Author's note Hi there's a couple of I'd like to say about this, it's set a few years after they graduate, they've been a couple for at least that long and moved in together a couple of years ago after Kanzaki got kicked out probably over his choice of lover...Himekawa works at his father's company and often ends up coming home at unholy hours, the story is from his point of view so if it seems a bit confused at times bear in mind he just met a wall head on ^^"
The second think I'd like to mention is I'm not used to write in english so any tips, critiques and other bits of advice are more than welcome =)
Hope you enjoy this as much as I've enjoyed writing it
You've been fighting again. It seems you're always fighting these days, the same argument over and over again. You're never home he says, I'm not your god damned maid he says.
Thinking back on it you can't blame him, he's absolutely right.
In the heat of the argument though, after a long, stressful day at work you can't seem to think straight long enough to realise that. Hell you probably start at least half of those fights, picking on the most stupid things...
So angry words fly around and sometimes, sometimes fists do too. Tonight was one of those fights, where things got out of hand, it had to be one of the worst actually. You don't remember what started it, something stupid surely, but it wasn't your day and you went too far, said something about him getting off his lazy ass and get a fucking job already instead of just staying at home doing nothing except bitching like a damn woman. He didn't like that. He didn't like that at all, as soon as you realized what you said, you could have kicked yourself. He's trying, you know he's trying, and it can't be easy, he's got to be as far from being in his element as it's humanly possible here. If, a few years ago, someone told you that you'd have Kanzaki Hajime of all people playing the part of the stay at home lover you probably would have beaten some sense into them, or told them to get their heads checked at least.
As it happened, you didn't have the the time to beat yourself over it, he did it for you. And fuck you forgot just how hard your lover can kick. You're pretty sure you got a concussion from where you hit the wall. The sound you made crashing into the wall seemed to snap him out of his rage and you could tell he already regretted hitting you, it wasn't the first nor would it be the last time either one of you got violent but he still felt guilty every single time. Kind of funny considering he's one of the most hot tempered people you know. Still you pushed him away when he tried to help you up and went to check the damage in the bathroom mirror.
And here you are, looking at your reflection and poking at the cut on your temple, barely noticing the sting through the throbbing of your head. You're bleeding on your suit but you can't bring yourself to care, busy as you are comptemplating your messed up relationship. You don't even hear him open the door and only realise he's here when you feel arms wrap around your waist and a head rest against your back. Neither of you say anything, you don't want to risk starting another fight. He just stands there, holding you, it takes you a minute to realise he's waiting for you to acknowledge him, he's expecting you to push him away again. He can be so damn insecure under all that bravado of his, it's almost cute really.
It takes you a few more minutes to decide on what to do, your head is still pounding and you're still bleeding on your clothes so you end up reaching for the first-aid kit and hand it to your lover, you can still see the guilt on his face as he starts treating the wound. He still doesn't talk and neither do you. You close your eyes and try to get your headache under control. You fail miserably so you decide to just concentrate on the hands on your face instead. The disinfectant stings but he's careful. Soon enough there's band aid covering your wounds and he starts cleaning the blood away. You keep your eyes closed and just feel, warm hands gently leading a slighty damp clothe down your throat and the side of your face. You tilt your head to give him better access, it's nice, really nice, you just might have to get hurt on purpose just to have him treat you like this again. Wait, that's crazy damn concussion messing with your mind. Still, crazy or not, you can't deny that this feels great, you let out a contented sigh. By the time he's done you can feel him leaning close and when you finally open your eyes his face is inches away from yours. It looks like he's about to kiss you. You hope he's about to kiss you. But he doesn't, he simply puts the first-aid kit away, grabs your hand and starts leading you out of the bathroom. You can't help but to think you've just been cheated out of a moment somehow.
It's still complete silence when you reach the bedroom. You don't protest when he makes you sit down on the bed and starts undressing you. Your suit jacket is the first to go soon followed by your tie, he's completely focused on his task and doesn't look up at your face. This, is unusual, you can understand the silence and you're grateful for it, you don't need anything to make the pounding in your head any louder but you've never seen him so withdrawn before and this guilty expression that doesn't seem ready to leave his face...He's working on your shirt now, the cuff links get put away and the buttons come undone with practiced ease. As he slips the shirt from your shoulders you just want to shake him out of this weird funk and yell at him It's not your fault you moron! I'm not mad I fucking deserved it ! But the shirt falls with your dirty jacket and you just look at him move around in a daze look at me dammit!
