Author's Notes: Written for the H3H level of Lady Phoenix Fire Rose's Pairing One Hour Challenge/Hardest Challenge ever, with the pairing Rodolphus/Rabastan and the prompts "I'm home" and "fear";
The "Freestyle – 2000 plus" event in the 2012 Hogwarts Games – writing anything we want, so long as it's over 2K, and
Challenge #3 – "The End" on writerverse – writing a story that ends with the line "In that moment, it's enough".
Warning: Brother-brother incest, smut and underage sexual content.
Every time his brother looked at him, it drove Rabastan mad.
It was infuriating to be so close to him – and they were close, they were always close and always had been – and never be allowed to have him. And it wasn't even just never being allowed to have him, it was that he could never ever let his brother know how he felt.
Rabastan had known that he wanted his brother – that he loved him more than it was acceptable to love one's brother – for longer than he could remember. When he was young, he had been able to brush it away in his own minds as a simple desire for what he couldn't have. He had told himself that he didn't want Rodolphus, he just wanted someone who he was absolutely not supposed to want.
His first memory of feeling desire for Rodolphus had been when he was so young that he hadn't even understood what lust was. He must have only been seven or eight, perhaps nine, because it had been before he had gone to Hogwarts, before Hogwarts had even entered his mind. He remembered crawling into Rodolphus's bed one night after a nightmare. It hadn't been an unusual occurrence for them – Rabastan had always been able to go to his brother for comfort, whenever he needed it.
"Bad dreams?" Rodolphus murmured, opening his eyes when Rabastan curled against him.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Rodolphus sounded sleepy, not entirely alert, and Rabastan shook his head.
"No. You're tired."
"Not too tired to listen to you…" He raised his hand and rubbed the sleep from his eyes so that he could look at his little brother properly. "Do you want to talk?"
"Not really," Rabastan whispered.
"Fine…" Rodolphus leaned back and held out his arms and Rabastan crawled into them and rest his head against his brother's chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was strong and steady, just like everything about his older brother. He put his hand lightly over it, feeling the soft pounding.
"Rab?" Rodolphus murmured sleepily.
There was a pause, then Rodolphus whispered, "Nothing," and a few moments later, his breathing became steady and slow and Rabastan was uninterrupted in listening to his heartbeat.
He felt so safe in his brother's bed, with his arms around him and the soundings of his steady breath and heart so close. Rabastan's own heart fluttered at the slightest consternation and his breath always came quickly and roughly instead of slowly and deeply, and he had long since accepted that, but it was still so good to be close to a body that functioned as well as Rodolphus's did. A body as perfect as Rodolphus's.
Rabastan pressed his ear tightly to Rodolphus's chest and put his arms around his waist and tried to press closer to him. There was a slight aching in his own body that could only be relieved by being close to Rodolphus, an aching in his heart and throat and belly.
And a little lower down.
Rabastan hadn't been aware then that what he felt was wrong. He was used to constant aches and pains and being close to Rodolphus had always made him feel better, and he hadn't been aware that the ache between his legs was any different. Pressing himself against Rodolphus made the pain go away, replaced by a soft, tingling, pleasurable sense of relief, and Rabastan had thought that that was right.
It was only years later that he realized how very wrong it had been.
It was no surprise that it had been Rodolphus who explained sex to him, Rodolphus, who told him what an ache meant, and as Rodolphus talked him through the mechanics of what a man and a woman were supposed to do after they married, all Rabastan could think while his face went red and his insides shrivelled up from embarrassment was but I didn't feel that way about a woman.
Rodolphus's explanation of sex – as much as he had obviously tried to pepper it with enticements, as much as he had tried to convince Rabastan that it was wonderful and amazing and the only real reason that any of them were alive and that he would understand when he had it – had been clinical. Rabastan had been revolted by the idea of sticking any part of his body (and especially a part that he had been convinced for so long was a part that shouldn't even be thought about) inside a woman – what would he want to do that for? he demanded.
"You'll understand when you're older," Rodolphus told him. "You'll love it when you do it – practically everyone does."
"I won't," Rabastan muttered mutinously.
Rodolphus shrugged. "You'll have to learn to like it, then. Because you're going to need to do it once you're married. Andromeda Black won't be pleased if you don't."
"Andromeda Black?" Rabastan scrunched up his nose. "You mean I'll have to do it with her?"
"Yes, of course, unless Mother and Father decide that they want you to marry someone else…"
"But she's so…" He searched for words that could properly describe Andromeda. He had been pleased with the idea of marrying her when it was first suggested – she was his friend, after all, and certainly not the last girl he would like to spend his life with – but thinking about doing what Rodolphus had described with her made him sick.
"Squashy," was the only word that Rabastan could summon.
Rodolphus stared at him for a minute, then burst out laughing. Rabastan looked indignantly at his brother, deeply insulted by the reaction. "Well, she is! You've seen what she looks like when her mother forces her into a corset, haven't you? It's- there's all this flesh spilling out the top–"
"Yeah, she has tits… most boys would be jealous," Rodolphus snorted. "Come on, don't you think she's pretty?"
