's tiny green soldiers. He laughed as they toppled over.
"HEY! That's not cool!" Morton exclaimed as he was pulled out of his pretend war. He scrambled to set up his toys again.
"Fine then. How about a Godzilla attack? Grrrrr!" Jr. growled and bared his tiny fangs at the plastic soldiers. He swiped a few of them away with his puny claws and gave a roar that was anything but fearsome.
"Go away! You're ruining everything!" Morton wailed.
"I have to agree with him, Jr." Ludwig said, looking up from his music sheets. "You are being quite annoying. I can't concentrate on my music."
Jr. smirked at his older brother. "What, I'm annoying? IS THIS ANNOYING!?"
Ludwig covered his ears as Jr. yelled loudly at him.
"Come on, Morton. Let's go to the kitchen. It should be quieter there!"
The two gathered their belongings and left the room. Jr. rolled his eyes after they had left.
"Whatever." he mumbled, deciding to join Lemmy in his game.
When the Koopalings entered the kitchen, they noticed that all of the lights were off, sunlight that sifted in through the blinds on the window providing the only means of light. The four saw Roy seated at the head of the table, a smile spread across his face.
"Welcome, brothers. Take a seat."
They did as they were told and sat down at the rectangular table, curious as to what Roy was planning.
"Now, as you all know, dad will be away for the rest of today. He also took the servants, which means we have the whole castle to ourselves. This means that we can do whatever we want without fear of somebody stopping us. This includes throwing a party."
"Yeah, but dad said that we can't do that." Larry explained.
"Dad isn't here. All of our servants are away, incapable of watching us. How would he know?"
"You may have a point..." the blue haired Koopaling muttered.
"But when he comes home, won't he catch us?" Iggy asked.
"We won't have to worry about that." Roy said confidently, rising from his seat at the table. He dragged a chalkboard on wheels from a corner of the room. Various numbers, equations, and mathematical symbols were scrawled across the surface. He used his claw to point at them. "According to my calculations, dad arrives home later after every defeat by Mario. The times range between fifteen to twenty minutes later than his previous defeat. If I'm right, this means that dad will be home no earlier than 11:56 PM tonight. Plenty of time to set up a party, have a blast, and clean up. See? I even showed my work."
"He's correct!" Ludwig cried, a shocked expression on his face. He redid the math on his calculator, twice, and found that Roy was, indeed, correct.
"What's the catch?" Larry asked suspiciously. "I mean, why are you letting us in on this?"
"Would you believe that it's out of the goodness of my heart?"
"The loving, brotherly bond that I share with each of you?"
"A space genie appeared to me in a lucid dream, telling me that he would devour my soul if I didn't throw a shindig that would put all previous fiestas to shame and include you guys in it?"
"No...well maybe...but that's highly unlikely!"
Roy sighed, out of excuses. "Okay, okay. It's because I need help. Setting up, getting word out, entertaining the masses. It's a lot of work, and I'm just one Koopa."
The four brothers scratched their chins, considering the pros and cons of going through with such a scheme.
"I'll do all of your chores for a week?" the sunglass wearing Koopaling pleaded, hoping he could persuade his brothers.
The four grinned at him and nodded, agreeing to his terms.
"You guys do know that this means putting in a lot of effort, right? This party can't be a success if one of you goofballs slacks off."
They nodded again.
"All right then! You're in."
"Yes!" Morton cheered, fist pumping the air. "This is gonna be so awesome! For the party, I'm thinking balloons, a clown,-OH!, and a game of pin the tail on the Yoshi!"
Roy walked over to the window, his hands behind his back.
"Thank you, Morton, but I have something else in mind. If you boys would look inside the black case..."
He gestured toward a black case in the middle of the table. Iggy grabbed it and pulled it towards them. They opened it to find the extremely long list that Roy had been working on this morning.
The brothers skimmed through it, and their eyes widened as they passed over each word.
"A Chuckola-Cola machine? A rocket power wheelchair? A swimming pool filled with cottage cheese?" Ludwig read the list, confusion taking hold of him. "What is all of this?"
"The list for the party." Roy explained, staring out the window again. Thin strips of sunlight crossed his face. "Everything on that list is essential for the party. We need all of those."
"And how do you suppose we obtain them?"
"Iggy, our resident genius, can make some for us. I'm sure he's quite capable."
"It's true!" Iggy interjected. "I built a machine that let you communicate with your eyelashes last Tuesday. How hard can it be to build a stupid cola machine?"
"The rest we will buy. Dad's credit card should prove useful." Roy said.
Ludwig looked puzzled and glanced back at the case. Something else was in there. A small, thin piece of plastic.
"WHAT!? You can't use father's credit card!" Ludwig gasped, removing the card from the case.
"Don't worry, bro. Don't you know how credit cards work?"
"Um...no..." he said quietly. In fact, none of the Koopalings knew how to use one. But Roy had seen Bowser use his a few times before.
"Basically, you can use it to buy whatever you want without using any money. It's like a free pass to get whatever you want. And you can use it all the time!"
"Are you sure?" his older brother asked skeptically.
"Trust me, broski. Have I ever lied to you?"
Ludwig thought back and remembered all of the times that Roy had, in fact, lied to him. There was the time when he told him that toasters worked better underwater, the time when he said that Bowser wouldn't be angry if they walked on his favorite rug while covered in mud, the time that he said that he had figured out a way to defy gravity and pushed him off a building...
"Several times, actually."
"Come on, bromeo. Have a little faith in your bro."
Ludwig sighed. He glanced at his three brothers. They seemed to be waiting for him to make a decision. He closed his eyes, knowing that he would regret this later.
"All right. I trust you."
"Excellent. Now that we have that settled, let's move onto stage two..."
With that, the five brothers began to plan, scheme, and prepare, completely forgetting about their three siblings who still remained unaware of their brother's plot…