You get so caught up in your thoughts that you almost jump when you feel a touch against your leg. As you come back to reality you realise he's kneeling on the floor between your legs, he freezes when he feels you tense but still refuses to look up. As soon as you relax he gets back to taking your socks off, he's still being so uncharacteristically careful you start entertaining the idea of freaking out a little, sure you've been gentle with each other before, tender even though you both prefer the wilder side of life, but this is different, it doesn't feel right.
Any other day the idea of your lover on his knees reaching for your belt might have been appealing, now though, between your unholy headache and confusion toward his behaviour you couldn't get in the mood for that kind of stuff even if you tried, you still can't wrap your head around his guilt-induced actions and it ticks you off a little, so what he kicked you into a wall, compared to what you were up to in school it's hardly note worthy, no broken bones and you're pretty sure you'll be a lot better by morning so where the hell is this coming from ?
The answer hits you like a ton of bricks as you feel a hand on the collar of your undershirt and look up to his face. For a second he looks lost on a memory and the strange nostalgia you see makes something click. Oh. OH. There's a big difference between today's fight and what you two got up to in high school, you more or less hated each other's guts back then, everytime you ended up fighting you wanted to crack the other's head open. Now on the other hand...no matter how rough you can be you don't know if you could live with yourself if you hurt each other like that.
Remembering the sickening sound you made against the wall you start to understand what has been going around in his head, he's scared to hurt you, just like he did so many times before and you wouldn't be all that cool in his place either. You've spent so much time beating each other you know just how bad one of your fights could end up.
As you raise your arms to let him get your T-shirt off you wonder who you should be the most pissed off with, him for thinking you could go down so easily or yourself for not understanding the problem sooner. You settle for both and start cursing in your head. Stupid Hajime and his fucking insecurities what the hell makes him think he can make you wrack your brain so hard about why he's acting so fucking weird after he just gave you a goddamn concussion?! It's not fair but it's your mind you can curse however you damn please thank you very much. You're about to keep on cursing when yet again, hands snap you out of your musings. They're slowly making their way down your chest to get to your only remaining piece of clothing, giving you plenty of time to stop them. You proceed to do just that which finally startles their owner into looking you in the eye. The expression on his face still hasn't changed and that just annoys you even more. It must be showing because soon you can see confusion lurking in his eyes. He opens his mouth to speak and you can just tell he's about to apologize and that just won't do, you just explained he shouldn't apologize...but you guess he wasn't privy to your little epiphany so he can't know that.
You consider explaining but words seem too complicated and they never end up coming out the right way anyway so you just end up yanking him up and kissing him. He tenses a bit at first but relaxes as soon as he realises kissing is all you have in mind. You try to convey all that went through your mind in that kiss and you think you succeeded well enough when you come up for air he doesn't look at you like he just killed your puppy so that has to be a good sign right? When it looks like he's about to talk you just kiss him again.
After the fifth time you have to come up for air you see a small smile on his face and understand he's pretending to try to speak on purpose. You just roll your eyes at that, it's not like you mind keeping him quiet. Looking him up and down you see he's still fully clothed, you deem that completely unfair and start tugging at his shirt, just because you don't plan on much more than cuddling right now doesn't mean you should be the only one almost naked here. He seems to get the idea quickly enough and undresses while you get under the covers. Soon enough he climbs into the bed with you and nestles in your arms with his head tucked under your chin. However as you feel sleep lurking around you can still see the cogs turning in your partner's head, you sigh and he looks up at you. Yep, still thinking too hard, you barely resist the urge to make a snide comment, words are bad no more words tonight, and simply hold him close and start petting his hair. It doesn't take long after that for him to fall asleep and even less for you to follow.
***the next morning***
You wake up to an empty bed. It takes you a moment to remember what happened last night and you can hardly believe how messed up you head was. Fortunately it doesn't seem to be hurting as much today. You look around for your missing bedmate and find a note on his side of the bed, curious you pick it up :
Hey there sleeping beauty went out for a bit to get some yogurt.
I'd like to apologize for almost cracking your head open but I feel more sorry for the wall...
If you get your lazy ass out of bed before I get back there's some breakfast in the kitchen with a nice bottle of painkillers on the side
Try not to drop dead while I'm out, love ya you bastard, you're a lot more tolerable when you don't talk
You can't help but chuckle at this. Nice to know he's feeling better too.
As you hunt down your breakfast you consider last night's events once again and think silence seems to be the way to stop an argument, you both have an awful way with words . When you get to the kitchen you're smirking, you'll just have to contemplate the best ways to get your partner to understand that.