"In a way…"
"When you see her in a corset, don't you want to touch her?" Rodolphus's voice had gone low and conspiratorial, as though he was discussing something very secret with his brother. "Don't you want to put your hands on her chest… don't you want to feel her?"
"No, I don't!" he insisted. "Is this what you think about – how much you'd like to touch girls' chests?"
"Of course I think about it. I don't understand how you don't. What about Bellatrix, then? Don't you want to touch her–"
"No!" There were tears appearing in Rabastan's eyes and he blinked them back. "No, I don't want to touch her or Andromeda- or Narcissa, before you ask!" he added.
"There has to be someone you wouldn't mind getting your hands on…"
Yes, Rabastan thought, grinding his teeth. There is.
He would have loved to put his hands on Rodolphus, right then and right there, put his hands on his chest and run them over the muscles there – muscles that were much prettier than tits like Andromeda had – but he couldn't tell him that.
Rodolphus had assured him that he would want to do it in a few years, but as time passed, Rabastan didn't feel any more desire for women than he had then. When Andromeda pressed against him when they danced at a party, he pushed her back firmly, and let her think that it was because he was a gentleman instead of because he didn't want her.
But, though Rabastan's feelings for women didn't change at all over that time, his feelings for his brother became substantially more pronounced. He stopped sleeping in his bed – letting him think that the nightmares had stopped and he didn't need him anymore – because lying down beside Rodolphus beneath the covers was enough to arouse him and he couldn't have stood the humiliation if his brother ever noticed.
He almost began to look forward to being married so that the temptation of his brother's presence would disappear. It was agonizing to have Rodolphus come sit down next to him and lean against him and put his arms around him – Rodolphus's presence made his cock ache so badly that he could have cried and made every muscle in his body clench against the urge to lean over and kiss him.
But he restrained himself because that was what he needed to do.
One day, late in the summer between Rabastan's sixth and seventh years, he was sitting in the parlour with a book on his lap and thoughts of his brother far from his mind. His parents had gone out shopping and Rodolphus had gone out with Bellatrix and he had the manor to himself. It was pleasantly quiet.
Pleasantly quiet, at least, until he heard the front door bang open and Bellatrix shouting.
"–Believe you! How could you think I wouldn't notice, you insensitive–"
Rabastan winced. Bellatrix's voice was shrill and almost hysterical, which could only mean that there had been some sort of dreadful fight between her and his brother, which could, in turn, only mean that Rabastan was going to have to spend the next hour or two consoling Rodolphus and telling him that of course Bellatrix didn't hate him.
The door slammed shut, and a few minutes later, Rodolphus appeared in the doorway.
"I'm home," he said, his voice sounding dull and somewhat miserable.
"I noticed." Rabastan didn't take his eyes off his book. "What happened?"
"Bellatrix is out of her mind, that's what happened." Rodolphus sank down onto the sofa beside his brother. "We were- er…"
"Yes," Rodolphus said, his cheeks going rather red. "And all of a sudden she practically had a fit, said I was thinking about someone else… I don't know where she got that idea…"
"Were you?" Rabastan was intensely glad for his book. He pressed it against his groin, hiding his cock, which was swelling up at the idea of Rodolphus pounding against Bellatrix. He had imagined what they did to each other before – picturing Rodolphus taking Bellatrix roughly or gently or with her down on her hands and knees.
Oh God, don't think about that!
"Well… yes," Rodolphus muttered. "I was, but–"
"So she's been practicing her Legilimensy. You'd better keep your thoughts pure next time." Rabastan forced a small laugh and pressed the book harder against his erection. He was grateful that Bellatrix took no interest in him, because he was sure that she would have been thrilled to know all the things that he thought about.
"Mm-hmm…" Rodolphus shifted a little and Rabastan bit his lip. There was a very noticeable bulge in his brother's trousers.
"I suppose that cut things short…" he said quietly and Rodolphus's face went positively crimson.
"Yeah," he muttered, quickly covering his crotch. "I- I should go…"
"You don't need to." Rabastan's heart was pounding erratically against his ribs and he looked up at his brother carefully, gauging his reaction. "I could… help."
Rodolphus's eyes widened. "What are you saying, Rab?"
There wasn't any way to go back now, and Rabastan threw caution to the winds, moving close to his brother and laying his hand brazenly on his thigh.
"I could help you," he repeated. "I could help you deal with… that." His hand drifted slowly towards the bulge and Rodolphus took in a sharp gasp.
"No," he said quickly, pushing his hands away. "Rab, you shouldn't even say things like that – I'm your brother!"
"So- it's wrong!"
"Why?" Rabastan was edging closer to Rodolphus and he could see his brother's chest heaving, hear his suddenly ragged breathing. "I know it's wrong, but I don't see any reason why it needs to be…"
"Brothers- aren't supposed to–"
But Rodolphus gave up on his protest when Rabastan's fingers curled around his cock through his trousers. His eyes rolled up slightly and he bucked against his brother's hand.
