I´m blaming this entirely on my friend Ha, who started talking about Sasha and her committing suicide. I do think that she might have actually thoght about it, because really, her life is kind of a mess, but I´m fully convinced that her friends, and especially Boo, kept her from actually doing it.
So here´s to you Ha, the best Sasha I could hope for as a Boo! ;)
Boo is running, almost tripping over her own feet. It's not that far from the Oyster Bar to Sasha's house, but it somehow feels like she has been running forever.
Why was I so stupid?Is all she thinks. It's typical of her though, to be the last one to know, to be the last one to understand what's actually been going on.
"I don´t get you Sasha! You´re so confusing! I'm your friend, I want to be there for you but all you do is push me-"
"I love you. "
"Don't make me say it again."
Boo remembers how anger had turned into confusion from one moment to another and how she had just stared at Sasha for a minute.
This couldn't be true. She had thought, No, Sasha doesn´t like me like that.But one look into her best friend's eyes had been enough to know, to know that it wasn't just a game for Sasha, that she was speaking the truth, and it had sent Boo running.
"That's…no, Sasha, I have Carl. "
"It's not. It´s…"
"Just leave me alone."
Sasha had left and Boo had gone to work, but she hadn't been able to concentrate all day. Plates and trays were flying, glasses had been knocked over, but all Boo could think about was Sasha. The hurt in her eyes, the way her voice had suddenly turned cold.
Boo never wanted to see Sasha like that, she didn't want her to build up her walls again. She hadn't known what she really wanted until Carl had walked in with a bright smile on his face. He had given her a kiss and it was as if suddenly, her whole world came crashing down. She didn't want bright smiles and sweet kisses, she wanted fighting and screaming, staying up late, sleeping outside under the stars, getting in the car and just driving until the town signs of Paradise were nowhere in sight.
That realization has sent her running, with one of her special recipe brownies in her hand, right off to Sasha's house.
It's just around the corner and then, but suddenly an ambulance appears in sight and drives past her with such an incredible speed that Boo almost gets knocked over. She stops for a moment, looking back over her shoulder. An ambulance? What had happened? Usually they never had to drive out here to get someone, mostly the injuries weren't so bad that people couldn't make it to the hospital. Boo shakes her head slightly and then proceeds to pick up the pace again to get to Sasha's house as fast as possible.
Just a little further and she would be there, she could tell Sasha, once again, how stupid she is and that she does love her back.
Boo rounds the corner, and immediately knows that something isn´t right. There's a crowd of people gathered in front of Sasha's house, they all look incredibly shocked, and Boo thinks that it has to be something serious, because no one is so much as uttering a word, and in Paradise, there's always someone talking.
She keeps walking up to the house and her thoughts drift back to just a few minutes ago, when the ambulance had passed her. Maybe something had happened with Sasha's parents? Maybe one of the vases hadn't missed the target this time? Boo feels a knot in her stomach and she swallows hard, her eyes spotting Michelle in the crowd.
"What…what happened?" she asks and touches the woman's shoulder gently. Michelle turns around, her eyes watery.
"Oh, Boo." She says, her voice thin and barely audible. "Oh, Boo, no."
Now Boo really doesn't know what's going on anymore and she looks around, finding Ginny and Melanie sitting on the ground just a few feet away. Melanie is holding her best friend, who seems to be crying and is clutching at the other girl's sweater. Boo gives on last look to Michelle before walking over to her friends, the knot in her stomach getting even tighter.
"Hey," she manages, and it's Melanie who looks up.
"Boo," she murmurs, and her eyes are filled with tears as well.
What is going on? Boo thinks, but she doesn't say it out loud anymore, because she has the feeling no one will answer.
"I…I know she wasn't completely ok, but…but why?" Ginny speaks up and Boo looks back at her. She looks like a picture of misery, her hair is tousled and her eyes are red and puffy from crying.
"What?" Boo asks, her own voice suddenly sounding strange to her, like it isn't her own anymore.
"It's…it's Sasha." Melanie takes over, and Ginny breaks into a sob. "She… she overdosed on her mother's sleeping pills."
There's more, Boo knows, because Melanie keeps talking, but she can't hear it anymore.
She suddenly feels like the air is getting knocked out of her lungs, there's a second when she thinks No, this can't be true. but deep down she knows. She also knows that she should move, or say something in return, but she can't. There's suddenly a thick wall surrounding her, shutting her out from the rest of the world.
How could she do this? But Boo knows that as well, it was her doing. It was all her fault, she had messed up one too many times and now she had to pay the price.
She feels a hand on her shoulder and it's Michelle, Boo can tell, but she doesn't care. It feels like her world is falling to pieces in front of her eyes, she even thinks that she can hear it shattering, but it's really just the plate falling from her hands and hitting the ground.
It's over. Boo thinks, before her world stops turning and her knees give in. There's one thing repeating in her head while she falls, in a voice that she'll never forget.
I love you.