Title -The Cock Didn't Crow
Disclaimer - Arakawa is probably scowling at me for this one
Timeline/Spoilers- post series
Summary - Be careful of who you tease
"He just won't shut up." Ed dropped his head down on the pitted surface of the bar.
Al slapped his back. "It is sort of funny."
Ed punched his brother without looking. "Is not. Besides, it happens to every guy eventually."
"It's never happened to me," Al replied, the smugness of his tone warranting another blind punch.
"Of all times for him to be outside the house, it would be when Winry was talking about that! Why did I even invite him out?"
"Same reason as always, to talk alchemy."
"Are you in that position so you can more clearly see if the little bean is working?" Roy slid onto the stool next to Al.
"Die, General Jackass. Just why did you have to come on the early train and be outside just in time to hear that?" Ed picked his head up off the bar, flushing. Winry had finally felt ready to have sex again after the baby, but Ed had been just so damn tired that things hadn't gone as planned, and now that Mustang knew, he'd never have peace.
"Because the fates finally owed me one." Mustang smirked.
"You look like you could use a drink." An older, heavyset woman sidled up to Ed. "We don't allow fighting in here."
"You obviously don't know Mustang, or you'd understand the urge to punch his face in," Ed huffed.
"Roy-boy, are you misbehaving again?" The woman went around the bar and took Ed's mug to refill.
"I'm the paragon of gentlemanly behavior. He's still mad that I overheard a secret when I visited his house back in Resembool."
"And it's weeks later and you're still tormenting me."
"Not too much more alcohol for him, Madam. He's already a bit floppy." Roy dangled a finger back and forth.
"We have girls here who might help," she replied.
"I would like to live long enough to see my son's first birthday. Winry'd kill me. I don't have a problem. I was tired, but shithead is having too much fun with it." Ed glared at Roy.
"Ah, so would knowing a secret even the score?" she asked.
"Don't you dare!" Roy protested.
"Absolutely," Ed said and Al wagged his head.
"Roy's had that same problem before."
She waved him off. "He decided to lose his virginity with an older girl and was so nervous it was a complete flop, pun intended."
Roy buried his face in his hands.
"On the second try, he took no chances. Always had his nose in a book, and he found aphrodisiac recipes, ate a mess of asparagus in basil sauce, figs wrapped in ham and several tins of imported oysters I had for customers. Unfortunately, a tin had gone off and he ended up puking all over her bed. Then I found out about it and grounded him for a month."
Ed burst out laughing as Mustang groaned. Al held up a hand. "Wait? Grounded? How old were you and why did she get to ground you?"
"My aunt failed to mention I was thirteen. Hell, not all the parts were entirely hooked up yet. That doesn't count," Roy protested.
"Thirteen! You really are a pervert," Ed gasped between laughs.
"Better than what you were doing at thirteen."
"I didn't even have a penis at thirteen," Al muttered.
"Thank you, Madam, I'll never hear the end of this," Roy groaned.
"Sounds like we're even Mustang," Ed said.
"No, we're not. I was barely pubescent. You're just sad. I'm still ahead of you," Roy replied petulantly.
"He has a son." The woman replied. "We have no proof yours works at all."
Mustang made a face at her as Ed erupted into another bout of laughter. "Fine, I'll just have to do something about that." He slid off the stool and disappeared into the bar crowd.
"Does he mean right this minute? I don't want to know about that," Ed said, horrified.
"I hope he does," she replied. "He just needs to talk his woman into retiring her commission."
"You might be unaware of a law that doesn't allow for Mustang to breed for the good of the country," Ed said.
Mustang's aunt just laughed. "I could almost believe, that but my boy doesn't obey all the laws."
"That's what I'm afraid of." Ed shuddered dramatically and asked for another beer.