"I've wanted you for ages, Rod," Rabastan whispered breathlessly. "Look…" He pushed the book out of his lap and Rodolphus's eyes dropped immediately to his erection. "Look how hard I am…"
"God," Rodolphus whispered again. His breath caught. "I- I don't think–"
Rabastan waited tensely for Rodolphus to finish his statement, but he never did. Instead, he grabbed Rabastan, dragged him into his lap, and kissed him roughly, full on the mouth.
Rabastan could have come on the spot. His whole body tensed, his mouth opened slightly to let Rodolphus's tongue slide between his lips, and he moaned when Rodolphus put his hand between his legs and squeezed roughly.
"Oh- my God…" Rodolphus panted. One hand moved up and tangled in Rabastan's hair and the other fumbled with his own belt, pulling the buckle open.
"Let me," Rabastan whispered, pulling his mouth away from Rodolphus's and looking down, flicking the buttons open, then slipping his hand into his trousers and wrapping his fingers around his cock.
Rodolphus was rock hard and there was a drop of wetness on the head. Rabastan's breath caught as he stared down at it – how long had he dreamed of this and never expected it to happen?
He was pulled out of his moment of awe when Rodolphus yanked his trousers down roughly. Rabastan flushed, wriggling to get out of them faster, and then Rodolphus was cupping his backside in both his hands and he gasped as one finger pressed against his hole.
"Rod, what –"
Then Rodolphus's finger slid deep inside him and he couldn't say another word. His heart beat erratically and he bucked against his hand, biting his lips to stop himself from crying out in pleasure. It was a most peculiar sensation, but nothing if not pleasant. Rodolphus scrabbled for his wand with his free hand, then caught it and pressed the tip against his brother and Rabastan felt wetness inside himself. Rodolphus slid his finger in and out a few times, letting it glide smoothly, and then Rabastan let out a desperate moan as a second finger prodded at him.
"Rod, you can't- it's going to hurt–"
"Only for a minute," Rodolphus whispered before he worked both fingers in. It did hurt – Rabastan had never felt so full, never felt so stretched out, but the pain wasn't unbearable and the fact that it was his brother doing it to him…
Then Rodolphus's fingers were gone and he pulled Rabastan forward so that their chests were pressed tightly together.
"Relax," Rodolphus whispered, but Rabastan couldn't help but tense when he felt his cock pressing into his hole.
"Have you done this before?" Rabastan whispered, clinging to his older brother, terrified of what he could only imagine would be intense pain. Rodolphus's erection was a lot bigger than his two fingers had been.
"With Bellatrix," he murmured, then, very slowly, pressed Rabastan down so that his cock slid deep inside him.
Rabastan gasped in pain first. It all felt so terribly strange, so unfamiliar, but all very good.
"B- bounce up and down a bit…" Rodolphus's voice sounded strained and his nails dug into Rabastan's hips. Rabastan did his best to comply, rising and sinking slowly along his brother's length, but it was more than his body could take and he had to stop, trembling, or he would have reached a climax in seconds.
"Rod," he whispered. "Rod, that's- it feels–"
"Uh-huh…" Rabastan squeezed his eyes shut. "Good…"
Rodolphus's hand wrapped around Rabastan's cock and he cried out softly, writhing. It was too much, it was all too much…
"I'm- not going to last…" Rodolphus whispered breathlessly. He jerked his erection back and forth in his hands and bucked against him, and Rabastan let out a strangled cry when his brother's cock hit a sensitive spot inside him.
"Rod–" he tried to cry, but he had lost his voice, lost his ability to form words, and all he could do was clench so tightly that it must have hurt around his brother. A throb and a wave of pleasure went through his whole body and he was aware of his seed splashing out over Rodolphus's hand, but more aware of a sudden rush of hot liquid inside him. His body heaved and he collapsed onto Rodolphus's chest, and for a moment, he wasn't sure what had happened.
My brother came inside me.
I fucked my brother and he came inside me.
"Was that- good?" Rodolphus panted softly. He pulled Rabastan off of him and set him down on the sofa beside him, and Rabastan blinked. Everything was out of focus. He was vaguely aware that his brother was soaked with sweat, vaguely aware that he was shaking all over and the pain in his backside was becoming more pronounced, but that didn't matter.
"Yes," he whispered. "V- very good…"
"Oh, Rab…" Rodolphus slid down to lie beside him, and Rabastan buried his face in his brother's hair, inhaling the scent of his sweat.
"We should get cleaned up," Rodolphus whispered. "Fast… so Mother and Father don't see us… Oh God," he added, and Rabastan was aware of his brother stiffening. "Oh God, Mother and Father…"
"What about them?"
"They're going to know!" Panic was creeping into Rodolphus's voice. "Rab, they're going to know- and what are they going to say? God, they- they're not going to be able to find wives for us now–"
"Shh…" It felt strange for Rodolphus to be the panicked one and Rabastan to comfort him. Usually, when Rabastan gave comfort, it was because Rodolphus was angry, not afraid. "They're not going to know."
"We can't ever do this again," Rodolphus said, sitting up. "We can't ever, Rab, we- we shouldn't have done this at all…"
"All right. We won't do it again."
But they had done it, Rabastan thought, even has his brother struggled to get his clothes on and compose himself. They had done it. It was wrong and their parents would be furious if they ever found out, but they had.
In that moment, it was enough.